TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[GeeCee]

So here it is ... some of you know my story. And some of you know that I can sometimes give good advice, but taking it?!?!? Well that's another story!!

 

In brief, broke up with the ex two months ago, he could give no reason - told me I am fabulous, sexy, witty, intelligent, gorgeous, passionate - so much so, that he dumped me!!

 

We have had intermittent contact. If I contact, he responds very favourably. If I stop contact, he usually picks it up. But I have not had the strength to do NC by the book. Anyway, to be honest, not sure if NC works for us, because we have agreed to be friends, and the contact is always light and friendly. I did one thing right - there were no tears, pleading and begging. I did some things wrong. On the two occasions we met - we had delicious sex - hmmm.

 

So the current situation is this ... he wants to know whether I am dating, whether I am sleeping with anyone else. Told him to mind his own business. When we do get together, it is like we never split up. There is no tension, it is light, it is fun, it is sexy. However, I realise that when we are apart, he does no miss me enough to make more moves.

 

So, far from breaking all the rules, I want to grow up now, stop being an eternal rebel, and I want to make a change. I want to move this damned thing forward. I have put a time-frame on this of six months. Yes, yes, yes it is a long time, but in the whole scheme of things, no not really.

 

I am confident, dynamic, sexy, clever (remember the ex reminded me of these things, when he dumped me!!) He's sooooo kind. So, I do not have any self-esteem issues. My biggest fault is impatience. I need to slow down. I often do not see the wood for the trees.

 

As far as the ex is concerned, he knows that I want him, but he suspects that I am dating others. He, on the other hand, is in a bit of a state. He has had no physical relationship in the two months we have been apart. He has lost weight, he is depressed, he is sad. He does not know why. And before you start cheering, it is not because he wants me back. May be having some kind of mid-life crisis. So, here is the difficulty. NC leaves him all alone, when he could be quite needy and I could be a good source of NON-SEXUAL contact. And contact does not allow him to pine for me further. My gut is to go with NC, let him suffer for a while, and hopefully at some point he might link his sadness to me not being in his life?

 

Thoughts thoughts thoughts, from the usual suspects would be nice!

 

G xx

 

P.S. I have started a new thread, because on this one, I am going to LISTEN MUCH HARDER!!! Promise.

[spatzcolumbo]

...Are you really going to change??

 

I know you want to change so badly, but you said that after the first time you slept with him...What if the opportunity arises again...could you REALLY be strong enough to turn it down??

 

I know i couldn't if it happened with my ex.

 

But maybe you have turned a corner.

[GeeCee]

Spatz!!! Oh ye of little faith!!!

 

I have made progress. Small, but significant. Remember in the beginning, when I was so weak, I could not do NC for more than two days. NC is a perpetual state of my life now! Don't even count the freaking days!!

 

Have no doubt, I have turned a corner - and I am fully clothed!!!

 

G xx

[MC]

GeeCee, I say go with no contact. I have been following your other thread and think that no contact would be the best move at this point in time. By the way, you've got company. I started strict no contact two days ago and this time I'm not turning back.

[GeeCee]

Ok MC

 

Here we go with the dreaded no contact. The thought of it makes me feel physically sick. Best to just get on with it I think. So, here we go with Day 1. Gotta keep busy!

 

G xx

[Beec]

ooooh, a big change in GeeCee's game.

 

Good luck.

[SincerlyHurt]

Hey Gee! Well, as of this week I am pulling all emotional support away, lets do this together, feed off our NC successes. I am probably going to take it a bit further than you and not even answer the great majority of her calls. I think what you are going to do sounds solid, today at least. You know very well how our minds make us change our game strategies everyday it seems.

[healing]

GeeCee

 

What is it that you truly want?

Do you want to be in a relationship with him?

Do you want a committed relationship, an open relationship, just dating, serious, what???

 

I suggest that you stop playing games. Head games don't work. Do you really want to 'trick' or manipulate someone into being with you.

 

Be true to yourself. Be who you really are. Don't be someone you aren't. If you are an intense woman (no so patient) well, hey, that is WHO YOU ARE! The right guy will love that about you. The right guy will be ready for you! If this guy cannot handle you, it's his problem. You deserve the best!!!

[SLBG]

Hi Gee Cee

 

Well u sound alot better 2day.

 

Its a very postitive way of thinking I must say. Go for it, we all no u can do it. Stick with the no contact and I am sure u will obtain ur goal.

 

U have been through so much, we will all be here for you.

 

The only thing I wanted to point out was, even if somebody misses you that isnt always a reason for them to come back. I was reading a few posts 2day and found out that even if ur ex starts to miss u, that may not b a reason for them to return.

 

Im not saying that will be the case for you, we dont want our exs to come running back just because they missed us. We want them to return because the love us, need us and want to spend their life with us.

 

If my ex returned because she missed me Im not saying I wouldnt be happy, but I would have my doubts they would stick around.

 

I will only allow my ex back into my life if I am 100% sure its for the right reasons. I dont want to waste any more of my life or time with somebody who is not ready to make a commitment.

 

Just think about what I have said, I hope this doesnt upset you.

 

Good luck, love the new outlook.

 

slbg

[Sn0man]

My ex and I had the same form of relationship after we broke up the first time. We continued to see each other (allbeit infrequently) for several months; things eventually turned serious again after a while and we began to consider dating again.

 

Be careful with the no-contact thing. It CAN backfire. Thats how I ended up in the situation I ended up in...Just started seeing someone else once I felt strong enough. After a period of no-contact, at some point you just move on, unless something draws you back.

 

Now, I know you have read my posts, so my advice probably isn't worth a great deal to you lol, but I have been in pretty much the same situation.

 

NC will only work in the right situation. For others, it won't work at all, it will just backfire.

 

Thats my $0.02. Good Luck

[healing]

I will only allow my ex back into my life if I am 100% sure its for the right reasons. I dont want to waste any more of my life or time with somebody who is not ready to make a commitment.

 

 

[GeeCee]

Sn0man

 

Thanks. I hate f%cking NC. I will exploit it for as long as is necessary. However, I totally agree, at some point contact should be initiated, particularly after the ex has started with it.

 

I hate it hate it hate it. I am very impatient. But, hey, who said this would be easy. I have reflected on my mistakes, and while they were delicious at the time, they have not gotten me any further in my game.

 

Healing, thanks for your advice, but honey all of life is a game, especially relationships. It is all about push and pull. That is a fact of life. And, to be honest, that's what keeps them fresh and full of sparkle. I have no problem with playing the game per se. Just felt tired of it last night.

 

Today is a new day, fresh challenges and I feel ready to take these on. So he might come back. So he might. But I shall look back at this and say I tried my best. That is all.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, you sound refined today. You are right when you say relationships are a game, that cannot be denied. I stopped playing the game when I was in my relationship and that is why I am here now. If only I had known how mportant the game is, and how fun too! I am actually not hurting as much and am starting to enjoy this, although it is still the weekend, the weekdays are tougher. I've got everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose, she's already gone. That realization makes it so much easier somehow.

 

You know, its funny how easy it is to just start over with someone new. I am realizing this and in another couple of months if the ex does not come around I will be a complete, happy, outgoing person because of all this. The game with new people that I meet is so much more simple. Love makes things sooo hard, Im ready for a casual infatuous relationship, that sounds yummy. Got some leads this weekend, check out my thread for play by play.

[strong1]

oh Lord yes. The game is EXHAUSTING. Wonder why it's so hard to just get into the 'game' mindset where it wouldn't all seem so 'life or death.' Let's try to work on that. Just realize that if we play the game right...it'll all work out. It's all in the perception.

 

I just heard that Melissa E. song on tv. 'It's alright, it's alright..it only hurts when I breath.' Um..yeah. SO TRUE.

 

Just get through one day at a time. Sundays are very difficult.

[SLBG]

Well said SincerlyHurt,

 

"I've got everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose, she's already gone. That realization makes it so much easier somehow."

 

I totally agree, they are gone and they are not coming back. If you think this way things can only get better.

 

If they do come back then thats great, but if they never darken your door again what have u lost.

 

Thanks SincerlyHurt u really summed things up well. At least for me u did.

 

slbg

[GeeCee]

Strong words and thoughts SincerelyHurt.

 

You are right - letting go gives you clarity, and makes the days go faster.

 

G xx

[majord23]

Pleased to meet you new girl!

 

Welcome aboard 8)

[GeeCee]

Pleased to meet you new girl!

 

Welcome aboard 8)

 

What, we're heading for the departure lounge ALREADY!!!!!

 

G xx

[majord23]

Pleased to meet you new girl!

 

Welcome aboard 8)

 

What, we're heading for the departure lounge ALREADY!!!!!

 

G xx

 

 

Toot Toot!

[GeeCee]

Never mind the tooting, Majord, we going to eat chocolate or what?!?!?!

 

G xx

[Spartan1]

Hi GeeCee and everyone.

 

No words of wisdom here but thought I would share with you a bit of humour (or humor if your an American). They say humour is the best cure in the world and despite the troubled times we are all going through everyone needs to raise a smile every now and again for that is what life is all about. Be it yourself that smiles or someone smiles because of you.

 

Last night I went out with some new friends I had met at our local gym. They are great guys and gals. Anyway, later we go back to the house for a drink. I have been drinking double vodka's+orange or red bull all night and was more than a little light headed. The following conversation took place:

 

ME: (walks into the lounge and sees a guitar propped up against the sofa)

 

"I didn't know you played the piano?"

 

FRIEND: (laughs and looks bemused)

 

"I don't, I play the guitar"

 

ME: (staring at the guitar dumbstruck)

 

"That's not a piano is it?"

 

FRIEND: "Mmmm...no"

 

(is now thinking please God, now would be a good time for the ground to open up and swallow me whole)

 

So, you see. Getting over an ex is not all that bad. My 8 months of seperation and impending divorce in May has not affected my sanity one little bit.

[SLBG]

[GeeCee]

 

 

Sometimes, we have far too much fun on this forum. Right, I am going to go back to weeping and wailing, I am sure that it is written in the rule-book. If I could just find the damn book!!

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

GeeCee

 

you are on the right track, this path will lead you where you eventually want to be. whether with or without. you know my story and the guy i have become is an even better catch then he was before.

 

remember this, is delicous sex worth the pain of continued ambiguity and not knowing? you have the friendship and respect thing it seems, your hook is sex.

 

for this you must be strong, if mine came and came on strong, i would actually hold her off, knowing that would drive her nuts. it may seem dishonest but there will be a time when the two of you can talk again open and honestly.

 

earn his trust, dont give in to the short term play.

 

im with you on this.

[GeeCee]

Rich

 

You seem to be insinuating that I might not be able to control my desires around the ex?!?!? Now I think that you will find that that was the old me. The new me - much more patient and a little more prim and proper - not quite Mary f%cking Poppins, but working towards, baby, working towards!!!!

 

G xx