Getting back together really does happen!

[harsh284]

My question is "What did the dumpee do after the breakup? Did he/she only followed NC for the reconciliation to happen?"

[Calblee]

my colleague J and his wife to be in 3 months C were together for 7 years. they were engaged and 5 months before their wedding, they broke up because of her.

 

J went into depression and continued his begging and pleading for 4 months before he accepted that he was dead in her heart. she was really cold to him with one worded answer. J got a rebound, a pretty one whom i thought was so much better than C and they were happily involved for 3 months.

 

during this time, C didn't date and via mutual friends, they started communicating via texts and short meet up. J was himself, no bitterness and was being caring and concern for C in a non-romantic way.

 

at the end, they realised that they still loved each other and against all friend's advise, J broke up with the rebound to get back with C.

 

they are better than before and i will be a best man at his wedding in 4 months time.

[blueberrypie]

I know I should move on. But this story gives me hope in a sense that you never know what the future holds. Thank you for posting this story, Calblee!

[Maramoan]

Last year my current boyfriend broke up with me on December 6th after dating for a wonderful 3 months for out of fear, doubts and communication problems. I remember coming to this forum last year afterward seeking help and advice. We have been back together for 5 almost 6 months now and are better and stronger than last year. I just want to take the time to say thank you to everyone on this forum who helped me not lose faith throughout 2010.

 

If you want to read the full story, look up my profile threads.

 

Tonight gave me great hope for 2011, here is what he texted before going to bed.

 

"You are the best gf in history *kiss* I swear to smother you in love as you deserve, always!

[Destiny2112]

Last year my current boyfriend broke up with me on December 6th after dating for a wonderful 3 months for out of fear, doubts and communication problems. I remember coming to this forum last year afterward seeking help and advice. We have been back together for 5 almost 6 months now and are better and stronger than last year. I just want to take the time to say thank you to everyone on this forum who helped me not lose faith throughout 2010.

 

If you want to read the full story, look up my profile threads.

 

Tonight gave me great hope for 2011, here is what he texted before going to bed.

 

"You are the best gf in history *kiss* I swear to smother you in love as you deserve, always!

 

Hey Maramoan,

 

I just looked through your threads and read your story! I'm very very happy that it worked out for you two in the end!!! I truly believe, no matter what others say, love will find it's way, if it's truly meant to be!! Congrats!! And the text you received is very cute!!

 

May I ask you, if you were dating any others during the time apart??

[guiltyflood]

What I'm curious is if both sides truly, TRULY believed if the relationship was over, or if they were both stuck with each other on their mind's the entire time.

 

My first ex came back to me wanting to reconcile, after 5 years of LC. She admitted that she never got over me. I had to turn her down, which is unfortunate because she deserves better. But still, in this case, she wanted to reconcile because she didn't lose feelings for me.

 

In my current case, I simply have to assume that my ex is over me and is wanting to move on, whether or not that is the case. But, if a couple has reconciled after years of being apart, is it because they both truly lost their feelings for each other and started over, or is it because they never got one another off of their minds? That doesn't necessarily mean that all the extracurricular dating that has happened were rebounds, but that when one or both moved into a new relationship with someone else (more than a year after that BU), do they still have each other in the back of their mind?

[pillowtalk]

One of my friends still has lingering feelings for an ex. She's been in a relationship for the last four years, but it's not like she's exactly pining for her ex. He's just someone where she still have fond feelings for, mainly because their breakup was more due to circumstances than feelings lost for each other. I know whenever she sees him, it does confuse her though.

 

At the same time, she never sees herself getting back together with him.

[TSandullo]

I've never posted in this thread before.

 

Though many on this thread have posted that it is bad to give 'false hope', I do enjoy this thread as it celebrate the reunion and the staying together of many, if but a few.

 

I have a story to share also.

 

Two years ago, I was renovating the house of my martial arts teacher. While working together, I was getting advice from him regarding the loss of my ex's feeling towards me.

 

Pushing aside my story, let me tell his.

 

He told me about how after going through a series of breakups for whatever reasons, he was introduced to this lovely girl. That girl liked him, he liked her and they dated for a while. One day, his hand was almost crushed at the garage he used to work in. That evening when preparing for a dinner, he couldn't do his cuffs...and so she helped him out. That was the day he realised he loved her.

 

Things went well for a long while. But then he got bored. He dumped her and went out to 'join the foreign legion' so to speak...

 

Well, after 6 months he realises that 'the grass wasn't greener on the other side after all...'

 

Returning, he attempted to win back the trust of the girl he left. Certainly she was devastated at the time. Could she ever trust him again? Would you ever trust someone like that again?

 

 

 

And the result?

 

As we continued to paint the room, the woman he dumped back then walked in with refreshments for us.

 

They have been married for 23 years and have two wonderful children aged 23 and 19. All of them black belts in their respective styles.

 

Getting back together is one thing. Staying together is another.

 

TS

[nanana]

That was a really nice story TSandullo

 

I agree - I don't read this thread so much for false hope, because obviously every situation is going to be different and just because one couple can reconcile doesn't mean it'll be the same for me and my ex.

 

I just like some of the tales... there are some real life love stories out there that prove even when things get difficult, IF two people are right for each other then they'll overcome it.

[blueberrypie]

there are some real life love stories out there that prove even when things get difficult, IF two people are right for each other then they'll overcome it.

Do you mean that if tw people are right for each other they will overcome by sticking with each other, or even after split they will get back together?

[nanana]

I mean that I believe if two people truly are right for each other, then a reconciliation will happen.

 

I know some might argue that if you're both right for each other, that you wouldn't split in the first place, but I don't believe love is as simple as that. I know a lot of couples that have got back together after years and seem pretty right for each other.

 

Sometimes time or circumstances just aren't right. And sometimes people need to go off and grow to eventually come back. I don't think a break-up necessarily has to mean you aren't right for each other. It's like the quote in your signature about setting something free...

 

I don't think people should be waiting for reconciliations though. As I said before, if it is right, it will happen. I personally think reconciliations are better years down the line...

[kate1985]

I'm having a tough time today...just thought I'd bump this

[Maramoan]

Hey Maramoan,

 

I just looked through your threads and read your story! I'm very very happy that it worked out for you two in the end!!! I truly believe, no matter what others say, love will find it's way, if it's truly meant to be!! Congrats!! And the text you received is very cute!!

 

May I ask you, if you were dating any others during the time apart??

 

I tried to date two really awesome guys, but my heart wasn't into it. The first guy was amazing but didn't last beyond the first coffee. The second guy...I decided to go against my nature and had a friends with benefits thing (protection and birth control) but it didn't last beyond the first time. Afterward I decided not to date because I was still in love with the my current bf, former ex. I turn my attention towards personal goals and hobbies. After awhile we became friends again. To be honest, I was almost content to be his friend, if that was all he could give me, when we met up once day and started to kiss...

[faithful14]

Does anyone else have anymore stories to share?

 

Today has not been a good day at all.

[tillyy]

Thought I would post a few more since I have recently gotten back with my ex again (will post a thread later) and I have quite a few more I've heard of in the last few months to share. It really does happen more often than people seem to think....

 

I know of a couple who were together for about 2 years, they were engaged but she ended it because she just wasn't happy anymore. They stopped going out and seeing friends and were basically stuck together and she didn't like it. He was pretty distraught by it all but they were broken up for about a year whilst still remaining in contact as close friends. Neither saw anyone else and eventually after a year, they worked out their problems and got back together.

 

Second couple, they were together for a few years but she already had a kid from another relationship. I'm not sure what went wrong but they both ended up going their separate ways and saw other people. A few years later, they have now been back together for some time and are now moving in with each other.

 

My sister and her boyfriend broke up about 5 years ago. They both saw other people in the meantime but have recently gotten back together.

 

My parents split up a couple of times before getting back together again. I don't know why I didn't think of this one before, it's amazing how many couples have broken up and gotten back together and remained together happily married when you think about it, there are so many around you.

 

Another couple I know were married for over 20 years but the relationship had become stale & they almost divorced. She decided she wanted him out and asked him to leave and he did so but after about a year, they sorted out their differences and got back together and renewed their vowels.

 

The next couple were only married for about a year but it always seemed like he would belittle her and she would just take it. One day she snapped and told him that she wouldn't stand for it anymore and they broke up. They both moved to different states but neither was happy. They discussed things and worked on their marriage and are still together now after 6 months of being apart.

[markyspark]

Hey Tillyy

 

Fantastic news on you and your ex seriously give me and many others here some hope

 

The other stories are pretty fantastic too..I've heard of a number of people splitting and getting back together again numerous times..it seems to be, that this sort of activity can lead to a happy life together...I'm not saying no-one can find their true love, stay together, and never split, then go and get married etc..

 

I think (and this is just MHO) that in some cases, where things go stale, or there are other issues, splitting up is probably the best thing to do - obviously if theres been cases of abuse, or cheating, then there is no hope of reconcilliation - I think the split just makes people realise what they had, and what they lost...I dumped my ex (long long story) - I think that over time, there may be a chance we can reconcile - Maybe the time apart will give us a fresh outlook on things - we had some minor splits (1-2 weeks) before the biggie - If we can work out the issues on both sides then maybe theres a chance...

 

Cheers (and well done!) again

[faithful14]

ohhh congrats Tilly!!! Definitely post your story up!

[newwave]

I mean that I believe if two people truly are right for each other, then a reconciliation will happen.

 

I know some might argue that if you're both right for each other, that you wouldn't split in the first place, but I don't believe love is as simple as that. I know a lot of couples that have got back together after years and seem pretty right for each other.

 

Sometimes time or circumstances just aren't right. And sometimes people need to go off and grow to eventually come back. I don't think a break-up necessarily has to mean you aren't right for each other. It's like the quote in your signature about setting something free...

 

I don't think people should be waiting for reconciliations though. As I said before, if it is right, it will happen. I personally think reconciliations are better years down the line...

 

100% agree. I've known people who were together in their younger days, they split, then got back together. Sometimes the person is 'the one" just not at that point. For instance if they are dealing with issues sometimes it's best to back off. I also think it has to do with why they split.

[tillyy]

Thanks to both of you Just posted it and I totally agree markyspark and I hope things work out for you!

[markyspark]

Thanks to both of you Just posted it and I totally agree markyspark and I hope things work out for you!

 

Thanks Tillyy...just read your story..fantastic stuff

[cmo]

Well you all may like this.

 

i posted on this forum on pg 27 sometime after my breakup sharing all the stories of friends that i knew that had gotten an ex back well guess what has just started happening to me over the last month. my ex came back in my life and has really been trying to repair what has happened. i wont go to much further into detail right now cause i dont know whats going to happen as of right now but believe me i thought that this was not gonna happen 10 months after the breakup. i just took care of myself on got back to who i needed to be and i guess it showed and a lot of people took notice.

[pillowtalk]

Well you all may like this.

 

i posted on this forum on pg 27 sometime after my breakup sharing all the stories of friends that i knew that had gotten an ex back well guess what has just started happening to me over the last month. my ex came back in my life and has really been trying to repair what has happened. i wont go to much further into detail right now cause i dont know whats going to happen as of right now but believe me i thought that this was not gonna happen 10 months after the breakup. i just took care of myself on got back to who i needed to be and i guess it showed and a lot of people took notice.

 

Good for you. It sounds like you moved on and this just happened. Did you stay in contact with her?

[PaintWithLight]

Reconciliations can and do happen. Those that urge people to move forward are not being negative, they are just offering the idea that the solution might be another person and another circumstance.

 

If a couple breaks up and one of them longs for a reconciliation that never happens, yet both one day move onto new and happy relationships... how is that a bad ending? What is helpful on this board is having a forum which allows one to vent and receive encouragement. Often times, the person who is dumped clings to the wreckage of the relationship for far too long. They stay in contact, pursue the other person, continue to call them and try to get back with them. They are the absolute last person to finally "get it". Once that hurdle is over, they can heal, apply the lessons learned and move on to a happier match.

 

Relationships can be for a reason or a season. People outgrow their relationships or one party betrays the other. The easy thing to do is to stay frozen and longing for the past. I think that is why so many cautionary postings have been placed on this "happy" thread. It can happen, sure. But sometimes, the absolutely right thing to do is move on. Life has one direction - forward.

 

Most people have the most difficult time facing the hard truth and making the move in a NEW direction. Reconciliation is a dream that is clung to for far too long in many cases. It often times is not a good idea and delays the healing that is long overdue.

[newwave]

I keep reading this thread and hoping this happens with the guy I really and truly want to be with. It wasn't a painful breakup at all, he just disappeared to deal with his issues, not to mention I'm dealing with my issues. If he doesn't come back could I move on? Yes but things will be different. The idea of having sex with a man not him or having kids with a man not him repulses me, even though we never had sex. I'll see photos of elderly people and imagine it's us as we age. Only time will tell if I end up with him.

 

I will say this though, in my personal experience almost every couple that I've known has reconciled. Some ended up getting married and happy, while others did breakup eventually. I suppose it has to do with why the couple broke up to begin with. Almost every guy I dated, guys I dumped and ones who dumped me all wanted me back. I briefly took back two of them (one was a very amicable breakup) but the reasons we split up ended up being too great. For instance one guy and I broke up simply because he wanted to marry and me to convert to his religion, which I refused to do. We got back together a year later because we still liked each other but this was too big a problem. The other guy told me he changed his life (he was an alcoholic) but realized he didn't so I dumped him again. However, my parents and my brother and sister in law broke up while dating and they are all married.

[semaj281]

So I ask the ones who has experienced reconciliation, or has reconciliation stories to tell:

 

From my experience, when the dumper mentions anything about "being friends" it tends to lead to "acting like you never met."

What are some things that are said for the relationships that become reunited, or does the "be friends" line get used for these cases as well?