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I think this is day 13 of NC. I sent you a check to cover the cost of the concert tickets but I know you probably won't cash it. I hope you do though, it'll make me feel better thinking that I don't owe you anything. Also have that song stuck in my head:


Do you ever think about me?

Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?

In the middle of the night when you awake

Are you calling out for me?

Do you ever really miss?

I can't believe i'm acting like this

I was crazy

How I still can feel your kiss


It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours

Since you went away

Yea yea...

I miss you so much and I don't know what to say

I should be over you

I should know better but it's just not the case

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours

Since you went away


Do you ever ask about me?

Do your friends still tell you what to do?

Everytime the phone rings,

Do you wish it was me calling you?

Do you still feel the same?

Or has time put out the flame?

I miss you...

Is everything ok?

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i miss you each and everyday, i think of you constantly, and all i want to do is talk to you, is there any hope for us? do you ever think of me when you are with your new boyfriend? was i good not good enough? do you ever miss me? I love you so much, and pray that we be together again, Sometimes i feel god just doesnt care, but i hope he has a plan for both you and i, that we can be together at a different time.


Just to let you know, you were the only girl ive ever dreamed of, you were everything and than some to me, and i am sorry for sending those messages, i will try and be a better person for you, i just fear that its to late and that you wont even care in the future.


I still love you with all my heart ,and you are the only person i want to be with.

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i follow you on twitter and all your friends that i hated, or the friends that you never gave me a chance to meet, i understand now that you were trying to get with one of them, i also look at your facebook, and wish i knew what was going on in your life, i miss you so much, you do not even understand

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I have the worst feeling that you're back to talking to her, that she's back in your life. I know she is, she has to be. She's so classless and trashy and ugh. It makes me sick to think about. I hate that you're not mine anymore, i miss you so much and i'm sick of feeling this way. Please come back.

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I am so sorry to hear your brother died. I wish I could be there for you. I know its a lot of loss for you lately, first me then your cat and now your brother. Ouch! I have come along way in understanding our problems, where my mistakes were and what problems and shortages you brought to our relationship.

I wish there was some way of healing all of that! I know we will talk and see each other some day. I really am so sad about your brother. I want to send you some simple daisys but I know I shouldnt thus I wont. Just know that I am sending you love and best wishes. I miss you terribly sometimes and other times I am still so pissed off.


Love you.

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Wow, it's been 2 months now since the BU, 2 months of NC. I always ask myself if I did the right thing, to leave. My gut instincts tell me yes, I was right to leave because it just became to toxic for both of us. My heart is still mending and it tells me that I wish it wasn't this way. I had envisioned us of having a wonderful fulfilling life together but being with you just brought me down and feel little of myself. It hurt when you pointed out all of my flaws and magnified them x 10. A lot of things that was said really hurt and really hard to get over. I found myself getting so fed up with it that I started to do the same but that was not me, I was turning into someone that I try to avoid in life, negativity. I know you had a bad past and I hope one day you can overcome the crap that is constantly tormenting you deep inside. I pray for you. I know you don't mean most of the stuff that was said but still, it did hurt and it made me question my self, my worthiness, my character. I am sorry for hurting you too. I wasn't perfect but I did my best and gave you all my love that I could give. I do miss certain things but it just wasn't enough for me to stay in it.

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If you could only see how much pain i am in, and how much i truly cared, i know we took each other for granite, and towards the end it might have gotten boring, but you'll see in the future ill be a better person because of this, and we will be stronger when our two separate paths connect again, somehow.

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I have days where I'm okay but yeah, I'm missing you. I still think that talking to other guys can't hurt but it is. I hate to admit it but it just makes me miss you more. STILL. After all this time, a part of me wants you back. I know I'm just missing how well we meshed from the very beginning. It's hard for me to find that kind of connection.


I guess I'm just looking in the wrong places. Or maybe I shouldn't be looking at all.


I have moments when I get a flashback of a good time we shared or just you in general. The comfort of you. But you're gone and never coming back. When the hell am I going to fully realize this.

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i still love and miss u so much.....i cant believe we ended like this. i loved you so friggen much and you just have so much anger and hatred towards me its unbelievable, regardless though i'll never hate you even though i should....i cant believe you have moved on so quick, thats a major stab at my heart and all the name calling and hate you have on me i hope you get back worse one day....i didnt deserve that. i hope you and my ex crumble for all the things you've done. i hope one day u wake up and realize that i was the one for you but even if u did i know u wont admit becos of your beloved pride. crash baby crash!

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I'm listening to old songs right now, songs that we once shared. I feel the love deep inside -- yeah it's still alive but thick and sluggish. I had hoped it would be long gone by now but no. Maybe soon or maybe .. #$#$ I don't know.


Went to Nevada on a whim. Spent some money and by chance drove through places we stopped and some where we ate or walked around. Not quite sure I did this. Maybe a little purging or maybe I just missed you. I didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would, I was deep in memory and the details were vivid.


I have no interest in anyone else. The opportunity is there and its very soothing for the ego but I've got get over you first. No sense in getting anyone's hopes up, I'm not that cruel.


It's late and I want to talk to you but I know it wouldn't help. So maybe I'll sleep now and dream of better times, I hope you are happy and release me soon.



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Nearly text you yesterday, in a very direct manner to ask for my money you owe me, but I didn't bother in the end.


If stealing money from your ex gf is how you define "good genuine guy" then so be it.




Contacted him. He says he doesn't have any money and is having financial issues at the moment so I'll have to wait for my money.


Funny, so why be on POF, saying that you want to meet someone and want to take women out to dinner, if you cannot friggin afford it!!


Or can you.

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Having a moment….I wish I could pick up the phone right now and call you just to hear your voice, you know how the sound of your voice relaxes me. You have always been so considerate toward me, even when you thought you did something that may hurt me you apologized and sometimes I did not know why until you explained. I wonder if your thinking about me now and missing me as much as I miss you. Muah, SBD

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I suppose you're on the way to your parent's house for the weekend. I really wanted to go on that trip. It's just another disappointment for me. Tell them and the rest of your family I said hello. I hope they really let you have it for screwing things up so bad this time. I'm sure you'll blame the whole thing on me though...it appears that's what you've been doing with everyone else.


I'm working on my healing, a lot. I started working out again today too, it felt good. I keep asking myself if I'm actually letting you go or if I'm completely hopeful that we can work this out. It's such a fight in my own head. Logic vs. emotion. I do love you more than I've ever loved another man in my life; I meant it when I said that. I'm sure you will have an impact on me for the rest of time, no matter what happens. And at the same time, I really think you're just a selfish a-hole that always had to have everything his way. Never any compromise.


I suppose only time will tell what happens. I won't be trying to force any outcomes, just going with the flow and dealing with each emotion as it rises.

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You know I love you. I know you know that. I also know that you know that sleeping with another woman and still telling me how much you love me is * * * * ty. I have decided to take my power back. You want to date someone that isn't a good match for you? You want to be with someone that you aren't attracted to? You'll always wonder what could have happened with us and you'll miss hearing how I love and adore you. We have something you two could never have and for that reason, you'll be back. And when you come back, I'll be healed. But I'll still love you. And you'll want me back. I'm waiting.

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you did every right after our break up, you went on vaction, you kept busy and you even got a new boyfriend, you are 100 percent over me, and i know this deep inside, it just hurts for me to think of, and makes me lonely and depressed. You are fine and i am the one sitting here miserable and thinking of you constantly, your better off and im full of regret, you were always the strong one. I will always love you, and i know i can't say the same thing for you. You were everything i wanted, i was just someone else in your way.


I really do wish you well, and i hope everything goes your way. I know it will, you're the type of person who gets everything they want and dream.


I just hope we have another chance to be together, somehow down the line in life, even if we just talk for 10 minutes, or even if we bump into each other, i just need some sort of closure, because i know this is not the end. We talked about getting married, i still want to marry you,


I love you

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Feeling miserable tonight, probably because I went out to happy hour with a friend and drank too much. Here I am on a Friday night at 8:14pm, your night is just getting started, you'll probably head to downtown tonight like you usually do, go to your favorite bar, talk to some girls, ugh..that part depresses me. My friend told me to go on link removed and I even checked it out tonight just to see who was on it and omg, none of them were attractive, they all looked like douchebags and tried way too hard. All I wanted was you but you couldn't love me so I had no other choice but have to walk away. Weekends are the worst for me, I know you're busy, you live with 2 roommates and have plenty of friends and drink yourself crazy tonight. I know you're going to have fun, I wonder if you're thinking about me as much as I of you. Have you moved on? It's only been 4 days NC since the breakup, but I know for some people it's 'out of sight, out of mind' but that's not the way for me. I still miss you even if you couldn't give me what I want. I hope you're not mad that I've ignored your two e-mails, I just need to let go and heal. I guess overall it was a mutual breakup, but I would have stayed if I know you had felt the same way as you did with me. Tonight is awful, could be worse, at least I haven't cried today, but knowing you're out having fun makes me miserable at home on a Friday night

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[video=youtube;DWlhbKk-1gA] ]


I can't stop my mind from doing prison time.

-Colin Hay


I guess I'm running out of words, or maybe I'm just finally beginning to let go. Songs are all that come to mind now. I don't really have much to say that hasn't been said before.


Colin's playing in your town next week. I'm sure you know that. Either you're going, or, as you said to me last fall when he played out here and I thought of going, perhaps his melancholy acoustic songs aren't the best thing to be listening to right now. In my heart, I hope that his music is still too emotionally loaded for you. Who knows? You've been dating for months now so maybe you're "over it."


Are you going? If you are, I have a hard time imagining you could go without thinking of me in some respect, since I introduced you to his music. Remember the time we went to see him in the city and laughed at his wife's interpretative dance during the performance of "Down Under?"


It's hard to believe that was way back in 2007. Harder still to believe that we attended that show only a few months before you moved away, and that we long distanced for three and a half years after you left. I don't say this in anger, so don't take it the wrong way, but I should have let you go for good then. Ultimately, other places and people were more important to you than I was. You wanted to go back to where you came from. I do kind of wish you didn't have to come out here so you could find out that all you really wanted was to go home.


I do wonder how you're doing at times, and ultimately wish you well but the memory of our time is getting increasingly distant. Sometimes it feels like it was fictional. I still feel angry, sad, frustrated and betrayed in turn at times. By your own admission I saw you at your worst, and I am still a bit bitter that I stood by you through all those years of struggle and someone else is getting the new, healthier, thinner you. That you go out and do things that you never did with me. But overall, I'm letting go. Ten and a half years is a long time, and it takes a while from my heart to untangle all the knots tied over that time. Maybe you started dating because you had let go a long time before we actually broke up, or maybe it was because you just needed to fill the void. It doesn't really matter now. In the end, when I'm healed, I will be glad that we had our time together.


Writing here is, in a way, my last connection to you, and if I am to truly move on, I'll have to let that go one of these days as well. All I really want now is peace.

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