SooSad33

Yeah, this isn't good.. you could very well be causing problems that need not be there 😕 . And that is a problem when you're in this state. Have you considered NOT being involved for a while? And just focus on YOU and getting yourself better. One does need to feel confident, not needy etc, for a relationship to evolve in a healthy manner. You're 18 and have many years ahead of you on working to find someone decent for you. ( I hope you're not just jumping from one relationship to another?). By sounds of it, you can very well be repeating here, what you did with the last one - and this is what you want to stop doing..... right? Then maybe you should just be on your own for a while and work on all of this. ( Of course, what he's saying he wants to do ( distance), will not help you at all). So, whatever's going on between you two is not good on your anxiety. Nope, I say to leave him be. he said his piece.. and IF he wants to reach out, he knows how to get hold of you. But, imo, I'd suggest just leave it be now. Focus on you and move on with your life, cause if a guy wants to distance himself from me in any form, I'm done with it. ( and I have had it a few times). Keep moving on up, keep working on you now. Let that be your main focus, not some unsettled 20 yr old busy, college dude. There's so many more out there, for when the timing is right.

Seriously?? Well then let her go find someone else! Fps, you dodged a bullet here. I refuse to let people use me! And if that's all she was in your relationship for, then good riddance! And this woman you are supposed to marry after 1.5 yrs.. Nah, too much, too soon.. Not for you! 😉 Be with someone who actually does appreciated you... Self respect man.

I suggest you consider some prof help. A therapist could help you 'work through' your issue's, as yes, this is not a good thing and can, in time start to affect this relationship 😕 . As you see it's eating away at you - and there's no reason for it. Things with him seem okay, but you're not. Yes, I do feel these are the effects of all the negativity you lived with for years. ( the way you were conditioned- and it was for a long time!). And anxiety is awful 😕 . So, yeah, seriously consider some prof help. It won't hurt and I think, for this relationship to keep advancing in a positive and no ruin you, is time to focus a little on YOU. I don't want to say you getting involved within a year of your partner passing was too soon, because I feel, in ways you were possibly ready .... in some ways. Just not totally. Take it easy, maybe search up 'coping skills' for anxiety. I do it a lot. Do you have friends you talk to or hang with on occasion? Because it's best to TRY and not lose yourself in this relationship. Should one day this guy be busy with friends etc , i feel will send you off the edge 😕 .. and this should NOT be. It is not okay. Deep breaths.. seriously. Slow down... and work on yourself .

I'd say he;s ghosting you because you're not available and he won't get anywhere with you... is a shame really, as he IS married again and is acting this way, lol. I say no loss. This guy's not up to par. And you carry on 😉

Wow 😕 .. yes it's sad if it's had to come to this - but, it has. Yes, by all means stand YOUR ground. She got what she deserved in this. I'd do the same. Her reaction is on her. Nothing to do with you . She's over bearing and yes, she needs to stop, but sounds like this is just how she is, then yeah, is best you keep some distance. And no, this is NOT how 'caring' mothers are, lol. I have 4 kids and I do reach out on occasion but I am not in their face, with judgements etc. it's their life to live 😉 . If someone's Toxic, is best to keep a distance. Good on you, do it your way .

Him and his crappy sarcasm. Shows he has NO patience? Shheeesshhhh! Sounds to me like he's got it planned out enough. And YOU were quite busy all evening, did he even notice that? Nope, should be left alone and no reason for a fight - and he can grow up a little, eh? Like you said, it's routine behaviour. IMO, with people like this, there is not much room for 'reasoning', right? And I'd say people like this are emotionally draining 😕 .

So ... you caved. You chose to go there ... and continue for a while more after that weekend. Could there be a reason why? A weakness within you? I'm sure you feel some real guilt now, eh? ( Did you feel it during your cheating?). Or was this all basically curiosity and you just felt that 'need' to test the waters... I understand some people have this need or curiosity and you failed 😕 . You were away with your buds and came across some attractive woman. - reminds me of that saying how some men are 'easily corrupted'. I think YOU need to think on this..... before you proceed. She learned of this w/out your offering, so you would rather have kept it all a secret. IF your marriage & wife is worth it, you will agree to couples therapy, I'm pretty sure. And maybe in there you can work out why you went this far. Good luck for you both. I hope things will work out okay again. ( And as mentioned, let her work through her emotions as she must).

Sometimes, when we fancy someone we can 'feel' something kinda quickly.. But it's not 'real'. As you mentioned you only met up a few times. By sounds of it you had high hopes and maybe some emotional attachment. BUT, it's not really there. Nothing truly developed with him. Now, you need to work through these emotions and may take some time.. but you keep workin on it. You need to convince yourself it wasn't real. Like he said, it was just physical. that's the easy part. We all look and sometimes like what we see 😉 . But, there needs to be much more there for success. Give it time.. but now you walk away and have no more to do with him.

It's called Boundaries. HE needs to respect you and your relationship. There should be no touching or over stepping anything that is meant for the one you're actually involved with. You kindly say ' Hey now, I have a boyfriend'. That better put him back in his place. I feel you don't want to lose Brian... right? Then time to step up! And maybe stop having these drinks with Steve after work etc ( make yourself less available).

So, all of this happened in a year? 1) How could you support anything when you quit your job? Why would you quit, when you had plans for your own future and you need to work to make money. 2) Now you can't pay for anything because you quit your job. I am still asking WHY? You had some good things going for you. So, I'm not sure why you'd quit your job- when money's needed for your future plans and whatever way you were trying to 'support' his idea's. Sadly, this sounds like a might sad loss for you 😕 . Your job & all the moneys? So, why can't go out & get a job again? And get out of this relationship - and you give him NOTHING anymore.... he's now at his mom's.. leave him there.

Your mom is not alone. Your parents are still together. that's good! Just means that your dad is going to have to pick up the slack a bit more, when you move out. You DO have a right to living your own life. Do it! Follow your dreams, be with your love. Your parents can arrange a delivery re: things like your mother's medications and even foods etc. ( If you dad doesn't have the time). There are also care workers out there ( here we call them PSW's). There is help.

Okay, well it's only 9 days 😉 .. you can do this.. I think. Yes, ask the other sister to help a little in this. Like at least 2-3 days? If the loud one doesn't approve, oh well, tell her you've already talked to the other sister and she's expecting some time with her too. Maybe you can arrange an outing? A Park, a restaurant, a movie etc... Something, to somehow TRY and make this best way possible over those days.

Marriage? you're not married. And you ARE entitled to your opinion in this, I guess. He doesn't seem to like when you oppose a choice he makes though.. As long as it's all for HIM. IMO, he seems very unsettled, doesn't know what he wants 😕 .. Is best that someone IS actually happy with their work and let's it increase/ build to where you see some constant increase in your funds. Yeah, sounds like you are falling out of this with him. Don't move in together, do not advance. If he's been like this for so long now, do you actually think anything will be any better a year from now? 😕

Hate yourself for not trying? You already did, and you already know how she see's you. Why bother trying again? I suggest you remove yourself from all of this. Fine if you want to go vacay together, but don't expect anything more. If you come to feel more for her.. you WILL get hurt. As she's already told you, she doesn't see you as anything more than a friend.

Nope. Communication is necessary. Not ignore or avoid problems that arise. Obviously, you feel there's some problems, then you two need to discuss them and see what or IF they can be fixed - to where you do both feel better, etc. Umm, well that's a little selfish, isn't it? Lack of communication, always one way? ( her way). Not a good idea! Kids require your time, your energy, your patience & love.. always ❤️ She sounds way too needy.. and this relationship with her is NOT up to standards. Don;t even go there again... No kid needs a life where the parents are at odds and things seem to be falling apart. IF this works for her, then, maybe she will ease off with the avoidance or actually improve her 'mood' more? Or do you feel she's just expects too much & it's all about her all the time? When I was married & we had 2 kids, yeah, in the beginning we both worked. Then was just him & I tended to kids & home. What I expected from him now and then was to pick up a little after himself. help with shopping etc. I did the rest around the home. AND to want to be around & enjoy his kids/ time with them. ( Hows she with that?).

You need to remember, you two only dated a few times.. this was not a long-term relationship, so he was NOT emotionally invested in you 😕 . yup, they can move on quite easily. You really don't know him too well.. right? So, you don't know if he's getting back into drugs etc or not. Now, how about you respect him and yourself.. you accept and move on. No loss 😉 . So yeah.. forget about it! Believe me, you CAN find better, lol

Yes, well this is a part of a 'healthy' relationship, but sadly, it sounds like she's not that into it at this time 😕 . I wonder why she won't go there with you & discuss why... Sure, we're always 'busy', but hey, she's got a partner! This is someone who should be able to feel they can talk to her! Hey, I've had 2 kids for six years, then I had 2 more. Sex was always a part of the relationship .... unless one partner had no 'interest' in it anymore. I wouldn't give this much more time, as it sounds like SHE seems to lack in showing much interest in you and your 'needs' 😕 . I suggest you give it one more round. And be ready! You approach her maybe asking that you two sit down and have a heart to heart about this. You tell her how it makes you feel and ask her to explain WHY she seems to have no interest in you this way anymore. I don't think a second child should be an idea.. not at this time. You BOTH need to be happy in the relationship and you're not. ( and I can't accept this excuse of her being so 'stressed & tired' 😕 ). Also, IF she's so stressed & tired now, imagine what a 2nd kid will do 😮 . Nah, for now, skip that idea.

It sounds like you're not compatible. She seems to have no time for you... the answer to that is not to move in together though! Not after just one year and issue's. And if her response is to be upset with you, then maybe this is just out of her control. She's a busy woman and it sounds like you can't accept her lifestyle.

It happens 😕 .. It's the 'waves' of dealing with loss ( grief). One day you're managing okay, then boom! You're so lost in hurt again *sigh*. I know.. I get it, many do! You will experience this for a while. You're anxiety has peaked, by sounds of it. IF it is affecting you to this degree now, maybe consider speaking to your doctor? I needed something to help with mine for a good year +. Yeah, it can get rough... BUT, we need our rest and things are worse when we're lacking 😕 . Things you can also consider is to try and get into a routine. Aim for bedtime same time every night. But you can change things up a bit. For me, I put on my fave comedy, have a 'calming tea' and try to have no unnecessary stress around me. I also have a white noise in my room ( fan). I also had to learn 'coping mechanisms', as I'd have anxiety attacks, when out & about, shopping etc. I learned grounding techniques , by using your senses eg. touch, sound, taste, etc. I have something in my pocket to touch/ hold. I was at a friends place and was sitting on the floor, I ended up rubbing the carpet area just to 'feel' that sensation and have also grabbed a pillow again to feel the sensation. Diff things you can do. I also journal a lot to 'get it out' another way. I write all my thoughts & feelings down, anytime I'd like to 'tell someone off', lol 😉 I also came to realize, by doing this, I was working thru my thoughts and was gaining an upper hand on seeing I was okay! I was entitled to feel what I did. I also realized that I did nothing wrong & I am still a good person! We may fail at some things, but in others we may flourish. It's the risk we take with love, getting involved, etc. We just need time.. to work on accepting what is. We tried but it didn't work out. Either way, sadly, this stuff comes in 'waves', and we just have to coast thru them. I know anxiety it awful 😕 .. Like I said, consider talking to your doctor if it gets to be too much. You may at times, hit a 'low', but the only direction from there is UP! Be easy on yourself, make sure you do have some decent 'down time' and take care of YOU! Get out for some air, try & hang with your friends or do a hobby etc. I believe, in time, you will come to feel more yourself again. You will get over this and be able to function better again. One day at a time. 😉

My first ex was like this. I did everything around the house, with the kids etc. HE, as a father, should be giving his little one some attention, AND his wife! You should explain to him that you'd like some real 'down time' with him now and then. A few days a week where there is NO interference. ( No gaming), but some attention towards you when the little one's in bed. Maybe some tv & cuddle time. etc. Do you guys go on 'date nights'? Anyone who can help with the little one on occasion? So you two can get out for a meal & some peace & quiet? This may help as well 🙂 . YOU are the primary caregiver here. You have that 'sense' to want to tend to your child, as women have that 'nurturing' aspect.. But, does not mean dad has to be so negligent. Dad sometimes should be stepping up and give some time & focus to his 'loved ones' as well. I'm also wondering if he feels a little out of place? Maybe he's not sure how to do this? As you mentioned, you've been married only a couple of years. It may be new and a little overwhelming to him sometimes.. so he's trying to 'adjust'. So, be nice on your approach... give it some time, see IF he changes and improves. But, he does need to be aware of YOUR situation & feelings. Good luck.

Nah, it's not lame. It's normal to have issue's in every aspect within relationships.. thing is, can it be worked out... Yes, communication is a necessity, as mentioned. So, try and have a heart to heart about this. Is something setting you off, preventing you from being more aggressive, as she wants it? Then, she should be made aware of that. Maybe it's her approach, maybe it's her rejection, maybe it's her behaviour. And yes, its normal for people to not want it sometimes, as per not being 'in the mood', for reasons ( stress, too tired, etc). But, it should still exist. So, are you saying her rejection upsets you now, to the point you don't even want to go there anymore? is she decent towards you otherwise the rest of the time? if this is the only issue, then that may be on you, as it's your response to this 'rejection'. No, we won't always get what we want. Like I said, as long as you do get it now and then, should be okay.

Sounds like you're trauma bonded, sadly 😕 . So, you NEED to work up that inner strength and get away from her and her abusive tactics. No one deserves this - and I think you both know this! You cannot 'make her better'. Only she can, by reaching out for some professional help. She should be talking to her doctor, maybe get assessed, medicated/ therapy etc. I know, you feel for her & dont want to see her struggling, but this is how it is. Some can hit a real low. But, as you said, her abuse was happening before she seemed depressed? She wants you to stay so she can keep at you. She's got issues! But, you're allowing it, by remaining there with her. Is best you plan on setting a date to leave- go stay with friends until you get your own place, etc. And you TELL her you are done with all of this.. And truly be done. If she contacts you & threatens self harm etc, you call police and ask for a wellness check on her.. but this is all on her, sadly. She can't treat you like this, the abuse & threats.. no more!

Yeah.. that's a no! So, she doesn't trust you and she's very controlling. Nope, no one tells me who my friends can or can't be! -- add on no respect! Whollay heck! Like a spoiled brat! WHY you tolerate any of this.. I have no idea. So she can act so inapproprietly, but you can't.. lol, wow! This whatever it is, has only been going on for a year. you haven't invested 10 or 20 yrs into her. You do realize she's a sad mess, right? You cannot 'fix' her. This is up to her, but there's so much damage happening, she's got a longgg way to go before she'd have anything successful 😕 . She is Toxic! Meaning she is NOT good for you. YOU need to realize this on your own. All this is going to do is run you down. She will drag you down to where you can't think for yourself and can't have an actual real life & be happy. She's miserable and will make you the same way. Best thing for you is to get out of this.. and get away.. far, far away! For your own well-being. ( We live & we learn), about those that are bad for us, we learn our strengths and we learn about our own 'self respect'.

Okay.... and they know of HER behaviour.. and do nothing? 😕 Someone like this needs to frikin grow up! Seriously! She's a troublemaker? Remove her. Is your super/friend going to do something about her - or ignore?

Why don't YOU speak up in support, especially if you're aware of all of this going on? Management should be acting on this if SHE is constantly causing problems! if they don't I'd consider another workplace. No one should feel so unsettled, like walking on eggshells around other workers, having to go different routes, etc. She needs to be dealt with.