THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lovebug]

Day 1

 

Back ground: enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=466554

 

Right, this is actually the 20th day since I have seen him (I shall call it Day -19) where he finally said he didn't love me like he used to, afterwards he walked me to a friends and I was a devestated crying mess, I did not beg or cling or profess the undying love I feel but it was unbelievably close and I fear that if I see him again I may not be able to help myself so I tried to do my own NC but it is has been complicated by the fact that we share a flat.

 

Since then he phoned (Day -17) to try and meet up to sign a contract to say we were leaving the flat we jointly rented, I said I wasn't around so he could post it through the door, he asked if I would be around the next day, I said yes, but that we didn't need to meet, I could sign it and post it to him, I asked him not to phone again.

 

(Day -16) he text to ask if I had signed it and to say he was on his way round to pick it up (we had already sorted it on the phon the previous day though) I replied 'It is taped to the door of the garage. thank you for texting instead of phoning. I would appreciate that if you contact me again you take a moment to double check it is absolutley necessary & that if this is so you could again limit yourself to texts or emails. this does not mean that i no-longer feel the same way, because i do, but it is not fair on either of us and I need some space. i hope you can respect & understand this.'

 

 

(Day -13) I actually contacted him to let him know I was staying in London for 4 days so he could crash in the flat in peace, pack or move

 

(Day -12) No contact, but he flickered between away/online/offline on skype all day (he doesn't use it normally-only ever did once to talk to me)

 

(Day -11) He sent me an email which began: Dear S, I do understand that keeping communication to a minimum could be helpful and of course I can respect that. I think that it is only necessary to be in contact a few more times, depending on how you want to do things it then went on to say that he had found a flat to move into and went into a detailed list of lots of small unimportant items: who cares about the spare duvet in the garage when the person they love the most is leaving?!? He ended it with 'I hope you are okay' : how could I possibly be ok?!? I replied after a few hours saying that I didn't really care about all these small things (I was a crying mess at work when I recieved it), but if he wanted an answer (I know he dislikes indeciveness so I give him a brief reply for each of his question) and ended asking him to please leave me alone as I didn't find it helpful.

 

Since then there has been NC, on Christmas day (Day -3) he flickered around again on skype, I was torn about texting him to wish him a happy christmas, I was worried that he may consider me childish if I didn't but I had told him not to contact me and I didn't want to get into a stress if he didn't reply... however I put a generic Christmas wishes message on Fb that his family then went on to like and comment on (they have taken to doing this recently, it stresses me a bit, but it is nice to know that they still like me as a person and I know they are going through a very tough time).

 

It has been really difficult asking him not to contact me, I want nothing more than to see him and speak with him and he has said he has no problem seeing me, but if he no-longer feels the same way, it just hurts me too much and I don't want to say anything I'll later regret. I love this man and I want a future with him but at the moment this is not what he wants : (

 

(Day 0 ) Last night I suffered a bit of a blow, though and I feel I need support in maintaining NC. Two of my ex's closest friends from uni (though mine too as we have been going out over 5 years) had been going out for about 7 years and their relationship at a glance was comparable to ours, it had looked like he would never get round to commiting even though they had lived together for years... but then he proposed to her on Christmas day. I am very happy for them but it was a future I imagined and wanted for me and my ex-bf even though I never brought it up

 

Anyway Day 1...

 

I deeply miss him

Is it maintaining NC if I go to a NYE house party hosted by mutual friends? (we were invited as a couple, but when I last spoke to him he said he would be in his hometown instead, the hosts are people he works with and he said I'd be welcome to still go there and they also said I'd still be welcome?.....), it is 5 mins from where I live. My ex and I had paid the deposit to go on a New years break with my school friends but I cancelled as I didn't know what was happening with 'us', they found replacements who I have just found out dropped out but I'd now have to find the rest of the money (which is tight now I don't know where I'll be living in 2 months) and I'm unsure how healthy I'll feel going there now when I'd imagined going with my ex...

 

I have been tempted to contact him to confirm where he is going....but I think I realise that it is just an excuse to reach out. It would hurt if he didn't reply and if he did and said he was coming to see the work friends then the decision to make as to what I should do would get even harder...

[zdfg]

Day 3 NC - 35 days since breaking up the 2nd time.

 

Woke up feeling better - my biggest initial concern was that I had forgotten to buy coffee, not her. I think the jet lag is starting to diminish, and I am sleeping during relatively normal hours. Been hitting the gym, spending time with my son, reconnecting with friends. Overall, this has been a long process to get to this point. I fought hard for her because she was in trouble (alcoholic and some drugs) and I know without a doubt disappearing from her life in order to get mine back in order is absolutely the right thing to do. This has been going on for way too long. I know all it has done is empower her, and weaken me. It is PAST time to cut the chord, but better now than never. This NC is the kind that some people mention around here as going from day 30 to infinity. It is more than likely that once I get this ball rolling strongly enough that I won't be answering anything she sends me, no matter how heartfelt it might sound. She is a damaged person, who I allowed into my son and my life, and ultimately it caused me a great deal of harm.

 

Day 3.

[harley24]

Day 2

It seems like way longer. ...I mean wow. I keep thinking he'll cave and text me he misses me as usual but he hasn't. ... I can't believe he's just done? After all we've been through. All I've sacrificed for him.

 

He told me I was his whole world and text me if I was ever gone non stop to tell me how much he missed me. ... and now I just don't matter?

 

I know there's no girl. Especially since he decided to move away. ... But I can't see how drugs can be chosen over the one person you love? Maybe ill never understand. ..

[zdfg]

Day 4 NC

 

I woke up this morning and thought to myself "Even if you did contact me - what could you possibly say to make anything you've done forgivable?" There is nothing she could say. It doesn't matter. I am moving on.

[USMC82]

Good for you zdfg. I'm back to Day 1 NC and now see no way that we'll ever have contact again; she's asked me never to contact her again and I will stay strong and stick to that. Just heal. I printed out her email about how I had hurt her and to not contact her again. I've pinned it to my "I can do better wall" and have written some motivational quotes/bible passages and notes to myself on things that I can do to improve upon ME. That will be my daily inspiration and my daily reminder that I'm healing and moving on. It turns out that it was really a much needed wake up call; I had become stagnant in life (and love).

[Lovebug]

Day 2

Went down with friends to Somerset, it is really tough knowing that he was supposed to be coming too.

 

I feel that when we broke up I went immediately to talking about how we could save our relationship and why the break up was happening and what to do about the flat.

 

I can't remember telling him how much I loved him and what he meant to me instead of what the relationship meant,

 

I think I had neglected him in the relationship for a good 6 months because I was so focussed on getting my work done and the commuting over so that I could then have time for him again and in that time he lost the 'in love' feelings he used to have for me. This is my fault.

 

Not contacting him may be helping me, but what if I actually spoke to him and told him how I felt...I miss him so much...?

[Jimboboy]

Well I don't even count the days no more. I think I started NC a month ago. I felt depressed and terrible.

 

And this morning I woke up, I did not feel a thing. I felt happy. No emotions at all. I am in control of my own emotions and feelings and I am living life.

 

NC is the way to go!

[zdfg]

Good for you zdfg. I'm back to Day 1 NC and now see no way that we'll ever have contact again; she's asked me never to contact her again and I will stay strong and stick to that. Just heal. I printed out her email about how I had hurt her and to not contact her again. I've pinned it to my "I can do better wall" and have written some motivational quotes/bible passages and notes to myself on things that I can do to improve upon ME. That will be my daily inspiration and my daily reminder that I'm healing and moving on. It turns out that it was really a much needed wake up call; I had become stagnant in life (and love).

 

Just be cautious bro. I have heard that song and dance too. 13 days was the longest she let me get away from her for. Then she threw out a crumb of bread and I took the bait. Resulted in 3 more months of this numbing BS, and we did get back together, but it was vacant and haunted. Best to just move on unless there is real genuine love at stake. At which point I assume those things have a way of working out. Almost EVERY girl I have ever dated seriously has come back around at some point, but it is never the same as it was. It is always in some way tied to the past.

[USMC82]

Yeah, I hear ya. A buddy of mine at work was just saying that he thinks she'll come calling again and that I better be strong. Either she'll try and get wrapped up in to this guy that she's been seeing even though she's admitted that it's not that great of a relationship because she's in it for the wrong reasons or she'll go on the prowl for her next victim. She can't be without someone for more than a week I don't think. I don't think she'll come calling on me which would be the best thing to happen.

[zdfg]

I'm adding that I have changed all my phone numbers, blocked of all her emails with the exception of pesky icloud which doesn't allow email blocking only 'rules' to move emails to trash, deactivated my FB account, and insured my Instagram is private with a picture of a dead squirrel as my profile pic. She really has no way to reach out to me other than to email the icloud account, in which case the email goes to the trash (hopefully I don't check that often LOL), come see me in person (not likely) or bump into me (which is sorta likely if I hang around in town). She will only find a wall of silence now. It is probably the only thing I've ever 'said' these past few months that she will actually hear. I'm OK with that. I'm leaving my 25 year career Jan 25th to go check out the oil boom in ND. I'm sure I'll be too busy to care. How's that for No Contact?

[USMC82]

Strong man. I haven't blocked her email or text/phone/facebook yet. I should get strong like that but a very big part of me wants to see if she does reach out to me. Yes, a glutton for punishment but I'm just so damn curious to see if she will do that again. This old Marine needs to toughen up and just do it!!

[zdfg]

The pull of the siren is strong brother. Once a Marine, ALWAYS a Marine. Why reenlist? Dig deeper. You will suffer but the end of the road march is in sight...

[zdfg]

Day 5 NC

 

Doing well. This has been going on off and on for 6 months though, so I've had plenty of time to process. If I had come here 6 months ago...well. Keeping busy - still the occasional pang, but I am well into the acceptance phase. I called an ex-ex yesterday to apologize for the way I treated her a long time ago. What goes around comes around, and I figured it was time for my karma to catch up with me. 98% of the time I've been the dumper so I've seen the other side of the coin - guess it was my time to feel the burn.

[sadbutrue]

Day 5 NC

 

Doing well. This has been going on off and on for 6 months though, so I've had plenty of time to process. If I had come here 6 months ago...well. Keeping busy - still the occasional pang, but I am well into the acceptance phase. I called an ex-ex yesterday to apologize for the way I treated her a long time ago. What goes around comes around, and I figured it was time for my karma to catch up with me. 98% of the time I've been the dumper so I've seen the other side of the coin - guess it was my time to feel the burn.

 

 

I hope karma gets my ex too

LOL

 

Day 9

[Monkey ai]

25 days BU

 

for some reasons, I feel hard today, I do not want do any stupid things, as I have urge want to hear from him... it has been BU almost one month, I am doing quite good, this time I don’t felt pain as last time, I guess I want to BU with you too... I never initiated contact with him, he did, want to meet, I really not ready, as I was upset, and he is very unpredictable, I do not want be hurt by him again.

 

But inside of me do have desire if he can change…. He is one of the most compatible partner I never have, look back this year, I have such fun with him, and I was so happy, maybe I didn’t show it… but I was happy…but his mood and unstable attitude to the relationship, I cannot take it, even he want to come back, it has to be some changes, he has to go to see therapist.

 

I am debating if I will send him happy New Year greeting, as he sent me Christmas one…

[USMC82]

So who's going to need some strength tonight to maintain NC with their ex? This being New Years and the possibility is likely that many of us will be drinking tonight, that seems to me to be a disastrous combination for wanting to break NC. I know that I'll need some strength and support and will be here looking for it (also from a friend that is working tonight but may stop by later). I'm here to help with support if anybody needs it and I very well may be asking the same from you all as the night goes on.....

[zdfg]

Iron Will. Iron Serenity. You need to take control here man. Don't give an inch.

[USMC82]

Well, came home and had two drinks. Knocked me out. Now I'm awake and the first thing that I did was to check my phone, then email. Nothing. Sadness hit. I can sit here and write and tell myself just how damn poorly that she treated me overall but the only thing that I can think of is New Years last year when we sat in her front yard and watched fireworks and wished in the New Years together. Damnit, not what I had intended for the start of 2014.

[zdfg]

If I lived in Texas I'd take you to a strip bar for NYE. LOL

[USMC82]

Thank you for the laugh. Yeah, it's been a while but I could go for that tonight. In fact, my ex-ex and I used to go to strip bars together but that's a WHOLE different story. S*** , now I miss her too.

[Lovebug]

So after 12 days total NC and only 2 on here I did crack NYE. It was about 2.30 in the morning I'd missed him terribly all day as he was supposed to have been coming with me, I didn't do too badly though I just sent a message that said 'Happy new year' didn't feel too bad afterwards, mostly because it was very late when I text so he probably wasn't still up and also I'd told him not to contact me so I knew that he may not even reply for that reason. I did however also send a message to an old phone that he no-longer uses more saying how I felt, so I know he'll never get that message, it feels good to have sent it though I did stress at the time.

 

So I guess I begin again now

 

Day 1

[sadbutrue]

So after 12 days total NC and only 2 on here I did crack NYE. It was about 2.30 in the morning I'd missed him terribly all day as he was supposed to have been coming with me, I didn't do too badly though I just sent a message that said 'Happy new year' didn't feel too bad afterwards, mostly because it was very late when I text so he probably wasn't still up and also I'd told him not to contact me so I knew that he may not even reply for that reason. I did however also send a message to an old phone that he no-longer uses more saying how I felt, so I know he'll never get that message, it feels good to have sent it though I did stress at the time.

 

So I guess I begin again now

 

Day 1

 

My ex texted me yesterday...I answered today -.-

Day 1 again...

[zdfg]

Day 6 NC.

 

I miss certain things about her, but overall I KNOW I am much better off without her. Time is medicine. I'll mark my days and swallow my pills. Happy New Year.

[heartxbroken]

Day 42 NC. 4.5 post BU.

 

Miss him a lot today when I know I shouldn't. He left me for someone else... strung me along giving me false hope for a month, then suddenly went NC on me. I hate myself for missing him.

 

I didn't read that it was only a 30 day challenge and can't delete the post. Sorry.

[silversoul]

was feeling down, then read a really sad thread on here, cried for a bit for the first time in 2 weeks