THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[OneExistence]

First post here!

 

Starting this today. I was together with my ex for 7.5 years, married for 1.5 years. Been split for about 2 months now, and she rushed through with divorce, so that's final any day now.

 

I would love a chance to rekindle what we had eventually, but I know now that the only way that will be remotely possible is to disconnect and heal. So, as hard as it is (still in love with her), here we go... DAY 1.

[USMC82]

Having a rough morning; she's constantly on my mind. Staying strong though and still have her blocked. It's frustrating because just 48 hours ago, we were holding each other and expressing how much in love that we were. But there's the "but's" that prevents it from working right now. I know that all that I can do is to maintain NC and heal and let her rebound relationship run its course and then *if* the situation and desire arises, respond to any contact that she may try to make. Slim to none chance though, so heal and move on is the motto.

[jg0423]

Day 2

 

I seen her in school today. She was constantly asking me why I wasn't talking to her and why I'm mad at her. I just kept ignoring her and I didn't say anything to her all day. She was begging for my attention. I would look her way and she'll already be looking at me. I guess since this NC is all out of the blue, she's confused. She wasn't ready for this. Hopefully, continuing this will let her realize how much she's gonna miss me and how much she actually needs me in her life. As of now, I still won't be contacting her through text or any social media platform. She'll still be on my mind, but I won't budge. Determined!

[shootingstarz]

I do not know the full story but it really doesn't matter. From my personal experience. Anyone that jumps into a new relationship quick, that relationship is not going to last. It can be short lived or for a while but will not last. I had an ex like that. Just 2 days after he broke up with me he was already seeing this new girl. New girl was already in the picture even before our break up. I knew about it. I never told him that I knew. It was hardest thing to deal with. Being heart broken and top of that feeling of being betrayed and disrespected. During that time, I just let him be and went on with my life. That relationship lasted for 3 months. He then came back. Well, sorry, I have already moved on. We are friends now and even now, he hopes for reconciliation which I have told him just two days ago that he and I can never be an item again. Every situation is different as every break up is different. When it comes to cheating. It is something you just don't want to go back to.

[Monkey ai]

5 Days

 

feeling is strange thing, I didn't think of you for whole day, but on my way to home, I start thinking of you.

 

just baked cookies second time, I am start using my new kitchen now, too bad, I bought all of the best appliances, because you, as you are such amazing cooker, I so enjoyed see you in the kitchen, i thought it was the most sexy guy can do… it made my sad, we are going have so much fun in my new apt…

 

I miss our travelling experience too, you are so good with that… I want to go warm place now… I need sun on my skin...

 

as much as I miss all good things with you, but I know I cannot be with you if you give those silent treatments, that is NO NO, if we even back together, you need seek profissional helps, otherwise I will not be with you, even I love all good parts of you.

 

Almost my days are good, I am happy I am content and ready for my new challenge in my life, and I am excited …

 

Bye- I hope you will figure out your issues and have happy life..

[pisces302]

Day 2

 

Today was up and down as is my life right now! Sometimes I feel such despair and hurt and pain and then the next moment i feel calm and as if I am going to be okay. I think the emotional roller coaster is the worst part. Especially since i don't know when each emotion will hit.

 

Just trying to take deep breathes, stay in the moment and remember I am the only one I can control. I can't change him or his feelings.

[lea2503]

Day 4

 

And I'm missing my best friend

[pisces302]

Day 4

 

And I'm missing my best friend

 

Such a simple statement but you nailed it. Best friend and so much more. I miss my goodbye kisses in the morning, texts throughout the day, phone calls when he's driving home from work, coming home to him, debriefing about our days, snuggling and falling asleep together. I loved our life together.

 

Day 3 NC, 3 weeks apart. Feels like I'm getting worse not better.

[USMC82]

Day 2

 

Today was up and down as is my life right now! Sometimes I feel such despair and hurt and pain and then the next moment i feel calm and as if I am going to be okay. I think the emotional roller coaster is the worst part. Especially since i don't know when each emotion will hit.

 

Just trying to take deep breathes, stay in the moment and remember I am the only one I can control. I can't change him or his feelings.

 

That is your head being in conflict with your heart. Your heart cries out that you miss that person, that you are sad at the loss, you feel despair, lonliness and fear of being alone. Your mind is saying "get over it already, you're only prolonging the hurt". It is normal and essential to the healing process to feel the anger, sadness, sorrow and fear after a break-up. Embrace it, release it, feel it. Then your heart and mind will begin to coordinate together again as one and that will eventually allow your heart to open up again to embrace a new love.

 

This taken from "Mars and Venus Starting Over" by Dr. John Gray. It's been very helpful to me.

[Lec]

Day 38

I ing want to call you, don't know why. Last week i was fine. And i know it's just my ing ego that can't stand the fact that someone reject me. . Sorry for the mistake, but seeing the love you have for me since the beginning i would have at least expected that you try something to save the relationship.

[LilSprout]

Day 1 & 2 (forgot to post yesterday!)

 

Surprisingly difficult! Being back at work does not help, I don't enjoy my job and it's quite boring so I have a lot of time to think; really annoying. I realised today this is genuinely the longest I've gone without talking to my ex; times I've tried before I've gone 3-4 weeks and then just couldn't take it and had to do something.

The temptation to just check his Facebook page is SO high, it's almost unbearable!! I keep thinking 'one quick peak' but what would I really see. I doubt anything has changed on it but then I almost want to check just to make sure it's how I left it.

So stupid really.

[lea2503]

So mad at myself, broke no contact..... Again!!!

A pleasant conversation which turned nasty when he brought up the subject of me seeing other people, he's the one with a girlfriend!!!!

[lea2503]

Don't check his Facebook whatever you do!

I couldn't stop myself and in the end it resulted in me seeing he was in a relationship with someone else.

3 months after the breakup and I've only just blocked him, do it right now. It's the best thing I've ever done and I wish I'd done it months ago, it will only stall your healing.

[Confused47]

DAY 1

I accept the challenge!

I've been completely chasing my ex for the last 6 months to the point where he completely got over me! I had a few chances to get him back but I ****ed it all up by bombarding him with messages, turning up at his house etc. Kicking myself!! He has lost all attraction for me and like a complete idiot I texted him (5 times) tonight saying that for the next few months I wouldn't contact him and I'm gonna work on myself and in a few months I'll come and find him and maybe we can start again. So now I doubt NC will get him back when he knows he can have me any time in a few months anyway! Yes I know NC is for me too, but I really want him back so bad!! I completely agree staying in contact makes it easier for them to move on...I've had plenty of chances to get him back in the past but it's way too late now...he's moving on he couldn't care less who I date now where as just a couple of months ago it killed him! no more checking his dating profile and I've unfollowed him on facebook so I don't see his news feed..one question, is it better to post things on my facebook and let him see that I'm getting on with my life..or is it better to not post anything??? We can do this!

[LilSprout]

Day 3

 

Surprisingly easier today.

Once again I ruminate so much at work, got tempted to look at his Facebook again but have not; stayed clear.

When I got home I was doing some sculpting, made me feel much happier and distracted me, if only I could draw/sculpt at work.

[USMC82]

Day 1 of 100000's. So pissed right now about the whole thing. Pissed at myself for the fool that I've been during and now after the relationship. Got sucked right in to it all and then the groveling and pity-party boo hoo's that I went through afterwards. Next chapter please!!

[stillgrieving]

I am on for this challenge. I've been reading this forum for a few days now but finally decided to create an acct and post my acceptance to this challenge and share some struggles along the way. Breakup was 2nd week of Dec. First day of no contact was 12/29. Today is Day 11! Double digits! Woot!

[stillgrieving]

Day 12...

 

Yesterday was definitely a better day. I was thinking more along the lines of "its his loss." Today, not so much. Woke up this morning thinking about him. Cried a little on my drive to work. I don't understand why the days are passing by so slowly. I feel compelled to call him, to email him, to try to work things out. I've always believed that relationships are built on communication and we have to talk to work things out. After reading this forum, I get that there are just so many negative feelings and everything that happened at the heat of the moment and everything is just so fresh so I guess we need to take some time to reflect on everything. Its just so hard because I feel like he's getting on with his life forgetting about me. But then I tell myself, how is that even possible? I spent over a year with the guy, and a very happy year it was. He can't forget that so quickly. I would like to think he's sitting there at his desk thinking about us too.

[LilSprout]

Day 4

 

Pretty bad, was getting really upset and agitated at the end of the work day but by time I got home I was ok.

 

I did unblock him from Facebook but there is method to my madness. I haven't viewed his profile and I won't because here's the thing, it's all about willpower. Having him blocked made him even more of a forbidden fruit, I have to not view him because I don't want to/it doesn't matter, not because I simply can't.

[guychris14]

Day 10 . .

 

Only just found this and figured it rude if I read and never shared, I was dumped by my girl December 30th having been cruelly ignored and strung along most of the month, our last face to face contact was that evening when she dropped the bomb and then cuddled me and said lets stay friends and see each other in January. We hugged tight and she left. . . By New years Eve I was Devastated, Crying, lonely and Broken. She txed me to have a great 2014 and that im very special. I texd back that I too want to be friends but right now cant and need time to heal and that I love her, she replied that she needs time too and that at the moment I want to start a building a friendship she will be there.

 

I did not reply . . .

 

its now day 10 . . . .

 

I'm a Mess, the bad days out way the good, I closed my FB account so no little reminders and feel so alone.

 

So if you don't mind I would really like to join you on here as reading your posts makes me feel a lot less alone . .

[stillgrieving]

Day 13...

 

This is the longest I've ever gone. Doing OK today. I keep telling myself that its up to him to reach out to me. I will not chase him or try to "convince" him what a good thing he's missing out on. He knows the happy times we've had together. He knows that its him. He's the one that has to take the next step to move our relationship forward. If he can't recognize whatever we had was pretty special, then whats the point? He can keep trying to forget me. He can keep trying to hide from all our memories but you can't hide from your heart. I have to believe that he is going to realize what a mistake he made ending our relationship. If he doesn't, then it wasn't worth it anyways. At least I'll hit 30 days before reevaluating what to do. Probably go for 60, then 90, then forever.

[blanche]

Day 11.

 

Last time we saw each other was the 29th. She has not spoken to me either..

She broke up with me Dec 13th and it'll be a month in 3 days...

 

I'm feeling okay. Wondering if she will contact me though.

 

I definitely won't be.

[Jimboboy]

I think I am at day 40 or something. Last days were realllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy hard. But today is finnneee! It gets better with time.

[js0905]

Day 4

 

Pretty bad, was getting really upset and agitated at the end of the work day but by time I got home I was ok.

 

I did unblock him from Facebook but there is method to my madness. I haven't viewed his profile and I won't because here's the thing, it's all about willpower. Having him blocked made him even more of a forbidden fruit, I have to not view him because I don't want to/it doesn't matter, not because I simply can't.

 

 

Hi LilSprout,

 

Well its also day 4 "again" for me actually. I have attempted this several times before he keeps on coming back and making lame excuses.

 

Throws breadcrumbs at me and I freaking fall for it.

 

Was able to stay NC for 28 days once....

 

The thing is that I need to let him go, he never really tries enough. We were together for a year last month but he actually moved 200 miles away in November.

In addition he travels for business so last time I saw him was 12/03/13. However we are in touch but mainly because I reach out to him. He knows I want for him to be the one to reach out. Before our last break up he had started to at least keep in contact if nothing else every 2-3 days. Now it has been 4 days and he knows that the little bit that I require to stay in his life is for him to contact me and let me know he is thinking of me.

 

I told him I knew he was busy working but sometime trough the day he can text me a couple of words right??

That is if I was at all important in his life, which apparently I'm not. I sent him for Christmas some cute/sexy pic's of me and he sent me this email telling me how much he loved them. How amazingly hot he thought I was and how I drove him crazy....LOL!!

 

Then I didn't hear from him again for a few days until I contacted him. It's a bunch of crap that I'm always doing things for him and not getting s---t in return.

 

Oh well, today I deleted his texts and his telephone number from my phone so I'm not tempted to contact him again during a weak moment.

 

So let's do this together I need to be strong and even if he contacts me, I need to let him go.

[guychris14]

Day 11

 

Almost broke NC today as isn't it easier to have even a small part of her in your life rather than nothing?

 

Where is she? who's she with? so many insecure questions and thoughts...I hate this Roller Coaster and wanna get off......

I even drafted a long email of pity, saying im sorry....as yet I haven't sent it.....

Im having a tough day today .