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strong1

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  1. strong1
    Yes, I do ask the same thing of men and women who are still hurting deeply actually. I don't think many of us are emotionally equipped to leap into another sexual relationship w/another person right out of the 'dumpee' chute. I think everyone needs at least a little bit of time to get our heads on straight so we don't bring present challenges into the next relationship. This does not mean we can't date..it just means I don't think we need to hop in the sack with someone new. That's just my opinion of course. And my opinion is based on the idea that it is unfair to us to leap into something else too quickly as I think it further confuses us, but mostly, it can be unfair to the other person. As if the other person may think more of the 'encounter' than we do, which leads to a horrible mess all around. But, this is your decision and not mine. If you feel you are centered enough to make this move (and you must..or you would not have done it) that's great. But it seems that you are still deeply hurting over your ex..and why would you want to stir up the quagmire of emotions even further? Esp. w/an ex you dumped for your current ex? At least cast your net a bit wider..just to be safe? Thinking of you as much as the new gal. But, it's your life..so if you are prepared and this helps you heal and nobody gets hurt...then go for it.
  2. strong1
    Wait..this is the same woman you dated three years earlier who was lying about being fine w/being bed buddies w/you? I'm just trying to say..WATCH OUT..because women will say they can do the 'sleeping together' thing w/out it having meaning and they can do it 'as friends'..but I have never in my life met one that meant it. So..just be careful.
  3. strong1
    If you are still confused as to what you feel for your ex...then please be careful w/the other woman you are dating. You seem to imply that you two have gotten, um 'close.' As I recall...you dumped this woman to be w/your ex. So please don't mess w/her head now (this would be unintentional on your part I know.) But no matter WHAT a woman says...it means something to her. Do not crush her twice. PLEASE. You know how badly you felt when your ex did this to you. If you do it to this other woman..not once but TWICE...it would be unforgiveable.
  4. strong1
    It seems like you just get more and more whipped into a frenzy every time you speak to her. Why not just NOT speak to her until she gets this figured out? I have not spoken or IMd my ex in about a month..(this mess has been going on nearly four months in my case)..and you know..I've pretty much shut down emotionally at this point as far as he's concerned. I feel nothing emotionally right now...not even anything for the ex...just brief thoughts of him. ..not necessarily good or bad thoughts. Just indifference. It's like he squeezed every caring bone out of my body. When I do have a passing emotion (which is rare right now) more often than not, I'm just filled with total disgust for his actions and what a HUGE coward he was to walk away w/out a valid explanation or closure. One moment he was talking about our future, the next..he said he needed 'space' and I found out from his friend that we had broken up. Grrr. S P I N E L E S S. While I hate the lack of closure..I prefer it over ever having to speak with him again. I'm telling you..once you hit the anger stage for real...it's a HUGE step forward. Eventually, I hope, I'll have feelings for someone again. I just really, reallly hope it is not for the ex. He had his chance..And he blew it...TWICE. You ex has been no better. Seems she's taunting you (whether she means to or not I don't know.) But I'd just move forward if I were you. She'll come around on her own time, or not. But beating yourself senseless like this is not helping anyone. You don't want to become a shell of your former self.
  5. strong1
    I needed a little kick in the booty today..and this is just the ticket. Esp. since I am entering the 'anger' stage..but waving a bit. My two favorite lines of yours are: "The whole point to this is that you need to take control and you can't do that living your life for them. So take control of the situation, they think they are in control and that's why they don't feel bad about what's going, their friends keep telling them that they are right and making them feel better about this. But if you take away the things that they are feeding off of, then they will starve to death." "Just remember you were not born to serve that person and they weren't born to serve you, a relationship is a two way street but when one person is using both lanes to go one way its time to take your lane back and get things moving in your direction too." Not to mention your W. Churchill quote in your sig line. I'm taking back the steering wheel! LOOK OUT WORLD! : ) Congrats on a great post.
  6. strong1
    Hi Rich. I don't know..I'm doing much (by 'much' I mean I can wake up in the morning w/out thinking I'd like someone to gouge out my heart) better when I do NOT contact me ex. When I do contact him or hear it voice..it's like ripping the stitches out of a wound that is nearly healed. I've tried all the angles. Thing is..he knows I'm out there. He'll either come back at this point or not. Once you stop beating your head against the wall..your brain does clear a bit. Not sayin' live is a bowl of cherries...but it aint the pits either! : ) Maybe you should just tell her you need a month on YOUR own to think. As her phone calls are getting your nowhere..and may even be making things worse. Just a thought. Something about just pretending they don't even exist anymore is quite comforting. AND IT CAN BE DONE. And, frankly..I'm leaning towards anger toward my ex more every day for what he has done. Sure, this wasn't all his fault...he's got a lot of job pressure. But he has NOT handled this well. And I can't fix it on my own..or..don't want to any longer anyway. Am losing respect for him by the second..and the love might not be far behind.
  7. strong1
    Well, my boyfriend 'needed' space last year..then came back after three months. Professed he LOVED ME, had MADE A MISTAKE, NEEDED me..wanted to get married..this year...same time of year...needed 'space' again..gone 3+ months this time. Based on my experience, your age and the distance you two are apart..I'd move on. You've got your head on straight..don't let him mess it up again. You can't 'make him happy.' Sounds like he is unhappy w/himself and wants you to save him.
  8. strong1
    Yup. Stop kicking yourself and MOVE ON. Look at GeeCee's recent postings...you will be INSPIRED. You were curious..you called..now you know. Life goes on...it really does. You will be FINE. Your ex has 'issues.' Lesson learned. Good luck!
  9. strong1
    Yes SH, sorry, just read your post..I am going full speed ahead with new game plan per last PM. Can't say heart is TOTALLY in it..but was losing FAR too much brain matter beating head against massive brick wall w/no progress. Just because one man or woman out there doesn't want us..does not mean the rest of the world feels that way. HA
  10. strong1
    Yes, well..perhaps timing is an issue in some cases. But really tho..am finding that my ex is really more of a F R E A K than anything else! I need time..and space .. to find someone who is NOT my ex. Oh my....feeling sassy (and very fed up w/ex.) Somehow..being nice has not worked over last 3+..(not to mention three months he flaked out on me last year..and I took him back...Silly, SILLY me. Maybe being a 'not so nice' gal will work. Hey, if what you've tried didn't work..try something new. Actually, am working on getting the old me back. As am getting sick of the 'sit there, improve yourself, and wait for him to change' stage.
  11. strong1
    I agree whole heartedly. Let the DATING begin! I still love my ex..but fretting will NOT bring him back. He'll come limping back of his own accord...in his own time frame. He's a great guy...but I'm an even BETTER gal. He's got 'work issues'..yeah, well, me too..but it doesn't make me run away from people I (allegedly) love and hole up for months on end. Altho, (insert silent prayer here) please don't let the next man I date have freakish 'space tendencies' like the last. Lest brain snap like old rubber band. We deserve to be treasured and treated like princesses (or princes as the case may be.) If the ex's can't see that..well, then..'off with their heads' (or at least take off any jewelry they've given us..which, in my case, would NOT be too time consuming.)
  12. strong1
    Rich...you are getting so strong. I'm proud of you. I think your moves are good ones. You are protecting yourself by setting limits. And I definitely think it's time for that. This stuff can really rob us of our self esteem. Once we get that back..who can resist us? Well...maybe our ex's...but if they do then...they weren't right for us anyway. Hmm. Am feeling strong tonight..tho just home relaxing on a Sat. night.
  13. strong1
    GOOD FOR YOU! I think saying 'you know how I feel' was excellent. It says 'I care, I stated that repeatedly, will NOT do so again..as I have my limits...your move.' Also give you two thumbs us for only taking every third or fourth call...and for NOT doing anything with her and her son right now. She seems to be using him as a buffer. That's not fair to anyone. Rich, you made mistakes..she made mistakes...but I think you have made a real effort here. Now, it's her turn. LOVE that SATC episode where Carrie needs space. I am a woman who needs wayyyy more than the average amount of 'space' herself..so that episode made me laugh. Unfortunately..I seem to have been dating a friggin' 'space' astronaut..as that man can fly to moon for three months on end w/not a word to ground zero. That's a BIT too much space for me. And so, I, like you..am moving on..or as least stepping out on my own for now. As life really does have to move on at some point..with or without them. Once their space needs are met..well..who knows? Until then..I need to start getting my emotional needs met for awhile.
  14. strong1
    ah..God love caller ID!
  15. strong1
    I think it's good to just hold for now and not take her calls. No sense starting the old viscious cycle over again...just when you are starting to recover. She needs to sort some stuff out as well..and make sure she wants you back (if she does...hard to tell now) for the RIGHT reasons. A relationship takes growth and commitment on both sides..and she's lacking in both areas at the moment. You're doing fine..just hold tight. I have to reread your messages again to see if she is leaving messages..or if you can just tell it's her from caller ID.
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