bebs87

I miss "us" I miss the old you... you are a different person now... still.... Ya ochen tebya lublu...

You broke up with me... I got hurt... But I am better... But now, I'm kicked out of the nursing program.. Wow, my life is awesome..... I miss you... I don't know, my love for you is fading... I think...

What do you mean by "I care for you and I like you" what are we? Starting again? Who am I in your life? Your day is full of me when you don't have company I guess... I feel it... I'm moving on slowly.

It was nice seeing you yesterday... it was nice being wrapped in your arms again. I don't know whether I should be happy or not that you still sexually desire me. uhmm, how i wish not just sexually... we made out... i wasnt expecting it to happen, i wanted it too but we're not together anymore... I dont know what we are doing... and what do you mean about "I need you in my life more than you need me" godddddd.... I wish I could read your mind. ya ochen tebya lublu still...

Hello I, I cried again today... I was hyperventilating from anxiety, I am sure I failed that exam today... I wished you called me last night to calm me down so I could study. I kind of hoped that you will text me good luck, but you didnt. At around lunch time, I was surprised, you texted! Your phone died so you were not able to call and asked me how the exam went. Well, of course, I replied... just straight to the point not cute or sugar coated reply.. I thought you were going to reply, well, you did, after 7 hours.. its okay, at least you found time to reply.. and again, i replied back, then end of text conversation. I really miss you, I know you just want me to move on and maybe meet some other guys... but I'm telling you, I won't be dating anyone... I dont think someone would ask me anyway, so yeah... I promised to myself to graduate college first, yeah 1 semester more, though it looks like i might be repeating this semester because of whats happening to me. I am on my darkest days recently, after you broke up with me, I had some issues with college that I am now facing... I hope you were here right now at my dark days, I know you are there, but it's still different, you know? If you are with me as my man, I know it would be better, it could have been better as you were my inspiration and my motivation why I'm finishing this nursing program that I really despise, I don't want to be a nurse!!! gosh... but you motivated me to finish it since I am a senior already and yeah, your mom adores me cause I'm going to be a nurse... but now, there is nothing in me that makes me happy... no more love from you, and no more reason why im continuing to be a nurse. well, maybe for myself it could be a good thing... but I am NOT happy about it, not excited... You said you are not closing your mind about the possibility that in the future maybe a couple of years from now we will both know what we really want and we will be back together... that shed some light into me... you said maybe by then, if we are back together, you are sure we will live the rest of our lives together... hay... makes me smile to think about it, but its too early to daydream that one day, we will be back together. I miss you terribly... I need you right now... I love you still... may man.

I have an exam today.. You said you were gonna call me last night as I was freaking out with my exam, you know I calm down when I talk to you... It's not that I'm begging or so, I just wanted to calm down, I was waiting for your call, but yeah.... You didn't... I was shaking from anxiety and I was crying... But what can I do? Maybe you don't care that much anymore about me... I guess I shouldn't be trying to get support from you, sorry... I just didn't know who else I could go to... Btw, ya ochen tebya lublu... Still... My heart is still beating... And aching...

Hi... I'm probably making myself feel bad for waiting for you to text today... its because you have been texting me for 3 days straight now. Yesterday you asked me if we can hangout often this winter cause you said, you'll be alone again and it would be hard for you... part of me was happy cause that means you wont be hangingout with a new girl, but part of me is sad because by that time that youd be alone, you would want me to be with you, but as of the present since you are surrounded by people I was out of the picture... I'm confused... well, I said yes I would hangout with you because you are so important to me and I am still in love with you... you probably see me as a buddy or a friend when you need someone but its okay... at least im still part of your life. ya ochen tebya lublu still... 13 days since it all ended... btw, few more days till "our day" but then, i realized, we dont have a day anymore...

Good morning... I hope you didn't oversleep today, you got an early class, I would wake you up but that's not my job anymore. We texted for about 3 hours last night, it was a weird conversation, you seem different, I felt like you are a diferent person, oh well... You texted me goodnight before you went to sleep, I debated with myself if I'd reply, but yeah.. I did. I feel sad that our conversation is not the same as before, sweet gentle and funny... We talk so seriously. But it's nice to know you remember me and think about me at some point during the day. I miss you. I hope you'll have a great day ahead... Ya ochen ochen tebya lublu still...

Wow... you just texted me... I looked at the clock and i see you just got our of class... that was a random text though, you said you "love sleep", it kind of feels weird getting a text from you with the word "love" but at least you said you hope I'm doing better. and oh, glad to know I entered your mind today. Thanks for the text. I wasnt expecting it.

So, you are in break right now... I still look at your class schedule at least twice a day, thinking of what could you be doing... gosh. I wish I'll wake up tomorrow and it is September 6th... the last time I saw you, I would be looking at you the whole time because little did I know, 2 days after that you would be breaking up with me. I miss you terribly, my love, my man, my baby.... gosh, i miss calling you like that.

Good morning... It has been 11 days since you broke up with me. I cry less now but I still feel terrible pain when I think about the times we were together.. I miss you taking care of me and making sure I'm ok and happy... Hay... I wish this didn't happen at all. I wish we are still together and you tell me you love me more than I love you... But that's not the case anymore. It kills me to think of you with another girl... Please not "her" don't prove my suspision I'm gonna be hurt big time. It looks like are are moving on with your life fine, you are thanking me for not disappearing in your life.. It's a little unfair for me, you broke up with me but you don't want me to disappear, so I stayed because I love you still... I don't know how long I'm gonna stay, people told me you can't have the best of both worlds, but what can I do? I also want to be around you still after you hurt me... Masochistic perhaps but yeah... I'll be around as per your request, but I can't promise for a ling time, in case you get a new girl, for sure I'll be out of the picture... I might be thrown away on the side when that happens but I'll try to back away even before that happens. I hope you think about me, cause you are in my head all the time... 24/7 I hope I will wake up one day and realize this is a nightmare... Then I'll be back with you again... How did you fell out of love with me? That crushed my little self worth and self confidence... You built it in me then tore it down when you left. I miss you... I know you miss me too, you told me that the other day but I hope that's sincere and not a lie to make me feel better... I want to know what you are doing, what's keeping you busy and what's keeping you happy... Are you still going to give me that Russian doll your mom brought from Russia for me? I hope so.... I cried a little bit this morning. I miss everything about you ya ochen tebya lublu... Still.. I hope you'll have a great day ahead.

I'm still not used to referring you as my "ex-boyfriend" I'm feeling sad... today I went to Border's Bookstore, the place where we last hangout together to study... I remember where we were seated... that bookstore was also the first time you picked me up when we first had dinner together.. "Pavlov, ring a bell?" ahhh... memories... I'm still aching, my heart feels like its being squished when I think about the times we were together, the words and promises you told me... ya ochen tebya lublu... still... I miss you... I want to call you right now I am sad...

Hello... 2nd day of not hearing anything from you, our common friend was trying to contact you, 3 calls and text but nothing... nada! you didnt reply to her or return her call. I want to hear something from you, i want to know how you are doing... I"m still in pain, cried a little today... missing you SO much. You told me not to be scared to lose you... but look at us. I'm missing you terribly. Ya ochen tebya lublu still my Russian man...

Hey, how are you? I hope you are ok.. I still cry like crazy but I 'm better now, I spent the whole day/night out with friends... We ate at hooters, guess what?? I didn't use fork or knife! Remember the first time we ate together? It was at hooters! Then the last time we were together before you broke up with me, it was at hooters!! you took my habit of using fork to eat chicken... Agh... Memories... Erika, our common friend who introduced us to each other, I told her today that we are not together anymore, she tried to call you but you were not picking up... You were probably in a soccer game. Today is the first day we didn't talk at all since the break up... I miss you... I hope you are doing ok.

Spasibo, ya ochen tebya lublu, Ilya. I feel better now, I've accepted it and talked to my family... you dont need to check on me anymore cause they will take care of me now. We will both be fine and be successful in life. I know it. You may not be my boyfriend anymore, but you'll always be my bestfriend. You are right, this is better for both of us right now. My love for you just cannot be thrown away though, so I'll say this: Ya ochen ochen ochen tebya lublu. It might get lesser, but i will always love you as a person. I'm here for you, but I'll be needing time for me self now... Farewell my lover, my boyfriend, my everything... Hello, my bestfriend... it has been a while.

So that's it I guess... I gave my final words, but you still want me around... I hope you find what you want... Yeah yeah you said you will never forget me and I am amazing, no one out there is like me. But maybe you are just trying to make me feel good or easing out your guilt... I want to know the "real" reason, but I'll leave it like this cause I want to have a good memory of my first relationship, I'll believe that that's really the reason. I'm still hurting, you are perfect, I don't know if there are guys like you out there. You were a good catch... I hope to bump into you in the future... Maybe we could try it again. I love you... With all my heart I woke up at 6 am.. I've been waking up early since the break up, I don't know why, it kills me to realize it's not a dream... It's reality. What went wrong? What went wrong? I guess for now, I'll focus on the only thing left to me, just too bad I don't have you to support and cheer me anymore. I'm all by myself again. Thanks for the memories. I miss you... So bad! Ya ochen tebya lublu!

I said I won't contact you.. But evening came, I turned so week again... I can sense you are starting to be colder to me now... Probably annoyed by me? Godddd.... I still hurting... I should be seeing you tomorrow, but I no longer have the position to.. I want to go to your university, just go to the place I said "yes" to you... I'm suffering from pain, i just now want more pain till illne done and no longer want it... Please remember me as the fun loving girl, not the drama queen I'm acting right now... I love you still... Good luck I hope you find what you want.

I won't contact you anymore, dont worry, today was the last... I stooped down to a very low level already, I'm done. You can contact me, i know you are using that to ease your guilt of breaking my heart... I'll give you that cause I still care... but i'm done forcing myself into your life. I'll let you be happy now. let me say this this time... I love you, Ilya... I never doubted my feeling of love for you. You will always be part of my life.

My heart is hurting..... I've lost you... now I'm going to lose the only thing i have left which is school because I'm a mess... Why am I not helping you to move on??? I'm trying to give sense to your head... you said before that if you break up with me, i still should not let you go because you know you'd realize you'd regret it... thats why im holding on... trying to get a answers from you if you are sure of what you are doing and you are not having second thoughts... godddddddd... i dont know what to do. I guess what you said before doesnt apply anymore. I dont want to cry anymore... i hurts to remember the last time i saw you, you made me get out of the car because you want a hug from me... little did i know that is the last time i'd be able to hug you and kiss you... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... it has been 7 days.... I dont know why you fell out of love... really... I did everything... I drove 1 1/2 hour to see you... i drive 30 mins then travel 1 hour in train just to see you... travel 1 hour just to bring you peanut butter... dont buy the dress i really want just to buy you shirt that you like... drive 2 hours back and forth just to help you move your things to your dorm... bring you to a cirque show... take you to a boat cruise... sing to you... bring get well soon balloon and fruits and juice when you are sick... LIE to my parents... answer back to my parents... and so many things... i dont know what went wrong... i wasn't suffocating you, you were free to do what you want...

You broke up with me.... now, you gave me confusing messages... the other night you said you miss holding me in your arms, miss saying some things to me, miss being "normal" and you want me to come to you in a dream... then you would text me you miss me... I asked you what does that mean.... you said you are trying to be supportive but I am not helping you, then dont texts those misleading messages... now you said its better if we dont talk for some time... you need to sort things out in your head... I'll give you what you want... OKAY! Ciao! but thanks for the good times... Everything in our relationship were good times, drama? maybe 2 out of 10... but I'll forever cherish you and our relationship. P.S. I still love you... always will.

After you broke up with me, you told me that I am a "prize", I am smart, attractive, kind, when i love i give my self wholeheartedly... you said you know i'll be happy, but if i am all of those positive things, how did you fell out of love that easy? why did you leave me? We used to argue about this before.... but PROVEN FACT: I love you more than you loved me. It hurts to remember your promises... the promise of marriage and the tears you shed begging me not to ever let you go. But thank you for all the memories...