THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[enweth]

Day 28

Went immediately into nc after breakup. I still think of him 24/7 and dream of us coming back together again. I started tinder at about day 17. Met 2 guys so far and talking to a few more. It gives me a kind of an ego boost that I am still attractive to others. But after each meetup, I realized I was just looking for another him and when I realized they were not him, I just start crying after each date. meanwhile he seems to be adding random girls on fb. I don't know how to cope at this point.

[sunflowercurls]

Day 39:

 

I'm seriously contemplating on whether or not if I should respond to that text. It's just sitting there and calling my name. Then again, I could get upset at her for not respecting my wishes (i.e. reaching out when I'M ready) and that'll remind me of why I went NC to begin with. UGH!!!! So difficult and I miss her still.

[denoted09]

Day 3

 

It's really hard going through with NC when we've been together for so long. We were together 3 years and he was my first everything. I was happy being with him despite a couple of issues we experienced. We had a bit of a fallout which I posted on a different thread here and he ignored all kinds of contact I tried to make until I told him I was done with the relationship. He then texted thanking me for checking up on him but I didn't know what to say so I simply apologized for what he was going through and it's now been 3 days since we last spoke.

 

Trying to be strong and hoping for a reconciliation because I still love him a lot. For now, however I will simply give him time to sort things out and then see how this will pan out.

[JustAGoodGuy]

Broke N/C on day 7

40 days since breakup

 

I broke no-contact to wish her a happy birthday, despite most of your advice. I did it, and it felt great. She reacted exactly how I expected her to react...and then some. It wasn't a big, long, sappy, romantic "birthday wish" to "make her come running back". I simply plopped one of our happiest memories together in her head and wished her the best. I kept it positive and she was really appreciative. I'm sure it meant alot more to her than all the generic "happy birthday" wishes I'm sure she's most definitely getting on Facebook. It even led to a conversation with her which I promptly cut short while things were positive.

I AM moving on, with, or without her and it felt good removing some of the negative emotions that've been associated with each other throughout the breakup. That cloud was weighing heavily on me and that's why I chose to do it.

[sunflowercurls]

Day 42:

 

She texted me again 2 days ago, but once again, I'm not responding to it. While I do miss her, I'm not going to tell her that.

[ArtyO]

Yes, your thinking is correct. If she really wants to reach out in a meaningful way she will have tried again. Often there is no real interest there and even if they reach out it is just to see if you will respond. Hopefully you stayed strong.

[Wolfshook]

NC day 1, well she called me last friday telling me everything I wanted to hear, we agreed to go to the coffee and she told me she had great time and if we could do it again, I found it hard to trust her all of a sudden so I was a bit cold in my responses. Well, I asked her for coffee for Sunday and it took her a bit to respond so I didnt see her response untill sunday morning, well in the morning she said that she has to see whether she has transportation and after that I got no response from her. I feel like this set me back a huge time and I'm starting nc all again...

[sunflowercurls]

Day 45:

 

She has texted me again. My god she's persistent! I remember her telling me that she always loved a challenge when we were together and NC is proving to be a challenge. I also got another unknown call (wonder who that could be). Until I see a change in her and an apology...I'm staying NC.

[SeanCages]

I'm 4 months or so into No Contact, and although me and my ex attend the same college, I actually didn't see her or hear from her in those entire months. Except for me dropping her stuff off (didn't see, just made arrangements) and her wishing me a happy birthday few weeks back. Yesterday, there was a party she organised. I attend that party every year because it's awesome, and this year 2 of my best friends had to DJ from 1 to 4. So yeah, I decided I couldn't skip that event even though I wasn't looking forward to seeing her again.

 

So on to the party. I didn't talk to her the entire party and she didn't talk to me. We glanced at each other a few times. She was at the entrance when we arrived, and the emotions I felt when coming up to her where far far less than the anxiety I felt thinking about seeing her again and maybe her new boyfriend (who wasn't there). But I'm doing an internship and I was very tired, just dancing to keep myself awake and talking to everyone else. She was running all over the place because she organised it.

 

We didn't talk at all. And when going home, I felt pretty weird about that. Not sad or angry, but strange. I'm thinking about talking to her again, just to see how far we got in the past year. I'm pretty sure I'm over her, but I'm on the fence if I'm over the memory of us, if I can contain my enthousiasm. But we broke up in such a 'good' way and haven't had any awkward or silent conversation ever. Not before, not during, not after. So yeah, I'm giving it thought, but I think I'm going to break no contact. It's been 4-5 months.

[sunflowercurls]

Day 46:

 

I'm in a particularly chipper mood today! I've been feeling more positive lately and that's never a bad thing Stay strong y'all!

[redsox22]

Day 1 NC-

 

He removed me from social media. This is a first. Like this time he usually calls it quits out of anger, not when he is calm and rational. He went nuclear this time though, cutting me off. I suspect it was to hurt me more than anything else.

 

He is acting as if I did something horribly wrong because we disagreed. He left in anger once again only to come back to fight more. I invited him to leave the second time because I didn't want to fight and I was tired of his power trip with leaving (as in not going to cool off but leaving for the night). He does this at the drop of the hat. It's a control thing probably. It's very hurtful.

 

So he left only to call a bit later saying it was over. I woke to find he removed me from social media.

 

I won't contact him. I have nothing to apologize for here. He over-reacted again and this time went farther.

 

It's not ok that he treats me this way.

 

I do love him but I need to set better boundaries and stand up for myself.

 

He owes me an apology and some respect. I'm not counting on either.

 

So my goal is to remain strong. No Contact - even when I'm missing all the wonderful parts of our relationship.

[redsox22]

Day 2 NC

 

He emailed me some information late yesterday with a note at the top saying FYI. It was follow up from a event we did last weekend. I didn't reply- no need to.

 

Part of me wonders if me inviting him to leave my place when he came back to fight more thinks he took that as me breaking up with him.

 

In any case- if he didn't want to break up he would have pushed back on that. Instead he called later to say we are not together. It doesn't really matter.

 

His words and actions are too different. Loving words and bailing each time we fight don't jive.

 

We were supposed to go away in a few days with his kids and mine. I have the hotel room and plan on going. Not going to let him spoil my vaca.

[sunflowercurls]

Day 47:

 

She texted me again yesterday and I wanted to answer so badly, but I knew that she didn't want anything. It's been hard, but I'm pushing forward.

[redsox22]

Day 3

 

Have not heard from him and I have held strong.

 

I'm wondering what he is thinking about the trip planned together. He has a hotel room at the same hotel and he and his daughter were supposed to join us.

 

I'm guess he cancelled his reservation.

 

We ended in a fight. That doesn't feel good. But I'm tired of being the only adult when we fight. He doesn't step up. This time I'm not going to. I feel taken for granted.

[strongemily]

This is really encouraging!! I have had a very difficult morning, wanting so badly to contact my ex.

 

I'm on Day 2 of NC, after trying to be NC for at least a week but he kept texting me or something. The last time we texted, he said he still thought of me as the most beautiful woman... but I know I cannot text him until he indicates that he is actually willing to be in a relationship again. It's just so hard.. there is a good chance I will run into him at work, and when I do see him, it's so hard not to stare. I know it's very difficult for him too, and that makes it easier to stay so in love with him.

 

To pass the time all morning instead of texting him, I've been meditating and reading self-help on how to overcome insecurity and also been on here

[Unsure82]

Ok. Day 1 of Attempt 2.

 

I want to really try this time. I want to do this as a 30 days challenge including sports, diet, etc. He said he was writing me a letter as an answer to a card I sent though. I don't know if I could manage to not answer to him. We'll see. he might not even do it.

Wish me luck!

[Tind]

Its been six weeks of no contact ..starting Nc again after a same old same old i have finally learned my lesson ..took one year to finally slowly get out of my fog

 

Haven't heard a peep from him..had some ok days and some days when i find it difficult to get out of bed..when will i be my self again

 

I am planning on nc til he breaks..lets see if he ever will hes as stubborn as a mule

[SeanCages]

So I contacted my ex. Just asking how the clean up for the party went etc.. Got a laugh and a long message in return. Talked for a short while but the conversation very quickly lost it's charm. I guess that's part of the problem these days with being able to just read facebook on the go on the phone. Anyways, I asked her for coffee, she said she'll contact me when she's in town. And then I ended the conversation.

 

So that's that. I've been on the fence of blocking her on facebook to contacting her on facebook. Some days I'm thinking I want to reconcile, some days I think just being on talking terms would be fine, we've always been more of friends than lovers anyways. I guess all in all it was too early to break no contact. But we'll see how it goes. The meeting, my guess, will be somewhere next week. In the period we broke up, having seen her usually gave me an easy month or 2 of NC, because seeing her makes me realize my memories or how I think I see her, are way too intense and when I actually see her, it feels like: "Oh yeah, that's who she is, I'll be fine". We're also really good at talking face to face.

 

Apart from that, I'm having a really hard time not feeling depressed. Not just because of her, but because my life lacks focus. Which is alright, with her, she was my focus, and I just let my life be. This time around, the only thing I can focus on is my life. But still, checking social media way too often (just in general), sleeping in way too late, if drinking, drinking way too much. It's rough to get out of this cycle.

[Tind]

Woke up feeling sad this morning.. Thinking of things that might or might not be true.. Why am i trying to make my self miserable.. Its been six weeks why am i going backwards

[driven1]

how do I respond to a message and put the quote in?

 

Day 2. I find myself looking at her FB page. I do not follow her, but we are still FB friends. I honestly don't know if we are finished. It has only been about 10 days. We were intimate less than a week ago. I keep hoping that we can reconcile, but she is making it very difficult for me because she posts snide comments on our mutual friends post. She knows our friends will see it. that her way of trying to lure me back in to her web. I pray I can make day 2 of NC.

[driven1]

"He owes me an apology and some respect. I'm not counting on either"

 

I love this quote, it describes my ex girlfriend!

[strongemily]

Woke up feeling sad this morning.. Thinking of things that might or might not be true.. Why am i trying to make my self miserable.. Its been six weeks why am i going backwards

 

Tind, it's okay! Some wisdom I received from a friend: Recovering from emotional pain is like a spiral. You may feel like you are going in circles, and by that I mean you ending up back at square 1, but in reality you are still making progress, just as a spiral keeps going even as it circles around.

 

Try not to ruminate on thoughts that may or may not be true. When you catch yourself doing so, practice mindfulness. Observe your mind by imagining you are watching your thoughts pass by. Calm yourself by counting 10 breaths, then starting over at 1 and counting 10 again. Do not judge your thoughts or feelings, but watch them pass and let them go. Keep yourself in the present and think of what you could be doing now instead of dwelling in the past. These are some things that help me!

[Zorea]

Day 23 for me. Arghhh ..this week is been hard. I am almost tempted to just text but too scared to do so. Is this ever going to get better? Am I ever going to be myself again? I wish there was a magic pill I can swallow and make this awful pain go away...

[strongemily]

Day 23 for me. Arghhh ..this week is been hard. I am almost tempted to just text but too scared to do so. Is this ever going to get better? Am I ever going to be myself again? I wish there was a magic pill I can swallow and make this awful pain go away...

 

I know you are tempted to text, but think, what good would come of it? You will either be disappointed because he ignores it, or he will text something cold or otherwise anything but "I want to get back together", and you don't deserve to feel disappointed or upset! Anything you have to say to him, he does not deserve to hear. Of course you will be yourself again... When you find yourself asking questions like that, if you will ever get better etc, you should give yourself an answer: YES! Tell yourself, "Yes, I am strong, I am awesome, I WILL get through this pain!" Everyone experiences pain and grief, and that is okay. Accept it, and also accept the fact that you have your entire life ahead of you and there are so many important things in your life. YOU are important! You do not need to let yourself suffer

[Raindrop22]

A little over a week of breakup. And officially almost 2 days no contact. I am doing it for me.

 

So today I woke up feeling sad. It's to be expected. I understand my feelings better and that these things happen in waves. One moment I find some clarity, the next moment I am drowning in sadness. I am ok though. Something in me feels like we will be together again. He never said that it was over forever. And there's been some implied words that has me thinking we just need time right now to grow, mature, etc.

 

I been talking to a friend who's been helping me through this. They remind me to be strong and focused. I had a small pity party, so I cried and then I got up and got on with myself. It's something courageous and brave if you can pick up the pieces of this experience and not let it define you. Let this be a lesson. No one is perfect, we all have something to work on with ourselves. Why not use this time to be on our own and do our own thing? I am not going to date anyone or pull someone into my vulnerable self. That's unhealthy and not giving myself time to breathe, reflect, and truly find contentment on my own. I love my guy so much, I can sit here and tell you I feel he's the one. He has been a breath of fresh air in my life. I only hope I had such an impact on him as well. Time will tell what happens and how stuff unfolds. Right now, NC is helping me focus on all this stuff inside me. I have been writing a lot to get things off my chest. I don't send it to anyone, I just write for me.

 

Today he sent me a text letting me know he had sent a text the other day incase It didn't send. I don't know why he would care so much to make an effort to just say that but he did. This is leading me to believe that NC is working already. You have to keep in mind him and I had been together for a few years. We have this history together. He always cared a lot for my well being all the time. I took him for granted because I fell into deep anxiety and lost my self esteem as well. I was also dealing with PTSD. It made me an irrational person. It takes the relationship to end in order for me to see clearly and now I do. In many ways I appreciate this experience so I know better how to fix it and what to fix. Once I am in a better place, if he comes back and we work things out, well then it's meant to be. I know we will be much stronger cause of it.