lost_for_words Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I'm a bl**dy idiot. I couldn't stop myself from texting him and now I wish to god I hadn't. I need to rant and get it out of my system, by just putting it in 'writing'. I hadn't contacted him for 4 days (he left me 3 weeks ago) and was doing okay, then I get an urge to text him, to see how he's doing. Thought maybe he was missing me, or maybe even having some regrets, but he's not. He's happy. He planned his escape from me, set up a new flat, bought furniture and I didn't have a clue about any of it. He could have been planning it for months - or even longer. I get 20 minutes of his time when I got home from work that day to get used to the idea that he's leaving me. How can I shut off my feelings so quickly? I can't. I'm hurting so badly and I can't stop the tears. I know he doesn't deserve my tears. He lied to me. He deceived me. He plotted behind my back. But at the end of it all I still love him with all my heart and I can't stop that. I hate myself for feeling the way I do. Sorry - just needed to vent and I don't even have any 'real' friends. Link to comment
Jayar Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Well, you don't really love him. You love the person you thought he was, I imagine, because I can't imagine that anyone in their right mind would love someone who would lie to and deceive them. So having said that, it is a misplaced love. I'm not saying it is any less valid, but the sooner you allow your heart to heal, the sooner you can use it again. The thing about break-ups are they usually (in my experience, always) lead to something better. Link to comment
Broken_Doll_ParTs Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 awww Its ok to feel upset about this, I would too!! But honestly, he isnt 'worth your tears and the guy who is wont make you cry' (unknown source). Dont text him, delete his number (you dont need it!). Start your road to recovery, dont worry about what he is doing, focus on you and only you. Its hard to stop loving someone, I think allot of people here know that. But when you get through this you will grow as a person and will look back and think 'gee what a waste'. Stay strong and beat and urges to contact him again. Its for the best, trust me! Good luck with it, I know you can do this! Your a woman (what cant we do!) hehe Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 You can't shut off your feelings quickly BUT you can do things to take your mind off those feelings. You may not have 'real' friends, but presumably you do have friends who you could enjoy spending time with at a superficial level who could take your mind off things? Just try not to spend too much time in pointless analysing. Easier said than done, I know, but it doesn't do any good. Link to comment
lost_for_words Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 I have been doing things to take my mind off him. I've redecorated the lounge, I've been working 40+ hours a week, I've been visiting family, I've been meeting new people online, but I can't shift this awful empty feeling. And the tears - I wish they would stop. I think I shall give up for the night and go to bed....if I can sleep. Thanks for your replies guys, they mean alot x x Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 LFW,so sorry you are hurting so deeply.You are still at the early stages of grief and you have a little more to go before you accept that the situation is over.I can't imagine how much more it hurts if the person plotted behind your back(thank God I haven't experienced that)but in time you will genuinely wonder why you wasted so much pain on this cheater.Of course the pain you feel right now is real and it hurts deeply.ENA is a great place to find solace during your hard times.We are here to help you through your trauma,secure in the knowledge that you will come out the far side a better person,ready to meet the right person for you.Right now you are going through tough times,but the great times have yet to start.Be strong! Link to comment
foreverlost Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 I feel you... I really do... whenever I hear things about what he has been doing, like buying new furniture and what not... it really bothers me because a year ago I was the one helping him buy furniture and totally set up his place. Right now my ex is really happy as well... I don't have 'real' friends either so I know exactly how you are feelign right now... I just bumped into him today and decided to say hi to him... he just looked at me and then looked away. I am choking. I hope everything gets better... I really do. Link to comment
shell80 Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 What a bugger your ex is...but you know this, and with time you won't care anymore because you will be happier than you have been for a long time... Right now though it is still fresh - so be as sad as you want, cry as much as you want and vent on on here because there are brilliant people on this forum who really do know what you are feeling and genuinely care. Now is the time to be a bit selfish - and just think about YOU. Do whatever you have to to heal your heart right now... Link to comment
lost_for_words Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 Well trying to sleep didn't help. Its 1.45am here and I canot stop the tears. He texted me with a final goodbye, but I'm so weak and exhausted from the last 3 weeks I can't accept its over. I really thought in my heart that he'd want to try again. But its now so final. I don't know where to go from here. I'm lonely, unable to meet people because I simply don't have the strength to go out there. I can barely face leaving the house except to go to work, where there's only 3 other people and I don't need to face anyone else. I'm so lost. I'm so close to the edge now that I'm scaring myself. People keep saying that it takes time, but I really am unable to cope. I realise I sound pathetic writing all this but what else can I do. Link to comment
glimmerofhope Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 L4W: I was where you are now only a few short weeks ago. I will not tell you that today I am a new man, but I am doing better. You will, too. I promise. I thought my life was over. I could not even begin to fathom life without her. Now, while I still struggle daily to find a sense of peace, and am nowhere near imagining a romantic life that does not include her, I have at least reached the point where I know life goes on. For now, I think you just have to suffer through the worst of it. Just please, take my word that things will improve--maybe not dramatically, and certainly not right away--but improve they will nonetheless. Hang in there. Link to comment
need2bme Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 Hey, I just keep telling myself that I must believe what people state on these boards, "if she loved me, she would be with me" and for me, I really don't want anyone that would do me like this. I am with Glimmer though, in that I am also nowhere near imagining a life without her, but it appears that I must. We had planned to spend my birthday, then hers and Christmas together. Now once again, I get to spend them all alone. This time though, I wil spend it where I should be, in church with God. I will also try my best to become a good man and to do tons of introspection so I can actually "believe" that I am. Hang in there girl. We can all do this....right? Link to comment
need2bme Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 I don't know where to go from here. I'm lonely, unable to meet people because I simply don't have the strength to go out there. I can barely face leaving the house except to go to work, where there's only 3 other people and I don't need to face anyone else. I'm so lost. I'm so close to the edge now that I'm scaring myself. People keep saying that it takes time, but I really am unable to cope. I realise I sound pathetic writing all this but what else can I do. What else can you do? Well for starters, just live on here. I did. ;-) I also know that I need to force myself to get new friends. I actually started working out and buying new clothes. OK, I don't think you need to buy everything in the mall as I tried to do, but shopping or walking around with some ice cream helps. As for being close to the edge, if you mean what I think you mean, no one is worth that. Keep on posting, ok hun... Link to comment
lost_for_words Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 Well, another day... I've been invited out for a drink tonight (shock!) by an old friend, who happens to be male. I've agreed to go because I can't have another night like last night, but I'm pretty scared about it. Walking into a bar by myself, trying to spot my friend, even the thought of what to wear in scary, I haven't been out for what seems like an age. I sent the ex a text this morning - saying that for the amount of love I had for him I didn't deserve to be treated that way, that I don't need someone so uncaring in my life, and that it was time for me to start living my new life. I sent it for MY benifit, in the hopes it will make me feel stronger about the situation (although I'm not just yet). Anyways, just thought I'd give you an update....last night was one of the worse, lowest times of my life, but if I carry on like that I'll end up losing my mind. Thanks for reading Link to comment
lost_for_words Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 I've bottled it. I told my friend I couldn't make it after all. I'm just NOT strong enough to go out. To top it off my ex's Dad just called to say how sorry he was for the way things have turned out, and that he thinks the reason was the age gap (I'm 34, he's 23) and that I seem so much more settled and know what I want from life. What rubbish - I don't have a clue what I want. I may be older but I still get scared by things, I still don't know what I want to be doing in 5 or 10 years time!! I really am about read to give up now, I can't keep feeling this same pain day in day out indefinitely. Its killing me. Link to comment
beebee Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 another "sigh" moment from me... reading these posts are so damn heartbreaking sometimes that i just want to reach out and punch the idiot that would do these dreadful things to another person... i dont know, maybe breakups can be handled another way?... i mean when you think about it, doesnt it all hurt?... so if my ex would have been kind and said sweet, lovely things to me to break up, would i have accepted it better?... would i have accepted it better if i would have had SOME indication that it was about to happen?... some indications?... something?... out of the blue... just like that... one day all was hunky dorey, then the next, poof, over... when i finally got my brains together and realized how cruel he was for no reason at all, i blasted him... oh yeah... im surprised you all didnt hear me from jersey to wherever you are... lol... i was in stellar form... one of the things i raged about was "how the hell could you blindside me like that with no warning?"... his answer?... "how am i supposed to break up with someone?... when is it a good time?... what do you want me to do?"... i swear, it was on the tip of my tongue and how it didnt roll off, ill never know, but my response wanted to be "DIE!"... lol... i didnt say it though and his answer did make me think... when is it a good time to break up with someone and how can it be done smoothly and effortlessly, without making it horrible?... one of the things i was worried about in hindsight was, if he was kind to me in the breakup, would i have gotten the wrong impression?... would i have thought "its just a phase... he will get over it and come back to me"?... food for thought huh?... hugs... beebee Link to comment
miew Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 hey, I am sorry to hear your story... But to be honest, the age gap did play some tricks here...My ex was 3.5 years younger than me, we met when he was 25, I think he didn't know what he wanted at his age, unfortunately I was in a transition period of my life so things got really messed up. We ended after being 3 years together and he decided to go back to his ex, stayed far and away from me. I think you both loved each other to some extend, at some time, but it was just over. You will begin to see things clearer and clearer as time passed. I am sure you will meet the right person one day and realize what happened was actually a blessing. Take care! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Aww, i am so sorry to hear that....yes that would hurt very bad that he planned it all prior behind your back then BOOM drop the bomb. How long were you with him? I don't blame you for nixing the plans to go out. Everyone says put on the brave front and go out anyway but when it is so soon it is hard to concentrate and smile for people. it WILL get better...it will. Beebee- there really is no pleasant way to break up with someone. Every way possible i am sure has been tried but there is none. Link to comment
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