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It's been 3.5 months since we broke up and almost 1 month since we stopped talking. I still love you, I can't deny that. And I wonder if you ever think about me/miss me/have any regrets. But I know those are questions I will never know the answer to. I also know now that us breaking up was the right and best thing to happen to me. Maybe one day we will be able to be friends again but if not..that's okay too. Life goes on, and my world didn't stop when you walked out of it. I'm stronger, more mature, and more independent than I knew I was capable of, and I have you to thank for allowing me to discover that part of myself.

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I had this great event today that I had to attend. I went out and bought a new suit and all for it. It was great to network, I even had lunch at the Board of Trade. To you, that doesnt mean anything, but for my career, it means ALOT.......I wish for some reason, you were able to see me today. I dont know why - Im not even your type anymore.

 

Your old job called me to remind me that I have to bring the giz in for her second shots. I missed the call and saw the number and my heart sank. I thought I had it programmed in my phone as ABAH, so for some reason, I thought you were calling from QWAH. I figured out soon after that it was not you calling. After all, why would you even call me? From work nonetheless?

 

Mom is going in for her biopsy on Tuesday. I thought about how your dad's went. But I wont ever know I guess.

 

Not sure why, but I miss you. Despite seeing that the end of this relationship was for the best and I wasnt happy while in it. I guess I just miss my best friend.

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I wish your family would leave me the f alone. I dont need you, I dont need them offering me anything. I dont want to know any of you anymore. Nothing will make up for the damage you`ve done. I dont need your family thinking they can compensate something with silly gestures. You`re all selfish, ready to do anything just to make you feel better. S***w that! It`s insulting. You broke my heart and ruined everything I believed in. I`m the one left behind picking up the pieces. I didnt ask anyone for anything, so I`d appreciate them never contacting me. If any of you has something on your conscience, deal with it, ALONE, the same way I did and still do with everything after you have left. Also, mommy trying to clean up for your mess... its just indescribable.

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Another October. Had a dream last night - and not the happy fun kind like at the end of 'Raising Arizona'. Kinda weird as it's been a very long time. Still surprised you never checked up on me - never. Everyone said 'oh of course she will', as usual everyone is/was wrong. It's hurtful. Makes me know it was all an illusion, perhaps a delusion on my part. Meh.

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sleeping every night has been tough, dreams...heart pains...aghh~~

 

The pain you've inflicted upon me cannot be described by words....yet i still love you and miss you? sometimes i wonder what's wrong with my self, maybe i'm just a fool who fell in love with you...

 

But in truth it's not my loss, for you just left someone who would never give up on you!

 

Your new bf, doesn't love you as much as you think! I'll be better than him and the next bf you have! you will miss me

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I wish I could take back time and be with you. I miss our days. Do you miss them too?

If you ever feel like reaching out for me don't hold back. I'm here waiting for you.

Yes, I'm much stronger than before and I'm finally over desperation, but I'm still yearning to you like crazy.

I want to feel you close to me, enough distance.

I hope you miss me so bad now.

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Day 100. 98 since I last saw you. 68 days since NC, I was starting to feel better about everything until… the “truth”, the reason for BU was b/c you were cheating and lied to me about the entire breakup, been 43 days since then…

 

Day 68 Felt like we broke up all over again... back @ Day 1 of the healing process, started re-evaluating things all over again…. 40 days since I took you off FB, 21 days since I stopped “checking” in on you… arrgghh… when will it end, this madness of things replaying over & over, get out of my head…

 

What were you thinking when you lied to your friends too, and then brought him out w/ you the following week? Did you think you’re friends would be so happy for you and accepting of you? Of course “C” was mad at you, she was your best friend and you lied straight to her face, you know you've pushed her away too and losing a very good friend, the friend you always wanted… That’s ok, run away and lie, it’s a pattern for you… afraid to stick around when the going gets tough. Really, times were not even "tough", so what if we didn't see much of each other for that short amount of time? you knew it was going to be tough on both of us, i was fine w/ it, you were less stressed at work, i was happy about that, i wasn't going to make a big deal about it. i'm a grown man, i'm comfortable w/ myself... instead of talking to me about it, you started talking to him... what's going to happen when you won't be able to see him or even talk to him for how long? 6 months? good luck... i know you'll come calling someday... you've done that in the past w/ all your other ex-'s, checking up on them, reaching out to them for what?

 

you think i wouldn't find out somehow? you didn't think i suspected something? thanks for leaving your e-mail open and having the message from "R" right on the screen. the proof was right there, how else would she know about "E" if you didn't tell her about him? i can't believe you get your relationship advice from a woman who just cheated on your friend and is getting divorced... how many times is it already, 3? i know there's no way you''ll ever have the guts to look me straight in the eye and admit that you lied... fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... i don't think so...

 

if you want your stuff back you’re going to have to come and get it, I ain’t dropping it off to you… btw I want my my stuff back too…

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Today I saw somebody...she looked just like you.

She walked like you do.

I thought it was you.

 

As she turned the corner, I called out your name.

I felt so ashamed, when it wasnt you....

 

You were everything...and everything was you*

 

How can I forget, when each face that I see,

brings back memories....of being with you?

I just cant go on living life as I do.

Comparing each girl to you.

Knowing they just wont do.

 

You were everything...and everything was you*

 

Please get out of my head*

 

8)

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I'm sorry that I can't bring myself to be nice to you in our last week of living together. The conflict of feelings that I have right now is really killing me. I'm angry at you for putting me through this. But I'm also sad because I know this will be the last time in a long while before we can see each other again. I wish it was easier to let you go.

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I was looking for a new pic for my facebook except all the pics I have are with you. You knew how much I hated pictures but I still took them with you. I went back to look at them today and it made me so sad. We used to be so in love. Our pics were beautiful. Thanks for ruining us and thanks for not trying to fix us. Goodbye.

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I am so calm now. For the first time in 5 months, I felt like saying to you 'I want you back'. Yes, I want you to want me back. And I want you back in my life. I want you to work on us even if we don't have a chance. I want us to work on that 1% chance we had so we could make it 99%. I wish you believed in us a little more. Just come back sweetu. Honeypie.

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I feel like I could potentially be posting here every other day.

 

I can't believe you had the nerve to say you want a "perfect relationship" One that requires no effort and just grooves. ONE THAT REQUIRES NO EFFORT AND MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.

What fantasy are you living in?

No wonder your marriage fell apart..

No wonder your daughter tries to hurt herself because she has no idea how to express her emotions. She told me this.

Your life is a dreamland and it is all going to crash so hard around you, you won't know how to think straight anymore. (if you ever could)

 

I hate you so much right now for being a scared, unknowing a******.

You have know idea what you threw away and I can't wait for you you to realize what a huge mistake you made.

 

You really think someone else will put up with all the things I did?

The only woman who would will be in lalaland just like you (just like your ex was) until she wakes up and realizes how unhappy she is (just like she did), and will walk, no run away from you.

 

I hope when you realize your mistake, and what an a****** you've been to me during this break up process, it eats at your soul and you wake up crying in the middle of the night missing me and all the light you said I brought into your life.

 

I hope you like living in the dark, because my light will never shine on you again.

 

I hope you regret this for the rest of your life.

 

Even though I miss you ............................I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I thought that you are strong person, I thought you don't afraid of difficulties, I thought you will fight for us no matter what. But you decided to leave because it's too hard for you.

Give us a chance, it is the last chance we will need. You know I'm right, you know that. We can do this.

I miss you so much today.

Have a nice day honey.

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four and a half mths since you ended our relationship, two and a half of no contact .... and still I really miss you. I miss talking to you, seeing you smile. I wish you had more guts, more strength, I wish you had not been so imature. Would it have been so hard to talk to me ? ? That's all it would have taken. I loved you so much I would have done anything for you, for us. But you didn't talk, you expected me to read your mind !!!! We had something good, something that isn't easy to find and you broke it with your silence. Do you realise that ? Do you know what you gave up ? Your loss hun.

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