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guy 30+ yr old living at home

fatcat1999

By fatcat1999
in Dating Advice

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summerpeach Contributor

summerpeach

Posted
Posted
You have the hang up on those type of men. Don't pin it on everyone else, though...

 

Everyone has different reasons for the stage of life they are in. It's a case by case basis. Doesn't make them pathetic or weak.

 

with all due respect, you're only 22. How would you look at your Dad if he moved back in with his Mom?!

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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well. the guy I'm talking about has been living in his parent's home forever except college. so it's definitely not temporary situation, I think he does have a strong bond with his parents (which I don't understand either, my Mom is driving me crazy even I live continents away from her and yes, the guy earns far less than me( sorry I'm shallow), but he's asking me out.

 

although I do question his maturity, I think he looks like a nice person, maybe give it a shot? any advice?

 

No matter what anyone else says here about their own personal preferences, the bottom line is that if you are okay with it then meet him and see what happens. It sounds like something about him has captured your interest and you really want to try this out..so go for it. You can get to know him and then decide whether or not it is right for you. As long as you are aware of the potential drawbacks and know what is a dealbreaker for you then just go in with both eyes open but see how you like him as a person.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Maybe at your age...yes.. Guys in their early 30's? I dunno.. Some people have pretty legit reasons to stay at home. Starting to wonder if this comes more down to income than anything else. Would you ladies date a guy who shared an apartment with 4 people?

 

for me, i can understand a guy living with his parents in theory, but i don't think i could date him in practice. like i said before, you can't walk around naked in the house, you can't be loud, you have to impress them, etc.... you have to walk by his little league trophies and the photos of him when he was a kid, all that stuff. i dunno about all of that.

 

now, if a guy has roommates, then you probably can't walk around his place naked either. and you can have loud sex, maybe only if his roommates are heavy sleepers, lol. though i would be a lot more nervous and self conscious visiting a guy who is living with his parents vs. living with 3 guys.

 

i don't feel too comfortable dating guys with female roommates. a bit strange to me. depends, if they are actually sharing an apartment, or a house with separate rooms.

 

the older i get, the more rare it is for me to meet guys who are actually sharing a room with someone else. for the most part, they have 1 roommate and live in a 2 bedroom apartment.

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Lionel Hutz Contributor

Lionel Hutz

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I think most women have hang ups with men who are momma's boys

 

Being turned off by needy men is not a "hang up"

I'm a grown woman and want my man to be a grown up! Crazy I know!

 

 

Thats the thing though, this thread isnt about you. You have taken some of the things personally when its not needed. Some simple questions can be answered and not argued. I.E. You still did not answer where you lived when you were down and out, who did you depend on? Who could you depend on? Not what city did you live in. No need for a response now, but just think about it though.

 

We all need someone sometimes. Thats it. Some have their parents, some have their friends, some have the streets. It all depends on this guys situation not yours.

 

In short, the OP has to be a bit analytical, and less critical to make a solid decision.

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Dubb Contributor

Dubb

Posted
Posted
Thats the thing though, this thread isnt about you. You have taken some of the things personally when its not needed. Some simple questions can be answered and not argued. I.E. You still did not answer where you lived when you were down and out, who did you depend on? Who could you depend on? Not what city did you live in. No need for a response but just think about it though.

 

We all need someone sometimes. Thats it. Some have their parents, some have their friends, some have the streets. It all depends on this guys situation not yours.

 

In short, the OP has to be a bit analytical, and less critical to make a solid decision.

 

I agree. summerpeach it just seems that this thread hit home for you and you're venting on it..

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

Posted
Posted
Maybe at your age...yes.. Guys in their early 30's? I dunno.. Some people have pretty legit reasons to stay at home. Starting to wonder if this comes more down to income than anything else. Would you ladies date a guy who shared an apartment with 4 people?

 

Nope. I like privacy and there is no privacy when there are others sharing the space. I would be mortified having sex with a guy when there are 3 others in the next room...it is bad enough living in an apartment...I hear the neighbours upstairs..once a week, their bed creeks back and forth.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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Then only a woman who understands this culture would accept that. Most independent women would not want a guy who was talked into moving back in with his parents after college and owning his own home.

 

If you bro did not want to live back at home, then he should not have.

It's great to help your parents out, but it can be done without having to move back in.

 

I deleted my post but it said the above, so rather than undelete I'll just agree wholeheartedly.

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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It honestly sounds like there are more reasons to balk at this guy than just the living situation! just my opinion.

 

The 'saving money' while NOT working a few jobs (if he has to), NOT contributing equally to the household, the email shenanigans, having not ever lived away from his folks.

 

Your call though.

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Dubb Contributor

Dubb

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Nope. I like privacy and there is no privacy when there are others sharing the space. I would be mortified having sex with a guy when there are 3 others in the next room...it is bad enough living in an apartment...I hear the neighbours upstairs..once a week, their bed creeks back and forth.

 

That's too bad. I know some really great guys who have multiple roommates. My one friend is a good example. He's a school teacher. Loves his job but makes maybe 35k? He works a second job in the summer but it's not enough to afford a place of his own in the area. He gets written off because of his situation....

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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Enlighten me. What makes a person who's close with their parents a momma's boy?

 

It doesn't but if they act on that closeness by living at home rather than living as an independent adult who is close with his parents, then he probably has at least a strong tendency to be a momma's boy.

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Seymore Mentor

Seymore

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No, how about you explain how a mom and a wife are the same.

 

What you're saying makes zero sense

 

It doesn't make sense because you didn't read it.

 

I never said a mom and wife were the same, I said it makes just as much sense to say that as you saying a person close with their mom is a momma's boy. So yes, in that sense, it makes no sense. It never made sense to say a married man is * * * * * whipped, and it never made sense to categorize a man close with his mother as a momma's boy.

 

First you assume that because you "toughed it out" as you said on the first page that everyone in the world has an equal chance. The fact is, you are not everyone. Then you assume that a person close with their mom is a momma's boy.

 

There's my explanation. Your turn.

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Dubb Contributor

Dubb

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My brother died and I chose to go back home to be there for my mom. I lived on my own and have a great job. Does that make me a loser/momma's boy? Should I have to explain that to every girl early on? Seems to me I would be pulling the sympathy card...

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fatcat1999 Enthusiast

fatcat1999

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good points.

 

thanks all of you for the great advice. I'm sure no one should take ppl's post personally.

 

I think i might meet him and find out more whether my doubts have grounds.

 

thanks.

 

 

 

It honestly sounds like there are more reasons to balk at this guy than just the living situation! just my opinion.

 

The 'saving money' while NOT working a few jobs (if he has to), NOT contributing equally to the household, the email shenanigans, having not ever lived away from his folks.

 

Your call though.

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summerpeach Contributor

summerpeach

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Posted
It doesn't make sense because you didn't read it.

 

I never said a mom and wife were the same, I said it makes just as much sense to say that as you saying a person close with their mom is a momma's boy. First you assume that because you "toughed it out" as you said on the first page that everyone in the world has an equal chance. The fact is, you are not everyone. Then you assume that a person close with their mom is a momma's boy.

 

I didn't assume anything. I toughed it out, so I think everyone is capable of trying to tough it out and if someone did, and they failed and need to move back home, then cool, but if a person doesn't even try and moves back because it's easier, then not so cool in my books.

 

A momma's boy is defined as a grown man who is still depended on his mother.

And if a 35 yr old man still has his Mom washing his undies, well...........

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Posted
My brother died and I chose to go back home to be there for my mom. I lived on my own and have a great job. Does that make me a loser/momma's boy? Should I have to explain that to every girl early on? Seems to me I would be pulling the sympathy card...

 

like i said, it's a good reason to move back in with the parents..... but what about dating? were you in a position to date? how did your mom react if you brought a girl home with you, or you didn't come home one night because you were at a girls' house. some parents are cool with that, others are not.

 

my mom's first husband had an overbearing mother. when my mom and her first husband were newlyweds sitting on the couch, the MIL would squeeze in between them and tell her, 'you stole my son from me!' Creepy!!

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