summerpeach Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 so, you say you have been talking to this guy online 'for a while.' my take is that men who are doing online dating, who are single and ready to be in a relationship, will ask you out within 4-6 emails. many times, even less. because if they are really single and available, they will want to meet you in person as soon as possible. many guys asked me out after 1-2 emails. i mean, why bother emailing when you can meet for a drink or at starbucks and see if it makes sense to continue communicating? guys who take longer than that to ask you out have something going on that is preventing them from a relationship. Maybe he has a curfew or his Mommy won't let him? ;-) sorry, I just had to....haha Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 guys who take longer than that to ask you out have something going on that is preventing them from a relationship. Maybe mom & dad have him on a pretty strict curfew. ETA: hahaha, summerpeach, we obviously have similar thoughts on this subject. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Some are adding and assuming much more about this guy's situation than is presented;and its borderline patronizing. To the OP, if you feel it is a reasonable cause then go for it. Only you can determine what is reasonable to you, as all of our situations are different. Practice empathy and be reasonable. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Maybe mom & dad have him on a pretty strict curfew. ;-) Link to comment
fatcat1999 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 annie, I would disagree with you. a lot of online guys are not ready for a relationship regardless of their age. I've dated a guy who's incapable of emotional intimacy and is not ready for a relationship in any sense. sign, he wasted three months of my time and way too much emotions. so, you say you have been talking to this guy online 'for a while.' my take is that men who are doing online dating, who are single and ready to be in a relationship, will ask you out within 4-6 emails. many times, even less. because if they are really single and available, they will want to meet you in person as soon as possible. many guys asked me out after 1-2 emails. i mean, why bother emailing when you can meet for a drink or at starbucks and see if it makes sense to continue communicating? guys who take longer than that to ask you out have something going on that is preventing them from a relationship. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Some are adding and assuming much more about this guy's situation than is presented. To the OP, if you feel it is a reasonable cause then go for it. Only you can determine what is reasonable to you, as all of our situations are different. Practice empathy and be reasonable. that I can agree on Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Maybe mom & dad have him on a pretty strict curfew. ETA: hahaha, summerpeach, we obviously have similar thoughts on this subject. lol - you guys just might be right!!! Link to comment
In the Dark Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Yes, actually, it does. It shows neediness and NO WOMAN loves a needy man This thread proves that since all the women are on the same page and all the men are defending some grown man living with his Mommy! I'm not defending I am talking about an example. Infact this guy has a decent salary, nothing extravagant but well to do none the less. His partner accepts this and the parents get along very well with her. Really what you are saying is generalizing and a stereotype. But if he is getting his parents to do his washing, cook dinner for him etc etc . . . there IS an issue there. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 annie, I would disagree with you. a lot of online guys are not ready for a relationship regardless of their age. I've dated a guy who's incapable of emotional intimacy and is not ready for a relationship in any sense. sign, he wasted three months of my time and way too much emotions. yes, that's why i'm saying, guys who are online AND who are truly single and available and interested WILL ask you out within a few emails. the other guys have some circumstances preventing them from forming a relationship, be it their financial situation, they are still with their gf, their divorce isn't finalized, or maybe they are just looking for an online flirtation, but aren't looking to take things into real life. the fact that you are wondering about his financial situation tells me that you are looking for a boyfriend, who might be real long term material someday. guys who are ready for a relationship or just dating will ask you out very quickl,y, you don't have to waste months of your life!!!!! if a guy hasn't asked you out within 4-6 emails, then NEXT!!! or, you can suggest meeting him for coffee too, nothing wrong with that. however, if he waffles, then you know. forget him. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 but you know, at the same time, he should be paying rent to his parents too! or contributing to them somehow. i think if he's an able-bodied 30 something man, he should be helping his parents out! not vice versa. his parents must be nearing retirement, right? i think they could use some extra cash. It was never determined he wasn't. I wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions. I moved out at 27 because I was indeed saving for a condo. In the meantime, I paid rent to my folks. What I WOULD check up on is - how is his credit, and is he responsible with what money he HAS. My second cousin is in his 40s and lives with his mom. He had his own business and through some screwy deal his partners bailed on him and now he's involved in a court battle with them. On top of that he just had to pay to bury his girlfriend and support his son. So he had to move back in. And those curfew/etc. comments are plain childish. There are grown men who live at home and have far more to give and more maturity than a 26-year old millionaire who has his own place. Link to comment
fatcat1999 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 very true! thanks Annie Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 It was never determined he wasn't. I wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions. I moved out at 27 because I was indeed saving for a condo. In the meantime, I paid rent to my folks. What I WOULD check up on is - how is his credit, and is he responsible with what money he HAS. yeah, you are right, we shouldn't jump to conclusions. but if he isn't asking her out on a date, then everything is moot! Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 yeah, you are right, we shouldn't jump to conclusions. but if he isn't asking her out on a date, then everything is moot! That, I'll buy. I wouldn't wait on him, but then again, is she asking him out? Plus he could very well be embarassed himself. Maybe a little prodding wouldn't hurt. Link to comment
knowme Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 It depends on the guy and the living arrangement I met a guy online once, and he was 37, and although he didnt live at home, he lived with this woman, (like a flatmate) and paid some ridiculously cheap amount of money and the woman cooked all his meals and did his washing And he kept talking about what a bargain it was. It was such a turn off. If a guy is living at home and is completely independent, has a great job, well thats a different story. This guy was sappy and clammy. Link to comment
knowme Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 does he have a curfew? lol.............. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I have known several women who lived at home well into adulthood...one lived at home until the age of 28, lived on her own for only 1 year and then got married...then divorced and moved to the flat upstairs in the duplex owned by her father who lived downstairs. Second person moved out of the parent's home at 32 years old...third person moved out of the parents' home at 36 years old...fourth person might still be living at her parents' home at 39 years old but has money to go on cruises every 6 months. Each of these women were selfish, self-absorbed and used people. It is like by living at home well into adulthood they became spoiled Princesses wanting everyone to do for them and cater to their needs. Living on your own teaches you how to be independent and self-sufficient. I can understand moving back home during a financial crisis until you get back on your feet..but to spend years and years living at home as an adult when you are earning a decent living is basically putting the priority of money and material possessions over self-growth and independence. Not only that, but it is also unfair to the parents who might want to live their own lives and have their own privacy away from their adult children. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 i can almost gaurantee you, if i lived at home again, my mom would give me a curfew, lol. she would wonder where the hell i was if i was out past 9, and definitely, no guys and i couldn't spend the night with guys either, lol. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Which makes me think of another question to ask...what steps is he taking to get on his own two feet? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 i can almost gaurantee you, if i lived at home again, my mom would give me a curfew, lol. she would wonder where the hell i was if i was out past 9, and definitely, no guys and i couldn't spend the night with guys either, lol. OMG. That is so funny, yet tragic. I ADORE my parents, but no way in hell would I live with them. Many people save to buy real estate while living with roommates. This way they still have independence, and save some money. Moving home to save money just doesn't wash as an excuse to me, because that means this guy is sponging off his folks entirely, which I find disgusting at his age. I just find the living at home thing past 30 to be too co-dependent for me. I keep picturing the movie Failure to Launch, and that episode of SITC when Carrie was dating the guy who lived at home. I know people will spin it as there could be legitimate reasons, but I'm the type that no matter HOW bad my money situation got, I would always find a way to maintain my independence and have my own life. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 And those curfew/etc. comments are plain childish. There are grown men who live at home and have far more to give and more maturity than a 26-year old millionaire who has his own place. It was a joke, you know, funny HAHA! ugh! Grown men living at home may have things to give, but independence is not one of them. Women like strong men, period! Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 This can also be a cultural thing It's pathetic, but encouraged in some cultures Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 It was a joke, you know, funny HAHA! ugh! Grown men living at home may have things to give, but independence is not one of them. Women like strong men, period! Agreed. I can simply NOT envision an adult past the age of 30 living at home and claiming to be independent and in charge of his life. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Again, we have no idea what his situation is or what he's doing to get on his own two feet. For all we know his cooks his own meals, does his own laundry, works TWO jobs and is trying to pay off his college tuition or whatever. My uncle was 30 and living with his mom when my aunt wanted to date him. Not only did she not write him off as dependent, she went to HIS door and asked him out. They got married and have been married for 20 years now. Not only was he fine to start with, but their own children, only teenagers, have become quite independent and hardworking themselves. My, how times have changed. I also can't help but wonder what a man's supposed to think of a woman who's 30+ and living with her parents... Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My, how times have changed. Well, that's really the point, Seymore. 50 years ago, people lived at home (generally) until they got married. However, most people also got married before 25, so this wasn't that odd. Both my parents lived at home until they got married. Mom was 20, Dad was 23. But in modern day, this kind of thing raises a few flags. Link to comment
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