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[Felicity]

Patrick, I finally started to feel better yesterday. Then I woke up this morning, after my first good night of sleep in months, and I actually felt good. I realized the knot in my chest was gone. I felt happy. I haven't really felt happy since you last held me. I went about my day thinking things are finally getting better. A normal day, and work is going fantastic, so it makes sense for me to be happy there. This new guy, who is fully aware of our breakup and my current emotional situation, he's continuing to be very supportive and understanding. And he was sending me funny texts, as he always does. And I started to think maybe I could really try to open up to him more. Emotionally, you know?

 

But then it all changed. I don't know when it happened; I honestly don't remember the moment or what triggered it, but it's as if I realized I was finally getting over you and I got scared. I don't know how long I'd been feeling that way before it registered, but it's like... to get over you is to let you go. To let you go is to lose you. But I don't have you to lose, and I know that, but I can't feel it. The scared feeling is gone and now I feel nothing.

 

For weeks all I've felt is pain. I was reading a few minutes ago about how people often feel empty after this sort of loss. I felt the opposite. That knot, ever-present, sometimes burning; sometimes twisting; sometimes swelling, taking my breath away. Never absent for all those weeks. I would wake up at night and that knot would remind me and keep me awake. It would steal my appetite, filling me instead with sorrow. Now the knot isn't there, but there's no emptiness either. I don't feel anything. Physically. Yet the tears are streaming down my face, and I close my eyes and I see yours. But I feel nothing. It's like a dead silence inside me. Is this what it is to feel dead inside? Is this what you meant when you said you're broken and can't feel?

 

Today my friend sent me a link to link removed and I read through it. I realize how terribly I handled our breakup. How by repeatedly violating NC I prolonged my own pain and potentially ruined any sort of relationship we could have had in the future, friendship or otherwise. I showed so much weakness. And your violation of NC brought out more weakness in me. You showed no cracks and that only makes it even more difficult for me. I can tell you care on some shallow level but it seems almost fake. Why don't you care?

 

I'm sitting alone wearing your shirt, the one you dripped chocolate on and I said I'd bleach. I haven't even washed it. It smells like you. Despite the passing of weeks, I can still smell you in it. But I noticed that when I smell it, I don't get the butterflies in my stomach anymore. The now-missing knot doesn't twist. I recognize your scent and I miss you but I don't feel anything.

 

I don't know what this means. I know that guide said I should get rid of everything that is yours or reminds me of you. This shirt, your pictures, the gifts you gave me. But those are just a drop in the bucket of all the things that remind me of you. I'd have to burn the world to accomplish that task. Everything reminds me of you. Every event, every opportunity, every moment is one that I regret being unable to share with you. Every joy turns to sorrow when I realize I can't tell you about it. Sorrow is deepened knowing I can't lean on you. I miss you so much, but I only know it because of the tears. The knot is gone. Perhaps my hope with it. I don't know what this means...

[Brokenhart84]

I don't know when I'll stop loving you. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There always is. I keep having thoughts about touching your face and kissing you.

[invisibleheart]

Hey, how's your day... I miss you terribly today yet I know how you do not. I don't think you even care nor give a damn about it... It hurts to realize how much I trusted and believe in you. And when I needed you or just someone there for me... You were not or will ever be... Maybe if I'll just say goodbye over and over finally a part of me will accept just how much it is over. Though you know me... I am lousy at goodbyes... Yet I won't fail on this one.

 

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

[miss_sunshine]

Well bubba, I missed you today. I felt a real ache in my heart and missed you. Your birthday was this week and I thought of you all day, even though you will never know that. And today is Australia Day, a day for 11 years we have spent with friends. Listening to the Hottest 100, with a BBQ and some drinks. I missed your smiling face so much, I missed getting to drive home from a day out with you, I just miss you. It is so crazy to me still that it is really all over and I no longer mean anything to you.

 

I love you bub, and I am trying so hard to get over you but I want you to know, even though I will probably never speak to you again that I love you. Our time together meant so much to me, you are still the other part of me and I hope one day that will change. I am doing so many things without you and meeting so many new people, but at the end of the day I still miss you and want you here. I am so scared that you are the love of my life and that there will never be another one. xxx

[Nope09]

So I know you're on deployment and I recieved a mysterious phone call last week it was from a number I didnt recognized and when I tried to call it back it went to some busy signal...I wish I w would have picked up because I think it was you calling from the ship were you calling to apologize? Say you're sorry for what you did and how you treated me? Will you attempt to call me again I wonder anyways I hope you didn't die I'm still not ready to reach out to you yet the would is creatin a scab but its not fully healed yet

[SadLaura]

P - I love you very much. I always will. I miss your silliness, your impressions, your jokes, your kindness. How you cared. The hugs when I wanted them. I miss it all.

 

But, you let it all go wrong. Politics ate into your soul like a cancer. Your head has been turned by a girl who has broken up so many marriages. You controlled me, belittled me, blamed me for not being able to have children.

 

The first months of us living together was so full of fun, so many laughs. Freedom. But it all changed. Image, how you were perceived, votes, elections where all that mattered. I even had to ask you for a time slot when I could discuss the things that interested/worried me. Yet I did everything for you and loved you without condition.

 

This is how you repaid me. I was broken, I was dying in front of you and what did you say to me that night? I'm sorry your so unhappy but I've never been happier. YOu pushed me to a breakdown. You were meant to care and you didn't. You threw me away like a used tissue.

 

I really hope one day you heart gets broken like you broke mine. I hope you look in the mirror when your 60 or 70, when your political career is over, and just think of what you've done.

 

And now I have to move on. I cannot let you keep hurting me. So I wish you luck with your new love. I wish you luck ruling the world. Just watch out for the knives in your back - the ones you couldn't see and the ones I told you where there.

 

So I'm putting you and our memories in a balloon and letting you go. Fly off to where you want to go.

 

Goodbye, then.

[jesr]

When we broke up I read and heard everywhere: this too shall pass. And it did! I'm completely free from you. I learned how to take control of my emotions and I'm barely affected by external factors anymore. Thanks to you I'm a better and stronger man. I let go of the anger, sadness, frustration etc. I'm completely focused on myself, completely turned inwards. I'm the sole factor of my happiness.

 

I was happy with you but right now I can say: thanks for what you did. You put me to the ground but I got myself up and rebuilt a better me. Couldn't have made it without you! Take care.

[lilianjames]

I want someone who could be around a little while longer. I am feeling this emptiness inside of me. I don't know how and where to go from here. I know I can't find someone to fix me or to fill up the space that was left in void for so long. hope is not something I have right now. Hope is not something I could spare.

 

My greatest achievement lately is about being able to wake up in the morning, find something to occupy myself. Perhaps, the greater achievement of that is perhaps, to get you to think of me. Even in a fleeting second.

 

I don't know how to go from here. Tell me how to go from here. I don't need your heart, I don't need your undying love, I don't need you to tell me that you love me.

 

Just tell me how to go from here. Tell me, please.

 

I can accept the weird part of you, I can accept your weaknesses and your strength. But I know accepting is an act of thoughts. It is not an action. I can't go further than that.

 

Tell me. How do I go from here?

[DepthOfField]

I still freaking love you and care for you. I'd do freaking anything for you.

Not because you treated my like crap towards the end, played your games and created an addictive & controlling relationship.

I have self-respect. I'm grown up. I don't fall for that crap.

 

But because you had me convinced for the longest time that our love was genuine.

If I saw your true colours earlier in the game, I would have been out of there like a prom dress.

 

Dammit. This is so hard to get over.

Ugh.

[invisibleheart]

I miss you terribly. Though staying away from everything kept me sane enough... Coz I know you no longer love or have a need of me. Your very much happy now... And I myself no longer have a life in me.

 

Its so lonely and painful living a life without you.

[healingishard]

I will never forget you,

Though I may meet someone new,

But a part of my heart,

Will forever belong to you.

I know it won’t be easy,

And I’ll miss you every second,

But everything in life,

Comes with a special lesson.

Letting go is hard,

But when all the sadness clears,

There will not be a reason,

To shed another tear.

What we had was priceless,

And you will always hold my heart,

But now that our love is gone,

We must forever part.

My love you took for granted,

But I gave it anyway,

And still you overlook me,

Even to this day.

Of all the times you hurt me,

And all the times I’ve cried,

I think of why I worked so hard,

And why I even tried.

You said you’d love me forever,

But forever has come and gone,

And still I sit and wonder,

Where it all went wrong.

But now I see what’s really there,

And there’s nothing I could have done,

You can’t help who you love,

And I just wasn’t the one.

Maybe someday down the road,

Our paths will intertwine,

And once again I can hold you,

And know you are mine.

But until the day, if it even comes,

You will only be in my mind,

For now it’s time for me to see,

If it’s true love I can find.

We had some really good times,

And we had some really bad,

But the strength to keep on going,

Neither of us had.

I’m sorry our time has ended,

And we couldn’t make things work,

But then I think of all the times,

You acted like a jerk.

I know I wasn’t perfect,

But I gave you all I had,

And if we were so deep in love,

Why does it feel so bad?

I still have a lot of questions,

And I still wonder why,

But now all I can do is say,

I love you and goodbye.

 

By: Dalise Kroskie

[invisibleheart]

I am so weak...

[AutumnBorn]

Hey, B. Do you see the irony in our situation? Crazy, huh? You'll never win me back now. Never. It's been seven years. Give it up. Just stop.

[Nope09]

ITS SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!!!!! you're on a ship in the Mediterranean being miserable and I'm home about to be surrounded by love ♥ hahaha to bad you wont hear any words of encouragement from me

[Snow93]

I miss you. I miss our texts. I miss our inside jokes. I miss falling asleep together.

 

This is for the best though. If you valued all that as much as me this wouldn't have happened. I know mistakes happen, I've made them too. But youve went too far with them. I miss you so much but I know I need to be stong and go forward. Without you. No matter how you treated me, we have a huge history and a part of me will always love you. But I have to move on.

[Pisces34]

Wow this is a very neat idea!!! I used to write emails to my ex and save them in drafts instead of sending them to him.

 

Everyone who is going through a break up, please know that it gets better and that there are better ppl for you out there.

 

You may have loved fiercely, but with love needs to be compatibility, without it love is weak and fragile.

 

Hugs to everyone!

 

 

“When she lets you in to the cracks and scars of the past, it’s time to ask a question: do you love her or do you love the idea of her? There is a difference and it’s already past time to know it.”

h.s. (via heartbeatofatwentysomething)

[Hazyillusions]

Ben, I don't know how I should act towards you. You hurt me and you do seem different now bt that's just temporary isn't it?

 

The thing is I do still love you.

Seeing you the last few times has made me realise that. But I'm scared to let you back in.

[Brokenhart84]

I miss you so much. It's been over a month now since I've contacted you and saw you respond back. I just want to hear your voice. That's all.

[Snow93]

It's been a while since I felt like contacting you but I feel like it today. Dissertation stress is really getting to me and you were always good at de stressing me.

 

Every time I see our old apartment I get pangs of sadness. That was an amazing time we had together there. Just us and no one else, I loved it. Whenever I see it at night, there's a light on. It's weird to think a stranger is living there now. I just try to take comfort in the fact that nothing can change the fact that we lived there and we experienced that happiness.

 

Every time I go food shopping I have to walk past where you used to work. How I used to wait for you to finish so we could shop together. It's so weird being in the same routine but with you missing. It's hard.

 

Knowing we can never be together and that I'll almost definitely never see you again is a horrible thought. I've been mostly happy and the break up hasn't hit me nearly as hard as last time but of course it still hurts. I know the bottom line is us being apart is for the best but still.

 

Our life together was perfect. Why'd you have to ruin it? In spite of what happened, I love you and I always will. I miss you. Everywhere I look I see something to remind me of you. I won't ever forget you, but I don't want to forget. I'm mostly ok, today was just another bad one. I don't have to pretend you weren't part of my life, you were. You influenced it a lot. I wish things didn't end this way.

[eveningdusk]

so it's been a while. 50 days or so. I could count it up but I don't really want to. Yesterday I realised that I was holding onto all this hate for you and I was making myself do it so I would never want you back. I was listing all the things that I didn't like or that I wasn't sure about and focusing on them so much that I didn't realise how down it was making me. So I decided to let it all go and yes I felt relieved at first but now there's this uncertainty left behind. I keep wanting to e-mail or text but then when I think about how you'll react to me. It gets me upset. I know I didn't deserve to be pushed away or rejected now. I know that I deserve unconditional love including all my insecurities. I most certainty should not be pushed away because of them. I really just wish you could see me like I'm starting to see myself. I wish I could take away all the times that I felt I wasn't good enough for you or when I felt like A or L were better for you and I would never live up to them. I wish I could have been more secure. Mostly I wish you could have been the confident person that you were outside of the relationship with everyone else you interacted with. We were both scared, but of different things and in the end we both ran away because I couldn't keep taking the emotional risks just so you wouldn't get hurt. I had my own issues and you weren't there for me. I needed someone just as badly as you did and I was alone because you wouldn't or couldn't help me with them like I helped with yours. Then my lack of confience with sex... you used that as a justification for the break up. You will have no idea how much you hurt me by that alone. I told you from the beginning about those and you were ok with it and then one day. nope.

 

There are times when I think we could've make it work and in all honesty perhaps we could have but you're not willing to put your whole heart and soul into the relationship. you want me to lead, so you could follow and never be vulnerable. If I always take the risk then I'll always be the one who gets burnt. I need someone who will tame the flames with me not watch me burn from a safe distance. I need someone who is going to be there for me because they want to be there. who will have the patience and understanding when it comes to sex. who will love me even though I'm not perfect. I know that I can do that for other people. I guess I just need to wait for that person to come along for me... huh Guess I really don't want to talk to you anymore if I can say that

[Denguin]

Dearest,

 

It's been over a month since I've heard your voice... Longer since I've been able to see your face, hold your hand, or smell your hair. I don't go more than an hour without thinking about how much I miss you. I miss the little things... Trying to make you laugh, hearing your rants, and wishing you a good night. What we had was amazing. Part of you wanted to hang on... I could see it in your eyes, and I could hear it in your voice on the day we went our separate ways. Unfortunately, that part of you wasn't big enough. I can't help but think we'd still be happily together if it weren't for the distance that would force us apart for the next few years.

 

I've been dying to reach out to you... To get any indication that you miss what we once were too. It was nice to have someone to dream with... Planning out the rest of our days together, picking out the names of our kids, even going shopping for engagement rings just for the hell of it. Know I'd do absolutely anything in the world to have those moments with you again... Even if it was just for a little while longer. My years with you were the happiest of my life, and my heart is having so much trouble letting those memories go.

 

Despite all that, I know deep down that you've moved on. I don't know if you've found anybody else yet - I suppose I really just don't want to know. Perhaps you'll see the grass is greener on the other side... Perhaps you'll realize it was already green to begin with. I just hope that in time you'll realize how easy we had it, and how I treated you the best that any man ever has. I hope that one day we can give it another go when life doesn't get in the way. Until then, just know that I love you, and there will always be a spot in my heart for you.

[DepthOfField]

We've been apart almost as long as we were together.

The pain is not nearly as strong, but I freaking miss you.

I miss holding you.

I miss your gorgeous smile.

 

It still amazing how much grief you caused me, yet I still held on. Still cared for you.

[invisibleheart]

I love you.

[Natmendez]

How are you? How's life with your new gf or bf? Is your neck all covered up in hickies? You lied to me about not wanting to be with anyone else after our breakup. You sure did pursue someone fairly quickly. I don't know who it is, because you lied about their name, but I know there's someone else. When we recently tried to work on things, it was only me working on things wasn't it? You were playing me the whole time and when I didn't want to play by your rules you ended things abruptly. All the things you've said about how you feel so scared to be with me and how you love me so much is all a bunch of BULL. You just used me to for sex and to cure your temporary loneliness while you were trying sort things out with your new squeeze. I get moments of jealousy, but then I think to myself I can do better than you. From the beginning it was you pining after me and i wanted nothing to do with you. It's ironic how the tables have turned. This was your revenge on me. For so long I wouldn't be with you and now your doing it to me. Well I hate you! You have destroyed my heart and the way you have acted since our BU has shown me your true colors. I'll never forgive for making me feel this low. Times were tough, but we could have worked them out. It's clear to me that you were never really invested in us like I was. I fought for us and then got the boot 2 times after our initial BU. I tried, now I am bitter and exhausted. We haven't spoken in over a week and it's been just two months since our BU. I wish I could say i'm feeling better, but I'm not. I feel absolutely worthless and down right sad. I miss you terribly and I love you so much. I'm going to go cry now.

[ojk85]

You are one of the most wonderful person I have ever met, partly why its still so painful, losing you took away a lot from me or most of me. I still remember every single detail of us, how we hold hands, kiss, flirt, hug, argue... We dreamt of living a humble life, four kids, two girls and two boys, we'll get a small house in a nice suburb where we will grow old together. But now that was all gone, you gave up...

Its just me now, it took everything I had to get back up, (and a few cases of wine), I'm going on a journey to find myself, to be the man I'm supposed to be, and us is not in this journey anymore. I will go as far as my eyes can see, as high as my wings can take me, as steady as my heart and soul can be, I will keep moving forward.

Thanks you, for the memories, the lessons, the smiles and the tears, I am now stronger and wiser. You will always hold a place in my heart and in my life as you have molded me to who I am today and who I will be.