Would you dump your partner/boy/girlfriend over a kiss with someone else?

[girl68]

 

But for a kiss? Ehhh, what's the big deal? I don't know why everyone's so DIRE and SERIOUS about it. Sex, yes. But a kiss? It just makes everyone sound so fragile and paranoid.

 

You've avioded answering my very valid question. Kissing is very intimate and in come cases more intimate than sex. Pretty woman wasn't the first to act out this feeling either. I've known women who will have sex all before even kissing the guy... explain that!

 

If kissing is so intimate how can you not even begin to process another side of the argument- I'm laying it down right now for you. Yet you still refuse to see why it's "such a big deal!"

[hexaemeron]

Ah see if you believe in Polygamist relationships your views will be different. Most people that believe in Monogomaous relationships will see relations with someone else as cheating. However if you believe in multi partner relationships then you wont.

 

I'd just be jealous and upset.

 

Love and sex are different things for me. Emotional monogamy and sexual monogamy likewise are different for me as well.

 

I wouldn't like it if he fell in love with someone else, but if he does, then he should go and be as happy as he can.

[hexaemeron]

but what does he think tho? what is his opinion? the aforementioned inflexibility part was a key to my comment because i am curious as to how you and your partner adjust to each other if u dont even agree

 

Who said we didn't?

[MinziGirl]

A kiss? Seriously? Why?

 

The question would be then: what kind of kiss was it & in what sense was the kiss given?

 

I kiss people too but not intimately... which is only reserved for my SO

[vivisection-8]

Who said we didn't?

 

that was my original question! i am asking how your inflexibility here translates to your relationship

[hexaemeron]

You've avioded answering my very valid question. Kissing is very intimate and in come cases more intimate than sex. Pretty woman wasn't the first to act out this feeling either. I've known women who will have sex all before even kissing the guy... explain that!

 

If kissing is so intimate how can you not even begin to process another side of the argument- I'm laying it down right now for you. Yet you still refuse to see why it's "such a big deal!"

 

I did not mean to avoid your question. I apologize. I suppose it's intimate, sure. I can agree there. I guess my thing is not that I can't appreciate people getting upset about it (I wouldn't), but that they'll just heave ho their relationship and everything else good about it right out the window.

 

THAT is what I don't get.

[annalisa84]

Most of this life is about being selfish. Maybe love should not be. fI I say to you being intimate with another woman hurts me, but you feel like kissing someone, that would make you happier, I expect you to put MY feelings for once ahead of yours. Be selfless. For me.. I'll do the same. Life is not about getting everything you want, you gonna grow old alone in that case.

 

But obviously if you believe in polygamy, it's different. And you should have said that in the first place.

[hexaemeron]

that was my original question! i am asking how your inflexibility here translates to your relationship

 

My partner and I have challenges. He's an Adult ADHD and I'm an aspie. He's monogamous and I don't have to be. I respect his beliefs, even though for the most part, I don't share them. However, he and I have had years of very difficult situations to overcome, so it's literally a day by day thing. But I would assume most relationships are.

 

I think some people NEED to be with someone. And I understand that. I'm not one of those people. I'm in a relationship because I choose to be.

[laisla]

I did not mean to avoid your question. I apologize. I suppose it's intimate, sure. I can agree there. I guess my thing is not that I can't appreciate people getting upset about it (I wouldn't), but that they'll just heave ho their relationship and everything else good about it right out the window.

 

THAT is what I don't get.

 

because it can be hugely disrespectful.

[vivisection-8]

My partner and I have challenges. He's an Adult ADHD and I'm an aspie. He's monogamous and I don't have to be. I respect his beliefs, even though for the most part, I don't share them. However, he and I have had years of very difficult situations to overcome, so it's literally a day by day thing. But I would assume most relationships are.

 

I think some people NEED to be with someone. And I understand that. I'm not one of those people. I'm in a relationship because I choose to be.

 

he is monogamous and u dont have to be as in he lets you do what u want?

[hexaemeron]

Most of this life is about being selfish. Maybe love should not be. I I say to you being intimate with another woman hurts me, but you feel like kissing someone, that would make you happier, I expect you to put MY feelings for once ahaed of yours. Be selfless. For me.. I'll do the same. Life is not about getting everything you want, you gonna grow old alone in that case..

 

But obviously if you believe in polygamy, it's different. And you should have said that in the first place.

 

I'm not saying that I'm polygamist, er, exactly. I think for me there's sexual and emotional monogamy. Love and sex are very different things for me.

[hexaemeron]

he is monogamous and u dont have to be as in he lets you do what u want?

 

No, he is monogamous because he wants to be and I'm monogamous because I respect his beliefs and don't want to hurt him.

[vivisection-8]

No, he is monogamous because he wants to be and I'm monogamous because I respect his beliefs and don't want to hurt him.

 

so then basically ur original question here is to validate his beliefs or to challenge yours? what would u do if he slept with someone (boy or girl doesnt matter) and didnt tell u?

 

has he ever cheated before?

[laisla]

you would be okay with your bf saying that he had kissed another guy and liked it and would like to again? that he will be with you but he would like to kiss other guys?

[hexaemeron]

so then basically ur original question here is to validate his beliefs or to challenge yours? what would u do if he slept with someone (boy or girl doesnt matter) and didnt tell u?

 

has he ever cheated before?

 

I'm not trying to validate or challenge. I feel one way. Most people feel another. It's a simple act to connect with people.

 

If he slept with someone and didn't tell me, this would bother me because that is a betrayal of emotional monogamy. The sex wouldn't bother me in the least.

 

But if it were a kiss, I doubt it'd even ding the radar either way.

[Lamour detruit]

I'm not saying that I'm polygamist, er, exactly. I think for me there's sexual and emotional monogamy. Love and sex are very different things for me.

 

Your views make sense, and it merely something based more on separating the love between two people with acts to others.

 

However I do disagree, when in a relationship I do not separate love and sex. Sex is just another intimate way to show that love to the person,to unleash it and know it is special because I only let that one person show that part of me. In a loving relationship I have sex with her because I love her. The same goes for kissing which can even be more intimate than sex at times, my lips are hers to kiss, allowing anyone else to do so makes it seem like you're not getting what you desire in the relationship you're in.

 

This is speaking of a relationship in itself, not just a fling.

[hexaemeron]

you would be okay with your bf saying that he had kissed another guy and liked it and would like to again? that he will be with you but he would like to kiss other guys?

 

Sure. Why would that bother me? He's open and honest with me, showing me respect by not doing it behind my back. He's happy. I'm happy. Where's the problem?

 

I mean, I could probably even watch sometimes.

[annalisa84]

But kissing and sex - they can be so intimate, so close. That for some moments you feel you've melted into one. For that you have to have complete trust in the other person, feel completely comfortable. Making love, you know. How can you separate that kind of sex from love.

 

A quicky yes, but.. would you throw away above mentioned moments for a casual quicky cos you feel like it?

 

I guess you're partner wouldn't.

[hexaemeron]

But kissing and sex - they can be so intimate, so close. That for some moments you feel you've melted into one. For that you have to have complete trust in the other person, feel completely conforetable. Making love, you know. How can you separate that kind of sex from love.

 

A quicky yes, but.. would you throw away above mentioned moments for a casual quicky cos you feel like it?

 

I guess you're partner wouldn't.

 

I don't ever feel like that. Clinical evidence out of New Zealand shows that aspie individuals lack long term bonding hormones for long term relationships. We don't get oxytocin emotionally and hormonally bonding us to other people. So no, I can't say I've ever felt that way.

[SapphireNoir10]

Love and sex are different things for me. Emotional monogamy and sexual monogamy likewise are different for me as well.

 

I wouldn't like it if he fell in love with someone else, but if he does, then he should go and be as happy as he can.

 

And thats fine, most people couldnt NOT feel jealous as to some sex is love and love is sex as well you know?

 

And yeah but it still hurts when it happens.

 

But I understand your view and respect it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Just understand that most people have a different set of boundaries than you. So, you should make sure that your partner/partners understand(s) what you want/expect and that way no one gets hurt.

[annalisa84]

RE: I don't ever feel like that. Clinical evidence out of New Zealand shows that aspie individuals lack long term bonding hormones for long term relationships. We don't get oxytocin emotionally and hormonally bonding us to other people. So no, I can't say I've ever felt that way.

 

Well, now I start to understand you. But if you struggle with monogamy and don't understand why even kisses are out of limits, maybe try to think that your partner would like to feel that bond. I mean, I long for it so much.. and I guess most of us do.

 

If you think you can't give that to him, you should find a partner who can live without. Like you And he should find someone who can give that to him. SOunds fair, huh?

[amipushy]

Sure. Why would that bother me? He's open and honest with me, showing me respect by not doing it behind my back. He's happy. I'm happy. Where's the problem?

 

I mean, I could probably even watch sometimes.

 

I don't think that kissing another person in that way is showing respect.

[vivisection-8]

I'm not trying to validate or challenge. I feel one way. Most people feel another. It's a simple act to connect with people.

 

If he slept with someone and didn't tell me, this would bother me because that is a betrayal of emotional monogamy. The sex wouldn't bother me in the least.

 

But if it were a kiss, I doubt it'd even ding the radar either way.

 

isnt that kind of hypocritical? u said love and sex are different. if its just sex and everyone's just trading blowjobs for handshakes then why should either of u feel compelled to say anything. it doesnt become emotional infidelity until he falls in love with the other person.

[hexaemeron]

RE: I don't ever feel like that. Clinical evidence out of New Zealand shows that aspie individuals lack long term bonding hormones for long term relationships. We don't get oxytocin emotionally and hormonally bonding us to other people. So no, I can't say I've ever felt that way.

 

Well, now I start to understand you. But if you struggle with monogamy and don't understand why even kisses are out of limits, maybe try to think that your partner would like to feel that bond. I mean, I long for it so much.. and I guess most of us do.

 

If you think you can't give that to him, you should find a partner who can live without. Like you And he should find someone who can give that to him. SOunds fair, huh?

 

Well, I'm fairly confident he's bonded to me that way. I just biochemically can't reciprocate. It doesn't mean I don't love him. It doesn't mean I don't respect him. I just have to go out of my way to make sure I don't hurt him.