spatzcolumbo Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Well i don't know for sure what we might end up doing. She has said she'd like to meet up (to 'thank me properly for the presents'). I figured we'd probably just go to a pub for a drink - there is a quiet place we normally go - where we had our first date. Either that or meet up for lunch somewhere maybe. I don't think a full on meal is a good idea - it is too pushy, too 'couply'. i think a casual drink is just right - the wine is good because its a 'sharing' thing. Sounds stupid i know, but it kinda says more to me than just 2 people sitting having a pint. Its what i said earlier - if a gf said to me she was going for a pint with her ex, i would not feel as threatened as if she said 'i'm going out for a bottle of wine with my ex'. Sounds stupid as hell doesnt it, but somehow it means different things. I have no idea how i would react if i found out she just wants to be friends - that is something i asked about a while ago, and Beec said the game does not change - its still about trying to change that point of view through positive actions. However, if she did say that and made it clear there was no chance, then i don't think i'd be able to handle 'just friends'. All very tricky. I have to think carefully about what i say to her - there is a lot to talk about, but i must be careful not to mention anything about 'us'. If she asks me how i've been tho i intend on telling her i am doing well, and that i am happier personally now than i was before. But i think i will try to do this in a subtle way. If she asks if i am seeing anyone, i will tell her truthfully, No. I presume this then 'allows' me to ask her the same question (that is presumably one of the reasons to ask the question in the first place). Either way (whatever answer) this could be an awkward moment. If she says yes, then i will have to mask my sadness, if she says no, i will have to mask my smile and stay cool. Hopefully i will be able to read her body language a bit before hand, to guage the mood. I hope there will be the spark there...last time we saw each other we got on great - laughing, joking, having a great time, etc. To be honest though, there is no way i can know what to expect at all. I just hope it turns out the way i want it to. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 15, 2004 Author Share Posted March 15, 2004 You have a sound plan of action, Spatz. It all sounds perfect. Now just stick to it. Keep in your mind that she might say something YOU DO NOT LIKE!!! Practise those nonchalant looks until they come off as genuine. I think that you are going to be fine. More than fine. Bet she is feeling as nervous as you. Keep that thought, hell, she is probably feeling more nervous than you! Today has been a terribly dull day in terms of the amount of whining that I have done. Have gotten up off the floor, am dusting myself down, as I type, and preparing to put those boxing gloves on now for the next round. Am not yet convinced what the next round needs to be yet - but know that he needs to see a different side to my persona - need to engineer my efforts towards a nice little dinner, chit-chat about work and families, and his inner turmoils. Need to be a greater emotional bridge for him. So I am studying up feverishly on my 'tell me more' counselling look (practising in the mirror, Spatz), and boy oh boy, by the time we are done, he will want to pay me for the session (errr ... the counselling session, I mean!!!). G xx P.S. Thanks, Beec, Majord, Spatz for not telling my how incredibly dull I have been for the last couple of days. The thought might have been there, but you guys are great, none of you articulated it!! P.P.S. I believe that he will make contact, and this time, I WILL BE READY with my invisible suit of armour. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hey Geecee, how you feeling today?? Still finding it hard?? My 'high' from receiving those messages the other day has completely gone now and i am back to thinking 'she would have contacted me more if there was anything in it'...DOH!! I gotta learn to be a bit more positive. Was thinking of phoning / texting her later...but i'll give it some more thought before i do!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Spatz - take a look at Radio_head's thread - the Dumper wants the Dumpee back - it will make you smile, when you are not thinking about what a cool cucumber Radio_Head is!!! How are you feeling today? I think I have gone through my hideous melt-down phase - yesterday. Feeling much more like my old fighting self! Day 6 of No-Contact. I am slowly starting to see the merits of no-contact - it does protect you. Have found that I am not waiting for a text, email or phonecall. The NC gives you a slightly different psychological framework. Am also thinking that he it is possible that he will not make contact, and am glad that I have not initiated it, only for him to react to it. Anyway - another day beckons! Talk later. G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 See previous post - i'm feeling a bit flat again!! Doh. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ok Spatz you are feeling flat today - I am sorry, really sorry - but this was to be expected - it's the damn vicious circle. You knew it was coming, doesn't make it any easier, but how are we gonna deal with it. I would suggest (and I am the first to stick to my own advice!!), that you try and wait till lunch-time - see how you are feeling then. Consider what you are going to say and whether saying it will make you feel better. Then you need to think about what you wnat from her, having sent it. Do you expect an immediate response, and if you don't get it, are you going to be in turmoil waiting for it? (Obviously yes). So is that going to actually set you on a downward spiral. Remember all the fantastic work that you have done? Personally, I think that you are in a position where you could initiate contact, because she has been the one to make the contact the last three times. I think at this stage, with you heading over there next week, you should be staring text conversations and building up the contact slowly. But only if that contact is initiated by both of you. Have a really good think about it, and we will talk again about it later. Me - am feeling better today. Am over my demented stage - thank goodness. Am thinking about a plan of action. As I said, it is only Day 6, and I shall certainly not make any contact today or tomorrow. But may consider it for Thursday p.m, although that would break my deal with Majord. Have no idea what to say yet tho - but it will be light and friendly - something that he actually does not respond to - and will them decide on the next move dependent on his response. Yikes!!! Does that make sense? On second thoughts - I am going to try and hold out - stick with Majord's advice, and hold on till Sunday. But not calling them does not make them miss us - and isn't a non-intrusive message, text, email a subliminal message anyway? Does it not plant a thought about us in their heads? I think that Beec would say 'Damn right!! But it's the wrong message - you are telling them you are waiting around, thinking of them!!' Oh dear. No easy decisions. Don't do anything Spatz, until you have had approval from the rest of us - hide the phone away. NOW!!!! G xx P.S. Spatz - do you think that Beec has a really gruff, husky voice? I was just visualising (in an auditory way) him telling us off!!! P.P.S. DO NOT SEND ANYTHING YET!!!!! We have not spent nearly enough time analysing the pros and cons! Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 ok...i think the problem here is that i was obviously really pleased with the last few messages - because as Beec, Majord said, they were OBVIOUSLY good messages - and obviously a big step up from my no contact game. Now that they are a few days old, i am coming back down to earth!! I feel like i am now in the position where some contact is not a bad thing. As Beec suggested, i need to slowly but surely increase contact. He also suggested that some of this increased contact should come from her. Now in my mind, mission accomplished - she has certainly done some stepping up of contact. The question is of course whether i leave her to increase contact on her own again, or whether i take my own small steps too. I want her to do most of the running, but not all the running. There should be some light contact from me. I could message her with something light and friendly today, and guage any reply i might get. Or i could leave it and call her tomorrow. However, i feel that if i called her it might seem a little strange / awkward. I have no particular reason to speak to her, as i feel that we would do better to leave the 'so how has the last 3 months at uni been' conversation until we meet up as it will give us a lot to talk about. I could always ask her how her birthday was i suppose!! But then i could also do that with a message?! Of course, the other option is to let her chase some more - and wait and see if she contacts me again in the near future. Or if she contacts me when she comes home in a few days / a week. This would be the most satisfying, although a little light contact before this may also be useful. Confused?? Yes!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 I full-heartedly agree Spatz - you are definitely confused. Let's assess the situation, shall we: She has initiated contact. You have responded to this contact. She has initiated contact. You have responded to this contact. She has initiated contact. You have responded to this contact. Now from her perspective, you have done nothing but react to her. That is not how you want it to be, and I wonder whether that is how she wants it to be. You left the door ajar, she has had a peek. She liked what she saw enough to come back for more. In terms of what she wants - I have no idea. However, I think it is now time for you to show some willing and a friendly non-committal text from you could be a good thing. In my own situation (and obviously it was slightly different inasmuch as he dumped me. After I had initiated the texts I got fed up and stopped. He then initiated them. But I would not continue to initiate texts to someone who didn't do the same. Take the plunge - think about what you are going to say. Talk later. G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I'm still no further decided on whether to message or call, or what to sat if i do...i think i will wait to see if Majord or Beec have any thoughts, and by then hopefully i will have come up with something!!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Spatz - now you are just hurting my feelings. You are telling me that you will not take my advice without the approval of Beec or Majord. Anyone would think that I make rash decisions, steem in without looking at the bigger picture, sacrifice long term gains for short-term desires.....!! Ahem ... you are very wise, my man! G xx P.S. Don't worry so much - you are torturing yourself - need to be ready for action in a couple of weeks. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 its not that i don't trust your opinions...its just i REALLY can't think of anything to say which won't just sound like i am messaging for the sake of it...i know that what she did the other day, but i want my messages to have a point...i think!?! but believe me, i'm thinking hard of what i can say!!! Just to keep the contact chugging along nicely...thats all i want to do. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Spatz, I am all for a little contact initiated by you. She has initiated a few times, she has stepped it up, show her she did so safely. Give her some in return. And I bet she has noticed that the last three times she has initiated contact. Am I right about that G? Has she noticed? I would create a simple friendly contact and tell her about something you wanted to do when you get home. But my idea of where I wanted to go would be to be telling her about some place you thought she would want to go. This was you create a round about way of asking if she would like to go somewhere. Then I would see if she was interested in going and if she is interested, work it out to go together. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Beec, call or text?? I'm leaning more towards text at the moment...i know it seems the cowardly thing to do, but i guess i wanna put off the awkwardness for as long as possible!! i'm giving myself half an hour and then i will do it. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Beec's back!!! And he is right, of course. (Beec - bet that Spatz will listen to you and not me - huh?!?!?!) Of course she knows that the recent contact between the two of you has been initiated by her. And that might have caused her to start wondering ... a good thing - definitely a good thing. However, I disagree with Beec about laying a little yellow-brick road and leading her down it in terms of getting her to commit to doing something with you when you are in town. I personally think that it is too early to do that now. (Just my opinion). I think that an update as to what you are doing and maybe a suggestion about meeting up when you are in town would suffice for now. G xx P.S. Guess you will need to wait and see what Majord has to say, before you take this as good advice!!!! Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 ok guys, i've gone somewhere in between: "hey how was your night out?? Did you see the Saints game on Sunday? Got Pompey on Sky this Sunday too you back?? x" What you think?? Its somewhere in between - i know she'd love to watch it, but i'm not asking her directly. She knows i'll watch it somewhere!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ok Spatz - synchronising our watches - 3.05 GMT - I am sooooo excited for you!! Could I jump in here please - I know that you asked the question of Beec - but I would go with a text because you are nervous of calling. And imagine - if she is busy and cannot take the call, you will be filled with angst. Whereas with a text, she can respond when she is free. But do not sit and watch the clock after sending it - sometimes we cannot respond immediately after receiving. She might be tied up with something and need to get back to you later. I shall stay glued for further updates. G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Geecee...seems we posted at exactly the same time - check back on page and see the message i came up with... Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ok Spatz - gotta be honest here - I am worried about you. WHAT THE HELL IS POMPEY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? G xx Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 And is it legal??? G xx Link to comment
Beec Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 G, I don't see the difference. I would envision the conversation going like this: Spatz- I was thinking about going to the ______ when I get home. It's been such a long time since I've been there. Target - Wow, I have not been there in ages. When are you going? S - I don't know, just thought about it and realized I wanted to see it. What I am saying is to create the suggestion of Spatz wantign to go somewhere, even though he may or may not want to go there, but picking the place because he knows she would like to go there. It gives her an excuse to suggest that they go together. If she says it flat out, then he can firm up the plans. If not, remain aloof. He wants to go somewhere, he is not saying he wants to see her. He also makes it some place she wants to go. I would not flat out suggest that he ask her to go, but it is a safe way to suggest they get together, without suggesting that at all. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Pompey is Portsmouth....Football club...football match on TV this week...we both love football. Link to comment
Out to sea Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Jes Spatz, I feel for you man, having all the relationshjip problems bad enough, but being a Portsmouth fan too, god too depressing, how do you cope, I really admire ya. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ok - thanks for the clarification - that would be perfect, absolutely perfect. Go for it!!! Spatz- I was thinking about going to the ______ when I get home. It's been such a long time since I've been there. Target - Wow, I have not been there in ages. When are you going? S - I don't know, just thought about it and realized I wanted to see it. Ever thought of directing, Beec, that could be a scene from a play!!! I am sorry, I misunderstood your train of thought - in total agreement - your yellow-brick road is the same as mine. G xx P.S. Good luck Spatz - you will be fine - how can a girl resist football?!?! Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 NOT a pompey fan....NO WAY....you offend me saying that...i am a SAINTS fan....DOWN WITH THE SC*M POMPEY. Hahaha Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Laughing so hard I could cry!!! Francis said Jes Spatz, I feel for you man, having all the relationshjip problems bad enough, but being a Portsmouth fan too, god too depressing, how do you cope, I really admire ya. We all thought it Francis, but unlike you, didn't want to kick the guy when he was down. G xx Link to comment
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