THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Hi Its Me]

Day 7

 

I saw her yesterday, from a distance, and so did she. I was walking to the gym and she was closing up shop. I peeked from the side and saw her, nearly tripped on my own feet. She paused, stared for a few seconds and went back inside. I continued walking as if nothing was unusual and when I was maybe 300 feet away, I looked back. She was there, in the corner of the street, hiding, watching. Then she vanished when I caught her looking and so I faced forwards and continued to walk towards the gym...

 

It felt so weird, not talking to each other, not running towards one another as was always the case before. I shed a few tears as I continued walking away from the woman I love. It means something, it means the only way forward is to keep walking on.. I hate this situation but there is nothing I can do except keep walking..

[Penguinkv]

So today is the beginning of day 2 of NC. I woke up about an hour ago and have been a mess since but reading other people's posts give me some comfort. I know that I am not alone with how I am feeling and that how I am feeling is very normal given the circumstances. I know I need to keep myself busy and distracted today but I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do with myself. It is difficult when I don't have any friends and family in the local area so whatever I do this weekend, it will be by myself. I just wish there was someone that could give me a big hug (not even my ex, just someone). Feeling very lonely.

 

Does anyone out there have any suggestions for what I can do today to keep myself out of trouble? I recently joined a yoga class so that will be my outing for tomorrow but keen to hear any ideas for today.

[iheartbear]

spending time with friends is helping me a lot right now. i try to not talk about my breakup when i'm with them - maybe just the first 5 min when they ask me how i'm doing - and just enjoy having their company. it helps me forget for a moment

[Penguinkv]

spending time with friends is helping me a lot right now. i try to not talk about my breakup when i'm with them - maybe just the first 5 min when they ask me how i'm doing - and just enjoy having their company. it helps me forget for a moment

 

Thank you iheartbear. The trouble is I don't have any friends or family around. I have to travel a good few hours to get to any of them which isn't always practical. I see them as often as I can and when I do it is a very welcome distraction. I want to get to a point where I don't really talk about the BU with them but because they are concerned about me they always bring it up and want to know details. What do you do to keep yourself busy when you are on your own?

[Penguinkv]

Ok, me again. This is more a note to myself than anyone else but I have set some intentions for today to try and stop myself brooding & to keep me distracted from contacting him. 1. Clean the flat from top to bottom (a tidy flat a tidy mind....hopefully) 2. Pamper myself (face mask, manicure etc) not going to feel good about myself if I let myself go 3. Watch a film (Ryan Gosling... one of the best distractions I can think of!) 4. Eat a healthy meal (hardly ate yesterday apart from some fruit)

 

Reading the above, today could actually be an ok day so here goes........

[AlienQueen]

day 12

 

Found myself longing for what I had, but it didn't last long, I'll gladly say that I have no desire to contact him, not sure I'd even take him back if he asked me, I will hopefully meet up with him for coffee in another 3 weeks or so, Also persuing the other guy I like, unfortunately he lives about 2 hours away, but I really like him.

[jr22]

Day 3...

 

First off, good morning all. I had myself another restless night of sleep. I can't shake this girl if my life depended on it. Right now, she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I've accepted that as difficult as it is to understand. I believe she may be on the rebound, strong possibility actually. It completely sucks but I must stay strong. Contacting her would be a huge mistake.

 

So, one thing I've done to cope with my feelings is use my 'note' in my iphone. Instead of texting her, I simply write my feelings on this note. The last 2 days I've written a lot. Already started with one this morning and I would expect another few to come out today.

 

I still want her back. And very badly but I know I must exercise patience, even if it means grinding through her dating another guy. If my NC period of 30-60 days passes and she's dating another guy, I will not contact her. I'm not that kinda guys.

 

I devised a gameplan to get her back. I'm not sure it will work. I do things to focus on myself. I'm playing lots of golf, going to shooting range, and hanging out with friends. I even just started running. We will see how that goes.

 

Overall, I really messed things up with this girl. I'm definitely the reason we aren't together. I know what I must get better at. I need to forgive myself before I even contact her again. I wonder if she even misses me or thinks about me.is it bad to say that I hope she dates this loser from work and it fails? That's how I feel. I want her to date someone else, but I want it to suck... I know that sounds bad, but if it's great I won't get her back. Anyways, day 3 is off to a difficult start but I know things will slowly get better.

[windingwings]

I am officially blocked from his phone and now I have to, he also blocked me from his twitter and instagram as per request. I'm finally free to just live now, I would be lying if I said there wasn't at least a tiny bit of hope, but this is for the best and maybe one day he'll need to talk to me like he said.

[Hi Its Me]

I passed by my cousin's shop before we went fishing. I saw her walking towards me. She looked at me, I looked at her. I nodded and faked a smile, she did the same and continued walking past me. I think the love is gone, its like we are strangers. She is now on her high horse and feeling that she is better off. I am not sad or upset, just thinking about her and us but I am moving forward.. Hope tonight I get to have some fun since going out on my own...

[windingwings]

See you all in four months!

[sadbutrue]

I am officially blocked from his phone and now I have to, he also blocked me from his twitter and instagram as per request. I'm finally free to just live now, I would be lying if I said there wasn't at least a tiny bit of hope, but this is for the best and maybe one day he'll need to talk to me like he said.

 

 

When I said to my ex that I didn't want to talk with him anymore, he said : "what if I need to talk to you someday?" -.- I don't care now, I just blocked him.

[windingwings]

when i said to my ex that i didn't want to talk with him anymore, he said : "what if i need to talk to you someday?" -.- i don't care now, i just blocked him.

thats exactly what mine said!

[jr22]

Half way through day 3 and man am I struggling. I can't have the thought of her possibly moving on so soon escape me.

 

It's so frustrating to know exactly what I have to do in order to even have a chance to get this girl back in my life but struggle with the emotions in doing so.

 

This far, she has absolutely consumed my thoughts between work and social events. I'm genuinely concerned that during that 3 week stretch where I blew her phone up asking for forgiveness and another chance drove her too far.

 

After tomorrow, it will match the 4 days I previously went NC. I'm aiming for a 30-60 day period and it seems impossible. I hate feeling like this and I just want it to go away. Day by day... One day at a time I guess.

[CovertCactus]

Day 23. I nearly broke down last night and texted her. So many bad emotions hit like a ton of bricks. I didn't give in though. Today was a bad day as well. I just wish this would all stop.

[Penguinkv]

Day 2 very nearly complete.

 

There has been an awful lot of tears today. This morning I felt like it would be impossible to leave my flat without bursting into tears but I did it. Originally I planned on hiding away in my flat but instead I booked myself onto a guided walking tour in a part of the city I had not been to before. I felt really emotional when I arrived there and tears did fill my eyes but I managed to gain control. I didn't really want to be on the tour, it wasn't really my thing but I needed to force myself out the flat and have an opportunity to be around people. I am glad I did it but the moment I arrived back in my flat, the tears (sobbing) came again.

 

Despite the tears it feels like today has been some sort of success.

[jr22]

Day 2 very nearly complete.

 

There has been an awful lot of tears today. This morning I felt like it would be impossible to leave my flat without bursting into tears but I did it. Originally I planned on hiding away in my flat but instead I booked myself onto a guided walking tour in a part of the city I had not been to before. I felt really emotional when I arrived there and tears did fill my eyes but I managed to gain control. I didn't really want to be on the tour, it wasn't really my thing but I needed to force myself out the flat and have an opportunity to be around people. I am glad I did it but the moment I arrived back in my flat, the tears (sobbing) came again.

 

Despite the tears it feels like today has been some sort of success.

 

I can very much relate to this. I had plans of golf and running to help take my mind off things today. Of course we had thunderstorms all day. Forced me to stick inside and I've been miserable all day. I haven't cried over this yet and I wonder if it's be good. I'd much rather cry than struggle with eating and sleeping. Some buddies invited me out tonight. I will join them but will definitely avoid getting too drunk.

 

You know, in AA they have 'sponsors' that help when one or the other is thinking about a drink. Would anyone, preferably a female because I'd prefer their perspective on things want to form a support team?

[Penguinkv]

I can very much relate to this. I had plans of golf and running to help take my mind off things today. Of course we had thunderstorms all day. Forced me to stick inside and I've been miserable all day. I haven't cried over this yet and I wonder if it's be good. I'd much rather cry than struggle with eating and sleeping. Some buddies invited me out tonight. I will join them but will definitely avoid getting too drunk.

 

You know, in AA they have 'sponsors' that help when one or the other is thinking about a drink. Would anyone, preferably a female because I'd prefer their perspective on things want to form a support team?

 

I am happy for us to form a support team. Having looked at another of your posts I think we are in a similar situation in that we live somewhere without our families or friends nearby which makes keeping distracted harder.

 

I am considering leaving a job I love and have worked so hard for to relocate back closer to friends and family which is also making this situation harder (and making the loss feel greater). I want that to be a last resort though as it would require a complete life overhaul and my job is the only good thing I have going for me at the moment.

[jr22]

I am happy for us to form a support team. Having looked at another of your posts I think we are in a similar situation in that we live somewhere without our families or friends nearby which makes keeping distracted harder.

 

I am considering leaving a job I love and have worked so hard for to relocate back closer to friends and family which is also making this situation harder (and making the loss feel greater). I want that to be a last resort though as it would require a complete life overhaul and my job is the only good thing I have going for me at the moment.

 

That sounds great. I sure could use a friend and a detached third party with no involvement. How can I contact you? Maybe what's app or another type of messenger?

[Penguinkv]

That sounds great. I sure could use a friend and a detached third party with no involvement. How can I contact you? Maybe what's app or another type of messenger?

 

I was hoping we could private message on here but it doesn't look like that is available at the moment. I am on whatsap but I am based in the UK. I don't know if that will make a difference to you? Don't want to put my personal contact details on here so not sure how we can make this work?!

[jr22]

How about you send me your whatsapp info to email removed

 

Or Skype???

[windingwings]

I'm also available for messaging, I need people to talk to who are in these situations and to keep me grounded, I have whatsapp and Skype, imessage and BBM. PM me for info.

[jr22]

Wingdings, it appears pm isn't possible. Feel free to send an email above and maybe we can work something out!

[Hi Its Me]

Day 8

 

I got home at 4am this morning as I went to watch a movie at midnight then went for a few drinks. I walked past a club and saw one of her best friends, then more of them. Her best friend looked at me with a sad face and I mimicked asking "Is she there, with someone?" and she made a sad, grieving face and nodded. Barely 2 weeks have gone by since our breakup and my ex is there clubbing and dating another man.

 

I walked on, gutted and went into a club. People laughing, people dancing, people absolutely drunk. I asked myself "How the hell did I get here?" as I felt like such a fish out of water. I decided to leave, I wasn't/ am not ready. As soon as I exit the club I bumped into 2 childhood friends, brothers, and they were very happy to see me after almost 12 years! They realized I wasn't in a good place and encouraged me to stick with them and go somewhere else. I really appreciated it and wound up having a bit of fun, but all I could think about was her and how easy it was for her to get over us.

 

This was a woman who not long ago told me how excited and happy she was to soon be my wife and how much in love she was and now she is starting a new chapter without me, with someone else. I feel worthless, lost and hopeless..

[Penguinkv]

Day 3.

 

I keep waking up feeling exhausted. I want to feel happy again. Started today much like yesterday, waking up and bursting into tears. The mornings are the worst.

 

Stupidly gone through all our old messages to each other, especially those where he first moved out a few months back. They were full of so much regret on his part saying he wanted to move back into the flat, that he should never have moved out, that he wished he had talked to me more, apologising profusely for putting me through what he was whilst he sorted his head out. I don't understand how we have gone from that to him now saying we will never get back together. I can't work it out.

 

He took the lead on contacting me and arranging to see me so I responded back to him. I really thought it would be a few months and we would get back together. I wish he wasn't so scared of getting back together, it is clear that he is fighting his feelings from what he has told me. Or perhaps he cannot feel anything at the moment, he has told me before that he is dead inside, that he is numb.

 

This is the worst, I love him, I feel desperate but I will keep control. NC is the only thing I can hold onto at the moment. Although, all I want to do is remind him of those messages he sent me and the raw emotion he felt at that time. It would be so much easier if he said he didn't love me anymore, or that he felt we had nothing in common and we had drifted. I could be more accepting of that. But I know how deeply he loves me. We all get scared sometimes, I would also be scared to get back together but I think the risk is worth it. I would rather risk getting back together and it not working out and know for sure than always be left wondering. He can be stubborn though, he really knows how to dig those heels in. How he reacted when he first moved out really surprised me, I did not expect that onslaught of emotions from him and for him to be so full of regret so soon and to be so open about it. He usually keeps his feelings well hidden. At that point I really thought that was it and was preparing myself for a life without him. This is why I am now finding this so much harder after all those months of truly thinking we would get back together. I know he is confused, I know depression impacts decision making, I know he thinks it is right to push me away (as he does everyone- this is by his own admission), I know he is plagued by feelings of guilt and that by removing me from his life he hopes those feelings will go.

 

I have seen him at his very worst and I still want to be with him. I know that if we get back together, if his depression continues to go untreated we could end up back here. I know that if we get back together I am choosing a life that will be full of challenges and uncertainty. I know this is my chance to avoid that life. But I don't want to, I choose him.

 

I have hope. But how do you move on whilst you have hope? Can you get rid of those feelings?

[jr22]

Day 4 begins...

 

By the end of the day today, I will have matched my previous record of NC with her.

 

I just want to feel better and I know the only way to do so is go

Through this NC stage. When I contact her again, I want to put myself in a 'no lose' situation. Do I feel like my chances of getting her back are realistic? No, I don't ... But I also feel as though if I don't at least try, I will regret it and wonder 'What if...'

 

I'm very much tired of the emotional roller coaster. This morning I actually feel pretty good. But I know she'll take over at some point. The very first thing I want here, is to feel 'free' again. I want these emotions completely gone. I look forward to that day.