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spanks

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  1. Prom tickets are on sale this week. I wonder who you've asked. I want to ask someone if they know, but I don't want to be needy and crazy. I remember how you looked when you saw me in my dress... You loved it. And now I've been replaced. I wonder with who...
  2. We were together two years and you walked away without a backwards glance. Maybe your feelings were changing for a while... But I know you and you weren't pretending... And if that's so why can't you tell me you don't love me to my face? Whatever. You're happy. You're riding the high of the play and the end of your senior year... Now I'm spending my days wondering if you've asked someone to prom yet. Remember when I tried on my dress for you? You love it and thought I looked beautiful. We were so excited. No matter how bad things got I never thought you'd leave... Will you really never reach out to me...?
  3. The play ended on Sunday. A Facebook friend who didn't know I had you blocked emailed me and said you told everyone you all put on a fantastic show, that you were so freaking SAD it was over, that you loved them all and wanted to continue hanging out and having dance parties with them, that you didn't know what to do with your life now. That was a huge slap in the face. I called it... But still. Dance parties? Sketchy. A two month play and the people in it meant more to you than a two year relationship with me. And the pictures just keep pouring onto Facebook, too... The girl only emailed me because she thought this was a good thing. That I was right and now that it was over you'd actually have time to think about it. But I took it as meaning I meant nothing to you... More tears. Everyone keeps reminding me that it's easy to put up a front on Facebook. That this is probably your way of coping. But I'm not convinced. It could be that because you lost me, your best friend, you're going over the top to fit in with others and be accepted. Or that you think I'll check your profile through my roommate and you like to put on a show... But chances are you really did just have a good time. And you're so sad it is over... Much more sad than you were when our relationship ended... Will you ever realize? Will you ever miss me? Will you ever face your emotions and what you've done? I'm SO depressed...
  4. As a Psychology major I've always found the theory of cognitive dissonance to be fascinating. Interesting to see it applied here on ENA.
  5. Still haven't heard from you... What a surprise. Accepting that it may never happen. I know I screwed up, but you weren't perfect either. I know I'll never make the same mistakes again. But hey, if you don't want to give me another chance than that's your loss!
  6. NC Day 17 Haven't had any news from you or of you so I haven't had anything new to mull over. No little tidbits to give me hope. I wonder if you're wondering what I'm doing this weekend. I gave what you're probably doing some passing thoughts... But why speculate? It's not worth it. And who really cares? I just listened to my entire playlist of 40 breakup songs (pretty much all of them were already on my iPod when we broke up. weird, seeing as how I've never been the dumpee before.) Really thinking I won't hear from you again. Yet another part of me thinks you can't really be gone. Who knows? "I guess it's gonna have to hurt. I guess I'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side. I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you try to fly... It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye."
  7. Well in that case, his behavior now and what you think of him should help you to get over him! I agree that the best thing you can do is prove him wrong about not being able to stay away. If that brings him back... Well then it's a side effect of NC. Good luck, and I wish you the best!
  8. I think you're probably right about this. At least I hope when he comes back I'll be strong enough to turn him away. But right now I can't think of dating anyone else. Do you think in your case your ex jumped into a rebound relationship? After 6 years that seems like the best explanation...
  9. I didn't post yesterday, but that was day 15 and today is day 16. Haven't heard anything from him. Really starting to think I'll never hear from him again, and it's a devastating thought... I just can't believe how little I meant to him... I keep going over the breakup and post-breakup in my mind ](*,) and I just can't make sense of it all. I personally feel like there are so many mixed signals... I think that's why I can't seem to accept he's gone for forever... But still, my hope is dwindling.
  10. Today was a rough day because it was 5 weeks since we broke up and 2 weeks since we talked. I guess I was maybe expecting you to contact me, especially because you had off of school... Stupid, right? I told myself it wouldn't happen... But deep down I was hoping it would. I wonder if you think of me at all. You don't seem sure about this breakup... With all the mixed signals you gave me and your friends... But doesn't your silence really speak volumes?
  11. Day 13 NC Tomorrow it will be two weeks. WOW! I never would have imagined we'd go that long without contact. How am I feeling? Glad I blocked him on Facebook. Haven't cried today. Tried to just focus on being back at school and not thinking about it. I definitely do not think he will be contacting me anytime soon... I'm kind of glad I don't expect it anymore. I do wish I could talk to him. I still have that urge to break NC. But I know I don't need that rejection. Plus, I'm not sure things could ever be ok with us again. I'm not the kind that just forgives and forgets. But if he came back now, would I be that strong? I'm not sure.
  12. Day 12 NC Think I must be going crazy. I'm really amused by everything that's happening with my ex. Not upset at all. Just find it funny and am curious to see what happens. I know the next second I could be crying, but right now I'm grateful for this weird mood. Don't see him contacting me anytime soon. Maybe it's for the best...
  13. That's the plan. : ) I made it very clear to my friend that if he doesn't set his privacy settings so I can't see that picture album then we can't be Facebook friends. I think it's time to do a little deleting, as well!
  14. Day 11 NC Never thought I'd make it this far. Pictures of him in Florida on Spring Break are starting to show up on Facebook. Can't avoid them even though I defriended him. At first I was upset... But that didn't last. My roommate and I actually had a good laugh about them because he looks so childish and unattractive in all of them. Progress? I think so. I did contact the guy my ex took with him to Florida and told him to make his Spring Break photo album unavailable to me or I would have to delete him. Doing everything I can to look out for myself...
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