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Everything posted by spanks

  1. Prom tickets are on sale this week. I wonder who you've asked. I want to ask someone if they know, but I don't want to be needy and crazy. I remember how you looked when you saw me in my dress... You loved it. And now I've been replaced. I wonder with who...
  2. We were together two years and you walked away without a backwards glance. Maybe your feelings were changing for a while... But I know you and you weren't pretending... And if that's so why can't you tell me you don't love me to my face? Whatever. You're happy. You're riding the high of the play and the end of your senior year... Now I'm spending my days wondering if you've asked someone to prom yet. Remember when I tried on my dress for you? You love it and thought I looked beautiful. We were so excited. No matter how bad things got I never thought you'd leave... Will you really never reach out to me...?
  3. The play ended on Sunday. A Facebook friend who didn't know I had you blocked emailed me and said you told everyone you all put on a fantastic show, that you were so freaking SAD it was over, that you loved them all and wanted to continue hanging out and having dance parties with them, that you didn't know what to do with your life now. That was a huge slap in the face. I called it... But still. Dance parties? Sketchy. A two month play and the people in it meant more to you than a two year relationship with me. And the pictures just keep pouring onto Facebook, too... The girl only emailed me because she thought this was a good thing. That I was right and now that it was over you'd actually have time to think about it. But I took it as meaning I meant nothing to you... More tears. Everyone keeps reminding me that it's easy to put up a front on Facebook. That this is probably your way of coping. But I'm not convinced. It could be that because you lost me, your best friend, you're going over the top to fit in with others and be accepted. Or that you think I'll check your profile through my roommate and you like to put on a show... But chances are you really did just have a good time. And you're so sad it is over... Much more sad than you were when our relationship ended... Will you ever realize? Will you ever miss me? Will you ever face your emotions and what you've done? I'm SO depressed...
  4. As a Psychology major I've always found the theory of cognitive dissonance to be fascinating. Interesting to see it applied here on ENA.
  5. Still haven't heard from you... What a surprise. Accepting that it may never happen. I know I screwed up, but you weren't perfect either. I know I'll never make the same mistakes again. But hey, if you don't want to give me another chance than that's your loss!
  6. NC Day 17 Haven't had any news from you or of you so I haven't had anything new to mull over. No little tidbits to give me hope. I wonder if you're wondering what I'm doing this weekend. I gave what you're probably doing some passing thoughts... But why speculate? It's not worth it. And who really cares? I just listened to my entire playlist of 40 breakup songs (pretty much all of them were already on my iPod when we broke up. weird, seeing as how I've never been the dumpee before.) Really thinking I won't hear from you again. Yet another part of me thinks you can't really be gone. Who knows? "I guess it's gonna have to hurt. I guess I'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side. I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you try to fly... It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye."
  7. Well in that case, his behavior now and what you think of him should help you to get over him! I agree that the best thing you can do is prove him wrong about not being able to stay away. If that brings him back... Well then it's a side effect of NC. Good luck, and I wish you the best!
  8. I think you're probably right about this. At least I hope when he comes back I'll be strong enough to turn him away. But right now I can't think of dating anyone else. Do you think in your case your ex jumped into a rebound relationship? After 6 years that seems like the best explanation...
  9. I didn't post yesterday, but that was day 15 and today is day 16. Haven't heard anything from him. Really starting to think I'll never hear from him again, and it's a devastating thought... I just can't believe how little I meant to him... I keep going over the breakup and post-breakup in my mind ](*,) and I just can't make sense of it all. I personally feel like there are so many mixed signals... I think that's why I can't seem to accept he's gone for forever... But still, my hope is dwindling.
  10. Today was a rough day because it was 5 weeks since we broke up and 2 weeks since we talked. I guess I was maybe expecting you to contact me, especially because you had off of school... Stupid, right? I told myself it wouldn't happen... But deep down I was hoping it would. I wonder if you think of me at all. You don't seem sure about this breakup... With all the mixed signals you gave me and your friends... But doesn't your silence really speak volumes?
  11. Day 13 NC Tomorrow it will be two weeks. WOW! I never would have imagined we'd go that long without contact. How am I feeling? Glad I blocked him on Facebook. Haven't cried today. Tried to just focus on being back at school and not thinking about it. I definitely do not think he will be contacting me anytime soon... I'm kind of glad I don't expect it anymore. I do wish I could talk to him. I still have that urge to break NC. But I know I don't need that rejection. Plus, I'm not sure things could ever be ok with us again. I'm not the kind that just forgives and forgets. But if he came back now, would I be that strong? I'm not sure.
  12. Day 12 NC Think I must be going crazy. I'm really amused by everything that's happening with my ex. Not upset at all. Just find it funny and am curious to see what happens. I know the next second I could be crying, but right now I'm grateful for this weird mood. Don't see him contacting me anytime soon. Maybe it's for the best...
  13. That's the plan. : ) I made it very clear to my friend that if he doesn't set his privacy settings so I can't see that picture album then we can't be Facebook friends. I think it's time to do a little deleting, as well!
  14. Day 11 NC Never thought I'd make it this far. Pictures of him in Florida on Spring Break are starting to show up on Facebook. Can't avoid them even though I defriended him. At first I was upset... But that didn't last. My roommate and I actually had a good laugh about them because he looks so childish and unattractive in all of them. Progress? I think so. I did contact the guy my ex took with him to Florida and told him to make his Spring Break photo album unavailable to me or I would have to delete him. Doing everything I can to look out for myself...
  15. Day 10 NC It's been over a month since we broke up. Can't help thinking when he gets back from Florida he'll contact me and ask to meet up. I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. Going back to school tomorrow so that should help... Still hurt about what happened now over Spring Break. I've been thinking about everything a lot. I'm not sure I could take him back even if he wanted me back. I've been hurt so much by all of this... Woke up today and had forgotten we weren't together. Even after all this time... I feel like things get worse everyday. It's all so confusing.
  16. Day 9 If he doesn't contact me today (which I doubt he will) this will be the longest we've gone without talking. I'm sure he doesn't care. I'm the only one counting the days. Got back from Florida today... Good to be home... I'm sure he's on his way back, too. I can't stop thinking about how he replaced me on that trip. Surrounded himself with his friends so he still didn't have to think about the breakup. We spent hours talking about this trip and then it all fell through. I just wish we had shared those experiences... Was playing back the last few weeks of our relationship while I was on the plane. Right before we broke up he wrote a poem about me and read it to his English class and it was so sweet people teared up... Also, he had a talk with his friend about how I should trust that he loves me and cares about me, not worry. But then he broke up with me... Told me he didn't love me... So wasn't the worrying justified?
  17. NC: 8 days. Still really upset about the whole spring break thing. Just trying not to think about it. Know I'll have to stay away from Facebook for a while... Have come to terms with the fact that he isn't going to take me back because it has been over a month and he seems really happy. I really feel though that the guy I loved is dead. That who he is now is not who I was with...
  18. Almost done with my trip to Florida with the fam. Ex went to Universal not only with his best guy friend that he brought with him from home, but also a guy and a bunch of girls from his high school. His status was something about "So excited to go to the parks Wednesday! : )" Wish I hadn't seen that. It kills me... That was supposed to be me. He gave away my ticket (my Valentine's Day present!) and replaced me with a bunch of his friends after feeding me A TON of crap about how excited he was to go with me... He's having a much better time then I am! Maybe that status was just meant to hurt me... But I have to assume I don't factor into this at all. Cried a lot today. It has been exactly one month since our breakup. NC: 7 days.
  19. Arrived in Florida today. Cried on the descent into Tampa. The last time I was here was with him and his family. I should be with them now. Really affected by the memories. How can he not be? He was so excited for this trip... He has to know he would be having more fun with me than with his guy friend. He has to think of how amazing our last trip to Florida was and what it should be now. But I can't assume anything anymore. Not after everything he has said and done. Still very confused and thinking I may never believe his feelings changed. There are signs both ways. Guess I just have to take it one day at a time. Breakup: 25 days. NC: 4 days.
  20. I dreamt about him last night. I usually do. I wish I didn't... I'm sure he's having a great time in Florida. I haven't heard from him and am sure I won't. Last night we should have brushed our teeth together. And today we should have woken up next to each other. I wonder if he thinks about that stuff, too. I have to assume he doesn't. I have to keep Facebook deactivated for quite a while. I deleted him, but his privacy settings aren't good. And I don't want to see status updates and photos from his friend. I think it's best to just stay away. Breakup: 24 days. NC: 3 days.
  21. He's probably almost to Florida with his new best friend. I bet they're having a great time and I won't cross his mind the entire trip. It shouldn't matter to me, but it does. I reactivated my Facebook account just to delete him and his family members I was friends with. He was tagged in his friend's status from Wed. about how they were leaving for Florida tomorrow. A lot of people liked it and commented on it. It really hurt. That was supposed to be me... Then, I changed my privacy settings and deactivated my account again. I can't handle it right now. Contacting him changed nothing: for better or for worse. It's almost like it never happened. Things are getting harder everyday. 23 days since the breakup, and 2 days NC.
  22. Broke NC yesterday after nine days to text my ex. It felt better then when we last talked... He wasn't as mean. He said he "guessed" his feelings were the same as when we broke up, and that "we'll see" if this time apart and my changes will afford us the opportunity to try again. None of my questions were answered. And nothing has changed. I feel bad that I broke NC... But I don't regret making sure one last time he knows how I feel. I wasn't pushy and needy. And I don't think it pushed him away. But it didn't help either. And today he left for Florida with his best guy friend. That was supposed to be me... Anyways. NC Day 1.
  23. Same to you. It's good to know I'm not alone. I wish I could stop hoping, but I can't control it. Just have to keep moving forward.
  24. I wake up every single day thinking today will be the day he changes his mind and contacts me. Today it has been 3 weeks since the breakup... So I thought maybe he'd contact me. That maybe it has been long enough for him... I know that's a stupid hope to have... Tomorrow he leaves for Florida for Spring Break with his family and whoever he's taking now. I was supposed to be going with him. We were both really looking forward to it. NC: 9 days.
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