THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Kinderblut]

Though my mind is plagued with her all the time, there's less pain now. I feel like I'm forgetting because I have to.

 

I feel great today, in fact. Gonna watch some movies that I've always wanted to, and revise for an upcoming test. Maybe write some more music, even. I'm looking forward to getting my second induction at the gym later today, also!

Facebook and Twitter are well and truly blocked via Stayfocus'd, so no temptation to see what she's up to (I won't like what I see either way). If she calls I absolutely refuse to answer the phone. I'm not breaking NC so easily this time.

[DreamySkies]

Day 14 / 11 weeks since breakup...

 

Two weeks, this evening. Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I am holding on, torturing myself. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment and hurt. What I want is not going to come, the way I envision. Yet I keep holding on. Since we broke up I've had a horrible time with sleeping. I wake up a few times each night, almost in a panic. As if my mind is always racing, even while I sleep. This morning I woke up at 230 and couldn't fall back asleep until 530, only to wake back up at 630 for work. I want my life back. I just can't seem to take charge.

[BrokenHearted8]

Broke contact after 10 days because I am leaving the country and wanted to see him one more time. I used the excuse of needing a ride somewhere to meet him. Then I realized how pathetic that was and texted him back saying that a friend will drive me. He told me to contact him if I change my mind. I told him that I respect his need for space from me and will try to honor it. He didn't even respond (and he always responds)... Anyway, Will start no contact again. This should be the start date. This time I won't do it to get him back and make him miss me, I will do it for my self. I hope I'll be strong enough to continue. I have to confess that I cheat sometimes and peak at his instagram and facebook, but hopefully I'll be more determined this time. I hope to get all the support I need here. Thanks

[Lovebug]

Day 30

 

30 days with no contact (well a former flatmate that we lived with for 2 years who didn't know we had broken up sent us both a message on fb but neither of us responded) Guess this means that if it was Feb, April, June, Sept or Nov I would have succeded now. However I still don't feel strong enough, there has not yet been a day where I haven't been in tears at some point and I really struggle. He has been good in respecting me and giving me space but I think I would be too weak to ignore or be unaffected by contact when/if it comes. I love him and miss him terribly and I know I need longer, it has now been 2 months since our relationship of over 5 years ended and I have not seen him since Dec 9th (we saw/contacted each other each day of our relationship) and if I found out he was dating anyone else I'd be devastated. I think I should continue this indefinitely, I still have the hurdles of moving out of the flat we used to live in jointly and my birthday to overcome. Feb is going to be a difficult month

[JSP22]

Hello all, I'm new here. I am 26, dated my ex for 3 years, broke up 2.5 months ago. I left him because I was focused on everything he did wrong. He contacted me multiple times/day saying he was sorry for everything and I blew him off due to my hurts and in order to really ensure that he realized his issues.

 

WELL, last week I decided to say "I'm in love with you, let's start over, I forgive everything" and I got rejected terribly. He told me that our relationship was unhealthy; we fought endlessly, I never let things go, we would be off and on. He was so right. I was so busy looking at his problems that I NEVER stopped to think about my faults. I am 26 and I was acting so immature in our relationship. It was an eye-openener for me. I told him I was so sorry, begged for his forgiveness for my part, and that I will never act like that or say those things again.

 

But, he said it was "too late". He said this will never work, that he doesn't believe that I will let go of everything, that it is easier to learn from this relationship and start fresh with someone else. I begged him to forgive me and to allow me to show him I have come to a big realization, that this relationship was worth fighting for. But he said he needs time and stated that it is nearly impossible for us to be together again. He now won't respond. I have initiated NC as of yesterday. I am just devastated that it took losing him to realize what I did wrong. I went to church last week and counselor today. Hopefully all of these things help, and I admit, I am hoping for a reconciliation someday..

[PearlHarbor]

Day 8 and it's still hard. Yesterday, however, I had a good day after a previous good day of therapy. Went out with some awesome women last night (who also experienced break up pain) and had a few drinks. I had no desire to text him even while drunk (i've got a problem with that in the past - just flirty texts). I've blocked him on FB and Skype and havent even checked FB to look at her profile but once. I know he's thinking about me and he's got to be the first to reach out. And only to tell me he's made a big mistake and has many reasons why we should be together to repair what HE damaged. No way will I be "friends" with him just to allay his guilt of the pain he's caused me. I'm giving him his space. I hope he realizes it in time. In the meantime, doing what I can to move forward. I have a date on Monday. Might be too soon, and might not.

[shaduo]

Went 8 months, she contacted me. Had a light convo, then 2 weeks later Christmas came and I wished her merry Christmas no reply. Month later it's her bday I don't tell her happy bday cause mine is two days after and I wouldn't want to feel rejected if she didn't tell me. On my bday she blocked me on fb. Weird I really don't know what is going on. If she's mad I didn't wish her happy bday or if she blocked me because she didn't want to see ppl post on my wall happy bday cause we have mutual friends. A little help would be awesome thanks.

[Kinderblut]

And thus draws to the tail-end of day 3. After a couple of days of feeling alright, my mind is just too swamped by thoughts of her to focus on anything right now.

 

I just know she's gonna reach out at any given point, but I simply want to get on with my life without having to think about it all the time.

[BrokenHearted8]

this is day 1 of no contact since yesterday evening I've done NC for 10 days and failed miserably. I texted him and called him. He's always responds, but he said he doesn't want a relationship, he just wants to focus on himself and his career. I thought this was selfish. he didn't take my feelings in consideration, and I told him that. he was angry and hurt. Now I really have to move on. I know I lost him for good after my behavior after the breakup. i was emotional, needy and didn't give him the space he asked for. I always keep running back to him whenever things get tough. and he just wants to stay away from me. How can someone be so loving and into someone for so long and suddenly need space "to work on themselves"? this doesn't make any sense to me, and I guess I was trying to find some logical reasons for what's happening around me. I am lost, in great pain, I can't focus on my job (and will lose it soon if I don't get my act together). ugh, how do people go so long without contacting each other. He was in my life every single day for so long, now there is a huge gap in my life and I don't know how to fill it. But I'll try to be strong, I'll try to survive, I'll give him space, and give myself time to heal. I was going to meet him this Saturday because he was going to give me a ride (yes, I asked him for a favor). But then I texted him again and told him that I'll manage without his help. i told him that I will give him the space he requested. He didn't respond!!! that was the first time he doesn't respond. The silence is killing me. I don't know what to do. I feel shattered. If anyone at all is reading this, please give me some advice. I read dozens of articles. Blocked him on FB & skype, deleted his number, deleted all pictures, But he's there in my mind every single second of the day.

[maccerz]

So we broke up in the middle of Decemeber and there's been a few occasions where we've gone a week or 2 with no contact but he always ends up texting me and I usually end up caving and replying! But not this time, it's been 4 days and I plan on making absolutely zero contact with him for the next month!! I think valentines day will be hard but im determined not to speak to him! I'm actually very happy on my own, but I think I have a bit of an addiction to having him there knowing I can just contact him whenever I feel like it and knowing he will always make me feel better when I'm feeling bad! I need to learn that I don't NEED this in my life, I need to learn how to make myself happy!! I definitely think I'm getting there but NC makes it A LOT easier!

[js0905]

Back on here, have tried this several times.

My relationship (if you want to call it that)was a year old on 12/18. He broke it off once and he came back to me however when we got back together he would text me randomly.

He started showing he didn't care and disrespecting me by going days without contacting me. He did always reply to my texts though except for once. Then I went NC for 28 days but he contacted me on day 23, I took 5 days to think about if I wanted him back in my life.

I replied on day 28 because I did want him back.

Still things didn't get to much better so I broke it off with him in October but then I went back to him.

A month ago I hadn't heard from him in a week so I deleted his contact and texts. Then he contacted me with a Hi! ?

 

Waited 5 hours and then replied -

 

Me - Hi

Him - How are you doing?

Me - Confused

Him - Why honey?

 

So I explained to him that even though he was now away (he moved 200+ miles away in November 2013)if he still wanted me to be a part of his life to please contact me every 2-3 days. That way I'd know he was thinking of me because I always thought of him.

 

Something men know about and shouldn't be told btw, although he always has excuses like he is busy with work, etc.

 

Anyway he was doing that for about a month but he went to Vegas on Monday for work (He travels 3 weeks out of the month for work.) Now the last time I heard from him (because I texted him btw) was on Saturday 01/25 now we are back to 5 days NC =(

 

Totally over this Crap and the ups and downs so I'm done. Even though I'm dying for him to contact me, I have a feeling it's over. Think he has found someone else and has been slowly letting me go. After all since he moved and I broke it off I'm not sure if were even exclusive anymore.

 

So what is the point right? that is what I had said to him in October when I broke it off.

 

I just need the strength to not answer him if he tries again. This is why I'm here.

[GeminiJaja]

Day 40 of my full NC - got a text message from him asking how am doing. I did not respond. Almost moving on but now pain striking me again.

 

Note to self: take YOGA religiously. BE STILL & HEAL

[Kinderblut]

I got through the first part of my day pretty well, but now I feel so tired, and so alone, and so sick of all this. Keep getting flooded with all kinds of memories and it's just distressing.

[JSP22]

Day 1 again after making it 26 hours. I realized that I need to move. We share the same gym, I went at a different time than his usual but he must have been thinking the same thing in order to avoid me. After seeing his truck I texted, something jokingly at first, but it quickly turned into stupid, pathetic emo texts. To which he was cold and hardly said anything. I can tell he hates me and is beyond ever thinking we could reconcile.

 

Later in the day, I received a text from someone who I thought was a good "friend" saying that she doesn't want to talk to me ever again because she is sick of me being "drama" even though I contacted her ONCE when I was crying, yay fair-weather, crappy friends. Then everything hit me. In the last 3 weeks, I got rejected to PA school, failed the physical agility test for the fire department by 5 seconds, had added stress at my current job, failed my relationship and was heartbroken. I was staying strong, thinking these were all doors closed. I went to church in the last week and met with a church counselor. But then I realized I have no good friends.

 

Wow, it hit me. I started weeping uncontrollably, my chest became tight, I couldn't control my breathing. I was sent into my first ever, fully involved panic attack. My body just completely gave out. I became weak, lightheaded, and tingly secondary to my inability to breath. I prayed at the beginning of it, asking for God to keep me from getting worse, I asked him to give me a peace. But he didn't. Luckily, my mom had walked in. She put me in the car and just drove. Got me away from all of the reminders. Thank God for great moms.

 

I think at the beginning of it, I texted him. He never responded. I think maybe because he knew it would make it worse. I really tried not to contact him. One of the reasons why we broke up was due to the added stress I put on him while at work as a firefighter. But I felt like I was going insane. He didn't say or do anything, as expected. Later on he said "you are better than this". Whatever. Easy for him to say.

 

Anyways, I was brought to my uncle's house. I know we need to be NC. For both of us. Not even for a chance of reconciliation, since that is beyond ever happening. IF there were any chance, it would have to be after we both build ourselves back together and get whole. I'm trying. I think I'm doing pretty well considering all the failures I've had in the last month. But I will keep it up, counselor gave me homework to help me find a balance.

 

Today is a new day. I realized this will be harder than expected. I don't have the luxury of focusing on a good thing in my life because I have nothing. He has his job that he loves and a huge circle of friends. I have zero career, I tried and tried. I applied, worked for a horrible paying job that I thought would help my application look great for PA and Med school, and then I got rejected to school. I worked out religiously for months to prepare for the fire test. And I failed. I was okay with all of this. I never turned to drinking or promiscuity or anything negative. But WOW, this is getting WORSE!!! Now I can't even go to the gym without seeing him or having reminders. I used to love going, it was my safe place. Now it brings me hurt.

 

I need to move! And today, I am changing my phone number so that I can start over. I don't want anyone from his world contacting me. And I know he won't but at least with a new number and knowing he won't know it, I will not be looking at my phone hoping he contacts me. Unfortunately, I have his memorized, so it will be on me and my strength to maintain NC. I just keep thinking of the day I will see him with someone else and how bad it will hurt. Fortunately, he got rid of his FB months ago, and I have deactivated mine since we have so many mutual friends. I hope there will be a day that I will see him happy with someone else and I will be fine with it. I pray that I will have peace.

 

This whole thing sucks. Does anyone have a time machine? So I can go back 3 years and do things over or fast forward 6 months to a healed, whole me?!

[maccerz]

Aw god you poor thing! Panic attacks are absolutely horrible, but well done u got through it and you're seeing the light (even if it's only the tiniest ray right now) You WILL be happy again, and you're definitely going the right way about it. All these obstacles you are facing at the moment sound very difficult but they'll only make u feel even more successful and wonderful when u do eventually get your life back on track! Just remember you can't appreciate the wonderful things in your life without experiencing some bad stuff along the way, sounds to me like you're due a lot of good stuff so just hang on, keep going with the NC and keep being positive! The very best of luck to you xx

[JSP22]

Aw god you poor thing! Panic attacks are absolutely horrible, but well done u got through it and you're seeing the light (even if it's only the tiniest ray right now) You WILL be happy again, and you're definitely going the right way about it. All these obstacles you are facing at the moment sound very difficult but they'll only make u feel even more successful and wonderful when u do eventually get your life back on track! Just remember you can't appreciate the wonderful things in your life without experiencing some bad stuff along the way, sounds to me like you're due a lot of good stuff so just hang on, keep going with the NC and keep being positive! The very best of luck to you xx

 

Thank you for your support. It helps! I cannot wait to see where this road leads me. I could use a little taste of success now though!

One of the things that he has said to me is that I am not the woman he fell in love with anymore. I used to be confident and vibrant. He is right, I have lost myself, mainly due to life and due to the hardships of our relationship that lead to insecurities and resentment. Each day I will work on getting myself back!

[guychris14]

DAY 31 OR 3?

 

I managed to reach day 29 then my birthday when she sent good wishes....I replied thanks and that's all.....so im not sure if I broke NC or not...

either way im carrying this on as it seems good! I wish we had no contact on my birthday though....Full NC is so much better x

 

Im actually doing ok, though the contact made me think all about her again....damn it!!

[Kinderblut]

I've given up on expecting calls from her and to be honest it's quite liberating.

My mood is entirely unpredictable, but for the time being I feel awesome.

 

I only got to day 5 of NC last time; I know exceeding it will feel great.

I still can't help but feel that I'm living in her shadow, however. I see too many reminders of her every day.

[Bookerd1991]

This is the perfect support and opportunity for me to succeed at nc I have not managed to go any longer than 2 days with no contact, and every time I break it it feels like I have ruined all my efforts but silly me must have a split personality because again and again all my thoughts and feelings of achievement go out the window and I find myself messaging her. I still love her so much and I know she cares about me to I just there was a powerful heart warming message I could send her before I start NC however it's been so long now I don't think the nicest text on earth would even so much as catch her attention it's been 14 hours of Nc now and already I want to contact her.

[Misfortune]

7+ months of NC for me and I'm feeling a lot better. I saw her last month and it didn't bother be one bit. I didn't say/do anything and she's the one that was upset/mad at me for reasons unknown. She also claims she finally wants to get divorced which I've wanted since she left me. She always claimed to be broke or that doing the divorce was too much work for her. Interesting how seeing me has suddenly put money in her pockets and made her work easier. People are interesting. She asked me for copies of the marriage certificate which I mailed to her without question. Funny thing is that she I had emailed it her 6 months ago because she needed it for work. I would think that she could just print a few copies out from that email, ask her family to contact me for copies months ago or even go to the courts and get a copy herself.

 

She's also unhappy with me because I'm living the "good life" while everyone is treating her like a cheater. Not my issue though.

 

Either way, I'm living and not stressing in anyway. Life goes on and some people are full of B.S.

 

It gets better with time.

[js0905]

Didn't post yesterday, been trying to keep busy...

So this post is for days 6 & 7.

[jald]

It really DOES get better with time. I was NC for 1 year. He came back to me just 2 days ago. We had sex. But honestly, instead of it BREAKING ME...it just affirmed that the person I was in love with so long ago is long gone. So meeting him again after 1 year of complete NC just confirmed that it's over. I feel better...lighter. Before, even though we were NC for a year, there were still uncertainties and doubts. But I think, we both know for sure that it is utterly, completely over.

 

He did admit though that in the last year we were NC ...

a) I was in his thoughts everyday.

b) He was " haunted " by his decision and me at the back of his mind.

c) A relationship didn't work out with him ( only lasted 1 month ) bc he talked a lot about me with her.

 

Meanwhile, on the other end...I thought, " Eh, he's having so much fun - probably has sleuth of girls - probably partying like a maniac. "...and I was hurt but it became numb. By the turn of the year, I started to become open to dating other men again. It has only been 3 weeks since I put myself out there and the dates are coming in. Men are actually very interested in me...and like clockwork, the ex came back. But eh, I am ready to be with other people...whether it's for casual or for something longer. But I am ready xxx

[BrokenHearted8]

Day 4 of NC (Broke up 5 weeks ago).

 

I have tried the NC so many times and I fail after a few days. I miss him so much, and I just want to hug him again I don't know what to do, it's hard to live my life without him. I am still making excuses for him in my head. He said he needs time and space to work on himself because he's not happy with himself (and I believe him). But is that a valid excuse to leave someone you love and break their heart. He always replies to my texts (when I break the NC), but he never initiates. I feel that if I don't initiate contact, I'll lose him forever. Why do I care so much? it hurts to be in love with someone who doesn't want you, who doesn't care about you enough. Every time I talk to him, he's very polite. But pity is all I get from him. Oh well.. hopefully I will last longer this time. I will post here on Day 7. I am forcing myself to go out with friends, and be busy. But he's on my mind every single minute. Valentine's day is going to suck so much without him

[sadbutrue]

Day 30 ...

[maccerz]

I can't believe it's been 50 days... in some ways it's seems so much more recent and in others so much longer ago. It's been exactly a week since I've spoken to him. not that our conversation this day last week could even really be counted as one but still it was contact.. I'm feeling quite good but definitely feeling a bit lonely, it's been such a long time since iv been on my own and although it's very liberating, it takes a lot of getting used to. I have my moments where I find it pretty hard but overall I think I'm doing pretty well and probably happier now than I've been in quite some time