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  1. Thanks everyone for your perspective. I admit it’s good to hear from third person since. To answer a few questions, they both kept assuring us after MIL fell they will be able to keep DD- I guess her condition worsened or hasn’t improved so FIL just told us yesterday they can’t do it. DD goes to a daycare center and I do have friends but the center doesn’t do overnights (7:30-5pm) and my friends all work/have their own kids commitments. I guess I was more upset than my husband, and didn’t get why they waited until im 9 months, now we are in a bind. DH Said his dad never changed a diaper (he married MIL when hubby was 8) and never took care of small kids by himself. I didn’t understand why FIL can’t just suck it up for a couple of days. But anyways I’m going to see if other relatives can fly in before the birth.
  2. I am 37 weeks pregnant and this whole time MIL and FIL agreed to watch 2.5 yo DD while we deliver the baby. -On Christmas we had an argument which basically entailed MIL boundary stomping. We agreed to a break no babysitting in -January but still they would watch DD when we are at the hospital. -3 weeks ago MIL had a bad fall and bruised her chest. She is bedridden and cannot eat solids. -Yesterray during one of my husbands check up calls FIL said he doesn’t feel comfortable to watch DD bc MIL mainly did the caretaking and she can’t right now. Basically, told us to find some other child care options for Daughter during delivery. We have NO ONE in the area that can watch DD overnight for 2-3 days when I’m in the hospital. I asked husband why FIL feels uncomfortable watching DD and his reasons were that he never changed a diaper, and that he can’t keep up with DD and afraid she will get hurt or in trouble. As much as I want to be sympathetic I am also sooo stressed bc we baby could come any day and we have no other child care options! I am frustrated at FIL for waiting until NOW to tell us. I am mad at FIL but don’t know if this is justified or if I should cut him slack.
  3. Thank you all for the advice. I think I lost my cool and snapped bc I have been putting up with MIL these few years and just had enough. When we first butt heads hubbie spoke w her and she would change certain things but revert back to her old controlling, judging, baby snatching ways. Husband also asked that I try to let things go bc she’s old and had bad health. Now I just think she uses her health to act and say whatever without consequence. She makes everything a competition like if I say “oh you’re so cute you’re mommy’s princess” she will retort “no I don’t think so, she’s grandmas princess.” It is obnoxious and I would bite my tongue for my husband and daughters sake. This past Christmas I just lost my marbles and being 8mo preggers and hormonal I lashed back. I was afraid she would baby snatch this new one when he comes. After the cooling period I will rethink how much involvement they should have with DD and LO and if I should interact with mil. I don’t want to feel alienated but I also cannot put up with MIL. Bc of all her past infringements now even minor things she does sets me off.
  4. I haven’t posted here in a long time but I have an issue with my mother in law (MIL) and I want to know if I handled it appropriately, and if not how I should proceed. Here’s some background: -Hubby and I have been married 6 years -From day 1 of our marriage mil has always been demanding. For instance at the post wedding lunch I was 15 mins late (road construction) and she said “when we make plans for 10am, it’s 10am, NOT 10:15am”. I was flabbergasted but didn’t say anything to keep the peace. This was annoying but not a problem bc they (her and father in law) lived overseas and we rarely spoke. -3 years ago mil and fil moved back to the area bc we had our first baby. Immediately MIL exhibited her typical domineering opinionated ways. She would grab DD from my arms when she was crying to soothe her. I told DH and he spoke with her and she stopped baby snatching. -over the past 3 years MIL will offer unsolicited advice and if I disagree she shakes her head and says it’s not right or other annoying comments. DH and I respond that it’s our parenting method and what we decide goes. -mil and fil babysit 1-2x per month so hubby and I can have date day and they can spend time w DD. -MIL is from a traditional Asian culture and thinks adults kids should still listen to parents. She thinks grandparents authority surpasses parents authority. -I am 8mo pregnant and due February. This past Christmas we had a huge blowout bc DD (now 2yo) was crying/fussy so I wanted to check her temperature. MIL grabbed DD and wouldn’t let us check her temperature, saying she wanted DD to calm down first. Hubby grabbed DD from MIL and we took her temperature and she had a fever of 100f so I said let’s give her medicine. Mil AGAIN grabs DD and says no come to grandma. I was LIVID bc we are trying to help DD and I felt MIL was undermining us. I gave DD medicine and went upstairs with her until her fever went down. The rest of the day was tense as I was furious at MIL and was short with her. This is an example of the MIL does, she always thinks whatever she does or says is right and we need to listen to her. A few days later hubby talked to his parents and asked MIL to respect our parenting decisions and gave the medicine example as something that cannot happen again. Hubby said over the years we put up w her for the sake of DD and keeping the peace but she cannot continue to oppose us when it comes to parenting. MIL basically said she is the grandma and loves DD so much and only wants to help. She doesn’t think anything she has said or done is wrong. Hubby gave specific examples of past wrongdoings or unsolicited advice but MIL doesn’t think any of it is wrong. An example - hubby will discipline DD for throwing her toys by using a stern voice and have DD pick up her toys. Mil will yell at hubby stating DD is only 2yo and to stop expecting her to act like she is 6. She said she will try, but hubby said that’s not good enough. So we are at an impasse. Hubby told her from now on MIL and I (his wife) will not cross paths and we will be limiting mil and fil contact with DD and soon to be new baby. FIL was devastated and started crying bc he loves DD more than life and he even is building a house closer to us to be near DD. I feel bad for FIL bc he just retired and was looking to spend more time with DD. As a result of her undermining me and hubby, being judgmental if I do something she disagrees with, and not respecting us- we cancelled plans for them to babysit DD in January and they will not see baby in February when he’s born. We will wait until He’s 2 months (April) and can be out of the house for them to meet him bc I don’t want to see MIL. After a few months cooling off period instead of them babysitting 1-2x per month without us, they will see DD once every other month WITH Hubby there and i will not be present. DD loves her grandparents so I would feel bad to take that relationship away from her, but at the same time I can not tolerate MIL’s self righteous demanding attitude. Is excluding myself from interactions with MIL and limiting my kids time with them the right thing to do? I asked this in another forum and got bashed that I should keep my kids away from them permanently. I can’t bring myself to do that bc mil and fil do really love DD and have not done anything dangerous, she is just a monster in law to me.
  5. I think this is day 13 of NC. I sent you a check to cover the cost of the concert tickets but I know you probably won't cash it. I hope you do though, it'll make me feel better thinking that I don't owe you anything. Also have that song stuck in my head: Do you ever think about me? Do you ever cry yourself to sleep? In the middle of the night when you awake Are you calling out for me? Do you ever really miss? I can't believe i'm acting like this I was crazy How I still can feel your kiss It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away Yea yea... I miss you so much and I don't know what to say I should be over you I should know better but it's just not the case It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away Do you ever ask about me? Do your friends still tell you what to do? Everytime the phone rings, Do you wish it was me calling you? Do you still feel the same? Or has time put out the flame? I miss you... Is everything ok?
  6. Every single night since the BU I've dreamed about you, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!! I cannot have a break. This morning I woke up at 4:44 a.m. confused and then in tears when I realized it was JUST A DREAM. In the dream you took my hands and we were dancing like old times. In all the dreams we're together. I'm at work now and I keep on crying. Good thing I can close the office door otherwise it'll be so embarrassing. Anyways I did our birth chart just to see and they all say the same negative things...violence, unfaithfulness, lies. Maybe it's better that we ended before it spiraled to that. We already had the violence and lies, no need for unfaithfulness as well. God - Help me I am struggling so much today.
  7. I'm sad today. Why were you so dang nice in the post break-up? I cried when I saw the tickets and massage certificates you left in my car. You returned the rest of my belongings and put it in my car because I did not want my family to see a pile of stuff in our patio. It was good that we didn't see each other. I also read a lot about Virgo men and how they're crazy/controlling/critical. I don't think you were crazy or controlling, but definitely critical and commitment phobic. I'm beginning to forget exactly why we broke up exactly. I think it had to do with you always criticizing me, and saying I demanded too much and took advantage of you. I really introspected within myself and I disagree. I want a commitment, after almost two years, I think it's reasonable. Plus, all the promises that were not kept. Never had I been with anyone that drove me to such insanity. You somehow twisted all the situations to my fault. You know, like the times when your "friend" cursed me out and somehow it's my fault for not wanting to be around that bi t c H! Good thing I wrote it all down. I'm very emotional today with a heavy heart. I miss you a lot.
  8. Bleh I'm feeling really pissy like I'm going through some kind of drug withdrawal. Wish this week would just end already. Fast forward to Friday and the weekend. I don't even care or want you back but I keep checking that dang phone 24/7. Perhaps I should just leave it at home or put it away. When will this get better? The other breakups were not this painful...except the one from 2007 that was a trip down depression and panic attack lane. This time around I'm just very angry, so very very upset that I wasted so much time, effort, money, and hopes on you. YOU who could not follow-through on your promises. How can a 40yo man be so immature and not have his life together? How do you spend $30k of your savings within a year and blame it on ME? I suppose it wasn't because you did NOT know how to save, and you spent frivalously on rounds of drinks for your friends or sending your sister money every month. How DARE you accuse me of taking advantage of you? WHAT DID YOU EVEN HAVE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF? Please, get outta here. Not one mention of ALL the stuff I did for YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! Without me you'd have receding gums and probably have all your teeth fall out. GAH I don't know what's gotten into me but I am just so hateful today. I shudder looking over the posts I've wrote because they're quite vengeful. I should have NEVER dated you in the first place. What a waste of opportunity that I could have spent dating other men, men of quality and accomplishment...not insecurity and criticism. Oh and I still remember that time you pushed me away from the fridge and threw money in my face. Who the heck do you think you are? Yeah so I ripped up your cash, don't you ever disgrace me by flaunting your cash like you're so much better. I don't care if you make more, please, you ain't nothing but a faker.
  9. Day 11 NC Eventhough we exchanged a few txts yesterday, they were necessary to arrange the retrieval of my belongings. You were cordial and seemed okay (it was only via txt but still). I kept it short only discuss the logistics. This morning I was in RAGE, and I mean I was imagining taking a baseball bat to your head and to that stupid friend of yours...you know who. I want to bash her head to the cement ground and kick her in the face until she dies. I know this is so ungodly of me, but I can't help feel such rage. I recalled all the times you lied to me and made me feel betrayed, although you never cheated (that I knew of), you broke my trust so much that I want to punch you in the face and knock you out. I have that much animosity towards you! Then why oh why do I miss you? I feel somewhat crazy or bipolar. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm teary eyed or my face is bright red with anger. I wish I could take a pill and be normal and happy cheery again. Screw you! You 40 year old, grumpy, incompetent, cynical, critical, ungrateful, p.o.s. I hope you'll realize just how good I was to you, and how you messed up bad.
  10. Okay well I broke NC but not TRULY bc it had to do with my family member and it was an answer to a question (although not pressing), but I don't like involving my family in my relationships (esp failed ones). And the question was like from 2 days ago so I figured okay, should be civil bc I still need to get my stuff back. We have to at least arrange that, even if we don't see eachother face to face. I'm not sure if that msg even went through bc he did mention he was going to close out his old phone account and just use the one from work. I feel really annoyed at everyone and everything and I think men are stupid idiots!! There are NO GREAT MEN! I'm beginning to give up on online dating too...too interview-like. I want to go on a tropical vacation, or just go somewhere FAR from here. Far from everyone and every annoying person. My family's issues are also taking a toll on me and I wish I could just escape somewhere else. I wish I was rich enough to afford my own place in the city near work.
  11. I feel such disdain when I think of you...which is pretty much constantly still. The thought of you makes me sick and I want to gag. You ignorant, ungrateful, unhappy, critical, son of a beee*****tch.
  12. Day 10 of NC I dream about you every night and cannot sleep well. You suck!
  13. I want to txt you back SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO friggin bad. I got baptized today! My close friends were there, but I was a little sad that you weren't. I wish you were there during such a big event in my spiritual life, something I had been wanting to do for so long. Also went to go get my left ear cartiladge pierced. I don't know why I did it...figured it looks edgy so why not. I miss you so much today. Probably that sucky date last nite made me think of you more. The guy was 30m late, didn't offer to pay for the movie (first date) and was just lame in general. I had ZERO attraction and all I wanted to do was get drunk and go home and sleep. I wonder if you miss me and think of me right now. I was really hoping you'd call me to congrats about my baptism. Did you even see me online streaming? I need God to help me get through this tough time bc I am so not myself. This is much much much harder than I thought it would be. I want to move on yet I want you back. I wish you would go to therapy and fix your issues. I don't even know if it was me who broke up with you or if it was mutual. I think I suggested it and you agreed. Sigh...I was not a bad gf, why couldn't you see all the things I did right? You didn't appreciate me anymore and you and I both knew it. I always loved you and did not focus on your faults (and you had a loooot of annoying habits). I wish God would send me someone good for me. I feel so sad, hopeless, and depressed.
  14. Well today is day 8 of NC You called 6 times yesterday from two different phones. I guessed the other number was yours bc they were all within the span of 30 minutes. I lied and told my family you were on a trip to cali bc I didn't feel like dealing with questions. One of my fam members txted you to say hi and I guess ask when you're coming back. You txted to ask me how long you're suppose to be in cali for and I didn't reply. I suppose I could have...but what's the point? I really don't care if my family finds out we broke up, they would eventually anyways. I must admit it felt kind of good to see your missed calls. Although I felt sad that you had nothing else to say except in reference to your imaginary stay out of state. Last nite was a lot of fun with my friends and catching up, talking/venting about stupid exes. All my girl and guy friends thought you're an idiot. Why make such a big deal out of a few thousand bucks, seriously!
  15. I'm not angry anymore, just..empty. It has been a full 7 days since we had any contact. I wish I could fast forward time and be with someone else, someone better. Why were you so blind to all the things I did right? All you could see were my faults. You have faults too but I overlooked them, I accepted you. How can anyone live up to your ideal expectations? I don't want you back, but I do miss you. Sarangi anya, igeom sarangi anya. This is not love, no this cannot be love.
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