BREAKING ALL THE RULES

[GeeCee]

I laughed when I read Beec's post. Oh I can do slightly angry at the moment!!!! Not sure if I will tho.

 

Still have not decided on the correct way to go yet.

 

Shall keep you posted, as always.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Hi Guys

 

So I took Beec's advice - I simply adore that man!!!! And I called the ex (really, texting is so cowardly).

 

Hi M I said, how are you. Hi, he said, I was going to call you this afternoon, but remembered that you would be in work, so did not. How have you been? He asked me about my weekend, where did I go, what did I do. I did not ask him. Told him that I had been out Saturday and Sunday (true). Told him that I had been in his neck of the woods this week at a Conference, but had been too busy to call (conference is true, location is not).

 

He said that he had been rushed off his feet all week, and had been out of town, and only got back this week.

 

We then talked about families, and he told me about some financial stuff he is doing in relation to his ex and his children.

 

Then I told him that the stuff that he wanted should be in, and he was really pleased that I had managed to do it.

 

Then i said, wow I must run. And he said, well great to talk and I will give you a call over the weekend ... or something!

 

Ok, my own feeling is that this is fine - in fact it is good. Really, the no contact thing might work for some people, but not me. Much better when you have some contact. But, I will accept that me not calling, texting, emailing for this week might have been a good thing.

 

So ... of course, the bugger has made my heart sing, and my head spin. The conversation was fine and very easy going. That is all good.

 

Now I go back to No Contact - not in the strict sense, but in the sense that I should now wait for him to make a move.

 

Feedback and analysis to the nth degree would be more than welcome - in fact it is mandatory!!!!

 

G xx

 

P.S. There was a lot of laughing

[kathyk]

i am going to try to call for his bd friday. i will make it very brief. i want my man back. gotta try or will go completely crzy. already have.

i think yo are doing right. no contact. i have done it for 8 weeks tomorrow. wow. i should be proud of myself. 8 weeks. god knows i miss him. will learn more as i read what everyone else is doing. don't know how to play but i will learn. its so hard but yet it should be easy after it gets started. will not give up. i love him. and i want him.

 

at least you have communication with him. and i think it is good that you told him you were in the area and didn't run to see him. what a plus.

 

hang in there. you can do it. we all can.

 

thanks for being there again for me.

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey Geecee,

 

sorry i wasnt online earlier to give any thoughts before you called!! I've had a busy night!!

 

Sounds like you have done well though...sounds like the conversation was good in that you managed to remain aloof and vague, but at the same time letting him know you are getting on with your life really well.

 

He also said he was gonna give you a call, which is presumably a good thing!!

 

I await to see what Beec has to say.

 

Kathyk, just seen you have posted something.

 

I'm not totally up on your story i have to admit, but i think that calling on his Birthday might be a nice thing, IF you can handle it. I tried calling my ex on her birthday, but no answer so i left a message. however, the present and card i sent were well received, and i'm hopefully gonna be in the position where we go out for a drink together in the next few weeks, and then i have to follow up my gameplan from there.

 

So by all means, if you can handle it then call him and wish him a happy birthday.

 

Good luck.

 

How you feeling Geecee?? Still upbeat??

[GeeCee]

And KathyK you can do it - I can see the strength growing daily in your posts.

 

Feel proud of yourself - you've come a long way baby!

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Come on Spatz - I see you online - give me some feedback.

 

G xx

[spatzcolumbo]

Check back a page....some feedback is there

[GeeCee]

Spatz - first of all are you on instant messenger - if yes, let's exchange emails thru private messenger and we can talk in realtime because i see that you are currently online.

 

Yes, am feeling upbeat. Of course I am, just spoke to M and he is gloriously delicious. Am glad with the way that things went tonight. The problem is that when we talk and indeed when we met, it is the same as it always was. We have never had any massive arguments and the make-up was relatively uncomplicated. I saved my hysteria for the privacy of my own home, although he did hear me cry ont he phone once. So there has never been any pleading or begging.

 

As far as he is concerned, he knows that I love him, but he has always seen me in control. So... as I said when we talk it is like it always was on the phone - very light and yummy - except that, of course, we don't arrange to meet!!! Working on that one...

 

Have learned my lesson, am taking this one really slow. Really, really slow.

 

G xx

 

P.S. Spatz - how are you feeling today.

[GeeCee]

Beec, Spatz, Majord

 

I am going to need you guys to hold my hand real tight this time - and keep me on a very tight rein please!!!

 

I am going to bed - with a smile on my face - goodness, it doesn't take much to get me excited these days!!!!!

 

G xx

 

P.S. Sweet dreams

 

P.S. On the eighth day of no contact

My true love said to me

Where have you been

What did you do

Call you soon

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

 

BRING IT ON!!!! I am ready with a new game-plan. Really ... I was born to win this one!!!!!

[GeeCee]

I am sure this is sickening to you lot - but I like myself sooooo much more when I am not moaning and whining.

 

Goodbye Miss Haversham - Hello Siren G.

 

G xx

 

P.S. I really am going for a lie down now!

[Beec]

G, you know the call was fine.

 

But you also know you need to change your game. Something has not gotten through your guy's resistance, you need to probe a new area, find a new weapon, start using missles and paratroopers instead of luring him into an attack to be squashed in an ambush.

 

While you do it, act like you have no desire to attack. The suddenly appear to have surrounded his vital forces and behind his lines.

 

Keep talking like this and I will be recommending that people start reading Sun Tzu, Miyomoto Musahsi (sp?) and Von Clausewitz to solve their relationship problems. hhhhmmm, Sun Tzu might not be an entirely bad idea, especially his stuff about spies.

[GeeCee]

Beec - I will go to sleep with many thoughts racing through my mind, but I don't know that Sun Tzu will be up on my list!

 

However, you are quite right, I will have to, simply have to change my line of attack. Have already started that in a subtle way - I have lasted until Day 8 of no contact - a month ago I would not have taken that line of attack. I have not suggested we meet - in the past I would have done. Have been vague on the phone - need to work on the aloof bit. And definitely need a suit of armour for when we might be in the same room again. Need to adopt a line of attack that he would never predict.

 

Beec - I am so glad that you are MY expert. And Spatz, I am so glad that you are MY Junior Partner in Crime.

 

G xx

 

P.S. Isn't KathyK doing great!!!

 

P.S. Sometimes, considering the situations we are in, I have a lot of fun on this site - thanks guys.

[kathyk]

thanks GeeCee

if it wasn't for you guys i sure wouldn't be doing good. check out my last post. i really need help. is it ok to post here with you all? i would feel secure knowing i have partners in crime to help me also? we would have the king-Beech and the three muskateers. lol can you see us swinging around our exs with swords lol

thanks again

i will survive this and i will get him back. cause i want him and i know he wants me. i just know. don't know why either. don't care either. will let you know how my date goes friday night. gotta go so i will not sit at home on his bd and cry. gotta be happy no matter what. just keep getting back up.

[Beec]

 

i will survive this and i will get him back. cause i want him and i know he wants me. i just know. don't know why either. don't care either. will let you know how my date goes friday night. gotta go so i will not sit at home on his bd and cry. gotta be happy no matter what. just keep getting back up.

 

 

What I quote, Yes, that is what you need to have in terms of attitude.

 

OK, I'm no king. I just believe that armed with a handful of knowledge, a decent ability to read someone, a little determination and a bunch of confidence, almost anyone can get someone to fall for them. OK, I realize an elderly woman or a teenage girl is going to be scared of by a guy like me, as I am over 30 and under 45. I would hit a roadblock with an avowed lesbian or happily married and determined to be faithful too. But the ones who find you worth considering for half a minute as to physical attractiveness, are single, and you generally are someone they would consider, then you can get them. Exes almost always fit this description.

 

Seduction is not an easy thing to do. It is a long hard road to follow, and trying it may drive you insane at times. It's hard to make your worth in the whole relationship come from the idea that they will be yours and will want to be yours and won't want out, and you will have them in what is essentially a trap, a web from which they will not even want to escape. With a serial or addicted philanderer, keeping them in is tougher. You can never let up in what you are doing, which means you will never be able to totally turn the tables and take the power.

[hopeful1]

Well, thought I would catch a ride on this one also. This is the one post that I have watched from day one. Amazing how you get to know everyone so well.

I have a post in this forum under "We are talking but..."..

I would love to hear Beec's opinion of how to show my man that our issues can be resolved. I am usually right out front but since my guy is so controlling I don't know how to use Beec's suggestions in my case. I am going to follow my women posters suggestions and back off but when that time comes, and it will, that he wants to tell me all the ways I have ruined this relationship... Beec, what do I do then? You have never posted to my threads and your advice is so interesting.. just curious.

The man loves me but must be in control and claims it is always about "my"needs when it has always been about his.

Everyone else on this thread is doing so well.

Guys, your side?

[Beec]

 

and back off but when that time comes, and it will, that he wants to tell me all the ways I have ruined this relationship... Beec, what do I do then?

 

 

Think about it, what are you going to do? Fight him? argue? Agree with him? or let him rant and say something like:

 

Think so if you want to, but I just don't wan to fight about what is in the past. We did what we did, we cannot change that and there is no point in discussing it. If we wanted to move forward, we could discuss what we can do, but there is no point in rehashing the past.

 

You have not said you want to move forward, you have not fought, agreed, etc. He will take this however he wants to take it. Let him. Let him fight at someone with resolve who will maintain this attitude, it will be like swinging at the air.

[GeeCee]

Spatz!!! Our little clique is getting taken over!

 

How are you feeling today? All set for the weekend?

 

I am feeling slightly better - but it really does feel like going the distance with Mike Tyson - every now and then you feel like you are chipping away at the surface with a nice little upper-cut. But then the bugger knocks you down!!!

 

I am having a very chilled-out weekend, but still feeling quite happy with the somewhat slow progress. Contact beats no-contact EVERY SINGLE TIME for me.

 

Talk later.

 

G xx

 

P.S. Damn Beec - you are in high demand - your ego is being stroked quite regularly!!! Pretty soon I am going to start accepting that we are not in an exclusive relationship and that breaks my heart honey!!!!

[spatzcolumbo]

I'm not convinced whether contact vs no contact works better or not, just makes you feel better. but that is not always the same thing...it kinda depends on how it all pans out really. Only time will tell this - because you have to make sure you don't get stuck in a rut of not getting anywhere, but having contact every 7-8 days. This will get you nowhere.

 

I'm feeling indifferent today - not had time to think about stuff really. I couldnt get to sleep last night for thinking about it so much!! I was thinking the inevitable thoughts again "what if she is with someone new". Silly to think that i know, but i was in one of those moods. Just trying to get my head around how i might react when i see her / if i find out her status. I know, i know, plan for the worst and i can't be annoyed!!

 

Still wondering WHEN she is actually gonna be home from uni. I guess either today or tomorrow, which means the next day or 2 are the important ones in terms of whether she contacts me...as if she is interested then she presumably won't leave it too long.

 

I just hate this knowing that i am in the game, but i still have no idea of my chances of winning. The thing i was thinking last night is that i'm not sure whether i want to find out or not...because at the moment i have that (nice!!!) thought that i have maybe a 1% chance...If we meet up, it might only serve to tell me that my chances are infact zero. This is all that troubles me.

[Beec]

Spatz,

 

Your chances are certainly better than zero even if she has taken up with a guy destined to be a film star.

 

Your last post starts out so good. Whether you tried or not, you said soemthing great about being in a rut of getting nowhere, with contact on a regular basis. Yes, you need to get in there and use what contact you have and use it well. And no contact is better than engaging in anti-seductive behavior like begging the ex to come back. But using contact to make them feel great and lure them in, that is a different story.

 

No matter what happens this weekend, you still have a chance.

[spatzcolumbo]

Yawn...i shouldn't have had a pint at lunchtime...its slowed me down and started me thinking bad thoughts..but no worries...i gotta get confident and out of this mini-rut that i am getting myself into...just gotta get to the weekend!!!

[GeeCee]

Hi Guys

 

Wow, this thread was busy while Spatz and I were tossing and turning last night. I am just gonna come right out and say this, because that is what I usually do, and sometimes it gets me in trouble and sometimes it doesn't.

 

I was wondering at the pressure we are putting on poor Beec - he is not, afterall, SuperBeec!!! He has views and opinions that are valid and useful, but so do a lot of people on this site. And I was thinking the poor guy probably has a decent job, and he's mentioned that he is in a relationship, and I was thinking that we need to be careful about the amount of pressure we put on him. Beec cannot save any of our relationships (including mine), only we can do that. He can, and does, give great advice. But we can also seek that from others on here who have half a clue.

 

So, on behalf of all of us, Darling Beec, relinquish your role as Messiah, and I, for one, will still adore you!!!!

 

G xx

 

P.S. Spatz, take it nice and slow over the next couple of days. These are dangerous times - no sudden moves, ok, honey??

[spatzcolumbo]

I gotta agree....Beec is getting a lot of requests for help!!! He gives great advice though, thats part of the problem.

 

So a big thanks to Beec for all his efforts so far. And i really mean that...i'd be even more lost if i didnt have his advice!!!

 

I really do hope he has time to do the other things he enjoys in life!!!

 

Cheers Beec

 

Spatz

 

ps - Geecee, am trying my best to make no sudden decisions...will try to wait until i hear from her, although i might be online later with a different tone!!! Depends on how i feel!!!

[majord23]

 

ps - Geecee, am trying my best to make no sudden decisions...will try to wait until i hear from her, although i might be online later with a different tone!!! Depends on how i feel!!!

 

spatz,

It's getting closer to your ex arriving and naturally you are anxious, but don't let that affect the way you act.

You know when she arrives, and you are worrying about when she will contact you....so much so, that you will feel sick with worry if you haven't heard from her within 24 hours of her arriving - am I right?

 

Think about it for a minute mate. *She* was the one that suggested meeting up when she came back - it will happen, she wants to see you and she *will* contact you.

Don't force it mate and don't act on anxiety or worry....you'll appear over-keen and you will consider anything that doesn't go 'quite to plan' as a major set-back: It's easy to blow things out of proportion when you are where you are right now.

 

You have to remain cool and calm spatz...you've come so far and you've done so well. Don't lose the plot now!!

 

I repeat: She wants to see you (she said it!!). Just relax, stop focussing on Sunday as D-Day and play it cool. spatz-------> 8)

[majord23]

Geecee: 8 days was a great effort babes (proud of ya!)

Particularly considering that sex was involved on your last meeting with your ex. You be the ice-woman!!!

 

Beec alluded to (and I forget his exact words) attacking from a different angle. I agree completely. Something has to change in your situation...I don't know what it is yet, but something has to break the mini-cycle that your situation is either in, or heading for.

 

It sounds like you had a great phonecall with him....but what has changed?

 

Hmmm...a bombshell needs to be dropped or perhaps something more subtle (stealth weapon!) - your ex needs a surprise (and no, I don't mean more sex!!! )

 

Speak soon

[spatzcolumbo]

i KNOW you are right Majord...i just have to persuade myself of that!!

 

I have to keep busy and be confident that she will contact me!! SHe didnt actually say she wants to meet up - she just said "i'm sure il see you and can thank you properly"-->she could just have meant that she will see me as i go to the pub she works in a lot!!! But then i guess that it is just as likely that she meant we will meet up?? Just know i have to wait for HER to do the asking, and as i mentioned, i am working on a limited time scale here!!!

 

Must be patient!!