THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[CovertCactus]

Envious of your position. I can't wait to get to this point. Were you the dumper or dumpee? Mad props to you.

 

Yeah damn. I am on Day 20 something, and I am not near where you are (edit: to covert lol).

 

I don't have the urge to contact her, because I am scared of what she'll say. I see her every week, although it's only a glance during church. I try to avoid her as much as I can. Everytime I see her my heart just like explodes.

 

I'm the dumpee, she left me due to me not being able to get over my depression, neediness, wanting someone to make me happy, etc. It has been 3+ weeks since the breakup, and I still can't get over her. I'm trying to live my life like I'm supposed to. Meeting new girls, etc. But…… I can't get over her. I can't shake off this stupid feeling of getting back with her.

 

To answer your questions she dumped me. Basically you need to accept the reality of what has happened. It hurts like hell but it will help you so much. My ex isn't coming back ever. Well actually I think her marriage is a sham and she is going to be divorced by the end of the year but I can't ever take her back. If she loved me she would have came back by now. I made a lot of sacrifices for her and she still didn't come back. I have come to realize she isn't the amazing person I thought she was. She's immature, dumb, needy, and has no dreams or ambitions. I guess I always knew this but I was so blinded by love that I didn't care or I would make excuses for it. She left me and married a dead beat loser who still lives with his parents. The worse part is she married him after a month. I did so much for her and she still left me.

 

She told me she had absolutely no feelings me anymore when she left. I didn't want to accept that. I was determined to win her back. I struggled emotionally for the past two months. I have finally accepted that I can't be with her. Not because she is married but because of what she has done. She strung me along during the break up and crushed me many times. If she actually loved me she wouldn't put me through this pain. I can't love or trust anyone who would do this to me. I can't love or trust someone who thinks it's ok to get married a month after the end of such a serious relationship. The month before she left me she wanted me to marry her. I wanted to but I wasn't ready yet. I guess it's a good thing I said no. I would either be in a bad marriage or getting divorced. I could never go back to her. I'm sure when her marriage ends she will come back to me but I owe it to myself to shut the door in her face. I can't let myself ever get hurt like that again.

 

Now that I'm over her all that is left is a sort of emptiness. It's hard to describe. It's not bad and it's not good. I guess it's the feeling of acceptance and letting it all go. When you let something go you create a void. I wish I had another girlfriend living with me like my ex did but I know it's dangerous to jump in to a relationship like that. I guess now my new challenge is to not fill the void in a way that is unhealthy.

 

Once you get to the acceptance stage that's when you will truly be healed. I feel ready to date again. I'm going to turn my life around and start taking better care of myself. I'm not doing this for her anymore. I'm doing this for me and the family I would like to start in the future. I know I can accomplish great things and I know I will find a woman who makes me happy and appreciates what I have to offer. More than anything I feel like I'm free from the ghost of my ex. She's not going to hold me back anymore. It's a wonderful feeling I know you guys will get there in due time.

 

The only thing I can say is truly let him/her go. It's not easy and it took me a long time to do it but I got there. Don't be afraid of the void. Don't be afraid of the loss. Once you let go it will get a lot better. Don't cling to false hope. Accept them as gone from your life. They may come back but by that time you probably won't care anymore. Logically speaking I know my ex's feelings for this guy probably aren't real based on what she told me. I'm about 99% sure she will come back. I won't take her back though. The most she could ever be to me now is a friend but even that's doubtful.

[the dude91]

Day 5

 

Well this day is finally coming to an end, I have a job interview tomorrow for a better job, I'm crossing my fingers around more times than should be humanly possible. It's pretty unfortunate she won't be here with me to celebrate if I end up getting the job, but then again I probably won't get it since I heard how hard it is to get the job. Even more unfortunate with how her parents must be feeling if know about her going back to the abusive guy, but again I will not be running to her "rescue" again this time around, it feels bad to say this but she's going to be on her own. Man I miss her today, but at the same time I'm accepting that she's never coming back and moving on is the only thing I can do. And if she did come back I don't think I could accept her back, why should I when she ran back to the guy that she originally left me for 2 years ago? I'm not game for this leaving and coming back to be an annual thing, I need somebody that will treat me like I treat them all the time. Man now I just feel like I'm repeating myself over and over again, maybe I'm still trying to convince myself of these feelings? It's still a roller coaster of wanting her back and not wanting her back, I hope this is the phase where I'm starting to accept things as they are. Well another day down and still a lifetime to go.

[jr22]

Accepting the break up difficult. I feel like I'm midway through that process. I'm close. Although it's only been 8 days NC, I'm feeling better each day.

 

I found out today she is dating another guy. To each their own... Was I upset? You betcha. Did I have to hold back every urge to contact her? I sure did, and it was really hard.

 

Despite that, out 'talk' was 8 days ago and I do feel better today than I did that day, even with her dating another guy.

[bumblebee]

Day 14.

The first week was easy, well, the first ten days even. But the last four days, I crashed down so badly and I miss him more than anything.

He said he needed time, so I'm staying away. What does time even mean? Weeks? Months?

*sigh*

[AlienQueen]

Day 18

 

Having great times with my friends, I didn't realise how much I closed when I was with the ex, I'm letting new people into my life all the time, talking to the guy I like everyday Job trial tomorrow for a new job!

 

Feels weird its nearing 2 months since BU, and I have no desire to get back with him ever, I will meet up with for coffee - to break the ice. I get the odd feeling of missing him, but it only lasts for a bit.

 

Curious question, do women tend to get over there exs faster then men? seems general

[jr22]

Day 9

 

I slept a full night, actually I probably got too much sleep for once. Yesterday was rough. As I found out she is dating a new guy. Fighting back the urge to contact her was difficult.

 

I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made in the relationship. I had to... I did some silly things to help me remember I'm still a good guy.

 

I miss her a lot, but I'm not thinking about her as much as I was over the first 3 days of NC. It's funny how this last week, my work production got a healthy boost. My energy level is still down and I'm a bit irritable, but I'm starting to feel more free.

 

I'm very interested to see how her new found relationship goes as well.

[Lovebug]

Day 47

 

Got back from holiday, had a lovely time and got to see new places and do new things, whilst I was away I still had dreams that my ex and I were still together. I’m back home now though and I am facing a whole load of work to do but all I can currently think about is my ex, I have no idea how he is or what he is doing, what I want most at this moment is to meet him for a nice coffee and share with him all the things I saw whilst I was away. Of course I still want a relationship but at the moment to see him for 5 mins would be lovely. I am pretty sure he would meet me as well, just what would be be the point afterwards if he still doesn’t want what I do, to have a lovely catchup and then just not see him again…

 

We were together for a little over 5 years, living together for over 4 and spent almost all our free time together or with friends. We now haven’t had a proper face to face conversation since the beginning of December and it is now approaching 5 months since we broke up. Sometimes it is difficult to believe I haven’t seen him in this long. I still have some stuff that is his and he accidently packed up some stuff of mine (I decided to not be around when he was packing up as it would have been too hard for me and I know I would have started begging him to stay if I had) I want to sort this at some point but I don’t know whether to wait for him to contact me, which he may never do, I just don’t know. I think he is being very respectful of me asking him to leave me alone as I was finding it hard…or maybe he really just doesn’t have anything to say to me. Or I should wait until I am completely healed and no-longer want a relationship to email about the stuff, but there again I could also be waiting a very long time, I think I am just too emotional as a person.

 

I don’t know why I am finding today so hard, I had a lovely time on holiday, I just wish I could have shared it with him.

[Lovebug]

Curious question, do women tend to get over there exs faster then men? seems general

 

It probably depends more on the individual or the relationship in question.

 

I'm a woman had a tough time getting over my first relationship: together almost 2 years when I was 19-21, took me maybe 9 months before I felt completely better.

 

My second relationship I was with someone for about 2 months (though we were friends for a year and he had been asking me out for a few months beforehand but I said no as I wasn't over my first relationship) he broke up with me and to be honest I was a mostly a bit peeved and upset for a couple of weeks. A few months later we started dating again and again he broke up with me after a couple of months, I think I was sadder the second time round but 6 weeks later I remember feeling better and that is when I met the ex I am here about, in fact the week that we started dating I had a text from the previous ex asking me if I was free for him to visit but that was a day I'd already arranged to meet my most recent ex so I just told him that I was too busy to meet. In fact I think that was the day that we consider our first proper date.

 

I was with my most recent ex for a little over 5 years, it is approaching 5 months since the BU for me but I still feel really sad a lot of the time as he was someone I assumed/wanted/could see spending my life with

[CovertCactus]

Day 29. Another day I guess. Still don't miss her. The only thing I miss about her was that she was ok with the idea of bringing another woman in to the bedroom for a threesome. We never got to do it but that would have been awesome. Hopefully I will find another woman who is ok with a threesome. I wish I was rich. Then I could buy a nice house, car, and a wiener dog. Maybe I should try to live out my dreams. Oh wait this is supposed to be about emotional stuff.

 

I think the day after tomorrow I will do my big test. I'm confident that I will be ok and not have any feelings about it. There is a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh wait that's just from not eating breakfast this morning. Actually it brings about mild feelings of disgust and anger but mostly because I'm pretty sure she is going to try her hot and cold bs again. It's not going to get to me though. As long as I don't miss her it's ok. Actually I just checked her facebook and it didn't bother me. She blocked me so I can't see any posts or anything but it still didn't bother me. The last time I checked I was so upset when I saw that she changed her last name but now I don't care. Actually I did notice I can no longer see if she is in a relationship. I used to be able to but now I can't. I'm not too familiar with facebook so does that mean she choose to hide it or she is no longer in a relationship? It seems odd for her to all of a sudden hide her relationship status like that when she used to be throwing her new relationship in my face after we broke up. The real question is do I have to practice my door slam? The magic 8 ball says maybe.

[sadbutrue]

after 106 days of no contact, my ex contacted me and I texted him back...

 

Day 1?

[CovertCactus]

after 106 days of no contact, my ex contacted me and I texted him back...

 

Day 1?

 

How did it make you feel? Are you posting here for a high score or to help yourself heal?

[sadbutrue]

Are you posting here for a high score or to help yourself heal?

 

It's supposed to be a rhetorical question?

[js0905]

after 106 days of no contact, my ex contacted me and I texted him back...

 

Day 1?

 

I'm at day 83 since I contacted him and he is at day 65 since he contacted me but I didn't respond.

What did your ex say? What did you say back? Was it worth it?

 

I only ask because I go through periods where I still miss him so much.

Then I wish he'd just contacted me one more time so I could reply....ugh

 

Can you let me know.

 

Thank you =)

[the dude91]

Day 6

 

Well this day is starting to come to an end. It was a pretty eventful day, got up somewhat early and hung out with my Pops and seen my grandma. We all went to lunch together and then my Pops took me to Alki with him to get some hot chocolate and walk around the beach. I think he's seeing that I'm exactly being my normal self lately. After that I had an interview that I almost didn't make because I accidentally fell asleep, not quite sure how well that went. But I did also get a call for another interview for another job that I really wanted so that was good. I still thought about her today, at certain points I thought about her more than I want to then at other parts I completely forgot about her. It's just certain little things during downtime that I think about her. I thought I was doing really good on this breakup compared to last time but man it seems like it's just getting harder and harder everyday. I've been getting such good news on things lately and yet I can't share them with her anymore, she was always the first person I'd share with. Then I think about how stressful and frustrating her job can be and now that I'm not in the picture I wonder how she deals with them because I was usually the first person she'd come to, maybe it's the old guy she left me for before now. I wonder how long he can put up with it, I know at some points I started getting pretty tired of it myself. But oh well I guess, it's his problem now not mine. I can't wait to get to the point where I rarely think about her anymore, hopefully a new job will do that for me, it'll create a new routine for me and take up time because of the new research I'd have to do. Man I hope I get one of the two jobs. Well, one more day until my first week is done and still a lifetime to go.

[jr22]

I'm at day 83 since I contacted him and he is at day 65 since he contacted me but I didn't respond.

What did your ex say? What did you say back? Was it worth it?

 

I only ask because I go through periods where I still miss him so much.

Then I wish he'd just contacted me one more time so I could reply....ugh

 

Can you let me know.

 

Thank you =)

 

I'm curious, were you the dumper or dumpee? Also, do you regret not responding to his text...?

 

And if you do, why not just text him?

[1a1a]

This is getting harder

[Penguinkv]

Day 9- feeling ok but that's mostly because of my busy weekend with friends and family. No idea how I will feel when I head back on my own. I am meeting up with a friend tomorrow who happens to be his brothers girlfriend. I am hoping not to talk about him too much but I am interested to see how I will feel after seeing her.

[windingwings]

We're giving each other one last call, I don't think there's a chance of us getting back together at all and I'm going to try and be okay with that. This keeping track of days isn't good for me, I see everyone struggling and I don't want to do that. I just want to go on living. I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Hawaii to find myself, focus on that for a week and see how I feel when I come back. I wish you all good luck in finding your way to heal and maybe even reconcile with your exes.

[jr22]

Day 10

 

Distractions are good, but they only provide temporary shelter from your feelings. Sleeping has been the most difficult think for me to get through. Constantly waking up... It's annoying.

 

I do wonder is she thinks about me or misses me. I doubt that very much as she's in a new relationship. I sure do miss her, a lot.

 

I found that I am my normal self when I'm hanging out with people and doing things. When I'm at work and at night are the times where I think about her most.

 

It's been a fight to resist the urge to contact her. I don't get it... It's in your brain not to contact her. Your logic knows it would be a bad idea. Yet part of you tells yourself to do it . Lol, life is so cruel sometimes. Here's to making it 10 and I can't wait to hit 20. Mainly, I just want to fast forward through all of this and feel better.

[CovertCactus]

Day 30. A month ago I wanted my ex more than anything. Now I couldn't care less about her. It's definitely been a transformation. However it's taken 2 months to get here. I'm going to text her tomorrow just to prove to myself that I can do it and not feel anything about her. My brain abhors the idea of texting her. It's similar to be forced to talk to that one coworker or classmate you simply don't like for whatever reason. So if I don't do it tomorrow it's because I came up with an excuse to not do it. I really don't want to talk to her. When I do think about her I don't think about the cute face I once loved. I just see her the way I did the last time I saw her in person over a month ago. She had a bad hair cut and it looked like her face was getting fatter. My sexual attraction for her is gone too. With that being said I'm no longer counting the days after this. I'm over her. I don't need her and I don't want her. Good luck everyone.

[sadbutrue]

I'm at day 83 since I contacted him and he is at day 65 since he contacted me but I didn't respond.

What did your ex say? What did you say back? Was it worth it?

 

I only ask because I go through periods where I still miss him so much.

Then I wish he'd just contacted me one more time so I could reply....ugh

 

Can you let me know.

 

Thank you =)

 

My ex asked me if I still remember him. On the day he texted me, our pet had just died a few hours ago.

As I was devastated, I told him what had happened. I just texted him back because I was desolate ... :s

[zyketti]

Damn man.. that's tough..

 

I had that kind of situation before: girlfriend of 7 years left me and find herself a new bf (still together) one week later. It hurts like ASS. You feel betrayed, angry, sad, upset, all kinds of negative feelings. You still stupidly miss her for a bit. But I felt that you get over it fast, if you're a prideful person like I am. I'm not going to chase someone who already found themselves a new companion.

 

This time is different… Her decision to breakup was logical, something I had to accept. Instead of begging, etc, I left her alone. It's almost a month, I don't even wanna count the days. I do still see her though… I saw her yesterday, saw her check me out, etc. I want to overanalyze and say, she still wants me, but I know I shouldn't. In this type of breakup, I feel it's very difficult to move on. Oh, I should also mention, we talked about marriage and kids like 2 days before we broke up -_______-.

 

I still love her, and trying to move on. But I can't stop feeling hopeful that we can make this work again. The happy first year that we had… (we dated for a year and 8 months) then me hit with depression

[the dude91]

Day 7

 

Still pretty hard today but it started getting easier, I've started getting some of my appetite back. I'm going to check out a potential puppy tomorrow, I figured having a partner in crime would help me move on. Unfortunately I didn't get that new job yesterday but I do still have an interview at another place I've been interested in. I'm not standing still, I can't sit still I need to keep moving forward. I'm glad I did make it through the first week, 7 more to go. I'm really worried about her and that guy though, despite how much she hurt me it kills me knowing she's with someone that abused her last time who I literally wanted to kill. I don't understand why any man would want to cause physical harm to a woman, but I know it's my over protectiveness that's making this so hard on me.

[Penguinkv]

10 days

 

I thought I was doing well but I have woken up really missing him. I feel a bit empty. I feel anxious in the pit of my stomach.

[AlienQueen]

Day 20

 

Wow nearly 3 weeks tomorrow, think about him here and there, miss him rarely, I feel really good, trying to find a new job with more hours at the moment. Just gotta get through feeling a bit lonely, I love having a partner, got to get used to being with me again I guess