THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Helpmetoheal]

Another Friday, another weekend just around the corner. I used to look forward to the weekends. Now what do I have to look forward too? Wondering where you are, who you're with. It will be 2 months since the since the BU on the 7th. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago and other times it feels like yesterday. I still hurt, but I am doing better. This is becoming my new normal. I really wish these urges to contact you and the strong hope/desire to reconcile with you leaves me soon. I am getting tired of carrying this burden around.

[psimp1005]

Today is day 4 NC, and day 18 since BU. Ive been reading through this forum since the breakup and its really helped me put things into perspective.

We were together for 9 months, and we were perfect. Her parents ended up flipping out on something we did, and basically, she broke up with me. This all happened on Valentines day. We were perfect just the day before. I took her out to dinner and a movie, and we gave each other so many presents. I chased her for almost 2 weeks, and then I realized that if she really loved me, she would not have let this happen. It hurt, and I miss her to death, but I am somewhat relieved to not have her tying me down now. I've gotten my first job since we broke up, and my grades in school are better than ever (and I was already top in my class). What sucks the most is that she is already interested in another guy. There are times when I really hate her for what she's done to me and I just want her to fall off the face of the earth. I feel used because I was nothing but good to her. But NC has done great things for me, and even in just 4 days, I am making a lot of progress. I know I am not going to break NC.

Through the whole thing I realized that my family and friends will always be there for me, and they make me feel great even when I start out feeling like crap. Now that the weekend is here, I need to find something to do, but I am glad I don't have to see her.

[simplyme01]

Another Friday, another weekend just around the corner. I used to look forward to the weekends. Now what do I have to look forward too? Wondering where you are, who you're with. It will be 2 months since the since the BU on the 7th. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago and other times it feels like yesterday. I still hurt, but I am doing better. This is becoming my new normal. I really wish these urges to contact you and the strong hope/desire to reconcile with you leaves me soon. I am getting tired of carrying this burden around.

 

Wow, we are in the same place. It will be 2 months on the 10th. I feel the same way you do about the weekends & the urge to contact him. I know I'm still hanging on to hope that I'll hear from him & he'll want to try again. I want that hope to fade. How long were you together? How long has NC been?

[boomroasted]

Onto Day 4. It's such a weird array of emotions. One second I am angry for how seemingly easily she can cancel me out after everything, next I am confident we'll get back together, next I want to leave her in my past forever etc etc. I want answers, but at the same time, I know there are no answers. At least none that will piece the puzzle together. Only thing I am confident in is that NC is the best and only option to move forward. It's so easy to break, just a text away. But I know that text/phone call won't do anything except make me look weak and feel desperate. What I find helps is everytime I get the urge to write something, is to tell myself that this weak feeling will pass. Everytime I last through that feeling, I feel incredibly strong when I come out of it.

[Moonchill]

Moonchill, how did you let the hope of getting back together go??

 

A combination of the following things: insight, time, distance,distraction, activity. After some time ( how much is different for everyone I think) in which you seeked distraction in activity.And in which you don't have contact with him so you are able to get some distance from the drama. There will be a time when you are in a peacefull state of mind,looking back at your relationship and come to an insight. That , for me , is how I let that hope go. The insight for me personally was that I was not his equal, I have more things in life to fix and to pick up while he got everything going for him. And that it's ok to accept it's over. That holding on is not needed. It's just.. an important insight you get after doing NC and some reflecting I guess. In the mean time if I were you I would focus on the last 3 things I summed up.

 

But I told you what worked for me. It might work different for you but sooner or later you will get your own important insights in life

[Janeiac]

A nice long walk on a sunny day helps a lot! Try it. We can do this. On to a bright future for all of us!

[simplyme01]

A nice long walk on a sunny day helps a lot! Try it. We can do this. On to a bright future for all of us!

 

 

Hey Jane! Nice to hear from you How are you & things? I know you & your ex had some contact? Anything lately or no?? I have my great days & some still challenging ones. More great than not!!

[Moonchill]

Janeiac is right. Long walks on the beach with your Ipod and the sun as your best friends ftw

[sdotcarter]

She emailed me this morning at 4am. The email contained just "...". Man i want to reply so bad and ask her whats up, but i figure that ill let it ride over the weekend. For those of you that have read my thread, maybe i can get some advice on how to continue? I do want her im just not going to damage myself over it.

 

Check my thread and tell me what to do.

 

Today is day 15, im feeling stronger, more confident, and slowly getting back to my hobbies. Living the dream.

[nutcase720532]

Day 5: It went really good today, I hung out with this guy who I kinda like. I like him he likes me but im not looking for a relationship, im just having fun living my life. In the morning I went shopping with my sisters and bought myself some things, I took my dog out to get his haircut n showerd and some new toys. Then my friend came over and we hung out the whole day. I didnt really think of my ex at all today, all these distractions kept me busy. I know ill be okay.

[Pisces Girl]

Day 3: I had fun hanging out with my friends, but still thought about him a lot. I had a dream about him last night too. This is pretty tough... =/

[BackToYou]

Day 8

 

I am sad about the fact you have not even tried to contact me. I feel worthless to you.

[ssbreeze]

stay strong. i jumped back in too quickly, got burned again.

[Samatha]

Hi everyone..

Can't post any links but my story is there on the thread called "He hates me, and I want him back, again! PLEASe help me "

 

Last time seen him: 6 weeks ago(since brokeup)

Last time chatted: 3 weeks ago

NC sinde: 3 weeks..

 

I feel awful. Nightmares and without motivation to do anything. He hates me or I'm indifferent to him, he just contacted me for my birthday and after I clinged too much he told me he didn't wanted any contact with me at all. That's just awful.

[ssbreeze]

Day 1. i hope i survive the first day of NC. it's a sucky feeling...

[Helpmetoheal]

Simplyme01: We were together for almost 2 years. We live on the same street about 5 houses apart from each other, which was awesome when we were together. Awesome is not the word I use to describe it now, NC is a challenge unless we both decided never to leave our houses again. If I had to guess the longest we have been in true NC was maybe 10-15 days.

Wow, we are in the same place. It will be 2 months on the 10th. I feel the same way you do about the weekends & the urge to contact him. I know I'm still hanging on to hope that I'll hear from him & he'll want to try again. I want that hope to fade. How long were you together? How long has NC been?

[boomroasted]

Onto Day 5. It's getting easier, but harder if that makes sense. It's the only road to take.

[gradstudent88]

DAY 1

I started NC last month -- it lasted for a little more than a week before the ex broke it, we sort of got back together for a week, then he said he couldn't try it anymore so here I am again. I know that it was hard last time, and I know it will still be hard now, but it's all I can do at this point.

[simplyme01]

Day 19 NC...56 days since he left my house for the last time. WEEKENDS SUCK!!!

[Janeiac]

Spring is just around the corner. Things will get better, you will see! Simplyme, do something different on the weekends. Visit some of the great state parks in Upstate NY. (I used to live there, I know how nice they are!) Check out the Revolutionary War reenactments, they are loads of fun. You'll get out of the house, meet new people, and break the old sucky pattern. Go do it!

Ex asked me to "accept his friendship" and said that is "all he can offer right now." Right now??? Jerko. I told him no effing way and to stop torturing me. Haven't heard back. I believe he is away on a trip to visit the other woman he emotionally cheated on me with and has since taken it physical, and was wanting to feel better about the way things went with me. Too bad for him, I'm not here to help HIM through the breakup and into a new woman's arms. Phooey to him. *I* am just fine without him, thank you very much. I have a great life, many friends, and lots to look forward to. I'm starting major dental work that I couldn't afford before, I've lost weight, I'm excercising. I'm going to look GORGEOUS -- all for MYSELF.

 

Gradstudent, hang in there. Things will get better for you, too!

[nutcase720532]

Day 6: He still hasnt contacted me, I thought about him lil, But overall today was an okay day. Did my homework which I should really start doing, I have been procrastinating alot.... Today im going out to a rave with a friend? I was going to go with my bf but since the break up I dont have anyone to go with.. Sooo either I go with my friend or alone... Either way im still going and going to have fun! I need distractions.

[simplyme01]

Jane, you're a sweetheart & an inspiration!! As much as I have my bad days, I do have many more good days. I am getting out & doing things. Weather in Upstate NY is not quite ready for a park visit. I Do have a FL. vaca planned for the end of March, a week with the girls!! Woohoo! I figure that will put me at almost 3 months since our breakup. I should be golden by then. Been going to counseling for the past 3 weeks, working on "my" issues. Feels good NC is the best thing for all of us. I can't believe what your ex said to you...REALLY??? What does he think? Why bother? I'm glad you're doing well & taking care of you! I don't know what I would do with out the support of ENA and all that contribute!

[Ely]

Day 16 NC

 

Each day it gets easier.

[anthony4]

i broke NC. this is what i said: "i know your surgery is soon, if not already done. was scheduled for the 7th if i recall. i wasn't gonna say anything, not sure that anything at all is appropriate. but what the hell, we shared so much. no reason to be ashamed to say, I hope it all works out for the best. be well Sandy."

 

was that wrong? i want to be human and civil, despite our differences. i have no intention of getting back together. doh.

[Moonchill]

Ok I'm just going to post here instead of email him or text him or smoke signal him because I've had some ( ok too much ) alcohol. And right now the temptation to contact him is very very very big. But I will not do it, I should not do it. Its just that I want to apologize for my stupid words. I really want to get it off my chest. I'm glad that even when I've had some drinks I cán refuse to call or text him. I'm just getting it off my chest on this forum instead.. *sigh* ( it's 4 am in the morning out here by the way, I just went out with my friends and I had a lot of fun, without him)

 

By the way Janeiac, you are really making progress and it's an inspiration for lots of new people out here