THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[boomroasted]

Day 7. It isn't easy. But gettin through.

[psimp1005]

Day 6. I think

Its hard to see her everyday in school. I'm really happy when she's not anywhere to be found, and when no one mentions her name. but when I hear anything or see anythign about her, the emotions come back and I just hate her for doing what she did to me. Slowly getting over it. I love her but I hate her. luckily she made the softball team. she was gonna do track (i do track) if she didnt make the team. i think i would be completely miserable if she was on the same sports team as me.

 

Im about to run on the treadmill and maybe do some ab workouts. then ill work on my homework. hopefully ill be exhausted enough to actually fall asleep before midnight.

 

I don't know why I still want to be with her. she pulled the rug right out from under me. i gave her everything, and we were great together, and she knew that. i truly loved her. but she was too immature. her love for me wasnt strong enough to keep this from happening. and now shes interested in other guys. i know she will regret this in the futurre, but by then i will probably have moved on to better people than her. what a * * * * * * she has turned into. right now, i never want to see her face again. i dont want to see her happy with other people. i know it sounds wrong, but its true. and im sure ill get past this feeling eventually. just had to rant a little. ](*,)

[Pisces Girl]

Pisces Girl, focus on school. If you are busy reading, concentrating on homework, he will be out of yur mind. Don't let yourself get distracted from your important work. Your schooling is the foundation of your future. You can do this. College is great, enjoy it and take care of yourself!

 

Thanks! You're right though, I just have to focus on my school work. I tend to get easily distracted though so I have to work on that! lol

 

Day 6: Today it was back to college, first day of Spring Quarter. I got dressed up, made sure I got to all my classes on time; I think I did good! And in one of my classes I have a mutual friend of my ex and I. Our friend talked to me for a little bit and I made sure I was sociable and cheerful- I don't want word getting back to my ex that I looked sad or anything. This just goes to show that you have to look your best and be your best- you never know who you're going to run into!

[doyathink]

day one over with. I refuse to shed one tear over you.

[find sanity]

Just came upon this "NC Challenge" started in 2007. What an awesome idea. Thanks for starting it and for all the peeps that have posted. I read the first 5 post page and am looking forward to reading the rest. For me it has been exactly 35 days of complete NC. No txt, call-nothing. He doesn't have a facebook or knows how to email on computer so good for me. Still feeling the pain and sadness, the loneliness, the doubts, the what ifs, the what could have been or should have been. Still all of that but not as intense or last for so long. My struggle is the fantasies. The what would happen or take place if certain scenarios played out? Yes all in my head and I know it is damaging to my psyche but sometimes it seems to take on a life all by itself LOL. What has helped me emmensly was changing my number. I know some of you know how agonizing and an anguish it is to hope and pray for a txt or call that you know will never come so I changed my number for my healing for my moving forward. When I was in day 2 or even in day 14 I really did not know how I was going to make it thru another day or even that I wanted to but as others have posted it does get easier if not manageable. People have also said go out with friends, find a hobby, go to a gym. Well I don't like to be around others especially when I am sad or depressed. It is just the way I am and make no apologize for it. I don't really have a set hobby, i think its my sign. LOL., motivation to the gym is not one of my priorities but it should be, LOL about that one too. Over the course of a month I have removed all things in my home that reminds me of him. Not to be mean, just to move on. So ENA friends, heres to today, tomorrow and more....

[BackToYou]

The hardest day so far. I feel this is getting harder day after day. Today is Women`s Day and I wanted to spend this day with my ex and give her flowers. It is so hard to let go of your first love for the second time, and this time you know she`s not coming back ever. It feels like your life has no purpose anymore. I just want to rewind the time and be with you.. NC day 11, 15 days from break up.

[jooj]

It's been 5 days since my break up and I just sent him an email an hour ago which is the last sort of communication I want to have with him for this month.

I told him in the email: Since I love you so much, I accept your choice of breaking up with me and I respect your decision. I just wished, we had tried to work things out you had told me you were unhappy and you had told me your reasons instead of just disappearing

 

I have to start this challenge beginning from now and if he replies to this email which is unlikely I dont want to open his reply until after the month is over.

 

So here we go with day 1

[spanks]

I didn't come upon this post right away... But today will be 8 days since my ex boyfriend and I talked. The last time we had contact was a week ago yesterday when he texted me asking about my spring break plans... I have no idea why he texted me and it was a short and confusing conversation. Apparently it didn't mean anything though since he hasn't contacted me since then. I love and miss him so much. I feel like this is getting harder everyday. NC: 8 days. Breakup: 20 days.

[Moonchill]

I don't feel like I'm back to square 1 after contacting him again.

But it put me back for a little bit.

I think he really moved on and does not care anymore.

That he doesn't miss me anymore.

That realisation hurts a bit but it's also a good motivation to let him go too.

Though in his place if I would not care ,I wouldn't do something so hostile as ignoring my ex.

Hmmph.. whatever...

[LapointeP]

Day 4! slowly getting there. Paper to write now. I still love him so much!

[psimp1005]

Day 7. I walked past her today after school and she was doing something weird with her friends. She walked right in front of me and did something. I was on the phone and paid hardly any attention, walked right by her, and went home. But right now, i have so many feelings and anger built up.

Shes made me feel like crap the past 3 or 4 weeks. Im starting to get over her. But everytime i see her, all the anger comes back for the way she hurt me. But through NC ive realized a LOT of things. Like how much of a hypocrite she always was. She always surrounded herself with guys, and everytime i so much as talked to a girl, she had to make a comment about it. And she got mad when one of her friends was talking to me about something, and considered it flirting, but she never considered it flirting when she went around flirting with every guy she talked to. And every member of her family were all a**holes to me, and she did nothing about it. I gave her everything, and i put more into the relationship than she did. We were together for 9 months, and i always felt like i was doing everything for her, and nothing for myself. she was my life, and after not being with her, ive realized that im better off doing me. i dont need that b1tch in my life.

But i still find myself wanting her to come back and try to talk to me. I know she must miss me. But i need to stop thinking about her, and just think about me.

[piruru]

14 days NC (3 months post-BU)

 

I broke NC two weeks ago when I saw him on the street. He was jerk just like he'd always been. The nice person I fell in love with was just an act. Realised that he was a complete waste of time so decided not to dwell on him anymore. He's just not worth it. I would be too happy if I never see him again, even in the afterlife. He doesn't deserve to have anything to do with me.

 

Then I decided to go on dates with the new guy. At first I only wanted to go on dates to feel good about myself, but at some point I realised that the new guy was amazing. At some point, my heart beat a little faster around him and I felt something electric between us. He was so amazing to me that I was prepared to risk getting hurt to get into a relationship with someone again. He is everything the other guy wasn't. He treats me the way I should be treated. He appreciates me and makes me feel amazing and loved. And, for the first time ever, I feel myself seeing a future with him. I see him as more than just a boyfriend. It scares me a little that he makes me see these kinds of things for us, but at the same time, it excites me. I feel a connection with this guy that I've never felt with anyone else before.

 

I'm thankful that I met the ex and that he dumped me. Without those experiences, I wouldn't have known how to treasure an amazing nice guy like my current guy. I wouldn't have been able to appreciate all the little things that he does for me that really mean so much. I wouldn't have been able to tell that he respected me, cherished me and cared for me deeply. I wouldn't have known how lucky I am at all.

 

Where the ex was superficial, my current guy is of substance. Where the ex didn't want to be a part of my life, my current guy makes efforts to be in my life. Where the ex only wanted to be around when everything was happy, my current guy is prepared to work through it. And where the ex only wanted to pass the time with me, my current guy sees me as something more. Where the ex only thought about himself, my current guy is always thinking how I feel about things. Even sexually... my current guy aims to please whilst the ex never gave a damn.

 

I wasn't expecting this but I think I may have found exactly what I was looking for all this time.

 

So to all those in NC who think it's the end of the world because you were dumped. Think again. This may truly be the best thing that happened to you. At the very least, you now know what not to look for in a relationship. They broke up with you for a reason, and when you finally take off the rose-coloured glasses, you'll realise why. They probably did you a favour. You deserve much better than you probably realise.

[Pisces Girl]

Day 7: Well, I made it through a week of no contact! I still haven't checked his facebook at all. I'm still thinking about him a lot though. I miss him so much. He was such a great guy, and it's hard to find those nowadays. I'm trying to focus on me though and what I can improve on to be a better person.

[Kev0s1983]

First time noob poster here

 

So me and my ex met in 2008, early part of, were together until January 2010 because I moved to Oz in Dec 2009 which my ex always knew was my plan. I was applying for a permanent residency visa and from as soon as we started talking she was aware this is what I was doing... I suggested we ended what we had as it was going to be crazy hard to keep it going being the other side of the world for a few months, she would cry, plead and say that it was true love and meant to be... Im not saying I didnt agree, cos I did... I am older than her and knew it would be so very difficult but wasnt strong enough to end the best thing I or she had ever had...

 

So, weeks passed when I was in Oz and she met someone new... Lied about it - to save my feelings I guess and any guilt in her own mind... I found out and went No contact. He was a rebound guy for her and they didnt last. She tried to contact me but I went NC back then too. I returned home in April 2009 and we work as lifeguards in the same place and discovered she had slept with my "friend" and both of our bosses... Was gutted but then, we werent together so technically - get over it? Well, I tried and did but when we tried again, it just was never the same.

 

I would feel gut instincts telling me on certain occasion - wont bore you with those details - that she hadnt been/wasnt being totally truthful to me. But, because what we once had was so very amazing, I tried to turn a blind eye and doubt my own feelings and concerns. Bad move... I truned to drink as I knew that she wasnt being straight with me.

 

I wanted so much for it all to work, I even took her out to Oz to meet my folks who have been there since Decemeber 2007, they loved her, she them we had the most amazing holiday. Saw amazing sights, as always, superb nightly/daily sex and I thought "Man! I really dont wanna go back to South Wales (UK). If we could stay like this forever, we are made!!"...

 

We came back and at the very end of janaury she met someone new. Someone 18 years older than her (she is just turned 19!). At the time, we were very rocky, although it wasnt really said "We are over" we were both giving eachother space (or so I thought). So, she was also pregnant with our baby and we decided we should not keep it - which I was devestated about but if the relationship was rocky, it was probably the right move. Valentines Day comes around and I pop over her place and give her a bottle of perfume, she readily accepts and thanks me. She then says shes going over to her sisters place as it was her sister's birthday - which is truth.

 

Im back the next day to take her to the clinic to start the abortion process. She had got herself a new iphone and I asked if i could check it out, she said sure, so I took it and didnt do the para thing of look through messages, but figured i would check out the images. Thats when I discover photos of this new guy

 

the previous night she DID go to her sisters but before that she went over his place after putting some of the perfume i bought for her on... All she had to say was "Hey, this gift isnt really appropriate as Im sorta seeing someone else..." But no...

 

I was nearly sick... She had met him a couple of weeks ago she said and she makes her happy, she met him maybe 6/7 times (Like every other night?!) and i was beside myself. Wanted to bolt for the door but I couldnt, I had to take her to the clinc 30 odd miles away. Horrible day. She hugged me so many times, she cried, more hugs, we got back, I droped her off and left. Thursday was the second day of the abortion process and I went to her mother's workplace and picked her up and took her home, more hugs, more tears from both of us and she asked me to stay the night. I did so.

 

I took her out to the cinema friday night also and she laid her head in my lap and we are so close still and shes telling me she loves me but the passion, its simplky not there anymore from her part. She rings me three days later crying telling me shes so confused and I had her some more things earier in the day - she had been texting sexually explicit stuff to her swim coach who is in his mid forties whilst we were together in 2010 and some other * * * * ... (How can people be this way?! )

 

So I was already mad. I told her there would never be a me and her again and to leave me alone. She didnt like this but the phone call ended soon after. She sent me a txt twenty minutes later "Please, dont just forget about me xxx" - and Im thinking, what, just like u didnt forget about me when you met this new guy and still had sex with me and strung me along ?

 

That phone call was 16 days ago and i havent text or emailed her since. She doesnt deserve me, Im better than that and deserve better but I have been a total mess since. Been drunk every night apart from last night. I had been keeping in contact with her mum nearly every day cos her mum is worried about her and me as well. She calls herself my adopted son cos she always said she would love me to be her son and she thinks the world of me. But last night I sent her mother a text saying something like

 

"Listen, I want you to delete my number and not contact me again and I will do the same. Im so very sorry for the situation but I need to look after msyelf now, asking you questions about her and searching for answers through you is getting me nowhere and whilst the support, love and time you have given me the last few years is super appreciated, I need to look after myself now. I will see you before I leave for Oz and wished so much you had become my mum stay special KxXx"

 

So now, I have no mutual friends on fbook, i dont have her mother to contact unless by email and I have quit my job to not bump into her... Im wondering if she will come around but then I figure so what if she does? Could I go back to her? After this bull? I know what I need to do, I need to finish my stupid degree and get the hell back out to oz asap but i miss her so badly and think of her all the time.

 

Im running, swimming, climbing, gyming, eating well, sure drinking waaaaaaaaaaay too much but really going to try and change that. I know Im still relatively young at 27 - nearly 28 but when you speak with your ex about settling down, children and moving to Oz - Im just heartbroken

 

She is with this guy who could be her dad and I cant even begin to think about seeing anyone else right now.

 

So Day 16 and I still wonder if my fone will go. Stupidly, I made her the central part of my life when in hindsight, I can see now that to her, I was just an option. Its so crazy how it all changed. What I would give to go back to 2008 and do it again, just maybe, take her to Oz with me

 

This is probably too long for many to bother to read but found this site and figured I had read a few places its good to write it down... So here it is

 

Anyone with a busted heart, I feel for you and empathise, Im a bit of a mess right now! Although, havent cried like a girl for a few days. Progress ? I guess ?

[BackToYou]

NC day 12 and 16 days from BU.

 

I am shattered. I heard today that my ex might be seeing someone already and had a fabulous Women`s Day with him yesterday... He had bought a nice present for her and cooked as well. Ex seemed to be very happy. This only two weeks after break up. I don`t know what to do now.. Can anyone help me with this situation?

[Janeiac]

BackToYou, you can help this situation yourself. I know it isn't wha tyou want to hear, but it's true: you cannot control another person, but you can control yourself. What you can do is stop thinking about her, stop making her your priority, stop wondering what she is doing and who she is with, stop picturing her with another guy. Just stop. I know it's hard, but you can do it. Do it for yourself, to heal and move on. Get busy, get exercise, see friends, read a book, watch a movie-- just do it. You will be fine.

[jooj]

NC Day 2 and 6 days after breakup

 

I miss him so much, the pain is killing me, it's so hard to do NC but I have to keep being strong. I just hope the NC works in making him regret his decision to leave me.

[d24]

just returning to throw my 2cents in here... NC worked wonders for me, keep it up guys and girls. It's incredibly painful, I cried myself to sleep many a time, but it gets better, I promise. Use the time to work on YOU, do it for YOU, not THEM. Stay strong and don't get tempted to break it until you know you're ready!

[r0ckox]

Day one.

 

I sent an email last night. It listed out all the things that she's said to me over the last year and a half that made me believe she didn't care for me.

At the end of the list, I told her i wanted her to read that list again when she's involved with another guy. This way, she won't make the same mistakes.

I told her she really showed me her true colors; and that this time........ it's done. There is no coming back.

I won't let her.

 

Will she care?

 

No.

 

Will I?

 

No.

 

Goodbye.

[spanks]

I wake up every single day thinking today will be the day he changes his mind and contacts me. Today it has been 3 weeks since the breakup... So I thought maybe he'd contact me. That maybe it has been long enough for him... I know that's a stupid hope to have... Tomorrow he leaves for Florida for Spring Break with his family and whoever he's taking now. I was supposed to be going with him. We were both really looking forward to it. NC: 9 days.

[kylan]

NC for 14 days. It hurts, I feel like giving up and call or send her a mess. The only thing that stops me is I know it wont favour me in any way. On the contrary she will know Im "still there"

[BackToYou]

BackToYou, you can help this situation yourself. I know it isn't wha tyou want to hear, but it's true: you cannot control another person, but you can control yourself. What you can do is stop thinking about her, stop making her your priority, stop wondering what she is doing and who she is with, stop picturing her with another guy. Just stop. I know it's hard, but you can do it. Do it for yourself, to heal and move on. Get busy, get exercise, see friends, read a book, watch a movie-- just do it. You will be fine.

 

I will do my best and try to forget her now. Actually I deleted her number today so I am not able to contact her even I wanted to.

[BackToYou]

I wake up every single day thinking today will be the day he changes his mind and contacts me. Today it has been 3 weeks since the breakup... So I thought maybe he'd contact me. That maybe it has been long enough for him... I know that's a stupid hope to have... Tomorrow he leaves for Florida for Spring Break with his family and whoever he's taking now. I was supposed to be going with him. We were both really looking forward to it. NC: 9 days.

 

I understand what you mean. Every day I am waiting for the call which never comes. I am so tired of this but heart just does not want to let go. But it will get easier with time. Just try to hang on there.

[sentencedtoagony]

I wish I could go back to when I caught you texting your ex. I should have dumped you then. But instead, I tried to fix things, which made me look weak. Our relationship was never the same after your emotional cheating, which eventually led to physical cheating. I should have stopped it months beforehand. I don't know why you sabotaged what we had to go back to a d0uche.

 

DAY 1, again.

[spanks]

I understand what you mean. Every day I am waiting for the call which never comes. I am so tired of this but heart just does not want to let go. But it will get easier with time. Just try to hang on there.

 

Same to you. It's good to know I'm not alone. I wish I could stop hoping, but I can't control it. Just have to keep moving forward.