xcrunner
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Posts
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Joined
xcrunner's Achievements
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Day 40 Yep, not much else to say.
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She has some real nerve there man. "Wanted to check how (you) felt about it"? Hmm, keep your dignity and don't stay in touch. Tily, you've made a good choice with productive NC. It gets easier after the first week. Focus on 7 days and then go from there. Keep reading. I'll recommend a book too- "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. It will give you a lot of perspective on what you're feeling (physically and psychologically), as well as exercises to think about which aid your healing process. As hard as it can be at times early on, resist all communication with your ex. That's true NC. Nothing they say or do right now will help you. It will only set you back or keep you in limbo. NO texting, e-mail, phone calls, checking social networking (facebook, twitter, myspace, etc.), and no asking friends about how they are or what they've been up to. You have to help yourself out a little bit by limiting the onslaught of "thinking" to PAST memories, instead of immediate stuff from someone who chose to no longer be a part of your life. Once you limit your thoughts to shards of the past, they slowly fade away with time. You just say, it doesn't matter anymore, or you just get tired of thinking about them. All we have is the moment; try to keep your thoughts on that, even if for a few minutes at a time in the beginning. No worries, Lonelyheart. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and keep moving forward.
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Best to remove yourself from checking up on her social networking sites. Keeps you from analyzing someone's life that you're not a part of anymore- at least not in the way you still desire. You are certainly entitled to feel betrayed. That is a very tough situation. Either you're going to have to deal with them in a professional manner at work, or start thinking about another possible place of employment. Lonely, it's a breadcrumb. You're not ignoring him. You're setting boundaries because you don't want to be casual friends with him. Texts are so easy. It's a way, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to find out if you're still around as someone who will even respond to his most distant, casual texts.
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Day 31 Actions, actions...actions. If you feel the need, bring it up one more time to him. If he still says that he's not changing his mind, then you have your answer. He may be "having a hard time," but so are you. You focus on you, without continuing to go through this cyclical pattern of false expectations, while maintaining contact with someone who is not changing his decision (his ACTIONS). Well done, Lonelyheart. Keep taking a day at a time. And thank you as well for the warm words of congratulations yesterday.
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Day 30 Lonelyheart, these are good realizations. The random surges of anger are a good sign as well. One more day and you'll have made it a week- a big hump. Keep going JLK, focus on his actions. And for that matter, yours- stay productive.
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Day 28 Lonelyheart, you're doing very well. The days go by slowly, especially the first week of NC. Things are certainly looking up for you. The more you separate yourself from direct contact with him, the easier it will get. Trust in that. Then all you have to do is deal with is what your mind throws up at you- little fragments and memories of the past, recollections of the break-up, dreams, etc. These can still be challenging at times, but much easier than still holding onto contact with someone, who as you say "slipped out" of your life so easily. Slowly but surely (or all at once, nudge them down off of that pedestal and put yourself there.
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Little My, welcome. Of course you can join. Sometimes in this "Challenge" posters tend to talk past one another, but we're really here to support each other. Stop checking the Facebook, twitter, myspace, etc. etc. and resist the urge to text or contact him in any way. Block him if you need to. Checking those will only keep opening the wound. So, just stop. Best to get the "stuff" and money issues out of the way as soon as possible. Let him know what you expect back now. Have him send it through the mail, if possible.
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Day 27 Past the point of no return.
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Day 23 Everyone seems to be doing well. Keep it up. Thoughts of her come and go throughout the day, but in the end it simply doesn't matter anymore. I have big and bright things to look forward to this coming month.
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I think you're making the right decision by spending time with girlfriends for awhile, or just by yourself. Break out your old hobbies, interests, and things you didn't have time to do while in a relationship. Put each day to good use. Accept the emotions that come as normal and keep moving forward. Unless they're out to reconcile, nothing they say or do will make you feel any better- trust in that.
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Day 5 Day 3 was a setback. Had to work with ex. Said nothing to her; barely looked at her. Have to see her four more times before I leave this job to start my new one. I need to find the strength to make my way through these shifts, without feeling the way I did the other day. Had a family outing last night, which helped keep my mind in check. I went out for a run today and I'm going to work out later on. I am trying my best to work through this process. I find myself dwelling in it at times, but I need to realize that things will get better little by little as the days pass. I just have to make sure that I'm keeping busy with things that make me happy and ease the emotional stress.
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Day 2 Have been writing and listening to music a lot. There is a comfort in just sitting down and playing with absolutely no one else around. Been working out pretty much everyday as well. Been talking to family and reading posts (SuperDave, friendnorfoe, winniethepooh, orangesoda, mrsoandso, to name a few) on here as well to keep my focus when feeling down. I'm trying to take that first step forward by focusing my thoughts on me, slowly but surely. I'm finding the nighttime hours to be the hardest, so I'm occupying that time by being around family or doing something for myself.
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Day 1- going to start with a goal of 30 days. Take a little at a time. Sent my very short, abbreviated personal closure letter to her yesterday after 2 weeks NC (broke up mid-December). Glad that I got that out of my system and now it's time to start my healing process, focusing entirely on me. No more focus on the ex. It's late here, but I was inspired by "friendnorfoe" and the progress he made in this thread a year or two ago. His daily posts were genuine and inspiring.
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You're exactly right. And I would say don't send the birthday card. Day 2. I was feeling a mixed bag of emotions all day long. I'm most down about how she went about ending it. Nighttime seems to be the most challenging time for me. I will keep NC while continuing to reiterate this in my mind, over and over: she wanted out of my life, she gave up, let her go.
