miew

ladybird_68: I know how you feel, I did have much regrets after the break-up...but on the other side, if our ex truly love us, shouldn't they let us know what's going wrong rather than just walk away and escape from us? (My ex told me, I acted just like a little girl and I should grow up at the age of thirties...but he didn't want to be a part of it anymore...) I 've been feeling very bad for an entire month and thought I was some kind of monster that no one will ever want a relationship with me. But this thought really didn't lead to anywhere...we just can't correct what's been done. It is nothing wrong to inspect our past and admit the mistakes, but we should really start to "love ourselves" rather than "hate ourselves". I know there are so many "could've beens" but we should really focus on what "can bes" in the future now. Don't think it was a "rare" chance of happiness, I realized that the only person who is able to give and responsible for your happiness is actually yourself. You will never be able to know what others think nor make them love you, love is just not a logical thing (yes, too complicated for a science major girl like me So don't ask happiness from them, but ask it from yourself... If the breakup helps us realize our issues, it may be a good thing (that's what I've tried to tell myself each day) Hope we'll all find a way back into love again!

HI Friscodj I am also touched by this letter... I guess I was kind of the girl that you described in the letter...lacking self-confidence. Sometimes I unconsciosly tried to "test" my ex, to see if he really cares for me. I got mad at him if things didn't go well not because of anger but because of fears... Anyway he's gone... I started to figure things out and try my best to treat him nicely, make him happy... at the very end of our relationship, but it was too late for him. He had changed, actually my guess was, he was having emotional affairs with his ex by then (3 months before the breakup)... Now I am very much emotionally alone like you now, and I really don't know if I will ever get rid of this feeling...I am in NC, but he wrote to me emails sometimes (just brief greetings and say that we are still friends) and I decided to remain silent. I know I will never treat him as a friend the way I treat my friends... just like I will never love anyone else the way I loved him...

NC for 2 weeks now but ex emailed two days ago, said he's leaving for Canada for business (and kind of busy) and he kept some of my mails (we used to live together) on the desk. Went to pick up the mails, and looked for a CD there. (I wouldn't go into the bedroom otherwise) Found his new girl's (actually his ex 6 years ago) clothes everywhere in my (oh...used to be my...) closet. I guess she came to visit from Europe. (She just broke up in March) Well, it's fair since we've broken up...he has the right to date anyone he likes. But I still feel terrible about it. I cried, couldn't help it. It sucks to feel that you are replaced by someone else so soon...I wondered how they could have sex on this bed that we assembled together and we lied together just 3 months ago. (even the sheets are not changed) Everything in this apartment is full of memories for me(...guess he didn't feel anything anymore...) Apparently he tried to hide my personal belongings since she's here. (He could've told me to clean those stuffs...but instead he packed them in a dirty box...) The fact is sad but hey, I've got a chance to avoid seeing all these if I moved all my stuffs in the beginning and started NC right away. This is just all so ugly now... I even feel my good memories with him are covered by some dust now... All I want to say is, when there is no love, things can turn very ugly. And YOU are actually the third person... not the new girl/guy since you are out of this game of love...sigh... It's cruel but kind of helps me to cut my hopes sooner, I guess... For those who want to get back with ex,,,well,,,since my ex did get back with his ex now...so...nothing is impossible (he broke up with her 6 years ago and knew me for 3.5 years (almost 3 years relationship) and we moved in together for 1.5 years) kind of rediculus, I was the one who wanted to "get back" with ex, but he's the one who did it...

I am in the second week of NC, went to a Tango class on wednesday, it was fun. Picked up my guitar (haven't played it for 10 years) and sang the "Way back into love" again and again last night (I love this song -> from the movie "music and lyrics") Keep going NC everyone! Just attach some lyrics here: ----------------------- I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need them again someday I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind All I wanna do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love ...