THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[rachellsa]

Think I've lost count of my days argh! It's actually day 12 of NC, nearly 6 weeks since the break up.

 

Feeling pretty good today. Still spending a lot of my brain power thinking about him though. Mainly just circulating why he would do this, I'm definitely villainising him because of the way we broke up, cowardice on his part and his lack of actual reasons behind not wanting to be with me. It's like i know I'll never have the answers so I'm just assuming things. When really I just need to let it go!! Definitely need to fill my headspace with more productive things! So roll on Saturday when its 2 weeks NC, 6 weeks bu! Might treat myself to something nice.

[crazyoflove]

Day 3

 

Well I made it through two days and started Day 3. I ignored her message saying "take good care of yourself, please do!" sent at 2am yesterday. I wonder though what was point of this, just to get some reaction from me or her way of saying goodbye. This is going to be tough, I see it already but I am determined to make it right this time. Either she will stop taking me for granted and work with me on our issues or it will be definite end of "us".

[ick]

Day 2 NC

 

Not sure what's going on td but I feel great w moving on bc i know its so right for me as an individual. If she contacted me today I would not take her back and would tell her this time apart has made me realize im deff not ready for a serious relationship either and I don't want to get involved w someone not healthy and who can't give me what I want.

 

I realize I never had a real relationship w this girl and we never had true love although im convinced it would come down the line. it was Just passion obsession and I think it could have been great one day. I miss her like crazy though. Haven't slept right and eaten in a week. I think about her a lot and miss talking to her seeing her kissing her and holding her.

 

I know it was bad timing for us both and, we never really had a real relationship (never called her my gf mostly banging and sleeping 2g both really busy,did sms all the time 24/7, never met my parents or friends, a lot of dates and sex, were happy together, she started saying she loves me really fast talked about seeing herself marry me etc). this makes me feel like down the line when we're both healthy and ready for a relationship it could be great. Neither of us were this time. Oh well I'll get over it w NC and a couple weeks / months.

[zep]

Day 25

I'm so close to 30! Exciting! I don't plan on ever talking to my ex again though. I mean maybe... but anytime I've run into an ex in the past I sort of panic at the awkwardness and leave before they see me/have a chance to come up to me. So I imagine it will be the same with this most current ex.

 

I am really really looking forward to Dec 16th. I am moving out of this apartment (that we lived in together, its almost all his stuff) and into my own! And then immediately after I am going to the USA for 3 weeks for the holidays. When I was in Egypt I barely thought about my ex because of the change of scenery, and I think it will be the same in the US and once I am in my new apartment. A whole new fresh start.

 

I've been texting with my mini-crush and it makes my heart so happy.

[Amandacast57]

Day 3.

 

I've been SO sick this week. Not because of him, just have a nasty cold. But then I feel bitter thinking about how I stayed up with him on Friday night while he was throwing up. And then, here I am, sick to death and he is not here to take care of me.

 

This whole situation is extremely hard because I wonder if he ever cared about me. I wonder if it meant anything that I met his parents, that we looked at apartments together and that he told me he loved me.

 

And then I wonder if people ever do change?

[ghost1ee]

Day 3

 

Yesterday, my bro got in an accident. He hit a truck from behind. Another car was hit in front of the truck. His car is most likely totaled, but I'm glad that nobody was seriously hurt. This event made me realize that anything can happen on a daily basis. You never can take anything for granted. So I realized that life should be taken with a grain of salt because anything unexpected can happen. I've always thought that me and my ex were the one and I was already predicting marriage between us. We even talked about kids already. But this will not happen anymore. Expectations really does disappoint, on this case, big time. Later on last night, I watched my other bro's high school basketball game. Funny thing was that almost throughout the whole game, I can't stop thinking about my ex and her new guy still. It hurts to think about it, I try not to, but the idea just keeps coming back.

 

When I came home, I accidentally came accross a photo of her on my phone. I looked at it and thought "wow she is beautiful, but okay". I used to think that she's the only girl with that beauty in the world. But last night, I came to the realization that everyone is beautiful. I was able to remove her from that pedestal I had her on these whole four years. I told myself "maybe you just find her beautiful because you fell in love with her". But then, you know, she IS beautiful, but her personality as time progressed decayed. I'm glad I didn't have to stay and suffer from all her sadness and really bad personality. I slept around 11pm, and woke up again at 3:30am. But I didn't have trouble going back to sleep last night. I woke up not feeling tired. I even took a shower this morning haha. I realized I haven't been taking care of myself this last few days. I also had a great appetite yesterday. Before I went on this site this morning to type this, I deleted her pic off my phone and blocked her on skype because I don't want to get reminded of her there anymore. I still am true to the fact that I haven't visited her fb or tumblr or any site she goes to, and I just went on Skype to block her and that's it. I don't even use Skype nowadays. Once I start grad school in January, I will use skype again to stay in touch with my family back in Cali. So I just had to block her asap so I won't get reminded of her when the time comes that I open Skype again.

 

EDIT: I also realized that even though she unfriended me on fb, that can still tempt me from "accidentally" going to her page and seeing new pics of happiness and stuff. Well, I went to fb and completely blocked her there too. It makes life much more easier now. No more worries of seeing any new updates from her anymore.

[fireyred3]

I want to start this as well.....great idea...we are all in it together. Sorry, I wish i saw this post before I made my phone call today ugh!!!! Of course, got VM...so I'm starting as my first day as 11/30/12....we are on!!!!

[ghost1ee]

Okay I went to her fb today, as I mentioned on my Day 3 post. I did it to check if she blocked me yet or not, and noticed that she didn't. On checking, I noticed she has a new profile pic. She was smiling in the pic with another girl smiling too. She looked happy. But another thing I noticed was that I'm not really attracted to her anymore. After that, I proceeded in blocking her. I just wanted to put this out there because I DID technically break the NC rule, but my excuse should suffice b/c I blocked her right after. PLUS, I didn't look at anything else in her page. What do you guys think of this? Should I start at Day 1 again b/c of it or just continue from Day 3 today?

[JohnGalt]

Ghost - it is all about you man. Start from Day 1 if you want or continue from Day 3. The NC Challenge is about discipline and making it a habit. The idea is not to go to 30 days and then start contacting your ex. It is to prove that you CAN go 30 days so you can go another 30 and another 30 until you're fully healed.

[ick]

Day 3 NC Today

 

Today was rougher than yesterday. I came off the high that realizing that ending things was best thing possible. Have run myself in circles in my head today though. Thinking what was real what was just confusion between us. Felt heartbroken all day again. Had a tough time focusing and being myself. If she reached out I'd tell her to go **** herself. No doubt NC is best thing to do. I wish it was easier to move on. I'm doing the right thing though and that feels great here's to day 4 being a better one.

[Mistykitty]

I'm really not sure why its SO hard today...

I'm just SO, so sad. Today marks the one-week mark, and I know that's nothing but ugh. I had to hold back tears all of work because all I could do was think of him. I cried on the way home, and now that I'm home I just feel like doing NOTHING

 

I guess the good thing is that I don't feel like contacting him. I just feel like curling up in bed for the rest of forever

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 28.

 

Four whole weeks after today... I'm so happy I've managed to stay strong and get to this point!

 

The third and fourth week were the toughest for me, probably because time is passing and I can see he is not attempting to reach out. It just makes me sad that he's not bothered in the slightest.

 

But the last couple of days I've been feeling so much better and I've actually been thinking about him less. I'm on POF and getting a LOT of messages on there. However, I've been ignoring most of them because most guys on there just don't take my interest. There's only one guy I've been chatting to on there and he is great. We've got lots in common - so much more than my ex and I ever had and it's making me start to see that my ex isn't actually that special.

[zep]

Day 28.

 

Four whole weeks after today... I'm so happy I've managed to stay strong and get to this point!

 

The third and fourth week were the toughest for me, probably because time is passing and I can see he is not attempting to reach out. It just makes me sad that he's not bothered in the slightest.

 

But the last couple of days I've been feeling so much better and I've actually been thinking about him less. I'm on POF and getting a LOT of messages on there. However, I've been ignoring most of them because most guys on there just don't take my interest. There's only one guy I've been chatting to on there and he is great. We've got lots in common - so much more than my ex and I ever had and it's making me start to see that my ex isn't actually that special.

 

Great job NC! Let us know how things go with the POF guy I remember when I started posting on this NC thread you were just ahead of me days wise. (I think I was 3 days and you were 5). And I thought, crap, if only I had not talked to him this weekend I would be on Day 5 too! haha I'm glad we both kept it up!

[zep]

I'm really not sure why its SO hard today...

I'm just SO, so sad. Today marks the one-week mark, and I know that's nothing but ugh. I had to hold back tears all of work because all I could do was think of him. I cried on the way home, and now that I'm home I just feel like doing NOTHING

 

I guess the good thing is that I don't feel like contacting him. I just feel like curling up in bed for the rest of forever

 

I think these hard days are the key days. Like if you push through the really hard day you are making a major step in healing, and it will really help. Every time I've had a hard day (particularly the second week) I could tell there was a major difference afterwards. It's like working out, this is the time that you're breaking down the muscle so that it will build up again stronger.

[Mary56]

Do anybody has kids with the ex and he still NC? Oh and he is married as well....

[Mary56]

OMG I want to be where you at so bad right now!!!! I'm sick of this bull****!!!!

[fireyred3]

I think you should continue as day 3. You made a major break through...by blocking her...keep it that way. Looking at her FB was a sure way for you to face the closure...now hopefully you are on your way to being YOU

[fireyred3]

I unfortunately, am not doing very well. I called him yesterday only to get VM this of course put me back to "0" i spiraled down to sending a text later that night, no response....

My situation is much different. I am a married woman and he to is also married we've been involved for 6 yrs. We never really discussed where it was going, but occasionally tell me "it can not be anything other than it is" due to our marriages...but how so much he wish he could walk the beach with me, or compliment me...there's so much more he would say that sent mixed messages...telling me on one hand there could never be anything...but then he'd tell me different stuff that made me think he was getting emotionally involved.

Recently he traveled to Bogota Columbia he was there for 5 weeks came home for two then back to columbia for 10 days.

When he came home during those two weeks between his trips to Columbia he was distant made himself unavailable. I perceived it as "him being busy since he hadn't been home for 5 weeks. When he returned home from Columbia the 2nd time

I got the "we need to talk text" i knew something was wrong, apparently he had gotten involved with a Columbian woman, single has three kids 21, 19, 14...the 14 yrs old lives with her...this woman must've "rocked his world" he's confused, distraught, now he says "he's facing life decisions, his life, his wife....he has a different perspective on life...what the HELL

 

I've been with this man for 6 yrs. I would made those decisions with him..so now he goes to Columbia meets this woman for 2 weeks and gets all hung up ....he now tells me he needs time alone, to think, sort things out, re-eavluate his life....and now he has laid this bomb on me and literally shut the door and the lights on me.....in the meantime, they keep in contact via email....he feels sorry for her...heartbroken...she's poor never married, dad abused her the mom threw her out of the house...makes no money and lives a sad life....yet appreciative of everything...no woman as he says ever made him feel this way, she's never met a man like him.....

His wife never talks to him they have no relationship at all. They haven't had sex in over 2-1/2 yrs..they never talk or discuss..the communication is down.

Now his communication is down with me....he always told me he never plans anything...planning leads to disappointment...

 

yet he now is facing issues that require not a fast fix....possible divorce....divorce is huge, hurts all involved...he's waiting...son lives at home 17yrs old daughter 21 college....always said he stayed for the kids....soon within a year or two wants to leave....

so in the meantime, im' shut out although he's told me "he'll let me know what the outcome is, when he figures it all out".

while he still holds on to emails....do i think he plans to bring this girl to the states...a girl he was only with for 2 weeks....yes, it's my biggest fear...fear that i stood by his side for 6 yrs...waiting for the time i could have possibly had withhim.....now after only 2 weeks with this woman...he now looks at life decisions....A. divorce and B. bring a girl who, can't speak english,...let alone the culture of this country....and let's not forget...she has kids...will they come??...will only the 14 yr old??? Sounds like jumping from the frying pan and into the fire???? Of course, this is my active mind going....since we have not talked in a week...i'm not sure where he is in all of this....i know what I have to do...it's just getting my heart there....any suggestions....and help

 

also wanted to mention....as of now his work in Columbia is completed there are no signs of him returning and if there were...it would be a long time from now...I don't know what to do...i wanna help him...i wanna be there...bring him back to the logic of this...he is angry with me because when i first learned of all this...i kept discussing it, trying to help sort out feelings....i look at this called "communication" he sees it as pressure and needs to do it on his own....so im in the dark...yet i know he emails her...WHAT DO I DO????????

[fireyred3]

Great job NC! Let us know how things go with the POF guy I remember when I started posting on this NC thread you were just ahead of me days wise. (I think I was 3 days and you were 5). And I thought, crap, if only I had not talked to him this weekend I would be on Day 5 too! haha I'm glad we both kept it up!

 

WOW SO GREAT FOR YOU....can't wait to be where you are...read mine below...im so messed up..

[JohnGalt]

How about work on your own marriage or give your husband a divorce. This type of stuff makes me not want to get married.

[ghost1ee]

Day 4

 

Thank you JohnGalt and fireyred3 for the feedback. But anyhow, yesterday was really emotional. I met up with a friend to have a 1 on 1 talk with. He also have just recently broke up with his ex as well. We went to the park and talked for about 4 hours. It really was a relieving time because we shared our stories with each other. He told his story first, then I did. We kind of discuss similarities in between the stories as well. During my part, I cried my heart out. I was starting out fine, then when I remembered certain parts of the relationships that were good times I started crying. I realized I hurt my ex a lot, but she also hurt me a lot as well. I remember her telling me that I don't have a chance with her anymore post-break up. But it really helped talking to my friend. Confiding my secrets and my emotions to a close friend lifted so much of the heaviness in my chest. After that, I dropped off my little bro back home to get ready for his basketball tourney. After dropping him off, me and my friend went to one of our other friend's house and just played video games and joked around. The thought of my ex still lingered in my mind the whole time, but I tried to minimize them. Also, after we ate at Chipotle and really had a great laugh joking about each other. All my four friends were cracking up, although I was just standing there smiling and sometimes laughing. It was fun being with old friends again. Bros definitely are there forever for you. Without them, I would feel so confused and alone right now. That night, I went to bed just before midnight, and I actually managed not to wake up too early. I woke up around 5:30am and went back to sleep and snoozed for one more hour. Thoughts of my ex still lingers in my mind every time I drive, but I know it should start fading as time passes by.

[sublimek2]

I originally posted this in another thread. Thought maybe here was better.

 

Ok, not sure how to tally this one...

 

She texted me last night at work:

Her: I would like to chat with you, but don't want to bother you. Text me back or call me if you want to.

 

After I thought it over a few hours, I decided to text back:

Me not really sure that's such a good idea for me.

Her I just thought some time had gone by and we could work on being friends

Her it makes you feel any better, I'm not dating "him" either. I need to focus on myself. (not sure why she felt the need to send me that)

Me: I don't really want to talk about this now. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. There's a lot I want to say and want you to understand. But right now, it'll only make me feel worse.

Her: Ok. well if you change your mind, I would like us to try to be friends and have you not hate me.

 

So....NC day 1 again?

 

Any perspective or thoughts would be appreciated also. (perhaps I should have started a new thread?)

[ghost1ee]

I don't think you should go back to NC day 1 b/c she was the one that initiated the contact. And plus, it was short.

[cwsreddy]

A bit late to the party, but I love taking challenges!

 

The pain isn't severe. I can sleep fine. My life isn't over. I'm getting back into my acting career, which is amazing. Just miss her, simple as that. I would love for us to grow together again down the road, but what will be, will be. Nothing I can do about it right now.

[fireyred3]

How about work on your own marriage or give your husband a divorce. This type of stuff makes me not want to get married.

 

You are very right, unfortunately one must go through a process first....getting over the hurt before moving forward in the marriage or other decisions regarding the marriage.