THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[rocko123]

Day 28

 

Had a preposterous dream about her last night. Been a while since one of those. If I didn't work with this woman, I would have been over this by now. There are no romantic feelings left, just crazy sexual attraction to a prototypical archetype she represents in my mind. Since I've been in nc, I've noticed how much she annoys me on the job, how little she cares about the end goals we are striving for, and how much she works in a silo. Well, my job is to tend to the big picture and she is just a bit player in that, probably always be. I've got a meeting with her and some other people today. My strategy is going to be to define clear takeaways I expect from it and hold all parties accountable to it. Won't make eye contact or allow for any personal connection, then leave once I've gotten what I need. Mr. Business.

[zep]

I can't believe how much harder NC is today. My brain just keeps coming up with reasons to unblock him on Skype and gmail. I know what will happen if I do. Everything will be exactly the same, but my pain will be prolonged. I NEED to remember how dangerous my ex is emotionally. How he'll say all the right things one day, and the next tell me he said it out of guilt. That he only wants me when he can't have me. There's nothing left for me in that relationship, I could never trust him with my heart again. He really doesn't want to be in a relationship, and frankly he and I could never get it together. The fighting was too much, I wasn't really happy with him.

 

There is NO NEED to unblock him on skype!! Ugh! No one let me do it!! (This is day 8 btw... I only got to day 9 last time)

[sublimek2]

BU: Day 30 NC: 19

I was feeling pretty good going into my night shift last night. But, since we both worked there (she is at a different building now) there are all sorts of reminders of her. Reminders turn to memories which turn to sadness, which just snowballs from there into anger, desperation, loneliness...just one text I tell myself. But I refrain. After all, I won't be reaching the same person I once knew will I?

 

I feel better now that I am home.

[rachellsa]

Day 4 of Nc, tomorrow will be broken up for 3 weeks, it seems to have gone really quickly since that fateful morning when he ripped my heart out. I just feel resentful towards him, but I'm doing a lot better. Haven't cried since Wednesday, that's quite an achievement. Finding it hard to not check his facebook really. Oh well, its the weekend and fun times are beckoning. can't wait til Monday when it's been a week of no contact.

 

Does anyone else get that fantasy where their ex is pining over them? Its so hard to try to do this NC thing and not think of them and how they're reacting to it. When in fact theyre not reacting at all....probably enjoying it.

 

Just quoting myself so I can keep tabs.

 

So its Monday. Officially one week since the last text I'll ever send him. Yeah it hurts that he's not tried to contact me but also a relief! I still keep waking up every morning thinking of him. I wish that would go away now. Part of me feels like this is only temporary like its just a bad dream but then I force myself to realise its not. So, keep on going! 3 weeks, 2 days since break up, 7 days NC!

[rocko123]

After all, I won't be reaching the same person I once knew will I?

 

Astutely put. No, you won't be. You'll be reaching out to a memory and contacting a stranger.

 

I'm with you, man. Work became tainted with personal memories. The only way to fix it is to either work somewhere else or give time the time it needs to replace the memories. Be strong.

 

To paraphrase, yoda-style: "eat where you sht you must not"

[chamachama]

She came back on later and said she still loves me. She says that there's hope for us in the future and wants to get through her first semester. Said she isn't opposed to hanging out, but her schedule is brutal right now. I'm going to leave her alone. I'll see what's good in January if she's still single.

 

 

Being confused is a cop-out. She is not confused. John, wake up and open your eyes man. You are in denial. Also, I am starting to believe that there is a third party involved. But that's just me...

[jwhite]

BU Day 14

NC Day 11

 

I have had 3 good periods during 3 days so far. I am going through a stage of anger and thoughts of her with someone else. I think the thoughts of her with someone else are what bothers me the most.

 

I also keep thinking that she is going to contact me soon. I dont know why I feel that way because of how badly it ended. I find ways that she would still want to contact me again. ie. In the beginning she said that I was the best that she can get. She also said before we broke up that she CAN do better. However that statement from so long ago is just another reason for me to be waiting for her.

[JohnGalt]

Day 2 -

 

Here we are again. This time, i have blocked Gmail from my desktop. I will only get email from my phone. No temptation to unblock her and chat.

 

Chamachama - She's confused. I'll give her that. I'm sure there's a third party or parties involved. She is in school after all. But I don't think that she's close to getting in an emotional/relationship. She's very picky about who she commits to. She's certainly not in a relationship and she has every right to sleep with whoever she wants to. I am not being celibate just because I want her back. lol. So I mean, whatever.

 

If she ends up in a relationship, it wouldn't bother me that much either. She's only had two long term relationships, so I mean, chances are that dude won't last. I've never reached out to an ex while they are in a relationship, so that would certainly end the need for a no-contact "challenge." But right now, I'm just going to look at things face value, give her space and see where the chips fall.

 

This isn't stopping my healing process though. I really want this girl back, but I'm not holding my breath or putting my life on hold.

[chamachama]

Perfect.....I honestly have nothing at all to say about anything there. Other than stop reaching out to her and even if she wants to meet you "as friends"......screw that. Don't get friend zoned trust me, it will only hurt you in the long run. Stick to your guns.

 

Heh, hows the new girl then? Tell me something......what are the positive differences between the new one you met and your ex?

[rachellsa]

Just quoting myself so I can keep tabs.

 

So its Monday. Officially one week since the last text I'll ever send him. Yeah it hurts that he's not tried to contact me but also a relief! I still keep waking up every morning thinking of him. I wish that would go away now. Part of me feels like this is only temporary like its just a bad dream but then I force myself to realise its not. So, keep on going! 3 weeks, 2 days since break up, 7 days NC!

 

Damnit I checked facebook. I suck at this. Now blocked him though to avoid temptation. Does this mean i'm 0 days?

[superdupa]

Day 5

 

Not really any problems today except my neck being sore.

[Roundabout]

60+days

 

Keep it up, I promise it gets better

[zep]

Damnit I checked facebook. I suck at this. Now blocked him though to avoid temptation. Does this mean i'm 0 days?

 

Some people don't count FB against NC, but then it seems like they get in the habit of checking everyday and of course it really sets them back. I think checking FB is just as bad as talking to them in terms of NC, because the whole idea of NC is that there is new information that could set you off/set you back, you are analyzing etc. So I would count it back to Day 0 just so you aren't tempted to do it again.

 

But thats up to you. If there was noting changed on his profile, etc and you really really wont do it again than keep your 7 days

 

Personally I haven't seen my ex's photo, read a word he's written, heard his voice, or even seen his name spelled out since I started this NC streak and its made SUCH A DIFFERENCE! The first time I did NC I was breaking into his email! lol! Shockingly I only made it to day 9 last time before calling him crying (sarcasm font)!

[chamachama]

Damnit I checked facebook. I suck at this. Now blocked him though to avoid temptation. Does this mean i'm 0 days?

 

Don't block, defriend him. He will eventually do it to you, so you may as well avoid the pain of that happening and do it to him. You will feel much better if you do.

[zep]

Don't block, defriend him. He will eventually do it to you, so you may as well avoid the pain of that happening and do it to him. You will feel much better if you do.

 

Doesn't blocking automatically defriend them? I'm pretty sure it does. On skype it doesn't, so I've found deleting his contact was way more effective than blocking, because now I would have to re-request him! Embarrassing, won't be doing that!

[chamachama]

Which ever option requires you to re-request=)

 

Nice job zep!

[rachellsa]

Don't block, defriend him. He will eventually do it to you, so you may as well avoid the pain of that happening and do it to him. You will feel much better if you do.

 

Oh I'd already defriended him and all his friends and family but I could still check it cause its not all private. Now he's blocked AND defriended.

 

I have to say though. I cried last night for the first time since last Wednesday...coincidence? I think not. To all you thinking of breaking NC: don't do it!! Our of sight, out of mind. Ignorance is bliss! These are common sayings for a reason!

 

So back to day 1 of NC! Depressed this morning, better today at work, getting worse sitting here doing nowt so forcing myself up and out the house!

[zep]

Day 9

 

I am DYING today. Dying. dying dying. I just want to contact him sooooo badly and tell him all the ways i know I could have done better in our relationship. However, I know logically he could have done a LOT better too. Is he dying to contact me to tell me all the ways he could have been different and how he wants to try again and make it all better? No.

 

And actually, I did do it all better the 1.5 weeks we were "back together". I was nurturing, I went out with my friends a lot, I was always in a good mood. And it wasn't enough. Because no matter what excuse he gives the real thing is that he doesn't want to be with me. Me, no matter how nice and nurturing and fun I am. He just doesn't want it. God I am so so sosososososos sad today. I know he had a lot of problems but he had good qualities too and I don't know if I will ever find someone like him again. This sucks. I can't believe how hard this is.

 

Btw, I broke NC last time on day 9, I guess there is just something about it. I MUST hold out and see what day 10 is like. Really, anything I have to say to him today I've already said. And it will be just as impactful if I say it 2 months from now. If anything, saying it 2 months from now would mean much much more.

 

If I really care for him, I will want to be able to be a friend to him in the future, and the only way to do that is to end contact now so I can end these "madness" feelings. Also, he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship, so I am doing him a favor by staying away. Ugh when did this become about HIM! On day ****ing 9, thats when! Jeez. Day 10 better be easier than this.

[Dallasguy]

Been going through this cray a*& cycle for two months. We went back and forth, and now It's just over and it sucks. DAY ONE.

[zep]

Been going through this cray a*& cycle for two months. We went back and forth, and now It's just over and it sucks. DAY ONE.

 

Dallas, I am going to take strength from your post NOT to contact my ex. Because I'm sure the exact same thing would happen to me. It will just be more back and forth, and then tomorrow I will have to start day one again. It just want to be at that point again where I'm okay that this is over and I want to focus on the future.

[lalalollipops]

Day 17

 

Wanted SO desperately to talk to him last night. Luckily though, I didn't end up dialing his number. Called up a friend instead , it helped somewhat.

[zep]

I made it through day 9!!! I officially beat my last NC record. And today was BY FAR the hardest day. By leaps and bounds. But I made it, and I know if I can get through this day I can get through any day.

[superdupa]

Day 6

 

I wrote her a note telling her the hours I'm working so she can come get her stuff.

And that's all it says so I don't believe that counts because she needs to get her stuff out asap because I'm moving as well and need to clean.

I was really close to using that as an excuse to call or text her (her number was still in my recent calls list) but I'm glad I didn't because I feel like she may have tried to start a conversation.

Also, she left the roll of toilet paper outside the bathroom presumably, she was using it to wipe her eyes.

Is it wrong that a tiny part of me hopes that she was crying because she misses me?

I'm gonna say yes.

[chamachama]

I made it through day 9!!! I officially beat my last NC record. And today was BY FAR the hardest day. By leaps and bounds. But I made it, and I know if I can get through this day I can get through any day.

 

Right on zep!=) You inspire me.

[shackazu]

This has been the first full day of No Contact.

 

After two months of clinging to a hope that I would visit her in January, and everything would change by being there in person, and getting a lot of mixed messages from her indicating that she was reconsidering our breakup, everything changed yesterday. She sent me a not saying that she didn't want me to wait for her, that she has moved on, and that she doesn't want to get back together, although I would always be welcome to visit her as a friend, and that she would be there when I was ready to be friends. I replied that I couldn't be friends with her, because it's not at all what I want. Right now I am still in love, and I think a part of me always will be. I don't understand, there are a lot of unanswered questions, but I am accepting that I won't really get the answers I am looking for.

 

I have done a lot of growing during our break up, and I am in a much better place than after my last relationship ended--though I love this girl even more--but that growing was still done with the hope of reconciling with her in January. That hope is gone, and so I need to grow for myself, and myself alone. I'm not sure if I will ever contact her again, which is a tough thought, given that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I removed her from my Facebook and deleted all pictures form the entire seven months that we were together, because they are just too painful to look at.

 

Onward to day 2.