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What became of us, all the love that I ever gave you all thrown away in a matter of a night. You have a problem, you can't be on your own so you leeched off me while you were in search of your new love. Yes, I'm an idiot for always being there for you even while I knew you were talking to someone else. No Iam not insecure, it's called the lost of trust. I don't believ anything you say anymore. In reality, I wish you luck with the man you are hiding from me. I know you want to drag me along until you shed every tear that I have. I feel stuck and anxious there's no way to explain this feeling. I hope someday you get the opportunity to feel the way I do because let me tell you, there's much more happiness to life than this. In the meantime I will be successful, school is going so well for me and I have been placed in a lab where my career will blow up.


All in all, it is your loss. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Like the song said, sometimes gorgeous can be frustration and you new man will eventually see your true colors. I will forever let go of you and all of the harm you've done to me. To the girl who never saw the love I gave. Forever will come for us, never again will I be there for you.

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What an interesting week. I am making progress. I am still wary of this progress T, because it is peppered with times of still missing you (your company and how you understood me most of all). I still cannot envisage finding someone who I will feel that way and that does scare me. But I'd rather be on my own than just settle for someone. I've never been like that and never will. I will always stay true to myself. I will never understand how people just hop from one person to the next. I know you feel the same way too. Sigh.


I feel a little wistful tonight. I guess I just have to let these feelings wash over me and eventually the ups and downs will even out. I know how much you want me to find someone. But you are still too special to me. I'm clear in my mind now that it probably wouldn't have worked in the long run, but when it's cut short at that really happy stage, it's so hard to gain perspective. I don't even know if you have any bad habits.


It's virtually 6 months. I would never have believed it would take this long and I STILL think of you every day. I'm starting to accept you will stay in my heart. I read here about 'letting go with love' and that's what I'm trying to do. I know I wouldn't want to go out with you now anyway. I just care for you deeply and the thought of never seeing you ever again is still a little difficult to get my head around. You have a special place in my heart. You taught me how to let go. I wish you could know just how much that meant to me. I hope that one day I can be happy for you if you meet someone else. I'm not there yet.


It's my birthday next week T. 35 years old. What a year it's been. I hope I don't have to go through this pain again. I'm not the strongest person. I hope no-one breaks your heart either T. I know you are not so strong either x

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You piece of s***, I was just told about you and the guy. You f****** disrespected me on and on. Youre a snake with no principles. Hope your conscience doesn't let you sleep night. And good luck to this guy, he's getting a girl who I had sex without him knowing. I'm getting myself checked out for stds who knows what disease you're spreading. you inconsiderate selfish b**** what goes around comes around.


Sorry guys just got some horrific news and I'm boiling with anger. Lesson well learned though thats why NC is the only way to forget and leave people like this in the past.

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Eric, you are a good person and probably a good friend but you treated me pretty crappy when we were dating. I only hope you realize that in time and make amends. I won't hold my breath, but I believe everyone deserves a second chance.

I hope you can prove to me you do deserve me...because God knows I have. Lot o offer someone. It would be nice if one day, you were that someone. I miss you.

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Today the sun was shining and it was relatively warm. At some point I asked my colleague 'if you could click your fingers and be anywhere now where would you like to be?' I hoped to be in a pub beer garden with you, drinking, talking about art and our feelings and views and about little nothings too. I think those questions of mine are fun but I am not sure you loved them enough because it meant making a decision and you'r not a fan of that. I feel lonely..but I think it's normal. I cried at work today, it was so hard dealing with customers, they can really forget you are human and I don't have enough patience to be understanding. As time goes by I realise more and more that we have no future together. Yesterday I did something different. I woke up crying. And instead of distracting myself I just stayed sad. I cried on/off for 5 hours and I actually felt that it helped. That's what I plan to do, allow my emotions to myself.

I can say I hope you're well, I hope you miss me or you come back but I don't hope for anything really.

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I know now that i couldn't give you want you wanted when we were together and im sorry what i was dealing with at the time was so hard. You should have been there for me more as i would have for you. I care about you so much and i feel like a fool because you don't feel the same back im gonna come out the better person at the end of this youll see

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I wish you would stop appearing in my dreams, i wish you would stop appearing in my head all the time. i just want to forget you and forget you even existed. your always in my thoughts every time i wake up and i hate it. why cant i just forget about you and move the fu** on? i hope one day you will feel the pain that i feel and regret not working things out with me. i still love you so much and i wish i didnt. i hope you still think about me like i think of you, i hope you still cry about me like i cry for you, i hope your heart still has a hole in it like mine does.

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Well it's day 6 today and I find myself keep checking the phone. This is the longest we've gone without contact. I was pretty sure he'd call/txt by now but I guess not. Oh well, I have zero urge to contact. Have some plans for the weekend. I feel like I have two personalities, sometimes I'm really excited about all the new activities/people I'm meeting and then sometimes I just feel really really lonely and yearn for the old life...just being lazy, cuddling and watching tv.

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I've been listening to this song non-stop like literally almost every waking moment at work, eating, commuting, walking, bathroom...lol.


Hello by Red Roc


The words that I said last night baby don't cry

I won't hold onto you anymore, so now it's bye bye

I'll leave you in this sad drama and I let you go

would you believe me one last time?


once opon a time little by little, my love became more distant

No longer does the word love have any meaning to us

you know girl, you know that I love you

spending this day without you it's too hard to bear


The day when I left you behind ( I wanted to turn around, but ...)

I'm sorry, I must be getting tired of myself with my insufficient love, yeah yeah yeah

I can't hold you again (I wanted to turn around, but ...)

i'm happy, now that our love has passed , I don't want to hold onto you again ..


hello hello hello hello hello hello

Like that first day we met I want to love you once again, but...

hello hello hello hello hello hello

Like a fool, I can't go back to you who I once loved ..


Staying up all night i'm in agony over my choice to let you go

There's nothing I can do for you because for me

only being able to watch you is more difficult

I won't ask you to understand me


(You're a coward) even if you curse at me like this, I have nothing to say

This isn't enough for our sad love I'll stop it now

(long ago the promise I made to you)

In all of my love songs, you're breathing, ooh yeah

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dear ex, I'm having a really hard time coping with this and I know this happened but sometimes i just can't believe it. I kept thinking to myself today, i cannot believe this is happening, i'm supposed to be with you waiting to talk to you later on in the day, hoping to see eachother in a month ( we were long distance) and its hit me really hard that we used to talk every day maybe not every hour or second but i had someone to tell random things to during the day and you would do the same. if you said you still loved me and wanted me to be happy why are you doing this to me. if we were gonna see each other 1 month from now up here in school why would you say this long distance is too much? i wish i didnt feel this way and sometimes i hate you for it but i see a little of you in everything and its driving me crazy. i know that you're living your life and happy with your decision and i know you won't miss me or come back to me. It hurts knowing i wasn't good enough to stay in your life. At the same time i dont want you to know how hurt i am, i just wish i could forget about you and that the next guy would come now and that he would be the one because i just can't keep thinking about you anymore. even if i dont talk to you each day i still think of you. when you come up to school i'm so tempted to see you and talk to you and see if you still feel something for me but i know its not the right thing to do and i won't do it. i KNOW by then you will have forgotten about me and i will be like some stranger to you and it hurts knowing that which is why i must shut you out until i cant barely remember what you look like. I wish you hadn't done this to me. i really wish it.

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Its been a week since we've spoken, and a week and a day since your emotional outburst. I hope you get some help for your problems. I can't make you happy, you have to do that for yourself. I gave everything to you, all of me. I put forth the most valiant effort possible, when you were crumbling right before my eyes. The last 6 months were weird, you chose that. Back and forth, break up and get back together. I've felt like such a shmuck with my friends and family, trying to explain the ups and downs. Trying to hold onto something that I should've let go of a long time ago. My love for you made we want to get thru it, to give you time to pull it together and support you. You * * * * on that effort, good for you.


See a shrink please, otherwise you will sabotage your entire life and be miserable until the day you die. You said you've been running your whole life....run, forest, run. It won't take away your personal demons, no matter how hard you try. They're always going to be right there, inside your head, until you deal with them. I truly do feel sad for you.

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I had my own little "a-ha" moment this morning. This past month I have been so blinded by my emotions...actually, the whole time with you I was so deep into them that I couldn't see anything clearly. I couldn't see the reality of the situation. Well I'm finally coming out of the haze. I keep asking myself, why you are able to just move on from me so easily. It's not that you didn't care, I believe you did in your own little selfish way. You just emotionally checked out a while ago, as far back as September when I found out you were on the dating site.


It all went downhill from there but I didn't want to see it. I finally realized you're moving on so easily because you had a head start. I didn't want to believe it or even think that could have been the case because I was so hurt and missing you, and was still in my fantasy world where you felt the same for me as I did for you. You never really did, did you? Now I see it and time has helped me. I wish it didn't take me this long to fully understand this simple concept. You never truly loved me.


Anyway. I can't even remember you vividly anymore. My memories of you are foggy, I have an image of you but I can't still remember the way it felt to be near you..your touch, your smell, your mannerisms. I can't remember your voice. You are turning into a ghost. Every day I have no choice but to let go a little bit more. I'm taking my time, it is helping to stop getting frustrated with my progress and just do it at my own pace.

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I'm not angry anymore, just..empty. It has been a full 7 days since we had any contact. I wish I could fast forward time and be with someone else, someone better. Why were you so blind to all the things I did right? All you could see were my faults. You have faults too but I overlooked them, I accepted you. How can anyone live up to your ideal expectations? I don't want you back, but I do miss you.




Sarangi anya, igeom sarangi anya.


This is not love, no this cannot be love.

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I had to put up this boundary.

Because you are intelligent and manipulating enough to make me feel hurt just as much as you are.

It's not just the fact that you send that picture of your arm full of cuts "because of me". It goes beyond that.

That picture was just the cherry on the manipulation cake.


You're going down, can't you see you'd drag me along with you?

It's too much for me. You couldn't give me the freedom to let me figure out my feelings. Instead you wanted to sufficate me! I need air to breathe.

And now you don't understand why I'm hiding away from you? Putting up a big metal wall?

Are you kidding me?! Do you think my heart is made of stone? This hurts me way beyond the limit I can handle!

All of this is so absurd that I feel very distant from my own emotions and need extra therapy to sort yóur * * * * out.


I have every, every right to protect myself. I have every right not to feel responsible for your destructive behaviour.

Have you got no clue how tough it is on the dumper's side? Have you got any idea how much conversations with different therapists it took.. to make me realise I should have to feel guilty to choose for myself and not let you hurt me like this. I know I broke the trust you had in me, but you have broken my trust too with this. Big time!


This piece of heart you gave me, it's too much responsibility. You've got too much wounds on your heart you need to take care of first.

I can't heal those wounds for you you know? You must do it yourself.


If I could, I would.


I'm not showing you how much this affects me because I'm protecting myself. I'm afraid you will take disadventage of my feelings. I know this is not you. I know this is the dark side of you. Clinging unto my heart no matter how much damage that costs me and yourself.

Now you are just dangerous.

You say I make you feel like an a-hole.. You are yet again making me feel guilty for something you are doing yourself.

People think I only feel madness towards you but it's far more than this. I'm sad and hurt. And scared of the way you deal with this heartbreak.


Very very scared.

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I finally had the courage to change my number, you will never be able to send me those false hopes that drove me into a deep depression. I know I didn't tell you or warn you that I was changing it but I think it was better to avoid any further damage. I saw no friendship after making your decision to continue a relationship with your new love. Don't know if you will ever know that I've changed it but im sure it wont effect you in any way which gives me a sense of comfort. Eventhough you used me and dragged me along for several weeks, I wish you luck. You're a loving person to the people you want to be, we had a great relationship but I realize now that you put me through too much trouble. I lost myself and who I was through all of your possessiveness and emotional abuse. I can rest assured that you wont be my concern anymore, im passing the responsibility down to your new lover. Whether he realizes how much of a drain you are in a relationship is up to him. I gave it all, I gave you what I never gave to others. Hope someday when you find yourself lonely you will see what I gave to you and what will never be given to you ever again. You will always have a place in my heart but I must go. Life has other plans for me, Im starting to find myself and who I was. So goodbye Rachel, you entered my life and exited so quickly. Thats the way it has to be, the love was too strong too keep you in it. Love you forever, hope one day youre at peace with what we had and only take the good memories. It was a great 2 years, we went through so much and I only wish you the best.

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