For the Guys and Approaching....Girls Please Respond

[bulletproof]

Do you believe that your actions don't have consequences for other people? You feel justified in doing whatever you want regardless of other people's feelings?

 

HP wrote "within reason" when he made that statement. Now you are just arguing for the sake of argument.

 

Often people who are self-conscious have a sort of narcissistic believe that they're so powerful that they affect people in a major way. Chances are, you don't.

[GernBlanston]

HP wrote "within reason" when he made that statement. Now you are just arguing for the sake of argument.

 

Often people who are self-conscious have a sort of narcissistic believe that they're so powerful that they affect people in a major way. Chances are, you don't.

True. I can appreciate what you're all saying. I don't think it would be permanently or traumatically offensive to a woman if I approached her. Surely she'd get over it soon enough. I even see the narcissism in expecting her to acknowledge or remember me at all. I don't think my presence is powerful enough to ruin a person's day. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be unwanted, though. She'd still prefer that I hadn't imposed myself upon her.

 

So, I have to find a way to convince myself that these "little" offenses are appropriate. Is it worth it to briefly offend a thousand women for a chance that the next woman might not be offended? I suppose the consensus is "yes".

 

To be a winner, sometimes you have to be an * * * * * * * . When I play hockey I go into the boards as hard as I can every time. I might injure my opponent and end his season but I'm not letting that affect my performance. To get what you want you need to be strong. I'm not saying go out of your way to hurt people, but if you do what's best for yourself things will work out in the end.

Surely I shouldn't think of a woman I'd like to get to know better as an opponent or enemy.

 

Oh for Pete's sake. What people are trying to tell you is that being paralyzed, never doing ANYTHING for fear of offending SOMEONE is a pretty pale imitation of a life.

 

If I am in an unfamiliar city, and I'm lost, I'm going to walk up to someone and ask for directions. Sure, there is a small chance that the person I ask may have some kind of social anxiety and hates it when strangers talk to them. I may have just seriously bummed them out by asking them for directions. But the vast majority of people will not care, and will be fine with helping me. I'm not going to be afraid to talk to someone on the extremely off chance that it might bother them.

I think you must be right. A normal person asking someone for directions wouldn't tend to get a negative response. It would be fairly unusual for someone to react in a particularly negative fashion. In the case of a creepy guy approaching a woman and trying to start a conversation, the probabilities would likely be reversed, though. It would only be an off chance that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

 

It is paralyzing. jammin_james61 is right. I don't feel proud of my attitude, my fears and my anxieties. They're shameful and embarassing. The shame feeds itself and I feed it more. They say that nobody can love you if you can't love yourself. It sounds trite, but it's likely true. How can a person love themselves if they don't think they deserve even that? Wow, I'm a whiny sook tonight.

[jenny_mcs]

 

So, I have to find a way to convince myself that these "little" offenses are appropriate. Is it worth it to briefly offend a thousand women for a chance that the next woman might not be offended? I suppose the consensus is "yes".

 

 

A thousand women are not going to be offended. Almost every women on this thread said they would not be offended. You took the one woman who said she would be creeped out and are clinging on to that - because it is what you want to hear- it gives you an excuse for inaction.

 

I don't know how many times people need to say it- but most people are not going to be offended if a stranger strikes up a conversation with them at a bar or in line at the grocery store. This is normal behavior.

[Bella20]

1-grocery store uhh, sure, maybe.

2-gym HELL NO! I am sweaty, doing my own thing, no make up, pony tail... stay away.

3-club/bar with friends (male or female friends) yup

4-walking to a shop no, creepy.

5-driving yes

6-school (in class/outside class) yes

7-art show/football game/some other outing yes

8-WORK

[greywolf]

HP wrote "within reason" when he made that statement. Now you are just arguing for the sake of argument.

 

Often people who are self-conscious have a sort of narcissistic believe that they're so powerful that they affect people in a major way. Chances are, you don't.

 

This is exactly what I have been trying to say.

[greywolf]

Yes, I know you feel this way.

 

 

 

Do you believe that your actions don't have consequences for other people? You feel justified in doing whatever you want regardless of other people's feelings?

 

Not at all. I just think people have better things to do than to worry about what I do.

[ghost69]

I was wondering the same thing...

 

Maybe the point of the thread was to show guys where they had a greater chance of getting a number. This way guys would feel more confident approaching in x situation vs. y situation; ya know, since confidence is everything.

 

Either way, confindence shouldn't be based on surroundings, it should come from within.

 

the point is to not let anywhere stop you from making contact. at any place, you don't make a move, you kick yourself all the way home for not saying anything. the side point is that women don't mind. you tried, maybe you struck out; but get over it and pat yourself on the back for trying.

[EQD]

dont try and hit on me when i am driving. thats a little creepy. but you can wink or wave or something. but asking my number is probably not going to get you far... lol.

[jammin_james61]

the point is to not let anywhere stop you from making contact. at any place, you don't make a move, you kick yourself all the way home for not saying anything. the side point is that women don't mind. you tried, maybe you struck out; but get over it and pat yourself on the back for trying.

 

Then that brings us to Uptownguy's post.

 

Why make the thread, when posts like the one EQD made, make guys feel creepy when they try to hit on a girl while she's driving?

[ghost69]

Then that brings us to Uptownguy's post.

 

Why make the thread, when posts like the one EQD made, make guys feel creepy when they try to hit on a girl while she's driving?

 

who cares? make a move.

 

*shakes head*

 

'omg i'm so worried about what a complete stranger thinks of me or feels cause i made a move.'

[jammin_james61]

who cares? make a move.

 

*shakes head*

 

'omg i'm so worried about what a complete stranger thinks of me or feels cause i made a move.'

 

Then why did you make the damn thread?

 

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

[waveseer]

Maybe it would help clarify things if I let you know that even when we are creeped out there is still a sliver of ego boost that someone thought enough of us to approach us.

[tastytoothpaste]

Then why did you make the damn thread?

 

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

 

I think he made it to prove a point. It's showing that for the most part, we girls are okay with being approached anywhere. There have been so many guys on this damn forum stressing out and completely cracking under the pressure when it comes to talking to a girl. But at the end of the day, it's okay to approach a girl anywhere. If you get rejected, cut your losses and move on, but success rate if you don't ever try automatically = 0.

[ghost69]

Then why did you make the damn thread?

 

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

 

don't get angry.

 

the thread is to help guys that worry about stuff like this just do it. go for it.

[jammin_james61]

I think he made it to prove a point. It's showing that for the most part, we girls are okay with being approached anywhere. There have been so many guys on this damn forum stressing out and completely cracking under the pressure when it comes to talking to a girl. But at the end of the day, it's okay to approach a girl anywhere. If you get rejected, cut your losses and move on, but success rate if you don't ever try automatically = 0.

 

I know the point he was trying to prove, but the responses he's asking for are typically going to disprove his point.

 

Some overanalyzing guys (the stressed out type) looking for confidence in this thread will see that some women are not okay with being approached at x location and make note not to approach women at x location ever.

 

If a poster wants to make others feel comfortable approaching others anywhere, I'm guessing this isn't the best way to do it.

[tastytoothpaste]

I know the point he was trying to prove, but the responses he's asking for are typically going to disprove his point.

 

Some overanalyzing guys (the stressed out type) looking for confidence in this thread will see that some women are not okay with being approached at x location and make note not to approach women at x location ever.

 

If a poster wants to make others feel comfortable approaching others anywhere, I'm guessing this isn't the best way to do it.

 

Everyone's going to feel differently about it, and there is not a single thing on the list that every girl has said no to (maybe the car, but I'm not positive. I'm not reading through all that to find out). Like for example, I said no to the gym. Why? I'm all sweaty at the gym and feel self conscious. It's just not somewhere I want to be looked at. However, there's a thread right now about a girl that is wishing the guy at the gym would approach her. Every girl is different, and yeah, some might automatically reject a guy if he approaches her in a certain spot. But how are you supposed to know if the girl is or is not okay with being approached in X location? Only one way to find out--approach her.

 

And for every "no" that's on this thread, that doesn't mean "omg I would think he was a total freak. I'd be creeped out," it just means we'd probably reject him. But who cares what the stranger thinks anyway? You'll never see her again, so what's the difference?

[ghost69]

guess we can all just turn into someone that never makes a move and overanalyzes everything.

[jammin_james61]

Everyone's going to feel differently about it, and there is not a single thing on the list that every girl has said no to (maybe the car, but I'm not positive. I'm not reading through all that to find out).

 

It seems the second post begs to differ.

 

Every girl is different, and yeah, some might automatically reject a guy if he approaches her in a certain spot. But how are you supposed to know if the girl is or is not okay with being approached in X location? Only one way to find out--approach her.

 

And for every "no" that's on this thread, that doesn't mean "omg I would think he was a total freak. I'd be creeped out," it just means we'd probably reject him. But who cares what the stranger thinks anyway? You'll never see her again, so what's the difference?

 

This is probably more useful to a person looking for confidence in approaching anyone than the OP.

[ghost69]

It seems the second post begs to differ.

 

 

 

This is probably more useful to a person looking for confidence in approaching anyone than the OP.

 

huh? it's the same thing i've said throughout the thread.

 

you are waaaaaay too critical of my posts. if my stuff doesn't help you, stop reading it.

[jammin_james61]

I'd go as far to say that this initial point of this thread doesn't help, but probably hurts most. It's backwards, even though you'll never admit to it. If you want people to feel more comfortable approaching anywhere then you should've just said something along the lines of what Southern said from the get go.

 

I'm also assuming though that it's almost never the location guys have trouble with anyways.

[ghost69]

I'd go as far to say that this initial point of this thread doesn't help, but probably hurts most. It's backwards, even though you'll never admit to it. If you want people to feel more comfortable approaching anywhere then you should've just said something along the lines of what Southern said from the get go.

 

I'm also assuming though that it's almost never the location guys have trouble with anyways.

 

why don't you make your own thread then. i didn't post the thread to have it analyzed in this manner. if it doesn't help you, move on.

[Scorpion Fury]

I think I am going to go on the Who Does That? thread and turn it into a thread about puppies

[PsychGirly]

It's not really about WHERE they approach me, but rather HOW they approach me.

 

Even if it's an awkward situation, like while I'm driving, if he approaches me respectfully, rather than screaming out "hey babyyyy!!" or "roll down your window!!!!", then it may work lol

[UptownGuy]

the point is to not let anywhere stop you from making contact. at any place, you don't make a move, you kick yourself all the way home for not saying anything. the side point is that women don't mind. you tried, maybe you struck out; but get over it and pat yourself on the back for trying.

 

OK, let us try this again. If THIS is your point, then why are you creating a thread asking women where they would LIKE to be approached??? Does it matter what they say? Who cares?

 

Your thread is counter productive and goes against the point you think you are trying to make. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?

[Mavh25]

Don't approach in the gym! unless you want your head bitten off 0=)