THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lalalollipops]

Day 7

 

Urge to contact is really intensifying again.

 

[chamachama]

Its never what you think its going to be like lalal..... Remember that. You think it will go one way and it NEVER does. Also remember you are not doing yourself any favors by contacting him in regards to him coming back. Every time you contact him, he validates the reasons why he made the decision to leave....

 

No contact means no contact. You can do this I know you can! Do something different for yourself this weekend if you can....

[Pengy]

Day 3 of NC.

 

Still staying relatively strong. He was scheduled to talk to his therapist last night and I wanted so badly to text him and ask how it went. But what would that accomplish? He needs to learn to support himself and so do I right now. So I took a couple deep breaths...cleared my head... and thought of all the reasons NOT to text him. I didn't make excuses in my head why it would be OK to text him.. I stuck to the reasons it would be a disservice to the both of us.

The real test will come this weekend when I've had a couple beers in me. But I'm taking this one day at a time. It's good looking forward to something. I can't wait to get out of the city this weekend and visit college friends.. I do wonder if he's still coming home.

 

I read a quote yesterday that really hit home. "When I'm anxious it's because I am thinking about the future...When I'm depressed it's because I am thinking about the past" Ain't that the truth?

[rippedinsides]

DAY 1 again (sigh)

 

Broke NC today so I'm back to day 1. I had to send out a message with work status. He ignored it. That set me off. I texted him and, of course, he ignored me. I'm sure he will come up with some story and an "explanation" later. But frankly I'm just tired of it. His lack of response really made me lose control and that made me send him more and more of the "clingy" and "begging" messages, which of course he ignored. Wish I had the same self control that I had yesterday. Fridays get me down because I know I'm going to feel miserable during the weekend even more. Anyway...I've started working out today. Planning to go shopping tomorrow for a colleage who is leaving. Hope I can really stick to NC this time.

[Pengy]

DAY 1 again (sigh)

 

Broke NC today so I'm back to day 1. I had to send out a message with work status. He ignored it. That set me off. I texted him and, of course, he ignored me. I'm sure he will come up with some story and an "explanation" later. But frankly I'm just tired of it. His lack of response really made me lose control and that made me send him more and more of the "clingy" and "begging" messages, which of course he ignored. Wish I had the same self control that I had yesterday. Fridays get me down because I know I'm going to feel miserable during the weekend even more. Anyway...I've started working out today. Planning to go shopping tomorrow for a colleage who is leaving. Hope I can really stick to NC this time.

 

I hate that feeling of losing control when I text him. I know exactly what you're talking about. You keep trying to send texts to not sound crazy and desperate and the more you text the clingier you come off, so you attempt to send another to say something that's not clingy and of course you look more clingy and then he doesn't answer and you start worrying so you send another text just to save face.. UGH it's a downward spiral.

Day by day, girl.. the control will come more naturally with time. Don't beat yourself up. Working out is a great step in the right direction. I started working out again yesterday.

 

Best of luck.. Fresh start today. You got this

[rippedinsides]

I hate that feeling of losing control when I text him. I know exactly what you're talking about. You keep trying to send texts to not sound crazy and desperate and the more you text the clingier you come off, so you attempt to send another to say something that's not clingy and of course you look more clingy and then he doesn't answer and you start worrying so you send another text just to save face.. UGH it's a downward spiral.

Day by day, girl.. the control will come more naturally with time. Don't beat yourself up. Working out is a great step in the right direction. I started working out again yesterday.

 

Best of luck.. Fresh start today. You got this

 

It's more like....he doesn't reply and I start freaking out. And then I send him a text asking him why he's ignoring me. And he ignores that text too. And then I send him another and each one sounds worse than the last. And I just can't control it. There's some part of me that just can't accept the breakup and I feel that there has to be some sense out of this nonsense, although I know that with what I'm doing I'm really pushing him away some more. It's been 8 months since the breakup and I'm not able to get over him at all. Wish I could get a heart transplant

[rippedinsides]

RESTARTING DAY 1 :sorrow:

 

I broke NC today by texting my ex. And, of course, he ignored me. So I sent him more messages, and they all got ignored. Finally got a grip on myself. Spent some time by myself and managed to get back in control. I'm counting the time I spend out of contact with him, not in days but in hours. So I did 3 good hours of NC....and then he sent me a text. He said, "Dear, I'm not ignoring you but there's something wrong with my phone and I didn't get your messages. I saw them just now. Take care and goodnight." And I'm such a fool!!! Before I knew what I was doing, I replied with a "goodnight"!!!!! I wish someone would give me a big kick!!!!

 

I'm going to hunt for an old broken mobile phone of mine tonight and start using that. It has a partially non-responsive display and so it allows incoming and outgoing calls and incoming messages. But I can't reply to messages since it is an on-screen keyboard, and with part of the screen not working there's no way in which I can send messages no matter how much I'm tempted. I guess that will help me NOT text him no matter how much I'm tempted to. (sigh) Wish he was still with me and all this heartache was spared.

 

Anyway....day 1 of NC again. Hope I can do it!!!

[ghost1ee]

Day 11

 

Yesterday went well. I can somewhat see the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel now (knock on wood). Went to the bank and paid mortgage payments, had visitors come by the house and this one guy played the piano so well it made me smile. Also continued reading my book, and I'm now past halfway through it. I noticed when I was reading yesterday, that my ex rarely crossed my mind anymore. I still had some sad moments thinking about her new life without me, but other than that, I watched more basketball on TV. It was raining lightly yesterday, I just stayed in the rain and the light water fall felt good on my face. I stared up at the sky and just savored the ticklish feeling of the really light rain drops that afternoon. The sky was grey. It was so quiet outside. And then last night, I realized I started finding these memories that lead to the break up and our NC funny. I don't know why, but I just have to stop myself from laughing everytime I think about it now. That was last night, but this morning it's back to like a mellow feeling again. But it really does not bother me that much anymore. I still am somewhat sad, but not as bad anymore.

 

Also, I went to an elderly care home and saw a couple saying goodbye to each other. The old wife was gonna stay at the home, and her husband kissed her goodbye. He lives only a few houses from the facility so it's just walking distance to visit her daily or at least, often. I thought it was sweet, and I was kind of bittersweet about it though. Their love lasted that long, I was happy for them. But then I thought about my ex, and what could have been.

 

I'm also getting the urge to re-contact her yesterday and this morning, but I'm stopping myself to do such bad things. I know it will just hurt me again. I told myself I have lots of time. Plus, she's most likely still hurt from what happened two weeks ago. I reminded myself to give it a few more months to maybe a year to even plan initiating contact again, if she does not contact me first. Today, I'm going to set up the laptops I bought on Black Friday and that will get me occupied today.

[Mistykitty]

Maybe your body is getting rid of those attachment hormones, and since your mind already knows he's not right for you, you really are moving on. First step, Gut/instinct knows he's not right for you, Second step: Your brain knows he's not right for you, Third Step: Your heart/body knows he's not right.

 

Maybe you are on step 3?

 

That's an interesting thought; I suppose I am. Its just so weird to me because a week is the longest I've ever gone, and this time around it feels like nothing. Though I suppose today is the true test--I'm staying home all day doing homework for the class I have with him, no doubt I'll be thinking about him. Hopefully I won't crack

[Pengy]

NC day 3 still

 

He just texted me telling me he's coming home this weekend. I already assumed that which is why I made plans out of town. Does that merit a text back? I'm struggling right now.

[Kirstya59]

Day 11, i actually have had a good day. Although i think about him most times and see things that remind me of him, i managed to go to work happy and maintain it. No urge to contact him. Hope i can keep this up

[zep]

That's an interesting thought; I suppose I am. Its just so weird to me because a week is the longest I've ever gone, and this time around it feels like nothing. Though I suppose today is the true test--I'm staying home all day doing homework for the class I have with him, no doubt I'll be thinking about him. Hopefully I won't crack

 

How was yesterday?

[rachellsa]

3 weeks NC, bu 7 weeks, his NC 5 days.

 

Been doing really well but feel I've set myself back by getting intimate with a guy on a second date....ugh I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't even know what's bothering me about it. We had a great night but today I feel like I made a huge mistake. What a plonker.. oh well..back to working on myself without the interruption of hormones! Is it strange I already feel better just posting this?

[rippedinsides]

Day 2

 

Struggling to stay away from him. Every bit of me yearns for him. Trying not to pick up my phone and send him a text. He's silent too. I wonder what he's doing or where he is. A close friend of ours is getting married today to the guy she began dating around the same time I met my ex. I feel so terrible. I ought to feel happy for her but I'm just too broken. It worked out for her.... I don't know if my ex is at the wedding. I couldn't push myself to go over. I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Just trying to stick to NC this time and hope I can at least stop making a fool of myself by trying to get in touch with someone who doesn't care.

[lalalollipops]

Wow Rachellsa

 

I'm 8 weeks post BU now and I can't imagine myself even dating. =/ Did it feel really weird with the new guy?

 

Day 8

 

Sigh. I miss him.

[Mistykitty]

How was yesterday?

 

Easy again. This is just so weird to me. Today marks over one week and I don't see myself cracking. I suppose MAYBE its because I'm so busy and stressed with finals and the holidays that I haven't had time to think about him...and I can't help but think its the same for him >_

 

He's starting to just become a memory. Its nice and scary at the same time

[ghost1ee]

Day 12

 

The past day was really dramatic for me, full of reminiscing. The day was going fine like always, went to the store to develop some pictures. But then, the lady at the counter shouted a name that was really identical to my ex's new guy. It was a girl with a name that's a girl version of the guy's name, and the SAME last name. The counter lady shouted it in front of my face. All I can think about was "Are you serious right now? Holy f***". Then we went to the pharmacy, but the line was too long. So we went home, I opened one of the laptops my mom is gonna give to our relatives back in my country. But today, I also bumped to the postcards and love letters my ex gave me in the past, some dated about a year ago. It made me tear up a little bit. It really did. I sealed and taped the whole thing up inside two large envelope containers (those brown ones where you put parcels and the like). It really made me want to re-contact her at that point, to send her that long email. I even got the urge to text her just to see if she has unblocked me, but I'm glad I stopped all of those temptations.

 

Later that night, when I picked up my bro from basketball practice, we saw three guys on the side of the road having signs and one of them read "I love you". We were stopped on a red light and they were right there to our right. I opened the front passenger window and shouted "I LOVE YOU GUYS!" and they couldn't hear me, so I repeated "I LOVE YOU!!!!"... they said "I love you!!" back and they proceeded on cheering. The light turned green and my bro told me "That was random...". We continued our trek back home.

 

The night went alright. I am slowly accepting the fact that she may never contact me again. For some reason, there's still this small flicker of hope in me that she'll stop by in the future. I need to stop thinking about that. This morning, I woke up and sat still on my bed for a good 10-15 minutes, with my eyes a bit teary. My dad then called from church that mass is about to start. So I got out of bed and just got ready for church. Went to mass, and she was still lingering on my mind. I wasn't as sad, but you know, that sadness just won't go away. Just got back home. On the way home, one of the songs that me and my ex listened to a lot played on the radio. It made me want to turn off the radio, but my siblings were in the car and they wanted to listen to it. So I suffered listening to that song on the way home. All those great memories, the first time listening to that song with her, appeared in my mind. It hurt. Here's to another day trying to get through this sad feelings.

 

Today is also the day I first met my ex four years ago. During mass, I can't stop thinking of that day. How we met, and then I told her I was going to mass and to talk to her later. Omg, these feelings.

[rachellsa]

Wow Rachellsa

 

I'm 8 weeks post BU now and I can't imagine myself even dating. =/ Did it feel really weird with the new guy?

 

 

Umm, not weird no. It had that 'first sex with a new person' awkwardness to it definitely but it wasn't weird. In a previous break up I had sex with a person too soon afterwards (clearly not learning from my mistakes!) and cried because it just felt unnatural (not in front of him, but after it happened) but this time I was fine. I do like this guy though and we have gotten to know each other a little. I'm just feeling disappointed that I couldn't control my urges as it's something I've really wanted to work on controlling for myself.

 

I really respect how well you're doing lala, I've seen your posts for a while on here and you seemed to break NC quite a lot before but to get to day 8 is awesome. It really does get better I promise. Also if you can't imagine yourself dating that's completely natural I think. Obviously jumping back in is not recommended and I think everyone on these forums would advise against it. I think once you feel better and meet someone you actually think is dateable then it's ok to go for it if you can keep it casual for as long as dating feels a little strange.

 

As for me, the intentions to keep it casual were fully there, just couldn't help myself, I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much. Just because it happened, I'm not going to get emotionally attached like I usually would if I liked someone. If he wants to see me again, I'll make it very clear we need to get to know each other a little better before it happens again. If that scares him off then he's obviously not worth me worrying about in the first place.

[Kirstya59]

Day 12- had a good day at work, not thought too much of him whih is good

[ick]

Day 12 NC

 

The last couple of days have been a roller coaster ride. I find myself missing her which is natural and normal. But that quickly turns into dwelling and focusing on what was good, what went wrong, etc.

 

I think so early in the process this is very detrimental to personal growth. I realize the emotions will take their toll and the moods will be up and down. But it's very important to try and gather your thoughts and emotions (sadness, grief, anger, confusion. All normal) quickly and refocus them to something positive. If you focus on your goals (short term and long term) you will be doing yourself a tremendous service in moving forward and onward.

 

I'm not saying act like its not happening but it's important to focus on yourself even if your emotions and thoughts are disagreeing. People say week 2 is rough and boy are they right. Here's to a good rest of the weekend and a good week 3 of NC full of personal growth, achievement, and moving on

[ick]

Btw there's a cute girl who is showing clear interest in me talking her out for drinks which will almost definitely lead to sex. She is my brothers friend and she has made it clear she just wants to have fun and isn't looking for anything serious. Anyone have any advice? Do you think it will help me take my ex off the pedestal and show me there are other fun girls out there? I'm nervous I'll just think of my ex the whole time and I'm afraid ill think of her during the sex.

[Mistykitty]

Day 8

Was feeling really good, until it hit me that I'll probably never have a meaningful relationship =/ During work, I was thinking about the dates I've been asked on so far, but then realized they're just that--dates. Finding someone who's okay with never having sex is pretty much impossible. Its startng to get depressing

[rippedinsides]

Back to DAY 1

 

It all started off with me sending a report. He replied and said "Thanks for sending this along. It's excellent. Good job."

 

I thanked him. And then he responded. And in the course of the conversation, here's how it went:

 

Me: Can I ask you something?

 

Him: Yes

 

Me (I regret this): Would you be happy if I went out of your life permanently?

 

Him: No

 

Me: Then why do you keep driving me away and hurting me?

 

Him: I'm not driving you away. I don't have time for you. I'm working even now.

 

Me: I know that you don't have time for me. But that's not what I was talking about.

 

Him: What were you talking about?

 

Me: Maybe it's better that I don't explain because some things need to be felt and not explained. Maybe some day you will figure it out.

 

Him (and he's always been telling me I'm mentally imbalanced each time I express something he doesn't like): I've been telling you for the last 6 years to get help for your condition but you just won't listen.

 

Me: I'm telling you this calmly without losing my temper. Please don't question my mental ability. It hurts me when you do that because I feel you're not taking me seriously and you negate all my feelings by saying I'm crazy. I won't stand for it anymore. And let me tell you that the next time you do this, you will have to regret it for the rest of your life. This is not a loving or dignified way to deal with people.

 

Him: Great. Now you won't listen to me and accept what I'm saying. I've been telling you for years to change your attitude. Now you don't even have the ability anymore to grasp and understand what I'm saying.

 

Me: Stop this!

 

Him: It's not just me who is saying this. Everyone else also says it. I'm just seeing it in action that you need treatment. You just won't listen.

 

Me: So fine, go listen to "everyone else". I thought you knew me better than this for all these years. I suppressed what I was from people because you wanted me to change so many things for you and I did. And now you tell me "everyone else" talks about me. Thanks for gossiping about me with others. And for your information, people always say things and you know it. I've heard a lot of stuff about you too but not once have I judged you based on what I've heard. Please don't get in touch with me ever again until you stop battering me like this with your words.

 

Him: You keep saying you will go away from me and never get in touch. I knew you would go away from me completely someday. You have made that day come true.

 

Me: Only when you leave me it's okay? If you've lost me, you have only yourself to blame. No matter what I did it wasn't good enough for you. I should have learnt from the many breakups. Maybe you wanted to drive me away all along but I didn't understand.

 

Him: It's been out of love that I've been telling you to get help dear. Don't think I've got bad for you in my heart.

 

Me: If that's the case, then why do you keep telling me that each time I express something? If you are saying it out of love, then there is a time and a way to say it.

 

Him: Oh my! You just don't want to understand. I don't know what's happened to you and how you think anymore. Fine. Think what you want.

 

Me: You have more important things to do in life. Please don't bother about explaining things further. You've made it clear. Goodnight.

 

 

I'm just not able to hold back my tears. Why does he always have to keep telling me I'm crazy each time I express something? It really hurts. It's like nothing that I say is real and he brushes away all that I express. And when I tell him that I would want to stay silent, he tells me he knows that I would go out of his life and now the time has come. It's like turning the whole things against me. How I wish I never met him! This hurts so badly. Anyway, I'm back to day 1 of NC. Hope I can stick to it this time.

[Brittanyxox90]

This is day number 9 of NC, and last night I cracked and stalked his FB. I found out 3 weeks after dumping me he is now dating someone else. I felt (and feel) horrible! How can he move on so quickly? We dated for 2 and a half years, and he can just walk away and be so cold and cavalier? Like I meant nothing? I spent a couple hours today just crying. I will not be checking up on him on FB. I will not be responding to his texts (if he chooses to text me again.) I will not respond to, or reciprocate contact with him. His b-day is Tuesday, I will not wish him a happy b-day, his new girl can do that. I will never speak to him again. I mean more to me than that.

[lalalollipops]

Day 9

 

Day 30 here I come baby!