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Destiny2112

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Everything posted by Destiny2112

  1. Unfortunately, can't answer your question, as I have never been the dumper. But I think, gluestick is right. For us, it may seem like a break up out of the blue, but mostly the dumpers have thought about breaking up with us for quite a while already. It also depends a lot on the people involved and their character, the situation, the circumstances, etc. For example, if a third person is involved, then it's probably even easier for the dumpers to move on and keep themselves busy and distracted. I'm not saying it's a healthy behaviour, but I guess a couple of dumpers act that way. Simply to avoid dealing with their feelings and starting to second guess their decision. They prefer having a good time with someone new, exciting (honeymoon phase) instead of having to deal with the old relationship, that didn't meet their needs anymore... But then again, as you say, we can't read their minds... maybe they are truly happier now it's really that easy for them to move on, maybe they are just acting...
  2. I have a story too... I heard about it on TV recently. The 2 singers of the German Hip Hop Band Freundeskreis met in 1999, got married soon after that. Had 2 children in 2001 and 2003. For whatever reason, they seperated and got divorced in 2007. And now, beginning of 2011 they are officially back together!!
  3. Today I heard rumours on the radio, that Rihanna got back together with her ex from 2006 Negus Sealy (Her first love, with whom she was together before she became famous). link removed
  4. Ah, I saved this one on my computer, too. Don't remember, who posted it either: "Life is a series of changes. That's all it is. Resistance to change causes pain. Stop resisting. Once you truly understand and embrace this truth, you not only start to look forward to more changes, you realize even those which feel as if they may be the end of you are for your ultimate happiness. Usually we only see this in hindsight. One day you are going to thank him for this. I promise." A fellow Buddhist
  5. I found this quote here on ENA and saved it on my computer. Unfortunately I don't remember who posted it...anyway, I really like it: You really need to just let go, it may be forever, but more than likely it will not be forever because if you truly believe you had a special connection you can't stay away forever. You will more than likely reconnect in some capacity down the line whether it be a hello, friends or try dating again. For now take comfort in that you did make an effort to work things out. You did make an effort to talk. You did make an effort to let her know how you felt and what you wanted. She didn't want that and now you just have to accept it until one of you change and meet on common ground - if that ever happens. You've done all that you can do, now it's time to leave it in god's hands.
  6. Haha, I always have to laugh when I think of this quote, I found it in one of 22n32 posts...: >>I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate... ...Haha
  7. Well this is not a "and they lived happily ever after" reconciliation- story, but I would still like to post it. My friend M had a boyfriend called S. They were together for 3 years until S suddenly, out of the blue, broke up with M and completely disappeared from her life until this very day. As M found out later, S went back to his ex and they were together for 2 more years until it ended again (I don't know the reasons). S and his ex were in NC during the entire time of his relationship with M. Only at the end of S's relationship with M, he had run into his ex and probably old feelings started to show up again. Well, M was really devastated and heartbroken, but that break up turned out to be a blessing for her eventually, since she has now found the love of her life, F, and is getting married to him on 1 st July. She met him a few months after S had left her. That was 5 years ago now. So reconciliations do happen! And even if that is not always the case, sometimes that's for the best, in order for you to meet the true love of your life. Either way, everything will be fine eventually!!
  8. I am the dumpee and my ex left me for someone else last summer. As posted in another thread, I reached out to my ex for the first time about two months after the break up, hoping he may have changed his mind. Well, he didn't. He replied to my email, but kind of forced me to go NC. He let me know, he was happy with his new girfriend and that she has a problem with him being in touch with me and that he understands her, too. He wished my a nicer future and good luck for my exams (end of this year). Well, I got that message. I haven't heard from him since, nor have I initiated contact again. I still think of him, miss him and have feelings for him, but I know, I have no other choice than sticking to NC, since he is with someone else and I don't want to intefere in their relationship and no matter how much I wished, things were different, I have to accept and respect his choice. There is nothing I can do to change the situation. And I know I can't make him change his mind, nor do I want it, I know, it has to come from within him and not because I convinced him he made a mistake or because he feels guilty or anything like that. Maybe he truly made the right choice and she truly is "the one" for him. Only he will know it one day... it's not in my hands anymore.... I must admit though, that I don't regret having broken NC back then, since it was the final push I needed for me to see it's truly over with us and to focus on my healing and try my best to move on, to see, OK, I have tried everything possible I could, he knows, how I feel about him, but still he sticks to his choice, since it obviously seems to have been the right thing for him to do. Maybe once, in a few years or sth, when I'm fully healed and don't care about him at all anymore, when I don't care whether he replies or what his answer will be, I'll contact him again, I don't know yet. To be honest, I can't imagine ever being friends with him, though. But for now and the nearer future, I don't see any sense in reaching out and initating contact with him once more... what would it change? He has obviously moved on and is happy with someone else and she has a problem with him talking to his ex, which I can understand, too... So I better stay away, disappear, too and let things work out the way they should... who knows what the future holds for me?! And if he ever changed his mind, he knows where he can find me... I think, I have done my part...
  9. Yes, it definetely is a matter of respecting and accepting their decision and give them all the time and space they need and it's a way of "loving" them from afar. If we were in their shoes and in a new relationship, we wouldn't want our ex's to "bother" us all the time either... time will tell, what is going to happen. Probably, once we are fully healed, we wouldn't even take them back or at least wouldn't care anymore if they returned or not....
  10. I guess, if the dumper is in a new relationship, it's better to wait for them to iniciate contact. I wouldn't want to interfere in their relationship... so I would rather wait for them to contact me and then decide if/ how to react to their attempt...
  11. I agree with this! I also believe, that sometimes dumpers say certain things also for their own's sake. I mean, for most dumpers it's not easy either and it does hurt them, too, to leave someone they once loved and to know they are breaking someone elses heart. So saying things like "it's over for good" "I have moved on, etc." may be just a way to convince themselves they made the right choice and maybe they truly belived what they said at that very moment... but how often have I said or done things and really meant it, but over time changed my opinion and view on things... especially when strong emotions are involved it's easy to say things you may regret later.... I also believe, anything is possible...
  12. Yes, these words hurt me badly! On that very last phone call, he also said that I shall never call or write him again I found out later, while he was telling me this, his new gf was standing right beside him... at least that explains, why his voice was extremely cold and distant. I have never ever heard him talking to me with this cold voice, actually, I have never heard him talking like that to anybody else before... what shocked me most wasn't actually what he said, but how he said things... that was the last time I heard his voice, my last memory of his voice... luckily that memory is slowly fading...
  13. A very very nice post! I love reading in!!! Thanks so much for sharing this!
  14. I'm soooooo sorry you are going through this and I know, how much it hurts, believe me!!! My ex of 3,5 years broke up with me August last year. For me, it happened kind of out of the blue, since we didn't have any major problems apart from the distance (we were LD) and I felt very happy with him and considered him to be the "one" for me, I truly loved him wth all my heart and I have never felt like this for anyone else before and I thought, he felt the same for me... we talked about our future together and he seemed really serious about everything... well, until middle of July when he suddenly asked for a break, he was about to move to an Arab country for a job and there it's only allowed to legally live together when you are married... he told me that he felt strange for a while already and that he needed time to figure out what he truly wants from his life, that he wants to meet other people, that he started having doubts about us and that he isn't sure whether it's too early for us to get married (I told him, after finishing my studies end of this year, I would move to him, to finally be together) , blah, blah, blah...two weeks later, beginning of August, he left me for someone else... about 4 months later, in November, I found out that he already got engaged to the other girl and will get married to her this year spring or early summer... I can't tell you, how much these news hurt me... it was almost like when he told me it's over... I felt a huge panic again and couldn't stop crying... I couldn't understand, how on earth he could move on sooo extremely quickly... I mean, Ok, falling in love with someone else and starting a new relationship straight away, Ok, that can happen, but getting engaged within 4 months and getting married within less than one year, considering, they are in a LDR, too now.... I couldn't and still can't understand what happened to the person who told he loved me until the very end... all lies? Was he cheating on me for months already???... I have no idea... We don't know if their marriage will work out for them, it may, it may not... I for one wouldn't marry anybody that I know, let's say less than 2 years, I mean after a few months together, still being in the honeymoon stage, do you really know the other person well enough for taking such a major step?? Can you think straight enough to make big decisions like that?? I have my doubts that rushed marriages like that will last forever, but it happens... Anyways, our ex's are grown ups, they are old enough to know, what is best for them... maybe they found the loves of their lives?? Who knows? But I guess, we won't find it out anyways... when I got that news, I had enough, I blocked my ex everywhere, facebook, emails, msn...that was the only way for me to start feeling better... those news about the marriage were a huge setback though... but with NC it's finally starting to be easier for me... I still don't get what got into my ex...but I'm tired of trying to understand him... Stay strong, you are not alone... I'm going through the same s*it
  15. What do you mean by this, for example? But I agree, I guess in most cases, dumpers have made up their minds long before they break up with us...that is why it seems so easy for them and they appear cold and distand as if they don't care anymore... they just feel relieved that it's finally out... that's why they don't have the same difficulties in moving on and leaving the past behind as the dumpees have... and what makes everything even easier for them is, when they already have someone new waiting in line... this is what my ex told me, when he broke up with me. I told him, I wished everything would be as easy for me, as it is for you and his answer was...having someone new makes it easier... great!
  16. I feel the same about my ex sometimes...feeling as if he is happy to finally have got rid of me ... but we don't know what truly goes on in their minds and what their intentions are and I guess, we'll never find that out. Well, my ex is busy with persuing his new relationship and building up a new life with her, of course, there is no time left thinking about an ex... being replaced so easily is tough and sometimes still brings me down and makes me sad, but probably it's for the best like this. I hope that in time, he will only be a distant memory for me and that one day the memories and thoughts of him don't hurt at all anymore... I'm looking forward to that day! I wished, everything would be as easy for me, as it seems to be for my ex... I wished, I hadn't loved him soooo much....
  17. This is exacty how I feel about my ex... it's sad, how much can get destroyed by the way our ex's handle things when they break up with us! I never expected my ex to be capable of behaving like that towards me one day...guess, I never really knew his true character either....
  18. Absolutely! I mean if it was a healthy and good relationship with no abuse, cheating or other major issues, I don't really get, why ex's decided to completely ignore us ("forever")! As if we did something bad to them and therefore don't deserve any more contact from their side... but probably it's the easiest way for them to handle things, they don't have to justify themselves, they don't have to explain anything, they just move on and continue their lives as if nothing had happened... maybe they don't even know what they should tell us... well, in my case, just a simple apology for having treated me the way he did, would be highly appreaciated ... but I guess, this won't happen anyways... I guess, my ex doesn't even see anything wrong in the way he ended things with me... that's sad
  19. Yes, this is what I find very sad, too I mean for several years, you shared something very special with the other person, you were the most important persons in each others lives and suddenly they completely disappear as if they were never even part of your life! I mean, only because our ex's don't love us anymore the way they once did, does it stop them from still appreciating us as a person they once cared for?! Well, who knows their reasons, maybe it's guilt for having hurt us, maybe fear, maybe cowardice, maybe the respect of our wish for healing, maybe it's their new relationship or maybe it's the simple fact that they have moved on with their lives and don't look back at all anymore and leave the past completely behind...
  20. Yes, exactly...it probably would feel really weird. In a way, you knew this person inside out, but on the other hand, after so much time apart and after all that had happened, you don't know them at all anymore... it's good that I don't have a chance to accidently run into him...I wouldn't even know what to say and I guess, he wouldn't know either... it would be a really odd situation...
  21. Of course, no one can predict what the future holds. By "never" I meant, from the breakup (which may be several months or even several years ago) until this day... But you are right, each and every case is different and not really comparable... This question just came to my mind, since I have read several posts here on ENA, about people, who's ex's (dumpers) reached out to them again one day and I got curious in how many cases dumpess haven't heard from their dumpers again... ... it just feels weird still that once you shared so much with the other person and then suddenly there is nothing at all that connects you anymore, as if you have never met them, never known them at all.... probably it's for the best like this, I don't know...
  22. ....I'm just wondering... I highly doubt, I'll ever hear from my ex again... Now, 7 months after the break up, I feel, the bond that connected us in the past, is totally destroyed, when I think of him now, he feels like a complete stranger to me, like a totally different person... The person I used to love is long gone and the person he seems to be now, well, that is not a person I want to stay in touch with in any form... Just curious to hear your experiences and opinions on this... For the dumpers, what were your reasons for contacting/ not contacting the dumpees again?
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