losinghope

i was bored waiting for the hurricane to come and i went online for the first time in a long time on msn messenger and i saw my ex online. i quickly logged off. should i have stayed or did i do a good thing by sighning off so he wouldn't be able to talk to me?? i miss him and in a way, i wanted to talk to him, but i was scared to. did i break no contact? did i ruin the chance of him ever trying to or wanting to contact me???

wow, sounds like you've been through alot sweetheart. I really recommend seeing a psychologist/therapist/councellor. I'm seeing one right now (different reasons) and i feel alittle better. That's just my opinion though.

wow, it's the first day. It's still a shock in your body. You are gonna go through the whole grieving process. It's really tough, i know. When my grandmoher passed away, i felt a little better after the funeral because i felt a sense of closure. maybe after the funeral, you get more closure and you'll begin to accept what happened. There's nothing wrong with crying alot and letting it all out, it's better than keeping it in. We're all here for you...

of course, i would love to be your friend. But unfortunately i don't know how you would be able to stop thinking about her especially since you guys were close. how long ago did this happen? With time gradually you would be able to not think of her that much. Sorry if i wasn't helpful. Hope you feel better.

Sorry to hear of your friend's loss. There's no easy way of getting rid of the pain. Try to surround yourself with friends and family.

But how about if they are more mental, but really love you and miss you, then what would it be? any other thoughts or comments???

but how do you know if it won't be a case of out of sight and out of mind instead? how can you distinguish, especially in the period of no contact?

Is it ever the case with exes that when we do No contact for certain amount of time, that our absense makes their heart grow fonder?? Any comments would be greatly appreciated...

he's said plenty of harsh things like: - you've kept me in prison for four years - you're too clingy, needy, emotional, annoying.... I don't want to keep going cause I'm getting sad thinking about it Well usually my ex would come around in a month span, but not this time I guess... (btw we've had many break-ups)

does he know that you might be pregnant? maybe that's what scared him....just a thought.

Hi Toni! I was wondering if you could enlighten me about Borderline Personality Disorder. I think my ex has it and the counselor said he had the signs. thanks in advance! An if he does have it, how could it affect us getting back together?

Hi Toni! Background: link removed i was wondering if you could help me understand my situation better. Here's a brief overview: ok, well me and my ex, were each other's first love, serious relationship, we went out for 4 years on and off, because we broke up a couple of times. Actually he broke up with me, i never broke up with him. Anyways, he and i fought alot, and he got sick of it. we love each other but said we are too different people. everytime we broke up, he would come back to me when i would implement no contact. he would miss me. but this time around he broke up with me in feb for good. he said i was too clingy and was smothering him and he felt that i didn't trust him,( he gave me reasons for that, he never cheated but I had suspicions.) then after he broke up with me in feb, i was begging and pleading that same day but said he had made up his mind. so i did no contact, he would initiate contact and i would respond most of the time, but not all. so then we slowly started hanging out a lot and talking more and then i thought we were getting back, when the whole time he was thinking we were just more that friends. i felt used because he was hanging out with friends and not putting me as a priority. he hung out with me when he was bored and lonely so i was telling him that and that's when the fights started. then finally in june he stopped calling me as much and he was being cold and rude. he told me he would call me and for me to not call him as much. he was hanging out with friends alot and for what i know there was no girl. then one day he didn't return my phone call when i told him i needed to talk to him and so i couldn't take it anymore and decided to disconnect my number. this was on july 3. the last time we spoke was on june 29. i have not heard from him through email or anything. i just got an email a couple of days ago with his mother concerned about my whereabouts since I was close to the family. I was a good gf. i was loyal, and everything. so that's the story. i would like to hear your input now that you have more details about the situation. right now, he has no clue what i'm doing and as far as he knows i've disappeared from the face of this earth. I feel that he neglected me alot of the times and I don't want to give in soo soon b/c he has taken advantage of my niceness. Thanks again for your help!! **Details are in my post in the getting back together section, under am i doing the right thing? ****Please answer back and let me know what you think, and if you think he might come back to me? if he's gonna realize what you realized when your ex left? did i make a mistake of disconnecting my phone? ****** I think he might have a borderline personality disorder.

I went to a counselor and found out that my ex might have some sort or borderline personality disorder. I was wondering if any of you have dealt with a bf/ex that might have borderline personality... I would like a little more info about it. Any input or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I'm using the no contact rule, because I want him back, but i don't know because according to the counselor they see or perceive any little thing as rejection. I don't know if i'm ruining my chances of getting back considering he has this disorder. My story is here for details

Update... I haven't heard from my ex ever since I disconnected my cell. I thought he would come to my house or pursue me more but i guess not. I thought he would realize by now how much i'm worth. But yesterday, it was weird, i got an email from his mother asking me if i was ok, and that she had been calling my cell but she noticed it was disconnected. So she said she was worried and asked if i could call or email her back. Me and his family were close, they loved me, and his mother would call me sometimes. I was wondering if i should call her back, or if i should email her or just leave it?? And if i do write her back, what do I say? Also I was wondering if you guys think that my ex might be behind this or not? Please any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks soo much in advance.

P.S I forgot to add this detail. But maybe it would be necessary if i needed advice. My ex came from a broken home. He didn't grow up with his dad, and his mom left him at one point of his life. He seems to not show care about this but i know this has something to do with his behaviour towards me and the relationship. I was someone solid in his life. I stook by him for four years, despite his screwups. He even told me that he trusted me 100 percent and one reason he loved me was because i was loyal and he knew he could count on me and i would be there for him no matter what. Now that i literrally pulled the plug on him, i was wondering if that would make him resent me? would that bring back the traumatizing event of his life like his mother leaving him? I don't want him to hate me and i eventually do want him back. i miss him soo much and I don't want to ruin my chances in the future. I just think that he really needs this wake up call, that I won't be there forever the way he is with me. Please any input would be greatly appreciated.

I still haven't heard anything from the ex and it's been two weeks since i've had no contact. the problem is that if he did want to initiate he has no way of contacting me cause i changed my number. the only way would be for him to come to my house or email me, which i don't know since my email hasn't been working. or he would have to ask my family. The thing is that i really think he wouldn't go through all that because he would think that i have moved on and he would give up. His personality is very stubborn and he's not the type to chase. So I don't know what to do, i'm really sad, and I wanted to know what i can do, and if i made a mistake and took it too far. please respond, i would love any help I can get at this point.

Well, the problem is is that the wedding is tomorrow and I don't have the invitation, he does, and he's closer friends with the groom. I would go if I knew where it would be and there's no way of me finding out.... So i'm defiantely not going. I would've wanted to. Oh well.. as for the family I have not contacted them since the changing of the phone numbers. I am trying to be distant with them for now, i just don't want them to hate me for that because we were pretty close. I figure i would eventaully contact them later when i was ok. As for him, he has not tried to contact me or find me which hurts me alot. I thought he would've done something. I thought i meant something to him. any opinions are appreciated....

Can I have more opinions and advice for my situation please?! I would really appreciate it. I'm soo sad and depressed and i'm starting to regret changing my number. I feel that i will never talk to him or see him again. i'm scared.

the thing is that i don't want him to see me. Even though i really do want to see him. That defeats the purpose of me disconnecting my phone and doing nc. I want him to miss me and if i go, he's not gonna miss me. Btw, thank you fantasia for responding. *** Please help... all opinions/advice needed and wanted...

I have a question... do people who are verbally abusive to their partner not like that with their otehr partners? meaning like are they verbally abusive to one or that's how they are with every one of their partners? i'm really curious to know.

P.S I do want him back. is there a chance? or have i ruined it for good? This is not our first break up... Is this a good thing i'm doing? I love him alot and i'm hurting soo much....

well i have posted here before, but basically to make a long story short, my ex and I were together for four years back and forth and on feb 11 he decided to break up with me. I tried the no contact rule with minimal contact. he would call me once a week to see how i was doing. i would sometimes not pick up or return his call. i didn't call him i let him ocntact me. I was doing ok and then about 2.5 months later we started hanging out a lot and talking and basically acting like we were together, but were not official. We would fight like before and everything.....fast forwarding to recently, around the end of may me and my ex celebrated my b-day and stuff and I noticed he was acting more distant, calling me whenever he wanted to or when he was bored and lonely. And he didn't hang out with me as much. So the last time he came down, we live an hour away form each other, he was hanging out with his best friend who is a guy and didn't bother calling me or hanging out. I found that really odd b/c he usually would call me and hang out if he was in town. I talked to his sister since I was close to the family and they said that his behavior chnaged with them too. that he wouldn't hang out with his sis and mom that much and he was always with his guy best friend. All of us feel neglected, and i do notice he has changed. I don't know if this is a phase or not. last week which was the last time i spoke to him, i called him and asked him if i he could call me later so we could talk and i told him that i was not okay since he asked me if everything was ok. he never called me back, which is not like him. and it's been a month i haven't seen him. I don't know why he's acting like this. from what i know, i don't think there are any girls at this point, just him trying to enjoy his single life with his friend and go out. Just this past week i decided to change my number cause i couldn't take it anymore, i couldn't keep looking at my phone to see if he would call me. So i don't know if he's called and seen that i've disconnected my phone. I wanted to do it so i can show him i'm not available anymore and to make him worried that i've moved on. I'm scared that he wouldn't care that i did this. I mean i'm kinda expecting him to react, cause i've never done something like this before. I have been doing NC for about a week. He doesn't know my number so did i do a bad thing? how will he get in touch with me if he wanted to? my friends say that if he really wanted to talk to me, he would look for me. Another thing i wasn't sure about is that i'm close with the family and they call me and see how i'm doing, i was debating whether to give them the number because we became close friends and they advised me to leave him alone and see what happens. They don't know what's going on with him, but they were giving me advice as If i was a family member. i know they care for me and don't want to see me hurt. Also me and my ex were supposed to go to a wedding together on july 11. we planned this a month ago. It's a mutual friend of ours but he's closer to him. I dont' know where it's at. i was planning on not going and not calling him because he's the one who's not been calling me lately, which forced me to take this approach. Please help me with this situation guys! I would really appreciate it.I need advice desperately and all opinions are welcome. thanks alot in advance!

I just changed my cell number and my house number, because of the same situation of worrying when am i going to get a call or not. It's soo hard believe me, my friends made me do it cause i had to. My ex was only calling me when he was lonely and bored and I wasn't a priority anymore. He would only see me or talk to me on his terms. I couldn't take it anymore. So I hope by doing this, I am going to force myself to move on. I hope that this would be a wake up call for him, so he would realize i'm not his doormat and give me my respect back. Two things can happen: he either tracks me down because he realizes that he was a jerk, or just not call me anymore. I'm hoping the first will happen, but i guess i'll see with time. My advice to you I would change your numbers, it's such a stress reliever knowing that you're not expecting a call anymore.

Champagne dreams of a life once lost haunt my every thoughts. A life once lost worlds ago, and a love that's gone beyond the heavens fingers reach. The light that pierces through my being tells of sins never seen or known. Where and when I wandered and failed to wonder I could not say.

He wrote back an email saying: Hi. I'm doing ok, how about yourself? how's school? i hope it's going well. You only gotta really hang in there for, what, 2 more months? Not too bad at all. Let me know if you need anything.... I'm thinking about peircing the other ear too. Definitely getting the diamond studs, and I will be dying the hair black like we talked about a while ago. And that's it. it seems like a friendly letter to me. what do you think? keep in mind that we haven't spoken in like 2 weeks and broken up for 5 weeks. I was expecting a little more with the whole no contact deal. i'm really sad and debating whether to write back. he went from calling me to emails?? why am i regressing? please help!! what should i do??