medtranusa

I still say you have to quit being a doormat. My ex is just starting to call but it has taken months of my acting happy and strong and I mean acting. If she thinks you are there for her she will walk all over you. Read the other posts about no contact all over this web site. Make her come after you. Her saying she can play hard to get too shows she knows she is in control. Take that control back!

Okay I will look at what you want to send. Just keep it simple. You are now standing up for yourself to stop the madness.

If a letter is easier that would be okay but just state the facts that it is too soon for friendship without making bold statements of how you miss her. Just stating you need time shows you still have feelings deeper than friendship. In the meantime really analyze your feelings about the relationship. What would be different that would make it work out? Tell yourself you will be okay. It's not easy but you can do it. Most women do not respect or feel attracted to a doormat. Remember that. Try to relax and not expect her to come back. Come to accept the outcome whatever it may be. You will be more attractive expressing a calmness with things instead of desperation. I have to remind you some girls just like knowing they have someone that they can take from without giving in return. Again take care of yourself and cover those buttons she is pushing.

Break contact off when she gets back. Then in a month your news about grad school will be an excuse to contact her. Expect that you will want to talk to her as it is only natural. My ex and I lived to together for 9 years and after a month he came to see me with an excuse that it was for something else. I was too happy to see him and blew it so he backed right off. It's a push and pull thing and if she feels pressure from you she will back off. Even when you think you are not applying pressure to get back together she will sense it. I do not know all the circumstances but it kind of sounds like she likes knowing you are there for her but will not get back together more than friends. That is not fair to you. You have to get on with your life. If she really loves you she will be back. It takes time. It all takes time. Take care of yourself for a month and come to this web site and vent again when you are feeling weak. Like I said before if she knows you are at her beckon call she will take you for granted.

You have to explain to her that you need time to get over the relationship before you can be friends. She will know you still care. Then do not contact her for a month and try to concetrate on yourself in that month. Find something to take up your time instead of thinking about her. If she calls you keep the contact to a minimum. Give her a chance to really miss you by not being so available. Hold her off for at least a month and then talk about it. Don't go overboard though. If she wants to be back in a full relationship she will let you know. Unfortunately we cannot make people want us back so if it does not work out, at least you will have already been working on getting on with your life. Do not let her getting angry with you change anything. She will get over that if she really wants more than friendship. If seeing her makes you feel so bad and brings you to tears why would you continue with it? As long as she can string you along she will and the minute someone new excites her she will not need what she is calling "friendship." I'm nursing my own broken heart right now and with time things do get easier.

I know it's hard but try to move on. You are young and this will pass. Tell her you can maybe be friends later but if she really cares about you she will let you go. If you are meant to be together then you will be someday but right now concentrate on yourself. Keep telling yourself that you will make it. Every time you think of her say it over and over to yourself instead of thinking about her and analyzing her motives. Your relationship as it now stands is not really a friendship is it? A friend would not toy with your affections. It's the same old I want it, I don't want it, and now I want it back again. No offense but sometimes that is the sign of a serious personality disorder. If she really loves you she will straighten up when you show her you would like her in your life but you do not need her in your life. Get rid of the need.

I have not read your past posts. Is this your first really serious relationship? Don't send her any notes. Don't bring up your past relationship. Next time she contacts you tell her you are not ready to be friends yet and maybe you can in the future but it is too soon for that now. Don't put your heart out there to be completely smashed again. Sometimes girls like to know that someone they had is still completely there for them even if they don't want them anymore. Believe me if she meets someone that really interests her she will quit calling and then how will you feel. You need to move on concentrate on yourself and your future. Listen to me, I have way to much experience with this stuff. I could probably write a book about it. Unfortunately it comes with age. Take care!

Sounds like a commitment phobic. Do not have any contact with him and maybe you can be friends later. Read the book He's Scared, She's Scared, and you will get a better idea about what happened. In the mean time protect yourself because he will hurt you again.

Rebounds relationships fail 75% of the time and it does not matter if it is with a dumpee or a dumper. If you do not deal with the relationship that just ended you cannot really go on with someone new. Just look out for yourself the next time you meet someone like him.

I know that I am putting myself in for torture because I stay in touch with my ex's parents. It has been about 2 months since he moved a new person into his house. First they said someone came in and put my pictures all over the dining room table. Now someone came in the house, into their bedroom, stole some jewelry, and then took the keys to the truck and stole it right out of the garage. This piece of crap also has 2 illegitimate daughters and 2 very barky dogs that never made a noise through the whole robbery. I think it was an inside job that is connected to the new white trash girlfriend or her kids. All they do is go out drinking and driving, even better sometimes on a motorcycle. Our relationship lasted 9 years and reached a point where we were both bored. I just do not get how he can be going so far in the other direction and not know what he is doing is wrong. He really messed up his life here and he is acting like he has a death wish. He has become a 40-year-old teenager. Is this just the honeymoon phase or what? He told me he wanted to stay friends but just dissappeared after his girlfriend threw a fit about it. I am so crushed about his complete change in lifestyle. How can someone change so much?

To give some background, my ex and I broke up 2 weeks after he met someone new. We lived together for 9 years with an engagment just the Christmas before. I think he is a commitment phobic so instead of working on things he got someone new. I admit we were having problems and I was not happy either but he just dumped me with no discussion. Once I moved out he moved his new girlfriend and her 2 teenage, illigitimate daughters. She also let her mate and supposed father of the girls. Now the problem is that I am friends with his parents. I tried to have some communication with him as well but his woman throws a fit about it every time he talks to me. Here goes, tomorrow is a birthday party for his dad. I am invited and expected to see them there and was going to be nothing but fine with it. You know say hello and act detached about him being with her. I have totally let him go and if he returns then maybe he really did love me. If not then I can deal with that. Well anyway they are not coming to the party because she is afraid of me. His parents said he wants them to call him when I leave and he will come over and get some food for her. She thinks I am going to cause a scene. His dad told him that I do not want him back so there should be no problem. I just don't know if I should bother going except that I love his parents but what is with this freaking drama queen! She is doing all the wrong things which is the good part though. He went from a quiet life to one full of problems and drama. Maybe he likes his life that way but I doubt it. I also find it odd that he did not confront me about it, except that I know he would not want to upset me. He did complain to his parents about inviting me though, and I think she was there when he did that. His dad told him that since he said we were more like sister and brother than a couple, that now he has a daughter. In other words deal with your woman. Lisa is part of the family. We broke up just before the holidays and my birthday. He ruined Christmas for everyone, except of course for his true love. He even bought her an expensive gift that he could not afford, and they only met on Holloween. They could not even see each other very much because of her boyfriend. It is all just too Jerry ala Springer, if you know what I mean. What should I do?

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup but I think you need to get on with your life even if you are just going through the motions. I doubt she is not sleeping with him and as long as you are just waiting for her to come back she will take her time. Let her think you are moving on and she will get busy on coming back. You both might want to consider counseling because it takes 2 to have problems. It's too easy to get back in a routine that doesn't work unless you both work on it. Good luck to you! I'm sure you will get her back.

Thanks for your advice but he really did just meet her on Oct 31st, broke up with me on Nov 19th but I moved out in the first week in January with her and her girls moving in a week later. His family and everyone that knows him thinks he flipped his lid. As a matter of fact we just got engaged the year before but we had not been getting along great. He would go out on his motorcycle and I always declined. We live an area where bikes are really not a great idea so I was hoping he would lose interest. He told me he was just lonely and I told him I was lonely too. We were both drifting apart and feeling the same at the same exact time. This pathetic needy chick just happened to meet him at the right time. Longterm relationships always hit a spot where you go to the next level or break up. We just didn't make it. I have been doing pretty good since I moved out. It was really rough because he was sending all kinds of mixed messages. We even slept togeter a few more times. I know this stroke of fate that brought them together might be the best thing that ever happened to me. Only time will tell.

I am trying to get back my ex of a 9-year relationship. He broke things off with me 2 weeks after meeting someone new. We were really just both bored with each other and unhappy. Instead of staying and working things out he moved on to someone new. I did not move out right away and he watched me cry and cry. I told him I was just in going through the normal stages of things and in fact I was going to be fine with getting out on my own. She moved in the next week after I left with her 2 teenage illigitimate daughters leaving their father to move in with him. Well it has been 6 weeks and the they have already settled into a regular relationship. He and I did not talk for about a month until he came to see me after I sent him an email saying how happy I am. The problem is I am having trouble keeping him communicating with me. He tells me that she flips out if he tells her we have been talking. We have agreed to phone each other when he is at work. I told him to just not tell her about it but we shall see. So far he says he will call and has not. As of today I made my 2nd call to him. I had a good excuse to call and got to tell him about my date over the weekend. He complained about the kids to me. We agreed at any age children were a pain. At the end of the call he said he would probably call me later and has not. So should I just let him go completely and wait for him to contact me. I am supposed to go to his parents house this weekend for a little birthday party. They want me there because we are very close and they know it ticks off the new woman. Should I stay away so we don't see each other or go and act happy? I feel like if I contact him again for any reason I am the only one who wants to stay in touch. The even stranger thing is that I knew he wanted to see me after he had not for a month. It's like we still have that bond even though he is with someone else where we know what each other is thinking, or it's just wishful thinking on my part. I'm so confused. I just want to chance to try and salvage things and see if we could work it out. We have so much more going for us than this rescue/rebound he has now.