THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[TangySour]

DAY 1

 

Seriously I thought by now, I wouldn't get random spurts of being completely bummed out.

Sure I feel MUCH better than I did a couple weeks back but still, I get moments of weakness where I just want her here holding me.

This happens most mornings when I wake. I dream of her every night. It kills my drive to get up each morning lol

 

As planned, I went out to visit her at work yesterday (which is hilarious because a couple of other mutual friends did too at the same time).

She was happy and surprised to see me. She had that look like "omg long time no see" to a close friend "Hey! What are you doing here? How's it going?"

So we talked for a few minutes about my life and her life and about her brother in the hospital.

Then I proceeded to ask if she had time to hang out after work for a chat

She had already made plans and said maybe tomorrow depending on school work. She also has a dinner thing with her dad, which happens every Sunday.

 

Then I made two mistakes.

1. I told her "That's cool. We should really make some time to hang out and talk. I'd like to chat."

She then had this look on her face like "uhh... ok?" Then an awkward moment came up; "Um I gotta go back to work now... we're closing soon..."

I guess she thinks I am gonna try to beg and plead? It's not why I want to do lol I want to let her know I am aware of what went wrong, agree to my faults, and go on from there.

 

2. Second mistake. I was like oh ok. I'll talk to you later then. And then I had to freaking balls to open my arms for a hug lol... seriously what the **** was I doing?

She did end up hugging me but she hesitated. I think she hesitated because she didn't want her co-workers to think we were together again or something; I saw her sigh, look around, then hug me lightly.

 

The **** thing about this, her mail still comes to my house, and she needs it. She also still has my Nintendo DS which I realized a couple days back.

Someone is gonna have to break my NC to resolve this lol whether it be me or her. Though I think her mail is infinitely more important than my nintendo.

[WalterWhite]

DAY 0 AGAIN!!

 

Ok, apparently I suck at this whole NC thing. I had a horrible breakdown this weekend. Saturday was her birthday. I texted her, then emailed her later on in the evening, then we exchanged a series of emails today. It's been made clear, once again, that she has no interest in ever being with me again. I don't know why I feel like I can change her mind. It's absolutely useless. I'm better than this, or at least I thought I was.

[lolitalempicka]

Day 12

 

It hurts, but I think I've learned to live with it.

 

The moment of truth, I secretly unblocked him on Skype a week ago, he wouldn't appear, but yesterday and today he keeps coming online.

 

He didn't contact me, but neither did I him. If not anything, he just might be surprised how my current behaviour isn't begging and pleading.

 

Instead, I had curry and waffles as a desert.

[Theankh]

Challenge Accepted - I'm on Day 2 of not contacting the man I had an emotional affair with.

 

It hurts still, because although it was wrong of me to be involved with him, he made me feel very happy. I used to spend my whole day with a huge grin on my face because of him.

 

But then he ended it because he didn't think he'd ever be my first choice, which was an understandable thing to do, and then started treating me like I'd done something wrong. I'd been understanding about him ending it, and tried to remain friends afterwards which he said he wanted too, but then he started pushing me away and doing little malicious things, nothing I could call him on. I decided that trying to stay in touch and getting treated that way was hurting far more than not being in touch at all, so I've deleted his number and the apps we were using to chat via, and blocked the two websites we were talking on.

 

It's shown me that I need to look at the problems in my relationship, rather than running to someone else to make me temporarily happy. So that's what I'm doing. And in a way I'm glad he's made it easier for me to cut contact by being such a * * * * about it, despite it being his choice - if he'd stuck around, I would have kept using it as an excuse to not look at my real problems.

 

I still have strong feelings for him. I was contemplating leaving my boyfriend for him, though I never expressed that to him because I didn't want to end up letting him down. It's hard to go from talking to him constantly, to not at all.

[kschong]

*new challenger has arrived** My 1st post by the way.

 

It's actually my 3rd day now but I decided to make NC a > 1 month commitment after coming accross enotalone.com

 

Previously I decided to have 1 month NC period between Jan till Feb 2012, but I broke NC while I was overseas got stranded there. Having nothing to do, I thought of my ex a lot at night and called her up first thing when I got back home. Since then had some LC for 2 weeks and now I'm going NC again, for real!

 

I've already unfriended her and all of her friends on FB so I won't see her photos popping up on my wall. But she still tried to send me a photo of her at a party via whatsapp.

 

So here I am 3rd day of NC.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 6 nc

DAY 14 nic

 

Makes me feel a little bit better that I am technically on two weeks...wohoooooo haha I know cheating ahem...at least I'm still posting the real days of nc. I keep having really weird but kind of cool dreams...I realised this morning that I didn't dream about my ex!!! There was also a random guy present in the dream which usually would probably have been him but it wasn't!! Felt good I hope that keeps happening Have to do a lot of work today and focus on living in the here and now...something I'm finding quite difficult...instead of looking to the past a lot I keep looking forward to the future when my life is going to be 'better' I don't know if counting the days of nc is helping or hindering me.....

[Fanamir]

Lets see 3 days today I think... got out with friends this weekend to help keep my mind off her... woo

[PhilWood]

Okay I'll bite.

 

Starting at day 4

After a nasty break up and being replaced in less than two weeks, I truly don't want to get back with my ex. I can't help but to feel humiliated though and I am horribly competitive, so ideas of seducing her, making her regret or just destroying their relationship have been haunting me. So far I've blocked her on facebook, deleted all pictures, thrown out anything that reminds me of her, and deleted her number and emails. Wish me luck!

[TangySour]

DAY 2

 

Just woke up and I am having a rough start. I'm about to break down. I had dreamed of this wonderful trip I had with her but it ended in her breaking up with me just before I woke up. I am in so much pain right now... How can she wake up each morning and be ok? I dream of her every night. Is she suffering like i am? Mornings suck for me. Never get a good start on the day. How do you guys and gals cope?

[NANNYSTUDENT]

Almost reached a full week of MY DECISION to go NC.... feels empowering! This was after 2 mos. of him controlling contact/stringing along. So I made the decision to walk away from a situation that was destroying what we had. It feels much better knowing that this is MY decision. Keep it up everyone... you really do grow stronger from it.... whether you see it now or not! Plus: Stop and think about your communication efforts? Are they really worth it? Do you really think that text will reverse their decision? Do you really think those phone calls that end in arguing or end awkwardly just to remind you that what you had isn't there anymore- are helpful? Do you think an email that goes unanswered of gets a "distant" reply will boost your spirits? No. They won't. They just will remind you that this situation is real RIGHT NOW... there is no changing it until they decide they WANT TO CHANGE IT THEMSELVES. Take back your power and stop reaching out to them.... just shows you will put up with them and you shouldn't be. Trust me. They know your phone number too. They probably know where you live. They know you have a FB. They know your email. So if THEY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU THEY WOULD- IF THEY WANTED TO SEE YOU THEY WOULD- IF THEY WANTED TO MAKE IT WORK THEY WOULD.

 

I am new to all of this but I quickly realized I am not putting effort into something that I already spent years putting effort into. It is what it is now. I wanted to work on it. He didn't. His loss. But they will not realize that if you stick around with a banner and blinking lights saying "Walk all over me but I will wait right here."

Don't make it easier for them while you suffer. Take back the power and give them silence.

[TangySour]

DAY 2

 

Just woke up and I am having a rough start. I'm about to break down. I had dreamed of this wonderful trip I had with her but it ended in her breaking up with me just before I woke up. I am in so much pain right now... How can she wake up each morning and be ok? I dream of her every night. Is she suffering like i am? Mornings suck for me. Never get a good start on the day. How do you guys and gals cope?

 

OK So I am still in Day 2 of NC. I am in pretty good shape considering all things. I did have a big moment of weakness. Stay a while and listen...

 

So my two best buddies were really tired of me going around in circles. I would be fine for a while and then I'd have one day of "Omg I have to win her back". They were not able to get the full story and understanding of what happened from me, so they decided to take it upon themselves to go contact her and find out what the full scoop is on everything. They got her side of the story. Then they randomly showed up at my house and issued an "Intervention". They sat me down, made me spill the beans, and asked me a whole bunch of questions. I felt really weak and really vulnerable... They slapped a lot of sense into me though. My days of denial ended. I could not deny the denial any more... It is very clear that she does not want to get back with me. I knew this all along. I just did not want to accept it... My buddies said she really sincerely cared about me and my well being and hopes that I can work on myself and be happy. I have to move on and really be happy with myself. It is the only way forward. Whether the future has her in it or not, only time will tell. Just have to be happy with being me....

 

Now I wanna bawl my eyes out....

[Theankh]

Day 3

 

This does suck. I keep having moments of doubt, thinking that if I ever wanted a reconciliation in the future, maybe this is really hurting my chances. But I keep reminding myself, I can't sort my life out if all I'm doing is constantly worrying over and hanging onto a guy I've never even met.

 

And there are plenty of fish in the sea. He's not the only guy out there and frankly, he's got his own issues that should be huge red flags anyway to someone considering a long-term relationship.

 

So even if I do end up single and he still rejects me after that - I'll find someone else. I always do.

[potty46]

Day one again...

 

For the first time in WEEKS, I think I can stick this out for good. No real temptation to contact him today. He has his own issues to sort it. It just sucks that in sorting his head he got rid of his gf and pushed his best friend away. He will wake up one day and realise what's gone. It'll be too late. I honestly tried to move heaven and earth for this guy, but it just wasnt good enough. The next guy had A LOT of mountains to climb, walls to break through. No longer will I be that vulnerable, codependent girl!

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 7 nc

DAY 15 nic

 

I think I would feel a lot more joyous about reaching this point if I hadn't been here hundreds of times before.....I think my confidence in staying in nc will be a lot stronger after a few more weeks or past the point I haven't got past before....3 weeks to go!!! haha

[lolitalempicka]

DAY 6 nc

DAY 14 nic

 

Makes me feel a little bit better that I am technically on two weeks...wohoooooo haha I know cheating ahem...at least I'm still posting the real days of nc. I keep having really weird but kind of cool dreams...I realised this morning that I didn't dream about my ex!!! There was also a random guy present in the dream which usually would probably have been him but it wasn't!! Felt good I hope that keeps happening Have to do a lot of work today and focus on living in the here and now...something I'm finding quite difficult...instead of looking to the past a lot I keep looking forward to the future when my life is going to be 'better' I don't know if counting the days of nc is helping or hindering me.....

 

 

Haha, lonelyheart2, I also had the dream, very...intriguing one, let me keep the details for myself, involving one guy I know here. Was very weird and surprising for me to dream about someone other than my boyfriend in that way. (I have no power over deciding whom to dream)

 

And even more surprisingly, I woke up with huge smile and the dream felt so good. This guy is actually attracting me, I've known him since I was in a relationship, but I never paid any attention to guys around me...He's coming back to the place we usually reside soon, so....yeah, I'm pretty excited haha.

 

Day 13 for me. Lucky 13 when I finally figured out that there are other guys capable of catching my attention. Hooray!

[Melting]

lonelyheart2 - I know how you feel, I keep messing up NC. I have total lack of control when he contacts me.

 

Anyway, Day 2 .............. round no idea, probably 10!

[NANNYSTUDENT]

8 days.... if the dreams would stop then I would be much better.... but him acting like a complete different person (I am 100% pos. that my ex "suffers" from GIG syndrome).... helps because it just makes me realize that all of what he is doing will be short lived and I ultimately feel sorry for him (not in a self-entitled way- simply because I have been done the road he is on and I know where it ends, which is empty). But I realize that RIGHT NOW there is no fixing this situation and it is futile to try both for his sake and my sake. He clearly has things he needs to "get out of his system" and I simply refuse to twiddle my thumbs in the mean time. I went through a F'd up batch of LC for the following 2.5 months after the break up with all the typical string a long statements and behaviors and then him trying to flip the guilt one me when I finally decided for myself that I was no longer apart of this situation. Sometimes people have to figure themselves out and that means without us.... I have accepted it and also realized I simply have no desire to be around the person he is anymore anyways. Still miss the "us" I knew, but reality= it's not there anymore.... so why hold on to a ghost?

[lolitalempicka]

Haha, lonelyheart2, I also had the dream, very...intriguing one, let me keep the details for myself, involving one guy I know here. Was very weird and surprising for me to dream about someone other than my boyfriend in that way. (I have no power over deciding whom to dream)

 

And even more surprisingly, I woke up with huge smile and the dream felt so good. This guy is actually attracting me, I've known him since I was in a relationship, but I never paid any attention to guys around me...He's coming back to the place we usually reside soon, so....yeah, I'm pretty excited haha.

 

Day 13 for me. Lucky 13 when I finally figured out that there are other guys capable of catching my attention. Hooray!

 

Crap. I woke up after dreaming that he was apologizing to me, and even giving me some money. Was a hilarious dream, especially after dreaming a very pleasant dream about other guy the night before.

 

My own dreams are playing mind games with me. Day 14, I feel good.

 

(I almost feel ''guilt'' that I'm moving on so fast, after thinking that he was the ''one''. Anyone had this before?)

[aces]

Day 1 of no contact. Been a month since the BU but i havent honestly tried NC, been alot of stringing alot and LC for the past month but now she made it clear she absolutely does not have time for me and wishes that i would just give her the space she needs. I thought about her all day today much as i have the entire past month but hopefully tonight and tomorrow will be different. I know i dont need her to be happy but i just feel this huge void in my life. MY biggest fear is she will forget me.

[TangySour]

DAY 3

 

Woke up to my usual dreaming of her. God waking up sucks. I either want to just never wake up or just have it kill me upon waking up haha hit the gym, my trainer really understands what I am going through and is pushing me to unleash my pain into my workouts and to really vent my stress. Seriously, unleashing the pain and anguish into the workout really adds so much strength. Hell if I could have lifted 25 pound weights more than 10 more times. With the unleashing I freaking did 25+ goes at 30lbs per hand.

 

I also finally ate a full meal for once since BU. I was never able to stomach more than a third of a meal for the last few weeks. So much wasted food

[Nazz]

Day 66

 

That's all, I have nothing to say.

[lolgirl]

Dangit...I wish I posted here when I started my NC! Oh well, I guess today is Day one. I haven't officially spoken to my ex for 3-4 weeks. Our conversations since our BU was limited to me getting my things back from his house because we lived together.

 

Day one on SuperDave's challenge: Meh...nothing much going on here. I hardly think of my ex and if I do, its mostly negative thoughts. It helps that I sent him a NC letter about a month ago. I have no desire to talk to him whatsoever and I made it very clear to him to stay away from me. I am confident I will reach day 30 with only minor speed bumps .

[xcrunner]

Day 40

 

Yep, not much else to say.

[imagentleman]

Back to Day 1 this really sucks the longest I've gone NC with her has been 12 days ugh every night I go to sleep I'm thinking about the one and only date we ever had at Disneyland holding hands all day

[TangySour]

DAY 4

 

Well, technically its still day 3 depending on how you look at it but since it is 2:43am, I am counting it as the next day and therefore, the start of Day 4 NC.

I feel pretty good today. I still think about her a lot but I don't feel too much pain. Maybe I am getting numb because of how much it hurts. I can't tell. Maybe I am so numb I can't even tell I'm numb lol

 

Yea I know it's like almost 3am and I am still awake. I just cannot sleep. I need the warmth of someone holding me in bed, or me holding them in bed snuggling up close to me... Our bodies against each others. It is one of the best feelings in the world. My future gf better freaking love snuggling haha on another not so positive note, I dread going to bed. I always dream about her and wake up feeling like poo. And that is understatement... Instead of crying myself to sleep, I cry myself awake... which is worst?