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It's all very strange nowadays. I am a lot in limbo and having one day ok one day bad like most people. Today I miss what we had. I think I am sad because I now understand that we lost it. The last times we've talked it has felt like kicking a flat ball around, withered with no energy both of us. I don't feel that connection I once felt with you. And that makes me terribly sad and contradicts my idealistic nature. I wish I could see 'you' again. Like I knew you. You don't pursue me and you don't offer much there's nothing for me to consider. You don't see that..What happened to you? Can't you see how bad this space has done?

It's been 4 months since I last saw you and I find it so hard to believe you have let this happen. I used to feel this thing that was ours, away from you and me, it was our connection, our little world. It's gone now. And it is the slow realisation of that which saddens me. My logic is strong now and I know it's over, you haven't got 1/10th of the strength required to win me back. Somehow you don't realise what this does to me on a deeper level. Because you've never had this happen to you. You actually think I can let go of the last 4 months and understand you..I simply can't believe your 'love'. We have a different perception of it.

The last days I feel insecure and with low self esteem. But I am fighting the good fight hoping that it will all make sense eventually. I miss what we had. I miss my home. With you and my friends. My path is empty at the moment and I just hope it is filled with poppies and jasmines again one day.

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You're on your own T. I don't believe you have a girlfriend, do you? Yet, you so want me to find someone special. You actually want me to be happy.


I still feel confused. I don't know what I want in life. I cannot imagine finding someone like you. Yes, even with your flaws. I'm not looking for this 'better person' that people insist I will find. I miss you too much and I know it is ridiculous.


Maybe you weren't right for me, but you did so much to raise my self-image. I never felt desirable in my whole life before I met you. You genuinely made me feel beautiful. This is what I'm struggling with so much right now, because I look in the mirror and I can't see what you saw. I feel like I'm back at square one. How I used to see myself and I feel pathetic that I base how I feel on how I look because it's so superficial. But you made me believe for a short time that I was pretty and it meant more to me than anything in the whole world. I'm crying because I feel like no-one understands this part of me, this longing to feel wanted in a physical way and I don't know how I will ever get to that point again.


I told you you were beautiful inside and out and you didn't believe me either did you? I feel like you were a reflection of me - my identical twin - and I know this is why I can't let you go.


Oh dear..........bad afternoon. I just want someone to hold me.

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The last time we went through this, the first couple of days were definitely the hardest for me. 3 days into NC, and its hard again. Somehow, I knew this was going to happen again...I really just knew it!! I won't put myself through it again tho...its all or nothing for me and you! Luckily, I'm remembering how I got thru it not so long ago. I'm remembering that I'm stronger than you any day of the week. I'm remembering that you've never had to weather the difficulties in your life that I've had in mine, so I know I'm more accustomed to getting through pain. You've only had one full blow to the ego in your entire life; it appears you could use another. Maybe this will take your swollen head down a notch or two, but probably not. You should be ashamed of yourself for the things you've put me through, your mother would be. You've acted like you had some sort of disappointment with yourself, but I really don't believe it because the actions never changed.


Its all talk, always has been with you. The moving in with me at your suggestion that you 'just couldn't do' when it came down to it, that trip to Italy that you asked me on and then announced that I was never really invited afterall, my birthday when you told me to take the day off so we could spend it together and you went golfing instead, the ski trip that you snatched out from under me AND my son, and now this latest wonderful trip that you wanted to take and then took away from me all in the same night. I'm an idiot, a complete idiot. My self esteem must've stooped to a new low. Luckily, I'm starting to see how stupid I was and I do remember what I'm worth.


And don't you ever get tired of being the third wheel with your friends? You never seemed to have a problem with it, as I was rarely invited along. It makes you look like d-bag. You're a 40 year old man that can't keep a relationship, the best thing that ever happened to you actually. I hope you're happier now. You're going back to work tonight and I hope this week on the boat sucks for you! That's when it seems to hit you the hardest, when you actually have to face yourself in the quietness and deal with what's really happened. I hope that work is S-L-O-W, that those moments of silence eat away at you and pick your emotions apart. I only say that because it will truly take that emptiness for you to see what you've done, to make you realize what you've lost. I bet you won't tell the guys that we broke up because you had a 2 year old style temper tantrum, lol. You'll put it off on me, no doubt. Good luck with that, I bet they know you're a ticking time bomb.

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Its so hard to let go even after everything you have done to me. Yelling at me for nothing, being an * * * * * * * , putting me in the hospital... You need to grow up, and stop being so damn immature. I gave you everything and instead of returning that, you kept taking, stopped being there. You think the entire world revolves around you, well welcome to your wake up call... IT DOESN'T

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Dear ****


You ended the relationship a couple of days before Christmas, when I had no job, no home, no support network in this area and having disposed of many of my possessions to be with you.


I have picked myself up and maintained my dignity. In fact, this has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am still troubled by the way you want to hold on to my possessions, though, the total lack of help, the way you'll sit there watching television while I'm struggling with heavy boxes of books, all that... but then that tells me the sort of guy you are, and that I'm better off without you.


But now you've emailed me to say that I seem to have taken some of your printer paper, and a cheese grater. You're due to go on holiday to Malta in a couple of hours time, and you're emailing about a cheese grater. You've even had a rant to your brother because I hadn't replied (I hadn't seen it).




I did think about further exploring the juxtaposition of those objects, though. Don't you own a shredder?

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I can't wait for the day when you could win a nobel prize and i wouldn't even be jealous. seriously what am i even saying

I just want to stop being irritated with you. Little do you know...i can't even say it. I wonder if you'll ever know what a complete fool you were.


You are so small minded. I can't believe you actually thought you were smarter than me. What a joke. I really need to sublimate the need to prove you wrong. You are such a bully!


trying to let go completely but I am so ridiculously PISSED. why am I holding on? whatever tenderness i felt for you has been weathered, and only the thinnest, chalkiest film remains--I guess because you broke my heart. There's got to be a way I can honor my feelings without honoring your memory

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Sooooo.... you and one of my long time best friends decided to date? Not even a month and a half after the BU that didn't really end on good terms. My head is all over the place.. i feel so betrayed by you and my friend. I've never really been in a worse post BU situation. I hope my friendship isn't burned down just like our doomed dating experience.

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Had a couple of dreams about you last night, that you were desperately sorry. Thats the thing about dreams, they are not real. I doubt you are sorry for your words and actions, I doubt mean the BU I mean leading me on, making me believe you wanted a LT relationship....all a load of cr@p.


I'm so cross with you for stringing me along. It isn't fair to me, to your family, to your kids that you do this.


You are damaged goods, exactly as you said to me the day after BU and you are right I had a lucky escape. I cannot wait to find someone decent and honest and true.

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I woke up feeling pretty good today. I did dream about you and some sort of weird reconciliation, but at the end of the dream you were nothing but a text message. You weren't there. I was looking for you and all I got was some little shred of you telling me you'd see me soon. Hmmm, it speaks volumes I suppose. Even my subconscious mind knows that you're not available. You'll end up being a lonely miserable person, just jumping from one insignificant thing to another, 'always running' as you say and missing the entire meaning of life and love. That's really sad for you; I truly feel sorry for the person that I've learned you are.

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OH, AND....You were going to fix my garage door, you were going to pressure wash my house, you were going to buy the expensive dog food that you insisted on, you were going to fix my scratched leather chair....just a few more broken promises. What a pathetic game, that's all you have to offer are promises that are never followed through on. I'm sure I'll think of more....

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I no longer love you.. At least the way I used to... You will NEVER feel the same love I gave to you...Ever again. It's a damn shame what you did...


You threw it all away in one weekend that you will never be able to take back.


I'm sure you're putting up that "wall" that you usually do... and telling everyone what a Jerk I am, like you usually do... Thats ok though, you have to live with yourself. I hope you are truly happier than you were with me.


You always told me that you never loved like you loved me, not even your ex husband.. Well, I am forever gone and you will never feel the kind of love I gave to you.

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It's so painfully obvious that I am losing out on really living my life since I am so concerned with what happens to you.


I already made up my mind, it's over. I can't keep wondering what you are up to or if you are taking care of yourself. It's not fair to me.


As far as I know, now is all have.


This isn't important--but I still kind of wish we never met. I can't do anything about it now. I don't know why I keep living my life in regret. None of it could be helped, realizing that has been the most empowering experience of my life. I just want my time back. But it's never coming back. I have to face that otherwise I am really going to make myself more miserable than I ever thought possible.

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So this is it. It has finally gotten to a point that I've lost respect for both of you. No matter what happens, my friendship with your new guy (and who was my longtime friend) is forever scarred and will never be the same; I don't know how much or if it can be repaired. But I'm too old for these games, and don't have time for people who don't show me the level of respect that I show them.


Good Luck; who knows if either of you will even miss my presence in your lives, but i'm more than prepared to cut you both out for good so that I don't have to worry about it.

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I hope one day you get your own taste of medicine. I wish you could realize how mean and how badly you treated me and tossed me away like I was a piece of trash I love how you say I have changed BS! I know you haven't changed!! Sure you may of changed for the time being but let's check back in 3-6 months and see how much you have changed because I know deep down you will never change and you will always be the jerk who broke my heart and tossed me away.

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