I want him to wait

[Jonboy582]

I have to say I didnt want to have sex with the other guy it just happened drunk and it was to hard to get out of after that. It was 10 times but over almost a year.

 

I am just worried that the other guy will make a big deal of being last and it will cause problems after we are married.

So you just accidently had sex with him 9 mote times? Hard to get out is no reason. You are holding out to your future husband, it can't be harder to hold out for a guy you didnt care for.

 

You say you want to wait for the wedding and do it properly but why? None of what you said makes sense, you have even slept with him before. Because of that its all just dates and numbers, your not saving yourself for him.

 

I'm sure its as big deal to him to have sex with him as it is for you to hold out before you get married. And tbh you owe this guy a lot, why should you be the one who gets their own way. All your doing is being extreemly selfish and unreasonable. Some may liken it to getting a man addicted to heroin, then making him go cold turkey, but still giving it to other men he knows.

 

Also I can guarantee if you didnt feel comfortable back then you wont do after your married. What has actually changed? your still with the same guy you love, still live together etc. Its just a ceremony to celebrate your love and devotion for each other. It doesn't provide any magical cures for your insecurities. My best advice would be to put the wedding on hold, see a counciler and give your fiancee what he wants. It's not an unreasonable request.

[girl68]

I get the whole notion of making mistakes and trying to correct them. If she's uncomfortable with having sex she should wait. The problem here lies in the "what's the big deal question?"

 

OP how would you like it if something was a BIG DEAL TO YOU, and your finance comes on here and blabs about how he cannot phanthom how you think something so "small" is such a big deal? You'd feel hurt and as if your finance didn't get you or even so to TRY to understand how you might feel.

 

THAT is inconsideration for you partners feelings. You think that just becasue he gets to screw you after you marry him, he'll just "get over it"? Pffft... Get over yourself, and try thinking about more than just YOUR uncomfort. Maybe for once think about why your husband might like to claim your last "single ." He wants to be the last to have you single AND the last to have you for life. THAT is how it's such a big deal.

[chrisox]

It is not that much longer, what long term harm can it do I mean will he resent me for years over making him wait even though it would make me feel more comfortable

[Lights]

Maybe you have to compromise what makes you comfortable.

 

Do you think it made HIM comfortable when you had sex with someone else 10 times? Probably not, so the time for comfort seems to be long gone out the window.

[greensleeves]

It is not that much longer, what long term harm can it do I mean will he resent me for years over making him wait even though it would make me feel more comfortable

 

It sounds like the relationship has been all about you up to this point. Don't you think it time and let it be about what he needs for a change?

[DaBladeRoden]

I wonder how comfortable he feels having to marry you to get your loving when the other guy only had to bring some booze.

[inspectahpecks]

In all honesty, i'm surprised your fiance is still with you. If I was put in his situation then I wouldn't be sticking around for long.

 

I think what you're doing is very, very, selfish.

[waveseer]

You've had two men in your life, one was for stability and the other for excitement. It doesn't seem like you want to experience excitement from the stable man. Understandably, he doesn't like this one bit as it is highly insulting and hurtful.

 

Ultimately you must decide if you can get your excitement from the stable man and not just now but for the rest of your life. If you cannot then the wise and kind thing to do would be to break your engagement and end your relationship.

[jul-els]

It is not that much longer, what long term harm can it do I mean will he resent me for years over making him wait even though it would make me feel more comfortable

 

It's highly possible.

[chrisox]

The sex was way better with my bf the other guy was awful at it but I did like him for awile I think because I liked having someone to talk to when me and bf were having trouble I never wanted to have sex with other guy and regret it

 

Also it sort of a faith and comfort thing I want to be able to be comfortable this time and not acted sad about having sex and put him though that again I know I have had sex though I wish I waited

[Seymore]

I wonder how comfortable he feels having to marry you to get your loving when the other guy only had to bring some booze.

 

I totally agree. You're just going to give it up for some "other" guy like that, and make your fiancée jump the broom to get it from you? Sounds like this is completely backwards and should be the other way around.

 

While I was never engaged to my ex - before me, she was having her one-night stands and wouldn't really think twice about sleeping with guys (she had quite a few casual partners for the time she'd been having sex)...then I came along, and I was the one who had to wait a month because she "didn't feel like it", often times unless she had alcohol. I felt cheated. Here I was, the one who would have given anything for her, done anything to make her happy, and I got teased. The other guys just had to swing through and she'd go home with them. Completely unfair.

 

And I got the whole "I'm not comfortable/there's too much pressure" thing. I got fed up and quit trying much at all, and I still got the same argument. She felt comfortable with some Joe she just met at a bar and whatnot, where was that excuse then?

 

Let me ask you this - how about if he says "You have to wait for us to get married"? What if he made you wait? How would you feel then?

 

Sorry if this came off as snippy, but this really hit a personal nerve.

[SleepingKitten]

I've advise that before even thinking of sleeping with your fiance. He's been thru enough it seems to not pick up a social disease on top of it.

 

Even with condoms some STDs can be spread, and since u say he sleeps with lots of women, you've got more chance of catchign somethign than sleeping with a guy who doesn't get around.

 

Did you not like sex with your bf when you had sex together? If you've got a concrete wedding date, a ring on your finger.. and you've already had sex, not sure why you insist on waiting....

 

Is there something else turning you off to sex before you get married? Afraid of preganancy, I dunno...i'm puzzled by dis thread too.

[girl68]

I just love how the OP doesn't ACTUALLY respond directly to comments. Instead she reapeats: I'm not comfortable, he's my best friend! what's the big deal?

[yellowcal]

I only sort of cheated we were ending at the time we fought a lot some about sex. I felt uneasy having sex and always wanted to wait. It sort of just happened with the other guy I was not looking to have sex. It was like he was a sex addict that is all the other guy wanted to do and still does. I hear from people he sleeps with tons of women.

 

There is no such thing as "sort of cheated" you either cheated or you didn't and things don't "just happen". You are being extremely selfish and unfair to the man you want to marry.

[yellowcal]

The sex was way better with my bf the other guy was awful at it but I did like him for awile I think because I liked having someone to talk to when me and bf were having trouble I never wanted to have sex with other guy and regret it

 

Also it sort of a faith and comfort thing I want to be able to be comfortable this time and not acted sad about having sex and put him though that again I know I have had sex though I wish I waited

 

 

You are feeling guilty about having sex with another man and are acting this way and wanting to do it this way to ease YOUR guilt, not out of concern for your future husband. I will say again, extremely selfish behavior.

[Tired Tiger]

I just love how the OP doesn't ACTUALLY respond directly to comments. Instead she reapeats: I'm not comfortable, he's my best friend! what's the big deal?

Yep. And I'm sure we won't hear about it when the marriage implodes in 6 months. Just because someone doesn't understand why something is a big deal... doesn't mean it isn't...

[girl68]

OP, here is a direct question:

 

"what's the big deal? You've already slept with him- you're no vigin... SO... what's the big deal!?"

 

Let me guess: I'm uncomfortable! I never wanted to in the first place! I'm trying to do it "right!" He's my best friend! Blah blah blah.

[chrisox]

I guess I just wanted to know why being last is so important to guys he was my first and will be my last after we are married and I would be hurt if he wanted to wairt to get married that is one of the reason we broke up the firstr time

[yeawutever]

I would be hurt if he wanted to wairt to get married that is one of the reason we broke up the firstr time

 

So now you're doing the same thing he wanted to do the first time but you didn't want to???

Ok but then it will only bring those horrible memories back with him. Actually your situation, your post is so confusing. I don't think your marriage will last.

[girl68]

I guess I just wanted to know why being last is so important to guys he was my first and will be my last after we are married and I would be hurt if he wanted to wairt to get married that is one of the reason we broke up the firstr time

 

And... still NO ANSWER!

 

Because you see, common practice is the man you marry IS the last person you sleep with before you marry! I will marry my bf and he will be the last man I sleep with as a "single gal" as well as the last man I sleep with for life. Your bf wants to be in the same position my bf is in. My bf (like your bf) want to be the last one to tap my single a**. And well your finance isn't the last. For once consider his feelings- oh wait, "what's the big deal?"

 

Your not a virgin, don't pretend like you are.

[anggrace]

I guess I just wanted to know why being last is so important to guys he was my first and will be my last after we are married and I would be hurt if he wanted to wairt to get married that is one of the reason we broke up the firstr time

 

I don't think it really has to do with being the "last". He is hurt and offended that you could so easily give it up for this other shmuck and not to him, the man you're going to marry. He has every right to feel upset about that. THAT is why he wants you to have sex with him NOW. Because everytime you reject him, it just makes him feel worse. You won't do it, for whatever reason, and now it's become a power struggle.

[laisla]

honestly chrisox i think people are being way too harsh on you here. i can understand why you want to wait this time. some people realize their mistakes and want to do things differently. it's like someone becoming more religious and wanting to wait until they are married at least.

 

i think you should talk to your finace about this in a very calm manner...tell him everything that is on your mind...listen to him, listen to his concerns....one of you have to stop being stubborn about this.

[girl68]

honestly chrisox i think people are being way too harsh on you here. i can understand why you want to wait this time. some people realize their mistakes and want to do things differently. it's like someone becoming more religious and wanting to wait until they are married at least.

 

i think you should talk to your finace about this in a very calm manner...tell him everything that is on your mind...listen to him, listen to his concerns....one of you have to stop being stubborn about this.

 

That's not the point. At least that's not what I'm arguing. My point is she is dimissing his feelings because she thinks hers mean more. By saying "what's the big deal?" to something that IS a big deal to her bf is hurtful and dismissing his feelings on the subject that IS a big deal.

 

She thinks it should be her way or the highway. How so? I've explained preciesly WHY it is a big deal for the bf. But she's under the impression who cares about what he thinks and feels- it is about how I feel. And THAT is the problem.

[SapphireNoir10]

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