THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[transmit]

Day 19

Things are going well. Really noticing some changes in my body from eating well and exercise. I've been thinking about him still but it's a low hum in the back of my mind, and it's not constant. I suggested to the person I met recently that I visit him in his city, and we're currently working out the dates. I want this to be a memorable summer.

[chrisbuilder]

NC for sorting yourself out, giving time to think without getting into more arguments , or pesterring the SO is what it's all about.. no trick.. no game... Peace and quiet to get your own stuff together Nice 1 Chris , now next time you think you are blocked on skype.... you cannot tell , only if they remove you from contacts hehe

 

Pleased you're doing better

 

Thanks Markie!

Yes it's funny. When we met last week for the first time since almost three months, it was like old times, super comfortable. And now we've reestablished contact, the funny thing is that I'm ok whichever way it goes. I'm going to keep letting her take the initiative for the time being. Meaning if I don't hear from her, I won't try to contact her. If she wants to take things further, I'll notice it. If she doesn't, I'll be fine too. I do know a girl like her who ticks so many boxes on my "list of requirements" is a very rare find, but I also know that I can't push things, at least not yet. If she doesn't want to take things further, she won't stay in touch. And I'm cool with that - NC got me back on my feet.

 

About skype: yes, you do see if someone blocks you, even if they don't remove you from the contact list! At least between macbooks. Maybe it differs between PC and mac, but in any case she had noticed..

[Little My]

Day 6

 

I've been feeling a lot better lately. My head has been clear, I've been going to the gym pretty much every day and I've generally felt more calm and relaxed than before. But for some reason today has been so hard. I've been thinking about him all the time today. I'm horribly worried that he's going to find someone else soon and I will somehow end up knowing about it. We have common friends, so I would find out sooner or later. Why is this making me panic so much? I just want him out of my head.

 

I've also been trying to analyse why I loved him so much in the first place. He isn't anything too special, all of my previous boyfriends have been better looking, more educated, more intelligent, more reliable. He chased me like mad and I slowly started liking him. Now I'm stuck with him. I feel terribly anxious right now. I wish I'd never ever even met him. How can someone mess with my head so much.

[Mizz]

This will sound completely crazy because I had been advocating NC for myself and encouraging others to do the same. Now, don’t get mad at me here haha, but I had broken NC and texted my ex. To some it might seem pointless or “Oh my gosh it’s going to set you back now. You’ll regret it!” but I didn’t at any point and still don’t feel all tingly or emotional post conversation with him. He’s not on my mind all the time now and I don’t think of him the same way anymore. I don’t feel anything for him really other than just neutral. No hate, no love. I actually don’t mind if he never contacts me again after this. It wouldn’t bother me. But for me, and with the mindset I am in now, I at least know whatever happens I was able to get things on good terms.

 

Some might ask, “Well why!? he broke YOUR heart! You reached out to him?!” and yes, that’s true, but I knew my ex very well. I knew if I never talked to him again he seriously wouldn’t have minded. He rationalized everything even if he first did wrong or hurt someone, so in his mind he’d figure something like, “Oh, she hates me, oh well”.

 

I can’t make assumptions though and I know I can’t care how he thinks. And I could have very well moved on my merry way like I have been with out giving a single care. I know it might sound completely idiotic or counterproductive. But keep in mind that I did once love him, I cared for him. It was 2 years of both of our lives. I had two brief boyfriends prior but he had been my actual first love. It’s a special place in my heart despite how the relationship ended. I was understanding when the BU happened, confused at first, but even from the beginning I did not beg or plead for him to take me back. The day of the BU I remember thinking “this is surprising, I’m still sad, but a the same time I am oddly not completely devastated” because a few weeks prior to the break up I was questioning if I was happy too. And plus that wasn’t the first time I thought about if things were going well either. Times I’d think I deserved better too. So I eventually came to terms that it’s best it’s over anyway. I contacted him because I didn’t want there to be hard feelings. Yes, he had hurt me in the past in several ways but I can’t be angry or hold onto negative feelings forever. It had been a learning experience for me. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and deserve in future relationships.

 

I had and have accepted it's over for a while now. Last night I wanted to talk to him to sort of straighten some things out, make things on good terms between us. I had a clear mind and am no longer emotional so I was ready to try and talk to him. I had messaged him and we talked a bit. He was happy hanging out with a friend and I was happy just in general from also talking to new people and enjoying my life again.

 

We were both glad for each other's happiness. We were having general conversation, asking how each other was doing. We were talking nicely and I told him if he ever wanted to talk he shouldn't be a stranger, he said that "I'm glad we are still talking together then he went to sleep/said good night.

 

I don’t see ourselves ever dating again. I am not interested in rekindling anything and he doesn’t seem interested as well. I no longer have feelings for him and he told me earlier over a week ago that he no longer has feelings for me either. I would never want to get back with him in a romantic way, for several reasons, I really do not think he would wish to either because I know the relationship is just better over.

 

If anyone still has feelings for an ex or is super emotional still thinking about their ex or the past I’d still say that’s when NC is crucial, to heal, to move on. Personally, despite it being rather fast, I came to terms for some time now how it’s better not being in a relationship with him so for me to reach out that time wasn’t emotional or making me want the past or him back it was more for peace of mind.

 

Again, I really don’t mind if we never talked again. He could completely just never contact me and I’d be fine. Either way I’m excited for my future and the things I hope to achieve and I know some day I’ll meet someone amazing!

[martyfarty]

Day 2 Again:

 

today i've been a bit stronger. i've bought the Venus on fire and Mars on Ice book. i've been reading it to understand relationships in general. i've been watching 500 days of summer almost every night, but i would only watch the ending of the movie. i've been watching the Secret, and any self help books. As for my feelings, i d k, some days are WAY harder then others.

[ClarityCoast]

Day 25 (I think...losing count)

 

I've been surprised this week to find tears..turning into anger.

I'm sure this is part of the cycling...but I do NOT want to turn into a resentful person...and that's how it feels right now.

 

After the last fight, his parting words were, "I love you, you are the love of my life."

 

When ever I think of that...and then look at 25 Days...I think, "I've stepped in PUDDLES that were DEEPER than you "love""

I get very angry, feeling his silence speaks VOLUMES about his affection.

However...I'm ALSO not contacting.

 

Since EVERYTHING else failed...I'm trying to remind myself that I need this NC.

Truthfully, I have ZERO urge to break it since anything I'd say would be angry...

...but I'm just surprised at this rush of emotion.

 

Can anyone else relate?

[the dude91]

Day 1

 

Coming to an end. I've had to fight the urge badly to contact her again. She used to think of me as a liar until I proved her wrong yesterday, tried to convince her without showing the proof just to see how much she really had unconditional love for me. Guess after 3 1/12 years there wasn't any left for me. It's going to be hard to start NC over for myself after showing her that she was wrong all along and I was exactly who I said I was. But I guess when I think of it this will be a good way for her to sit and ponder what she gave up so willingly and for me to find someone that will give me that unconditional love all the time like I deserve. That satisfaction you get when someone just calls you a liar for weeks on end and you prove to them you were speaking the truth the whole time just feels amazing.

[saluk]

See, this is different than what most of us are going through. There's a huge difference between a BU that's mutual or almost mutual. Yes, you would still be sad, but it sounds like you had started to lose the fire roughly when the other party did. They just managed to pull the trigger first. It's a lot different when the BU is not at all mutual, when the fire left them but not you, and you're left with feelings that have nowhere to go anymore. NC is to give you that space to bandage wounds and hopefully get to that point that you managed to get sooner.

 

I mean in my case, my passion for her was basically at it's peak at BU. I think she was more into me at the beginning of our relationship, but her love faded as mine rose. When we were at the same level halfway in, it was really the best. I wish I had seen her love fading and adjusted my expectations instead of allowing my feelings to continue to grow, unknowing that she was about to break my heart.

 

I hope to restart NC again when it makes sense, and rejoin the challenge. The last 2 days of NC have been great, but I know I will see her again on Saturday at a memorial. I'm dreading it so much. Emotions are going to be running wild. Going to be so hard to see her crying and not be able to be there for her. After that I think I will have a period where I can try NC again.

[clarkyyeah]

Day 1, Ive had the urge so many times to just look at his facebook but when i get that urge i get off the computer because i know im not going to like what i see. If its a rebound then he can fall flat on his face but if its the real deal and he used me then i guess ill have to accept that and understand that some people are just cruel. I was no contact since the break up but i was still looking at his facebook and stuff which isnt really full no contact so ive decided to take this challenege hoping itll get him out of my mind. Anyway two days ago when i broke no contact i didnt do it to get him back, i only wanted some closure, i knew he left me for someone else but he lied to my face and promised me it wasnt and that girl was nothing to him, couldnt even give me even a little respect when leaving for someone else? He has ignored me since the day he dumped me and he didnt reply to my messages either, i guess a year together can mean nothing to some. Makes me sick and angry, oh well the first day down. I think they say the first few days are always the hardest

[broken17]

Day 4 I think? Well could be either 4 or 5..

 

He's been in my head all day. I'm really not sure if this is the best idea as he texted me, and he's told me still loves me so I'm not sure if NC is the best way to go about it.. It feels wrong for some reason? Not really sure where to go from here to be honest.

[Mizz]

In my relationship the love was equal, very intense at first and fairly consistent throughout. We had our awkward moments or ups and downs. Through it all we still loved each other though. Sometimes I felt like I cared more though. I always wanted things to go well, like if we planned to see each other I always wanted it to work out one way or another, but if he couldn't see me for some reason to him it was no big deal. There was one difference, but we had worked with it. I feel like it eventually got to a point where there was a good amount of baggage though, for a lot of reasons. I'd try to look past things that would happen, but then other things would happen, eventually it certainly affected my mood. Then when he started acting differently it really emotionally took a toll within the last week of the relationship. I remember at one point the week before it ended lamely saying "I feel like I am chasing something that doesn't want to chase me back" and he told me "that's not true" HAH, well, it wound up being true. It was a rough week before it ended. We still saw each other but it was so much more emotional than usual. I figured it was just a bad week and that the Sunday when I'd see him again that weekend we could possibly just have a nice day together to make up for that awkward week. But then that Sunday was when he ended it. I was sad but then at the same time I seriously remember thinking "well, I am upset, I didn't exactly expect this, but at the same time I am not completely surprised/devastated". It was still a loss so I was still upset for a few days. But then in my time to reflect I realized there were times I questioned the relationship too, thought how it wasn't at all like it once had been, I thought about how within the last few months how sometimes at night I'd just cry cause I'd think "what happened to what it used to feel like? I'd love to feel that again". Apart of me knew it wasn't going so well either. But we were still loving towards each other. The last week or so before the break up was a rough one. So I came to accept it's over fairly early after the BU.

 

Before the BU I felt not like myself, more clingy and super sensitive. I think I could sense something wasn't going right. Before I had been s confident and happy! But something before it ended, within the last couple weeks just didn't feel right. He was still telling me he loved me even up til the point it ended. But apparently now he doesn't love me anymore, only as a "friend". But in my time alone my feelings have faded too. I'd wish us both happiness. I don't think it could be anything romantic again, there's too much baggage and it'd take a lot to work out. I don't think it could be and I don't think I'd want to try.

 

For your situation, I am so sorry, I know it's hard. Especially if you don't expect it at first. If you look back at the signs of her love fading you can learn from it though. See it as a learning experience, never blame yourself, and know there's someone amazing out there for you who would not leave you like that and hurt you. But you seem to be strong and know what's best for yourself. It'll have ups and downs but I wish you the best! NC really does help to sort emotions, reflect, and heal.

[martyfarty]

Day 3 again!

 

today feels like a bad day but im going to try to change it.

[broken17]

Day 4/5 still..

On my way home from a night out he texted again. When we last talked I told him I would be having a doctors appointment today and he apparently remembered and said 'Hey hope that the appointment went well, and everything's going well for you..' I really feel that NC may be making things worse if we're going to get back together which we could, but I know if we don't it could be best to continue.

I know that either option if the wrong one could make things so much worse but I don't know which is right!!

Please someone help, it's torturing me knowing I could be destroying any final chances..

[transmit]

Day 20

Doing fine. Acceptance is creeping back, after I felt a glimmer of false hope/pain for a short time. Summer's here and I have so many good times planned. I'm determined to make this an even better summer than the one we spent together last year.

[spirit seeking]

Day 27

I am beginning to realize something. If I were to contact my ex, after a break up, then I would be violating her space. Of course it's up to her to answer the text. But where I know we are broken up, then I should respect her space and not contact her. However, if I break no contact and text her, phone her, email her then I am trying to control her. By being strong and respect her space, I am actually controlling myself. I miss her, and if by chance we meet again then I will celebrate that event. But for now, I am in control of myself.

[clarkyyeah]

Day 2, Today im trying to work out what happened between us, how can someone who once said they loved you go from that to cutting someone out of your life and moving onto someone else the same day. I know some people move at different speeds when they break up with someone, but i thought that because i was his longest relationship that he would at least care and need to get over it, instead he jumped into another relationship the same day and never spoke to me again, in my opinion thats a pretty crappy thing to do, but what can i do? I still havent looked at anything to do with him and i feel like im doing well, i find that the less i look at him the less it hurts but i still still think about him often, but most of those thoughts end with the questions how and why?

 

I know why, why is because hes scared of been alone and i guess how is because you never really know a person no matter how long your with them.

[lonelyheart2]

I only just realised I'm on DAY 30!!! Buuut big development I don't want him to break nc, I'll be really annoyed if he does because I actually think that I am making really good progress getting over him, last night a hottie got my number which helped haha but even before that...I know he's over me so I keep saying to myself well hell I am too! I just have this niggling feeling that he will come back at some point (maybe weeks/months/ years I don't know) but if I've already moved on I'm going to be really pissed off.....

[trishlove]

DAY 1

 

After a month and a half of communicating I am now in for this. I am so bummed out when I found out my ex cheated on me. I tried to give him a second chance, but by the time I left for summer vacation by the end of March (I'm from the Philippines) he got bored not having me around and still tried seeing the other woman.

 

I then kicked him to the curb, but we remained in contact. 3 weeks later, voila, he's in a relationship with the other woman, and he tried to keep it from me. Good thing I have a lot of gossipy friends. So I decided no more contact forever. Two days later, he texted again. Stupidly, I replied. He admitted he was on the rebound, and he admitted he isn't thinking right. THEN he admitted that the rebound is unstable and that the other woman has issues. Good luck with that, stupid. Needless to say, he still kept texting me ocassionally. Now, no more contact... For real.

 

God, I hope I can make it through. Thank heavens the guy's a je rk or NC would have been waaaay freaking harder. Summer's a dud so far and honestly, I have nothing much to do. Since summer class is over, the rebound is probably out of town. There goes his aversion.

[ClarityCoast]

Day 27

 

I never thought I'd get this far, however, it doesn't feel as 'liberating' as I was hoping for.

It feels more like invalidation.

 

Oh well...onward!

[the dude91]

Day 2 again for the last time.

 

I met someone today or for once I really stopped thinking about the ex. So I'm going to take things very slow with this person so that I don't mess anything up. But she's so cool and fun and we sometimes say the same thing at the same time. Can't wait to see her again. Last time my ex contacted me she told me to return or pawn her wedding rings, to that I just said," Alright then, take care! I hope that was a pretty good and confusing reply to her although she did say," You too. so I'm not sure. Either way oh well, I have something good going right now anyways.

[spirit seeking]

Day 28

I feel as badly as I did, day 1. I just want to stop hurting. I am tired of this. I couldn't bear it if I broke NC or she did. I wish I could talk to someone about this. Get some kind of closure for her. Have her tell me that she never loved me, doesn't love and she's moved on. At least, I could stop hoping, or maybe not. I don't know. I know it'll get better. But when? God, I'm in so much pain right now.

[transmit]

Day 22

Feeling good, working hard, having fun with friends. 3 weeks feels like an eternity, but the days are going faster than ever.

[martyfarty]

Spirit,

 

I feel u. Have u seen 500 days of summer?

[ClarityCoast]

Spirit I hear you...

 

I'm hoping AND fearing the news that he's in another relationship.

On one hand, it would be the final motivation I need to block EVERYTHING and give up hope.

On the other hand...I'd be giving up hope. And I'm not ready to feel that way yet, despite having ZERO desire to contact.

The limbo is brutal.

[spirit seeking]

Spirit,

 

I feel u. Have u seen 500 days of summer?

 

No, not yet, I will watch it tonight though. Thank you