I've done what no man ever should do

[ihateme]

This is my first post on these forums and that's only because I've never had any reason to post here. I found these forums and read about peoples problems which are similar to my own...

 

I thought I was doing good until all hell broke loose..

 

So, I've been in a relationship for almost two years. When I met my gf, we both fell in love with eachother really fast. She moved from a bigger city to my small town and didn't want to live with her parents, so she stayed at my place right from the start. It didn't take long before we moved in together.

 

The first year was simply wonderful, the best time of my life. Then it started to slide downwords until a few months ago. She came home one night and said that this isn't working, that we should break up. First I thought it a good idea but I started to think that our problems aren't that big, we might be able to solve them. I explained it to her and that's when she told me that she didn't believe it was possible for us to be together before she was allowed to live alone for awhile. I cried and begged but nothing helped.

 

So we broke up and I was starting to get over her when she came to me crying and told me she had regretted her decision and she was still in love with me. My feelings for her blossomed like never before.

 

For a while, everything felt ok but I noticed something was different about her, she looked through me and not at me like she used to, and she let phrases like "I will hang a portrait of my father above my bed so that every _man_ will feel like he's being stared at.." slip every now and then. It hurt me and I asked why she did these things and if she regrets getting back together. She said no and had a lot of excuses. A while back, we got into an argument over me calling her during worktime, something I've always done and considered a ritual of sort, asking her how her days been etc. Suddenly this wasn't a good thing anymore, she said me calling her annoyed her and she thought me needy. I got angry and said well maybe we should break up then. I got no answer from her and she refused to answer my calls. A few days passed and I found out she had taken one of my (ex) best friends to bed. Well, I broke up with her, loosened all the ties but the loss, feeling of betrayal was overwhelming.

 

After not being able to sleep for over a week, I got sleeping pills.. And everything went ok until last weekend. I went out to a bar I know she usually visits after taking too many pills and drinking too much. The whole evening was really blurry and I have not many memories. I remember walking up to her, she starting to push me back and the next thing I remember is walking out of the bad in a suicidal mood.

 

The following morning, I wake up in my bed, which is full of dry blood. My hand is bleeding and I'm covered with cuts. I came home at night and tried to kill myself. I panicked and went to my neighbour and told him everything which quickly dressed and drove me to the hospital...

 

In the car he asked if I know how my ex is doing. I replied that I don't have a clue and should I? That's when he told me.. I had hit her on the mouth and she lost two teeth. And suddenly it came back to me and it explained my hand.

 

I've tried calling her, ask her of forgiveness but the only reply I've got is from her father who tells me she want's nothing to do with me anymore, which I understand..

 

I feel so ashamed and so guilty that I am continously thinking of ending my life. I've got a few true friends who are the only reason I'm still alive who aer urging me to cope with it.

 

I just felt that I needed to get it off my chest and I know there are people here who judge me for my actions regardless. I feel like I deserve only death, because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to live with the guilt on my conscience.

 

How should I, how can I cope with something like this?

[pumpkinmoon]

I think getting some kind of counselling would help you. Please don't continue mixing alcohol with these pills. It's no excuse for what you did but it is done now and you can't change that. All you can do is move forward one step at a time.

[EQD]

you were heavily under the influence of two drugs, it sounds like you had very little control over your actions. i wouldnt *beat* yourself up over it. Just stay away from your ex for a while... a good while. until your emotions have settled.

anger can do alot to someone. When you mix drugs in with it censorship goes out the window. this seems like something you wouldnt have done otherwise. so you cant fault yourself.

 

be well.

[top bloke]

you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It wasnt your typical behaviour. I take medication every day and one beer sends me to sleep. It has a profound effect. Forgive yourself on this.

Hitting a lady is bad but tthe cocktail you had set you off..it wast you...its not your character...keep away from those chemicals

She should feel guilty for not keeping her legs crossed..

 

 

.

[EQD]

She should feel guilty for not keeping her legs crossed..

 

 

.

 

this too

 

.

[rocio]

You need to get help. You are 100% responsible and accountable for what happened. You chose to return to a disfunctional relationship. You chose to stay in it, even after you knew that things were off. You chose to take too many sleeping pills and drink too much.

 

Although sleeping pills can be bought legally, that doesn't make them any safer than a drug you'll buy on the street. Or any less addictive. If you can't use them the way they were meant to be used, then you are abusing them.

 

Get treatment for your substance abuse and anger management problems. Once you've got yourself under control, then I think you'll realise that you deserve to be in a better relationship.

[rocio]

oh, and get a lawyer. her family will probably try to get you thrown in jail.

[top bloke]

You need to get help. You are 100% responsible and accountable for what happened. You chose to return to a disfunctional relationship. You chose to stay in it, even after you knew that things were off. You chose to take too many sleeping pills and drink too much.

 

Although sleeping pills can be bought legally, that doesn't make them any safer than a drug you'll buy on the street. Or any less addictive. If you can't use them the way they were meant to be used, then you are abusing them.

 

Get treatment for your substance abuse and anger management problems. Once you've got yourself under control, then I think you'll realise that you deserve to be in a better relationship.

He was not of sound mind and under the influence of drugs. He is not 100 percent to blame as is a mental patient at that time. He is responsible in his consumption but was not mentally capable at the time of the attack .

[EQD]

I disagree, taking drugs and drinking isn't an excuse for that kind of behaviour, people need to take responsibilty for their own actions.

 

OP- Quit taking drugs.

 

i would normally say yes, but i've been drunk at a time when i had inner resentment and anger towards someone. normally drinks wouldnt have had an effect on my attitude after that, but the situation was compounded when i ran into that very person. i said things and wanted to do things that otherwise i wouldnt have dared to.

i couldnt imagine taking sleeping pills (which you REALLY arent supposed to mix with alcohol) and what effect that might have had.

he was responsible for taking the mix of drugs, but had he not he wouldnt have punched her in the face. the responsibility lies in conciousness, which he didnt have alot of at the time.

[real_life_101]

Dont sweat it at all, she was a scum bag. I dont condone ever hitting a women, but in this case she got what she deserved. That was a scum bag move on her part and a bad move on your part. Use it as a learning tool and never do it again. I would not talk to that girl ever again even to say your sorry. The hell with her parents to, get her out of your life...

[lavenderdove]

Unfortunately, a crime is a crime whether you intended it or not, and assaulting someone and knocking out teeth is a crime regardless of what other posters might say. If drugs and alcohol were an excuse for avoiding responsibility for committing crimes and assaults, then drug addicts wouldn't go to jail but they do.

 

I genuinely understand that you had a blackout and don't remember the actual event, but you need ot try to remedy this as much as possible. You need to pay whatever medical expenses she incurred, including the dental work to replace her teeth. That is the first step in restitution of the wrong you have done.

 

I think if she does start to think about this and press charges, if you have already made an attempt to mitigate the damage you have done by paying for her injuries, a judge will be less harsh with you during sentencing.

 

This is a sobering wake up call that you need to stop drinking and taking pills, and need to consult a counselor to help you get thru this rough period. There is obviously a negative connection between the two of you, so remind yourself that whatever fond memories you might have of her from the beginning, you seem to have brought out the worst in each other, and need to let her go and find someone who is a better match for you.

 

Ending your life is no solution to this, but making restitution to her by paying her medical bills, and getting counseling for yourself, is the way to get past this. You now know that you should stop drinking if you become violent when drunk, and perhaps avoid those particular sleeping pills if they cause blackout. You also shouldn't take sleeping pills ever except right before bed in order to sleep, and not to mix pill and drink to get high.

 

Today your task is to do two things: Pick up the phone and call a counselor to get in and talk about your suicidal feelings. And perhaps call an attorney to find the best way to approach this assault and offer to pay her medical bills, perhaps thru a third party if they want no contact with you.

[rocio]

If drugs and alcohol were an excuse for avoiding responsibility for committing crimes and assaults, then drug addicts wouldn't go to jail but they do.

 

Exactly. You cannot plead temporary insanity due to drunkeness.

[EQD]

^

oh yeah.

 

And dont offer to pay anything for her. dont talk to her period. if she serves you or whatever--presses charges--then work it out then, but dont volunteer. and cross your fingers.

[ihateme]

I do take full responsability for my actions. That's the least I can do, I don't blame this on anyone besides myself.

 

I've never mixed pills with alcohol before and I won't do it again, that's for sure.

[rocio]

I do take full responsability for my actions. That's the least I can do, I don't blame this on anyone besides myself.

 

I've never mixed pills with alcohol before and I won't do it again, that's for sure.

 

That's really good to hear. What you did was wrong - there's no doubt about it - but my no means is it unforgivable. You should absolutely feel bad right now, but let's just end this talk of suicide, okay?

[EQD]

I do take full responsability for my actions. That's the least I can do, I don't blame this on anyone besides myself.

 

I've never mixed pills with alcohol before and I won't do it again, that's for sure.

 

well then whats the problem?

lol, how do you feel about your ex now?

[Beautiful Nightmare]

First off, you need to stop drinking and taking drugs, even if they are legal. Right now you need to be sober. You might not clearly remember what happened, but you are responsible for it. You and you alone.

 

I suggest getting counseling and start attending AA meetings. Look into Anger management classes. You may not be an addict, but if she presses charges, this will work in your favor. And when things go bad, it’s always nice to have someone to talk to. They can keep you on the right track, especially if you start feeling suicidal again.

 

And most importantly… stay away from her! Do not contact her. Do not contact her family. Forget about her. Focus on getting help for yourself. If she does press charges, all communications should be done through a lawyer. Just get her out of your life and keep her out.

 

I’m sorry this happened. But now is the time to get all this crap out of your life and start working towards being a better man.

[ihateme]

well then whats the problem?

lol, how do you feel about your ex now?

 

The problem is the shame and guilt and it's eating me up from the inside.

I still love my ex but I know I need to forget her, it's just hard.

[EQD]

The problem is the shame and guilt and it's eating me up from the inside.

I still love my ex but I know I need to forget her, it's just hard.

 

i understand. you want to apologize? or get back in contact with her.

which is a very very bad idea. so you will want to do your best to fight it.

You knocked her teeth out, before you gave her less of a reason to hate you and she still acted like a c...... onsiderably mean person.

so.. just remember you will really regret it, and she probably will just be enraged by your attempt to apologize or 'make up'

[NightLily]

Yes, I agree with the above posters who have said that drugs and alcohol have to be a no go for you right now.

 

But, I don't really buy that you did it just because you were under the influence. Even if you don't remember, there must have been something in you that could have been set off. It isn't like people just act randomly when under the influence. For that reason I would strongly suggest counseling. (Secondly, why would you have taken this mix.. on purpose.. and then went to a bar she usually goes to? Sounds to me like looking for trouble.)

 

I have accidently mixed pills with alcohol before and it did definetly have a stronger effect than alcohol. In other words, it just compounded my natural drunken character. I was goofy as all hell and laughing so hard I was about to fall over on the metro Oo..

 

Also, if you want to help with your guilt, I think you have to be as much of a gentleman about the situation as you can be. Don't try to get any personal contact from her(as she is probably scared). But do pay for her medical bills. That is the least you can do.

[ihateme]

 

But, I don't really buy that you did it just because you were under the influence. Even if you don't remember, there must have been something in you that could have been set off. It isn't like people just act randomly when under the influence. For that reason I would strongly suggest counseling. (Secondly, why would you have taken this mix.. on purpose.. and then went to a bar she usually goes to? Sounds to me like looking for trouble.)

 

 

You are probably right, I think it was jealousy that drove me to go there, even though sober, the last thing I wanted to see was her..

 

I'm not trying to blame the alcohol and the pills for my actions. I did them to try and forget everything. I hate myself because of the fact that inside me, there's a man who has hit a woman. I have preached hard on this principle before to others, now I don't even dare think it.

 

The combination of realizing this and the guilt is what's makes it so difficult. I have at least made a promise to myself to try to stay away from alcohol in the future..

[NightLily]

Hey well good on you for knowing the deal. Glad to see you are trying to make the changes you need to get this under wraps.

[DeviousDevil]

I think you should write her a letter of apology.

 

That should be non-threatening and let her know that you hate yourself for having done it and that there is no chance you'd do it again.

 

As for your future. I think you should consider moving out of your town, rebuild afresh.

[yeawutever]

Don't get drunk again in the future specially if it's causing you blackouts and hitting your ex girlfriend. It's good that you at least show regret for it even though you don't remember it. Tell in a letter that you really can't remember anything about it but that you're sorry and pay for her teeth lost bill. Afterwards proceed on having no contact and get to counseling.