THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JA0371]

Jumping in here....day 1....not sure how long Im going for. Right now one day at a time. Miss him a lot. Ugh....lthismis going to suck

[trying2bestrng]

Day 8. I'm so glad I found this forum! I need the support desperately. I moved out of my ex boyfriends house of 3 years March of last year. I have a teenage son that was in trouble with the law and dropped out of school. It put a lot of strain on our relationship that I decided I couldn't take it anymore even though he did not want me to leave. He also started drinking a lot and are fights were getting bad regarding my son.

 

We continued to see each other and on occasion be intimate. Then I started to get kind of curious about my new found freedom that I started to move on but we still spoke and would have lunch together. It was hard to continue to stay in contact with him. I told him it was over and he needed to move on as well. He would call drunk and crying a lot and I felt so bad and I just wanted to take him back and be together forever but it wasn't time for us yet, I still needed to get my life in the right direction and he needed to get his head on straight as well... He refused to not have me a part of his life so he continued to text and call me. After all, we were best friends as well as lovers.

 

I dated and was doing great until one day it hit me out of the blue!!!! I miss my EX!!! Okay so I thought maybe I would ask him to lunch, after all we had been doing that on and off for 6 months. I text him and said "lets meet up for lunch" his reply was "sorry, I cant". I asked why but he wouldn't tell me. So I left it at that. He continued to send me a message every week for 1 month, we would also speak on the phone and he would tell me how much he loves and misses me, BUT he did not want to see me for some reason. He would ask me questions like have you talked to Nicole or seen your nephew? I would reply no, why? He wouldn't tell me!

 

I ended up going out with my friend Nicole one Friday night and she informed me that he was dating someone. My heart dropped into my stomach and I wanted to throw up! My ex also ran into my nephew and told him he was has a new girlfriend but still loves and misses me... I gathered my thoughts and sent him a text that said. " I heard you have a new girlfriens, and she is a brunette haha, good for you. I hope you are happy". He replied "hehe ya you know how I like Brunettes." (Him dating a Brunette was an inside joke that I teased him about. I am NOT Brunette but ALL ex girlfriends are). The conversation ended for a minute. He then sent another one and it said " I don't know what to do". I replied " I think its best to stop speaking" He said " please don't shut me out, I didn't shut you out when you started to move on". I did not say anything back until the next day. I sent him a text and I said " All my things that are at your house still, just throw it out, It is not fair that it is still there and you have a girlfriend". He then called me, crying so hard he couldn't breath (this was 6 weeks ago). He said " I miss you so much Stephanie" I replied " I miss you too a lot". then I asked; where is your girlfriend? His response. "She is right here want to talk to her?" I was floored ? How is she okay with that???? I just hung up and text him the next day and asked if he was okay. He was fine and said sorry for last night. I told him it was fine but maybe we should discuss things. "He said I'm with this girl now and I know we cant get back together, but she is okay with us talking". To say the least I was shocked, and heartbroken.

 

Okay here comes the bad part. I broke down a few days later and all my neediness and vulnerability came out. He didn't budge, Nor did I hear from him for another week until I broke down and text him again. UGH!!!! So at this point, I feel like a desperate idiot. Of course he always answers my texts and calls. I gave up for now. I needed to pull myself together. I was just freaking out cause I knew I had lost him forever!!!

 

A week later I went out and ran into him and his new lady at the local bar. OH GREAT! I wanted to leave but my friends told me NO stay and act like you don't care and have fun. Well I did pretty good. He came up to me and said hello and tried sparking up a conversation. I smiled and acted pretty good about being in the worst situation EVER. He made sure to stay right in front of me the whole night, EVEN IGNORED his lady. Oh man, She was so angry, he was trying to make it up to her by the time I left. It was awful!!!! I thought for sure I would hear from him BUT then again he knew I wanted him back. He did not contact me.

 

Last week, I broke down again and called him BAWLING! We spoke for over and hour and we both started crying and I said. I'm sorry I am doing this, I just really miss you. He said he missed me too and that winter is so hard without me. we ended the conversation, he was really worried about me and asked if he could call and check on me the next day. (okay I drunk called him... stupid, I know), after we hung up, he sent me text and said, I'm glad we finally talked and of course we will talk again soon silly head, you are an amazing woman.... He never called.

 

I started looking on line and came accross this forum and decided to stop all contact with him and follow the NC rule. I decided I need to get back to being a strong woman, no more needy, no more vulnerability, no begging!!!

 

Of course I want him back but my main objective is to show him and myself that I can live without him! I just have to wait and let him and new girlfriend play things out. I cant be in the picture at all! We have never gone a week without him texting or calling me. He has always said he is grateful I am still in his life...., 8 DAYS now. This is hard but I have to do it for myself. I don't know if he will care that he hasn't heard from me, or if he even wonders why I stopped begging him back. All I know is if he really loves me, then he will notice and try and reach out to me. If he doesn't then, I guess he is over me and I cant do anything about it. Of course I will think positive about us reconnecting but right now he is with someone. Maybe she is a rebound, maybe not. Time will tell. I will continue to update my progress, and follow this forum. GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE. Stay strong!!

[JA0371]

Hi Trying2.....wow...that sounds gut wrenching. Im so sorry. Seeing them move on is painful. I think your ex is being selfish by asking you to be there for him while he dates another woman. That's not your place...you're in essence helping him get over you by doing that. Please message me if you need to...this is a fragile time.

[js0905]

Day 50

 

He didnt contact me, and probably never will.

 

 

He contacted me on day 18 but it was tiny little bread crumbs.....ugh!!

The exact text was "Hi beautiful!!, How are you doing?

 

Jerk, how did he think I was doing? I hadn't heard from him in 18 days.

The time before that we had a problem it was about the same thing and I told him that I needed contact at least every 2 - 3 days.

 

He did that but then suddenly back to 18 days? Specially since we were supposed to have talked on the phone 15 days before.

Had to go to Vegas for a week on a Business trip so we were going to talk on the phone while he was there.

 

Anyways never tried contacting me again since 02/12 didn't explain or apologize. Thought he'd try again for Valentine's Day but no.

 

I never replied and still wont.

 

Oh well ...

[trying2bestrng]

Day 9 Yesterday was a bad day. Some days are good but yesterday was bad. I broke down and prayed to god for a sign that I am doing the right thing by missing Mike and wanting him back. I begged him, cause I was so sad. I dreamt of Mike. We had the best day, we made love and he gave me a present. It was a shirt he had made for me to match a memory that we shared. It is hard to explain. I woke up sad. I feel like it was some kind of cruel joke that God was playing on me. Or perhaps a glimpse of hope and he is telling to be patient. Either way, I must continue to move forward.

[js0905]

Day 9 Yesterday was a bad day. Some days are good but yesterday was bad. I broke down and prayed to god for a sign that I am doing the right thing by missing Mike and wanting him back. I begged him, cause I was so sad. I dreamt of Mike. We had the best day, we made love and he gave me a present. It was a shirt he had made for me to match a memory that we shared. It is hard to explain. I woke up sad. I feel like it was some kind of cruel joke that God was playing on me. Or perhaps a glimpse of hope and he is telling to be patient. Either way, I must continue to move forward.

 

Hang in there it does get easier but you'll always have ups & downs in this journey.

 

I'm at day 28 (really 29 since is after midnight here) and it was ok last week, however the past couple of days I have woken up sad.

Maybe I had dreams about him? all I know is that it's terrible when the first thing you do in the morning is cry.

 

Looking forward to getting over him very, very soon....

[Realitynut]

ummmm....i went a year while my ex fiance dated someone else. (he left me for her) Had dumped me over the phone on April 6, 2011. Didn't see him again until May 2012 when i went 4 hours to his house with a moving van to pick up my stuff.

 

My customers asked. How did it go? i said, How does falling into his arms kissing and crying sound like?

 

We had some contact thru out the year. But the ones that helped me move on the most? The times he said 'Yeah, i think I'm falling in love with her".

 

Just want to say, sometimes it takes a LOOOONG time. It will be 3 years this april. (plus he had met this woman 10 months before and he teetered between us) And i still think about him and dream about him. ugh

 

I just don't cry anymore. :sorrow:

 

Oh, and he dumped that woman for another one last June. He never goes without......

[alr85]

Day 5 NC-- Day 24 since BU. My focus needs to be being strong enough not to respond when he contacts me. I turn to mush when I see his name on my phone. Grr. For the past 3 days, I felt better of without him. I understood the break up and felt lucky to get out of it. His mom texted me this morning though to tell us she received my daughters thank you card for the b-day gift. She told me that her husband is coming for the week to stay with my ex. And that she hopes her hubby will talk some sense into him. She told me he kept our dog instead of giving her away which is good and that she tries to tell him to give our relationship another chance but he shuts her out. I respectfully told her that we will never be able to give each other what we need and it would be too hard for us to be friends. She understood (she's so so sweet) and she told her son that she will continue to treat my daughter and I like family. That will be hard for me but in the long run it'll be ok. She's such a kind woman that its good for my daughter to keep her in her life as long as I'm clear that we can't discuss my ex anymore especially to my child while she heals. Anyways, that convo set me back a ways and I spent the rest of the day missing him Still can't believe he's gone. Its like I go to use my left arm and realize its gone and then it hurts all over again. Onward And upward.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 12. I really wanted to pick up the phone and call him especially after my dad ran into him and his new girlfriend at the store. I had a perfect excuse to just call and say hey I heard you ran into my dad. Or say I miss you leave her and come back to me! I made such a fool out of myself the last time we spoke. Im sure he is relieved I haven't contacted him. He always answers my calls and texts. Now I would be uncertain he would do that. I've painted this picture in my head that he is so blisfully happy with this woman and they will be married next week followed by many children and rainbows above their house everyday. Why do I insist on doing that to myself with all this self defeating talk!!? His lady has nothing onme. Im beautiful, smart, funny and have a lot to offer a man. Just sucks I only want to offer it to that man!! No more pathetic behavior from me to him. Pushing forward. Hopefully tomorrow brings some relief in my pain. Best luck everyone!

[js0905]

Today is Day 30 of NC for me...

 

YAY!!! ???

 

I reached it and feel very proud of myself. Haven't even heard from him after the tiny little bread crumbs he threw at me on Day 18.

So glad I didn't fall for that BS again, now I feel better.

Still love him and will always miss him.....

However that is how I feel and obviously not the way he feels. He has a new GF who is cute but I'm cuter...LOL!!

 

He is not that much into her anyway since he is still very active on a dating website. I almost feel bad for this new girl, I seen pic's and she seems nice and sweet...Ugh!!

 

I'll continue posting on here because it does make me feel better =)

[alr85]

Day 6-- still here. Kinda sad. Feels good to post though. A small accomplishment at the end of a long day

[sadbutrue]

Day 53

 

"Sometimes the people you would take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger"

[TheGreatPotato]

Day 16: Slowly getting better, day by day. My birthday is coming up, is it wrong that I hope she contacts me on it?

[alr85]

Day 7 NC. Today there were no feelings of guilt or anger or resentment. Just longing. Just missing his smile and laughs and hugs. And wondering if he's missing me too, missing us. I know his dad is visiting so he's staying busy so he probably isn't feeling the same gaping hole in his life that I am. I'm really missing him today. Stayed strong though. To day 8 I go..

[trying2bestrng]

Back to day 1. Panic set in and I text him. I said:So how does it work? You know, getting over someone. Did it help not talking to me or seeing me? Did you just start to forget about me after awhile? I seem to get daily reminders of you. Dont worry, Im not ever going to beg you back. Im just having one of those moments his reply: I'm no expert on any subject. I still hurt. Im lost a lot of the time and turn to the bottle lol. My reply: I'm looking forward to the day it stops hurting. Maybe it will be tomorrow but not today. I sent a text to make him think back 4 years ago on the day he knew he was in love with me.It was a subtle message but I knew he would understand it and I said take care and dont drink yourself to death. He laughed and said " sounds good". I wanted to reach through the phone and shake him and say why are you fighting this!? Dump your girlfriend you know we are meant to be!!! Ugh..I belong in a crazy home

[jphcbpa]

2.5 months. My heart and mind are not on the same page this morning. My heart is telling me I need to "fix" it/her. My head, logic, knows I cannot fix what she broke. One day at a time. Lots of prayer. Also talked with a trusted friend this morning regarding this.

[DreamySkies]

Let me preface everything below with I'm comfortable with admitting to myself that I know I no longer desire the relationship with him. I am holding on to the memories, the good times, and the way he made me feel. I miss the mutual friends and fun we had, and would be having IF we were together. I don't miss the arguing or feeling like I was trapped. I don't miss the way I felt when we were together him, my son, and I. I always felt tension. They never really jived and I knew this, but I wanted to ignore it and let time figure that part out. I think of it more as he put up with my son and what having him around meant, but it wasn't something he was ever natural with. I can't deny those feelings and how important they were.

 

I've been going out and I've been on a few dates now and I've met some great people. I have a really good time and I'm smiling. Yet my drives into work I still cry. I still feel this heaviness in my chest when I think about our end and not being with him. I still think about him way too much. After the last bit of contact with him I deleted him and all his friends from my social media. On Instagram I couldn't figure out how to get people to stop following me. So I just stopped following them. His business partner was the first to unfollow me. A few days later, last night, my ex also stopped following me. I don't blame him, I've been pretty bad about posting pictures, after taking a hiatus from social media for the past three months. So there are a ton of photos of me with new friends and GUYS and a lot of boozing. I figured it out this morning, as I have checked everyday to see if he is following me still. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My first reaction was to text him and tell him to off. Then I wanted to text him if it was difficult for him to make that decision. Now, I just hurt... I've been a mess of tears all morning. I need to find comfort in the fact that that was the last string of social media connections. He's still tagged in my photos on facebook. I assume he'll untag himself once he finds someone new. He did something similar with me, only after I made a comment though. That I thought it was weird he was still tagged in so many photos of them "together". So, I suppose that'll happen too. It'll hit me like a ton of bricks I imagine too. Cause I'll know what it means.

 

We've been in LC. After my damn note incident, I broke down (again) and wrote him a letter. I basically acknowledged where I was wrong and the things I've learned since then. I was honest about some deep stuff and it hurt me to write it out, but I also felt better. I've been blocking a lot of stuff out for years, 20+ years. I needed to get it off my chest. I wish I could have found the comfort to share that with him in person, DURING our relationship. I feel a sense of relief, like I don't have to hide it anymore. I didn't expect a response. In fact when I wrote it, I was okay with no response. He texted me a few days ago (after I texted first) that he still believed the lack of contact was best for us both but that he promised to respond to my letter and would write me soon. My first reaction was OMFG I don't want to see what he is going to write. It's going to tear me apart. I almost responded with that he didn't need to respond. I ultimately did not respond at all. As he is with text messages, and how he has been since the BU, I imagine he'll be super diplomatic and professional in his response. Not open and honest and with emotion. I feel as if he was able to be open and emotional about his reasons that it would help bring me closure.

 

Last night I had a guy spend the night. We've hung out a few times now, never alone though. We went to dinner last night with his friend and then he ended up coming back to my place. I wanted him to spend the night and hold me. Nothing happened, intentionally. I just wanted to be held. I wanted to wake up in the morning and pretend even if for two seconds that it was my ex's chest I was tucked into. While we were laying in bed this morning he asked me why my ex and I had broken up. I took a moment, and then I teared up and I admitted that he left because I treated him like crap. The truth hurt so much to say. I told him that while I had common sense to know that what I was doing in the relationship wasn't good, I didn't know why. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did. So it took having my heart truly broken for me to look deep inside and admit why I was this way.

 

I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't love myself. I didn't appreciate myself. If I didn't have any of that, how could I expect anyone else to love me? What kills me is I lost the person I care dearly about. I'm sad that I didn't understand any of that prior to meeting him, so all of this could be prevented. I never wanted to hurt him, ever. Yet that's all I did. The relationship was over before it even started.

 

My counselor tells me I can't accept anything but 50% responsibility for the end of the relationship. I don't feel that way. I feel as if the fault was mostly mine. I wish I would have figured this out before it was broken. I wish I could have learned this early enough to salvage and give the relationship a real chance. I need to accept that all I can do now is be thankful that knowing him and loving him gave me the strength to free myself of old pains and to learn to truly love myself and be happy with me.

[alr85]

Day 8 NC. Today was hard. I almost caved a few times except I had a feeling in my stomach that it was bad timing and wouldn't be well received.. and I imagined having to start this damn countdown over again after another crushing blow. I just have this nagging feeling that our time together is not over. He dumped me, moved out and hasn't initiated contact with me in over 2 weeks.. not sure what is giving me hope. God today hurt so bad. Felt better after a good cry.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 2. After telling my sister I text him I realized it was a bad idea. She said, why do you do that? Its none of his business to know you're sad. It just gives him all the power. Im sure it pushed him further away from me. I wish I could just fall out of love. Its not like he didn't use to leave me 20 minute long messages about how much he misses me. I wish I would've taken him back at that point. I wasn't ready!!! Now its too late. I pray for the pain to stop. To just move on. Some days I am a walking zombie. I get stuck in a trans and I think about him finally coming to his senses and all the ways he could possibly approach me to tell me he wants me back and can't live without me.

I have a friend that tells me. Dont lose hope, with every fiber in me I know you 2 will be reunited.

I just dont see it anymore. I know its holding me back from moving on with any one else.

 

I've been seeing this beautiful, sexy, sweet and very passionate man. He loves me so much and tells me how beautiful I am every time I see him. Why cant I love him the way I love my ex??!!! This other man takes such good care of me. He is there when I'm sick, he wipes my tears when I'm sad, and would pull the moon out of the sky for me. I often wonder if he is so in love with me cause he knows he doesn't have all of me. He keeps saying all he wants is for me to love him as much as he loves me. Shouldn't that be enough for a girl to just fall head over heels? You would think... I will keep praying to God for closure and to stay strong and stop wanting my ex...Somedays i just dont think he is listening.

[stillgrieving]

Day 61...

 

No more tears. Still sad and I still thunk about him. I even have dreams. And I feel I may never understand why things ended. But it's his loss. I have a double date this weekend I'm looking forward to.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 3 (again) I laughed last night. It felt good. It gives me hope. I forgot for one moment that I was hurting.

[js0905]

*Day 34*

 

It's weird because sometimes while you are doing this you think that you can help someone else be strong and do it with you.

However we are all adults and have our own agendas and maybe sometimes it's best to let others be.

 

You can only say/do so much but in the end they will do what ever they want to do.

So I'm no longer going to do that for anyone because its just disappointing...

 

I was there for someone else and thought we could do this together and help each other out when it came down to making decisions and choices.

Made me feel good and appreciated, like I was actually helping someone else and in turn that was helping me. They trusted me and counted on me which made me believe that they would follow my advise when/if something happened.

 

Then they didn't and it was very sad because it made me feel like what was the point of me been there anyway?

If people are gong to do what they want anyways, it's pointless.

 

Moving on......now regarding the person I'm currently in NC with for 34 days, he is a piece of crap and the more time passes by the more it dawns on me.

I was so damn blind and so head over heels with him, when I lost him it was extremely depressing to me.

 

Now I feel ok and know it was for the best, also understand that we can never be together again.

[LatteLove]

Day 13 - This is the second round I've done no Contact. Initially I did it for 3 weeks before I broke it because he was contacting my family. Starting to feel better and that I can go on doing it. Nearly gave in when i went out drinking 2 nights ago but didn't. Feel proud I didn't and didn't put myself through hurt again.

[guychris14]

DAY 60.....yippeeee!!

 

Finally made day 60 and truthfully it feels amazing to get this far, I rarely think of her and when I do I just push it to the back of mind and let it pass. I'm ding so much better in every way, I have even joined a dating site and have 3 dates next week, now I'm not holding out much hope but beats staying in that's for sure.

 

I have almost completely picked myself up and it feels great...time will be my best friend now as I continue NC and slowly but surely never think of her again.

 

I was desperate at the beginning but having listened to you all I found some direction and I guess now I know that something's are just not meant to be.

 

Her Loss!

 

Thank you all here at ENA.....

 

Every one be strong and concentrate on what you have and who you are, not what you haven't got and who you aren't....

 

I will keep you posted time goes on xxxxxxx

[trying2bestrng]

Day 4. 11 months since break up. I've been praying a lot lately just cause my emotions have been really up and down. Just asking for the pain to stop and to give me some clarity. I feel good today. Im happy. I read something online that I forgot about. " if you love him set him free, if he comes back he is yours forever, if not then it was never meant to be". So true!!!! Have faith my friends. If it was meant to be it will be! Im leaving this to God. I wont worry anymore.