THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lonelyheart2]

Ooo melting this is a really good step Proud of you, it must be really hard getting the crumbs to ignore, keep it up you are doing marvellously

[Melting]

Thank you lonelyheart2..

 

My battle is just so much harder as I see him every day at work, but I will get there!

[flatplane]

Damn FB, I mentioned yesterday that a photo had gone up of the ex with this guy she's seeing on FB. Turns out today she's detagged herself from the photo. Possibly in the hope I won't see it and put 2+2 together? Weird.

 

Aside from that had a good day. Confidence is improving and not feeling like I NEED her in my life anymore, although it would be very nice to have her in my life. I'm not indifferent yet.

[brandnewday47]

Just feel like i need to vent;

 

Found out today that one of my longtime friends is now dating the girl I dated for four months. I feel so betrayed, stabbed in the back, etc. He told me himself and not through the grapevine, which I guess is good. Not sure what to do now. Known him for over ten years, and now this. Not sure what to do.

 

The really, really crappy thing is that I have to see them at work on a daily basis.

 

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this.

[lolitalempicka]

Constantly busy. During the day is okay.

 

But it gets hell when I get to my room alone.

 

Day 6. Grabbed phone 10 times. Feels like giving up a heroin.

[potty46]

Day 0. Fail. Unintentional but still a fail.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 8...feeling a bit flat. When does the hope that they will contact you start to end? Every time I check my emails even though I know I won't ever hear from him again I still hope and for a little bit expect there to be a message from him there. I had a lot of dreams about him last night. My first ones where it got nasty...I guess it's because I feel like I don't know him any more. Can't believe I could mean so little to him.

[dumPI]

DAY 8...feeling a bit flat. When does the hope that they will contact you start to end? Every time I check my emails even though I know I won't ever hear from him again I still hope and for a little bit expect there to be a message from him there. I had a lot of dreams about him last night. My first ones where it got nasty...I guess it's because I feel like I don't know him any more. Can't believe I could mean so little to him.

 

well 4 months after I still have this feeling when checking my email but now I make fun of it myself ... I say: "oh, well, she has not written. No problem, she surely is very busy." and I say it with a smile in my face. So it's more a matter of how you see things.

[lonelyheart2]

So my ex just broke nc with 'just inherited a bible from 1866... not sure who else would think that's cool ' whereas I am glad he feels he can say things to me whenever I am sad that he just thinks of me as a 'friend' ....I will reply to that, it's so weird though because I was just being stupid and spending an hour or so reading through our old conversations and he goes and breaks nc today now of all times?!!!! It's like I summoned it....! I don't know if I expected it or not...

 

I know you will all say that I shouldn't break nc because of this but I don't want him to think I am ignoring him, I'm doing no contact unless he initiates it....

[xcrunner]

Damn FB, I mentioned yesterday that a photo had gone up of the ex with this guy she's seeing on FB. Turns out today she's detagged herself from the photo. Possibly in the hope I won't see it and put 2+2 together? Weird.

 

Aside from that had a good day. Confidence is improving and not feeling like I NEED her in my life anymore, although it would be very nice to have her in my life. I'm not indifferent yet.

 

Best to remove yourself from checking up on her social networking sites. Keeps you from analyzing someone's life that you're not a part of anymore- at least not in the way you still desire.

 

Just feel like i need to vent;

 

Found out today that one of my longtime friends is now dating the girl I dated for four months. I feel so betrayed, stabbed in the back, etc. He told me himself and not through the grapevine, which I guess is good. Not sure what to do now. Known him for over ten years, and now this. Not sure what to do.

 

The really, really crappy thing is that I have to see them at work on a daily basis.

 

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this.

 

You are certainly entitled to feel betrayed. That is a very tough situation. Either you're going to have to deal with them in a professional manner at work, or start thinking about another possible place of employment.

 

Constantly busy. During the day is okay.

 

But it gets hell when I get to my room alone.

 

Day 6. Grabbed phone 10 times. Feels like giving up a heroin.

 

Yes, that's exactly what it is like actually. Withdrawal from the opioids (endorphin) produced in your brain while in a relationship. Go exercise, work out, run, take a long walk, etc. on a regular basis if you haven't already been doing so.

 

Do not call.

 

So my ex just broke nc with 'just inherited a bible from 1866... not sure who else would think that's cool ' whereas I am glad he feels he can say things to me whenever I am sad that he just thinks of me as a 'friend' ....I will reply to that, it's so weird though because I was just being stupid and spending an hour or so reading through our old conversations and he goes and breaks nc today now of all times?!!!! It's like I summoned it....! I don't know if I expected it or not...

 

I know you will all say that I shouldn't break nc because of this but I don't want him to think I am ignoring him, I'm doing no contact unless he initiates it....

 

Lonely, it's a breadcrumb. You're not ignoring him. You're setting boundaries because you don't want to be casual friends with him. Texts are so easy. It's a way, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to find out if you're still around as someone who will even respond to his most distant, casual texts.

[lonelyheart2]

I know..I replied naughty me. I know it's just a breadcrumb and it doesn't mean anything but I am kind of hoping that one day the contact won't bother me at all and we might be able to be friends (by that I mean online friends...obviously as he will be in italy anyway so it won't be possible to be anything more) we didn't have a bad break up so I feel it would be kind of rude and unreasonable of me to just ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist...especially as not all that long ago we were going to meet up etc...well...I guess naughty me...DAY 1....

[Melting]

Day 6.

 

Still think of him constantly, lots of questions running around in my mind.

But I won't break contact, I felt soooooooooooo bad and disappointed in myself after I did it last time.

[brandnewday47]

You are certainly entitled to feel betrayed. That is a very tough situation. Either you're going to have to deal with them in a professional manner at work, or start thinking about another possible place of employment.

 

Thank you, I do appreciate it. Funny thing is I've been through breakups that were worse and I actually was moving forward quite nicely... until this. I'll just have to suck it up and be professional; I've worked there for over a decade and enjoy my job (except this) and am pretty well respected in what I do. Not sure I'll be able to easily find a job that provides such as this does either. That part I've actually had to deal with in the past and it isn't impossible. Heck it wasn't even that long of a relationship.

 

The toughest thing thinking about this 3/4ths of a day later is the real possibility of losing my friend for good over this... as well as the possible splintering of our group of close knit friends. Time will tell I suppose.

 

Day 6.

 

Still think of him constantly, lots of questions running around in my mind.

But I won't break contact, I felt soooooooooooo bad and disappointed in myself after I did it last time.

 

You can do this Melting.. I work in a situation as well that is certainly not fun.. but you can do this; not saying it is easy though

[lolitalempicka]

Day 7. It gets easier. Whole week for me! Yaaaaaaay! I almost felt nothing, and yesterday night I was crying like a baby.

 

Bloody rollercoasters

 

Thoughts for those who are weak today - Imagine those moments you hated about the relationship. Feeling neglected and constantly fighting over that? I'm enjoying being free and around people who truly enjoy my company and laugh a lot

 

Keep up everyone, lets put some value on ourselves

[flatplane]

Day 2 or so for since I broke NC by looking at her FB profile. Felt ok today. Feeling much better now though. Just churned out 6 miles on the mountain bike. Get those endorphins going!

[brandnewday47]

Not sure of the day at the moment... but have a lot of anger a hostility towards the ex and my "friend" who she is with now.

[Melting]

Day 7. Woke up feeling very nauseous this morning thinking of him, not sure why...... maybe the reality has finally kicked in that I was just used.

[WalterWhite]

I had to sign up just to post in this thread. I have been HORRIBLE about contacting the ex. In the last three weeks, I've emailed numerous times, even though she was not responding. I always felt like there was something I could say to make things better, and I felt like email was the least intrusive way to do it. The most time I've gone without contacting is about 1.5 days. I was doing good the last couple of days, until I found her new profile on a dating site. I guess that finally made me realize it's definitely over. Of course, I still emailed about that.

 

Luckily, today I found this website. I've been reading the posts in the break up forum, and realizing I'm not alone in how I feel. And while it's not the first time I've heard of No Contact, this forum has helped me realize that that is exactly what I need to do. No Contact, and worry about myself only. I'm still at the stage where I hope she might come back sometime, but I know that I can't count on that, and that I shouldn't respond immediately, even if it does happen.

 

Soooooooo...DAY 1...I'm feeling ok about it so far, but usually later in the night is when I break down. NOT TONIGHT.

[einsteins_girl]

Today is 35 days NC. Five weeks. Huh.

[links12]

day 1

 

We broke up yesterday,(he broke it off) i had already made up my mind even before that if we broke up i could not keep in contact with him based on what i went through with someone else and it took me forever to get over them. So i told him that i wasn't going to talk to him or keep in contact because i just needed to move on and for my own good and he said he understood but that if i wanted to talk to someone or if i needed anything i could always talk to him. i told him i couldnt do that right now when hes the problem and he said he understood. I have no wishes of contacting him because i know that it would harm me and i want to think about whats best for me right now. what sucks is feeling lonely right now.

[Scuza]

Welcome, WalterWhite!

The road to 30 is a long one, but this thread and all its support helps. Even though I'm way past 30 days, I still like to come back here from time to time and just read a few posts. Therapeutic, I guess. Good luck, all the best!

[missyD]

Day 3 after breaking NC after 7 days (longest so far). It feels like a whole lot longer than 3 days.

 

I just want to hurry up and feel better about all this because I'm leaving in 2 months and he's still my best friend. I worry that there won't be enough time to get back that amazing friendship. Everyday I feel just a tiny bit better about it all (I think he may have helped me dodge a bullet here. honestly if he didn't get his life together soon I would have been breaking up with him. doesn't take away the fact that I love him though). And when we talk I'm fine to keep it light and friendly. But he keeps bringing up uncomfortable subjects and the relationship and wanting to be "cautious" and that I "deserve to move on" but who is saying I haven't moved on!?! It just makes me mad...don't tell me what I deserve to do! Thats up for me to decide.

 

I thought he wanted my friendship too...but maybe not I don't think he'll contact me unless I initiate. He basically said as much the other day. He thinks of contacting me 1000 times a day, but resists because he sees my NC as be being in pain and needing space.

 

ugh.

[lonelyheart2]

MissyD it's a lot better if they don't contact you actually! I am now back on DAY 2 because of breadcrumbs....

[WalterWhite]

DAY 2

 

I've come close to breaking NC a couple of times today. I feel like I should write an email apologizing for some things that were said, even though they were not inaccurate. I decided it was better to come here and vent a bit. I know that even if I did email, she wouldn't respond, and I'd only end up feeling worse. It's funny how I can think about it and analyze it so rationally, then 20 minutes later be on the verge of writing the damn email!!

 

I do feel like things are getting easier. Even though this is only Day 2 of NC, if I'm honest with myself, it's been over for a lot longer than that. Very hard at first, but I don't get emotional as often now, and I seem to be able to distract myself easier. I'm starting a new job on Monday, so that will make it even better!

 

Staying strong!

[Melting]

Day 8

 

I think it just gets easier every time you mess up NC. I can't even remember what round of it I am on anymore, because of breadcrumbs. If I can get past Day 15 it will be a new record.