Would you dump your partner/boy/girlfriend over a kiss with someone else?

[hexaemeron]

read the link i posted.

 

I did. And like I said, all aspies are different and anyone's capable of cheating. I didn't admit to my condition to have it thrown back in my face when I'm asking a legitimate question and seeking more of an answer than "because!!!!"

[Ac143]

But we break promises all the time. We promise to always have a job. We promise not to get sick. We promise to be active and vital and all of us at some point break these implicit promises, and most couples work through these issues without the venom and vehemence I am seeing here. Why is this different?

 

You can't compare losing a job or getting sick to this. Those things are out of your control for the most part. You can get laid off, you can get the flu or cancer but you dont choice those things. You choice to have sex or kiss someone...it just doesn't happen.

 

I never promised to have a job ALL the time or NOT to get sick because I have no clue if that will be true forever. But I have promised my SO to not cheat.

[metrogirl]

Okay, but what's the point in having trust in anyone if you're just going to cut and leave when something happens? Isn't trust and affection and love supposed to give us the ability to work through issues and not just bolt?

 

I mean, I could understand if this were an issue of breaking trust over sex. That's one thing. But a kiss? It's very difficult to see the logic of this.

 

Because that kiss, could lead to something further later, then you run the risk of whether that person would do it again because they were so easily forgiven the first time.

[vivisection-8]

I did. And like I said, all aspies are different and anyone's capable of cheating. I didn't admit to my condition to have it thrown back in my face when I'm asking a legitimate question and seeking more of an answer than "because!!!!"

 

then why do you mention the aspie stuff at all if its not "because"?

 

the post above mine, about promising this and that... how can u promise not to get sick? how can u promise not to get laid off? these are different things, not even different sides of the same coin but completely different aspects of life. one is a choice, one is not.

[amtjrtcet]

I did. And like I said, all aspies are different and anyone's capable of cheating. I didn't admit to my condition to have it thrown back in my face when I'm asking a legitimate question and seeking more of an answer than "because!!!!"

 

I would have to break up with them b/c I hold on to things like that and think about them all the time. We might be in the middle of sex and I start thinking about the kiss, and then I may want to hurt him or something.... may be able to forgive, but I can't forget, and if I can't forget then I can't move on....therefore, I'll move on all together.

[PsychGirly]

But we break promises all the time. We promise to always have a job. We promise not to get sick. We promise to be active and vital and all of us at some point break these implicit promises, and most couples work through these issues without the venom and vehemence I am seeing here. Why is this different?

 

When you promise to have a job & not get sick, you're making those promises to yourself. So if you break them, you only let yourself down.

 

When you're in a relationship with someone, you don't even need to promise them that you'll be faithful. That should already be a given. When you break this promise of being faithful, you're not only hurting yourself, but the other person as well. That's why it's not acceptable.

 

Someone mentioned in a previous post that anything her SO wouldn't do infront of her is not acceptable. I couldn't have said it better.

 

If my SO doesn't have the balls to kiss someone infront of me, then there's no reason why he should think it's acceptable to do it behind my back.

 

The act of "kissing" isn't what I consider the "cheating". It's KNOWING that it would hurt me, & KNOWING that I wouldn't approve of it...& him doing it regardless, that I consider cheating.

 

If you know you shouldn't be doing this, & you're doing it anyway, you're cheating.

[amtjrtcet]

exactly! you said it.

 

My definition of cheating: anything you wouldn't do infront of your SO.

[hexaemeron]

If you're sharing a life, a home, a family together, those absolutely are promises you make to each other. Because it doesn't affect just you if you lose your job, or gain 100 lbs, or get sick. The other person has to compensate for those things, support where he/she can, and try to keep everything going. That is not a personal choice when other people are involved.

[hexaemeron]

exactly! you said it.

 

My definition of cheating: anything you wouldn't do infront of your SO.

 

I try to make these sorts of posts every so often, but I never can get my head around why everyone seems to feel so strongly about this. I'm just going to have to resign myself to just accepting that people feel differently, and I really won't ever feel this way.

 

And to be honest, I'm sort of glad I don't.

[PsychGirly]

If you're sharing a life, a home, a family together, those absolutely are promises you make to each other. Because it doesn't affect just you if you lose your job, or gain 100 lbs, or get sick. The other person has to compensate for those things, support where he/she can, and try to keep everything going. That is not a personal choice when other people are involved.

 

What if you're not sharing a home, a family? We're not just talking about married couples or cohabitants.

 

I'm talking about a simple relationship--a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

 

Either way, it shouldn't matter. Just because you're sharing a home & a life, does not mean you have a right to betray the person.

 

Unless you set boundaries at the beginning of your relationship & make it clear to your SO that you don't consider kissing cheating, there's no reason why you should think it's ok or forgivable under any circumstances.

 

You're entitled to your own opinion, & if you're happy with the way you think, that's fine...but don't be surprised if the majority of people you meet don't agree with you.

[annalisa84]

In a relationship, I show my love by being faithful and devoted and respectful. I wish my love to be beautiful and pure, to keep me going even when everything else goes down and dark. I wish my SO to trust me, be close to me, be comfortable with be. Most of all, believe in me. Even when nobody else would! That's why I do not kiss other men..

 

Maybe I do not indulge myself with little crushes or fears and doubts. But I get something way better in return.

 

I expect my SO to do the same. If he doesn't, I most likely lose the motivation to be the best girlfriend to him as well. And two people who don't give their best, should not be together - sooner or later, it will lead to misery.

 

I learned the hard way.

[hexaemeron]

What if you're not sharing a home, a family? We're not just talking about married couples or cohabitants.

 

I'm talking about a simple relationship--a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

 

Either way, it shouldn't matter. Just because you're sharing a home & a life, does not mean you have a right to betray the person.

 

Unless you set boundaries at the beginning of your relationship & make it clear to your SO that you don't consider kissing cheating, there's no reason why you should think it's ok or forgivable under any circumstances.

 

You're entitled to your own opinion, & if you're happy with the way you think, that's fine...but don't be surprised if the majority of people you meet don't agree with you.

 

So if your boyfriend lost his job today, would he be able to pay his bills until he could find a new job? Would he be able to go out with you and do fun things like you do (presumably?) now? If your partner is suddenly homeless or broke, it will affect you, living together or not.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yes absoloutley.

[Ac143]

So if your boyfriend lost his job today, would he be able to pay his bills until he could find a new job? Would he be able to go out with you and do fun things like you do (presumably?) now? If your partner is suddenly homeless or broke, it will affect you, living together or not.

 

Its about TRUST though, I wouldn't lose trust in my SO if he got laid off or got sick.

[girl68]

But we break promises all the time. We promise to always have a job. We promise not to get sick. We promise to be active and vital and all of us at some point break these implicit promises, and most couples work through these issues without the venom and vehemence I am seeing here. Why is this different?

 

What? I'm not sure who makes those promises... but uhh I sure never have!

 

Yeah I've broken promises but have they been detrimental to my partner and his trust in me? No. That is how this is different.

[vivisection-8]

I try to make these sorts of posts every so often, but I never can get my head around why everyone seems to feel so strongly about this. I'm just going to have to resign myself to just accepting that people feel differently, and I really won't ever feel this way.

 

And to be honest, I'm sort of glad I don't.

 

See this is where you are showing true colors tho? "I really won't ever feel this way." How can u say that w/ such certainty? Have u ever been in the position? Has anyone ever given u reason to believe u would not react a certain way?

 

Im curious as to your history because u admit to being a cheater and then refuse to even understand what people diagram out for u? Does that inflexibility work with ur gf? (or bf if that applies)

[PsychGirly]

So if your boyfriend lost his job today, would he be able to pay his bills until he could find a new job? Would he be able to go out with you and do fun things like you do (presumably?) now? If your partner is suddenly homeless or broke, it will affect you, living together or not.

 

If he was a loving, caring, faithful bf...I would support him until he got back up on his feet.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I try to make these sorts of posts every so often, but I never can get my head around why everyone seems to feel so strongly about this. I'm just going to have to resign myself to just accepting that people feel differently, and I really won't ever feel this way.

 

And to be honest, I'm sort of glad I don't.

 

That's ok too. Everyone has mixed opinions and like you said, you just have to accept it. All that matters is what you and your (future) partner think.

 

Btw, just curious but you'd be ok if your gf cheated?

[SapphireNoir10]

I'd support my guy through anything, loosing his job, if he was disabled, if he got addicted to drugs, or porn or alcohol.

 

But one thing I wont stand for is him cheating on me, there is no excuse, its betrayal. And I wont be walked over by a guy.

[girl68]

I try to make these sorts of posts every so often, but I never can get my head around why everyone seems to feel so strongly about this. I'm just going to have to resign myself to just accepting that people feel differently, and I really won't ever feel this way.

 

And to be honest, I'm sort of glad I don't.

 

Be VERY clear to your gf/ wife that cheating isn't so much of a big deal to you and should you ever- you won't ever be able to wrap your head around why she'd potentially kick your butt right out the door. (Unless of course she holds the same view... which from what I gather here... that could be a little difficult to find).

[hexaemeron]

See this is where you are showing true colors tho? "I really won't ever feel this way." How can u say that w/ such certainty? Have u ever been in the position? Has anyone ever given u reason to believe u would not react a certain way?

 

Im curious as to your history because u admit to being a cheater and then refuse to even understand what people diagram out for u? Does that inflexibility work with ur gf? (or bf if that applies)

 

It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, yes, of course, I understand what a breach of trust is. Yes, I understand being lied to also is a breach of trust. But this seems like such a slippery slope.

 

"YOU LOOKED AT ANOTHER WOMAN!" "WHY DID YOU TALK TO THAT WOMAN AT WORK?"

 

It just seems so dangerous. I value honesty over holding to traditionalism. If my partner wanted to kiss someone else, go for it. If he wanted to sleep with someone else, go for it. Just let me know.

 

But for a kiss? Ehhh, what's the big deal? I don't know why everyone's so DIRE and SERIOUS about it. Sex, yes. But a kiss? It just makes everyone sound so fragile and paranoid.

[hexaemeron]

That's ok too. Everyone has mixed opinions and like you said, you just have to accept it. All that matters is what you and your (future) partner think.

 

Btw, just curious but you'd be ok if your gf cheated?

 

 

If he needed sex from someone else, go ahead. Be safe, have fun. Just tell me and I'm fine. I want my partner to be happy and it doesn't take away anything from my self worth or relationship to allow him that.

[amtjrtcet]

I try to make these sorts of posts every so often, but I never can get my head around why everyone seems to feel so strongly about this. I'm just going to have to resign myself to just accepting that people feel differently, and I really won't ever feel this way.

 

And to be honest, I'm sort of glad I don't.

 

fair enough...and I'm glad I do think that way...I won't let anyone disrepect me that way...NO ONE. And I sure as heck wouldn't do them the honor of staying with them there after.

[SapphireNoir10]

Ah see if you believe in Polygamist relationships your views will be different. Most people that believe in Monogomaous relationships will see relations with someone else as cheating. However if you believe in multi partner relationships then you wont.

 

I'd just be jealous and upset.

[vivisection-8]

If he needed sex from someone else, go ahead. Be safe, have fun. Just tell me and I'm fine. I want my partner to be happy and it doesn't take away anything from my self worth or relationship to allow him that.

 

but what does he think tho? what is his opinion? the aforementioned inflexibility part was a key to my comment because i am curious as to how you and your partner adjust to each other if u dont even agree