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medtranusa

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Everything posted by medtranusa

  1. medtranusa
    Sometimes when you push it makes the other person pull away more. I don't know if I would do any begging but be really sweet and nice. Try to get him to talk about anything. How are you doing? Be sure you have identified what went wrong so you can work on things not going right back to where you feel like you want out. Don't get in a panic. You can show you care but he may still need time to cool off. I know how it is. You want out, you get lonely and want back in. You start to remember things better than they were. Things can easily go back to the pattern that started all the trouble in the first place.
  2. medtranusa
    Almost 9 years living together and engaged 10 months before breakup 9 months for a couple months He said he did not love me anymore but he really meant he had someone he wanted to pursue. He met her 2 weeks before breakup with me. They have a sometime rocky relationship and he still has not totally let go of me. He calls us friends. He is 40 and I am 42.
  3. medtranusa
    To Lady: Security as in financial security continues if the person leaves you or dies if you are married. I still say friends first is the way to go and I could write a book on the subject.
  4. medtranusa
    Marry the man. Having a good friendship is the basis of a great relationship. The stupid sparks people talk about are a sign of a dysfunctional, possibly co-dependent relationship. Go with security, friendship, and trust.
  5. medtranusa
    Don't feel bad about being single. You can definitely still meet someone and get married. My sisters and I have all been divorced now and have found new partners. They are out there. Just be glad you are not a 3-time loser like me and I am 42. I plan on staying single for now because there is no time line. My sisters are both older than me and one is in a new committed relationship and the other is just dating. It also seems that it is in these days for younger guys to go out with older woman. Have some fun and get out there. Check out internet dating. I did it for a while and went out a few times but no sparks.
  6. medtranusa
    Suicide definitely needs to be handled by a professional. Here in Florida a person is commited to a psych ward for having suicidal thoughts. Maybe someone can have him picked up for an involuntary admission. It really is not her problem anymore but his friends or family need to be alerted and take action not her. I had an ex threaten suicide when I was very young and my mom called his mother and said this is your problem now. She really cannot be involved actually for his sake and the mixed messages that could result.
  7. medtranusa
    I called my ex of a 9-year relationship today to see if he had any news on his mom's surgery. I have been recently going through major depression. We almost got back together a month ago when his new relationship which was a catalyst to our breakup, nearly ended. They decided to try again but during all the drama he was calling me. Anyway when I got him on the phone I admitted to the depression. I told him I thought it was because I quit smoking. He thought that was weird and kept pressing me for what is wrong. Well I said what do you think? He said us still? Duh. I told him I was doing well until he called (it had been about 4 months since I moved out) and that he put me back almost to square one. I even started to cry. He is a rescuer so he gets off on this crap. Just watch him call now and try to be there for me. He just had to make me spill the beans. He also inquired if I was messing around with anyone these days. Should I answer the phone when he calls? I really truly think I am feeling worse about things because of the nicotine withdrawal because I feel worse if I forget my patch. He really likes playing the rescuer. That is how his new relationship started. She is a true drama queen and his life went from a quiet one to constant drama.
  8. medtranusa
    Oh man that is a tough one. My ex broke up with me after 9 years and a new girlfriend only we lived together, were engaged, and he moved her in as soon as a left a couple months after breaking up. He actually ended it with me 2 weeks after meeting her. He constantly gave me mixed signals and called me about a month ago because they were going to break up. They decided to give things another try so he chose her twice over me. He was going to keep calling me but after going back and forth about and my telling him that he messed me up after I was doing fine without him, he doesn't call anymore. I suggest maybe you tell him to contact you when things are really over with the other girl instead of keeping all his options open. I got caught in a situation with the new woman as well and even though he was calling me I got all the blame. So don't get caught in the triangle. It will just give him a big head and the new woman always thinks things will be different with her. I guess part of the thrill with a new woman is just that, she is new, a new toy, new body, etc. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know I am still battling the depression with my situation and I know I am better than I was. It still hurts me to the bone. PM me if you want to anytime.
  9. medtranusa
    Well so far I have done some painting, which I have not done for a very long time and I joined a gym. I've been working out like a maniac. I started going to church and quit smoking. That was a really big decision considering all that I am going through. I figured it was a good time because my roomie is not around enough to catch the fallout. I've smoked for so long that it is a part of me. It changes your perception of pain but it has been almost a month now, so I'm sticking with it. I'm still hearing about what goes on with him though and that might not be good. This gal was a rescue for him and has all kinds of problems. We had a quiet life and now his life is full of drama. Go figure.
  10. medtranusa
    Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. Every time I think of talking to him about something I don't go through with it. I even write emails with no intention of sending them. This is the worst pain I think I have ever felt. I am close with his parents still and sometimes I feel that they make a big deal about our closeness to the new woman to aggravate the situation. When I do not see them for a week they call me and make sure I will be over soon for dinner or something. We are trying not to talk about their son now though. They do not like the whole situation and are waiting for it to pass. Funny thing though, his dad told me I am better off because he would only bring me down. How's that for advice regarding your only son?
  11. medtranusa
    I'm trying not to contact my ex at all. His girlfriend is a psycho that flips out about me. She was a major part of our breaking up AFTER 9 YEARS TOGETHER. Can he and I ever be friends? It bothers me that after all that time we have no contact. I'm not sure if he is keeping the peace or worried about hurting me. He contacted me last month when they were having problems. I told him that I was doing pretty well until he drew me into the drama. He even made a remark that he and I should go to Vegas, which I took as meaning to get married. You see were not even engaged a year when he dumped me for her. Our relationship needed renewal at the time but he just told me I blew it. He took no responsibility for our relationship failing and we were threw. I figured out that there was someone else involved within a week. I probably should not even want to be friends with him. We broke up in November. I moved out in January and she moved in a week later. It still hurts a lot but I am functioning. I can't even get interested in other men yet. What is the point when you can be with someone so long and have them turn on you or betray you.
  12. medtranusa
    I have to add though that no contact is killing me. I hope that in the future either it will be easier to be friends or that I won't care anymore. Having spent 9 years with him to nothing just dries me crazy. I'm an attractive woman and I make pretty good money but I am choosing to stay single for now. My attitude is really bad toward relationships because you can be with someone for so long and still have them turn on you. Love bites!
  13. medtranusa
    I think I have given up here. Sometimes I miss the closeness but now he has chosen this other person twice over me. How much can I take? I feel better when I look at this as closed. The dog is definitely my dog and is more bonded to me. He misses him but it's not causing any problem. I suppose sometime he will get some time with the dog when she is not around if he really wants to. I am inclined to think that he did not go for it because she was there. He tries to keep the peace because she really freaks out and yells at him in a rage at times. So thereforeeee he cannot be himself with her. Even so I have to look at this as over for my own sanity.
  14. medtranusa
    Try reading the book He's scared, She's scared, and then decide if you really want him to have him back. It's about commitment phobics, men and women. It could possibly help you understand him better. In the meantime try to go with no contact if you want him back. Let him contact you. I agree that your daughter contacting him would not be a good idea for her sake.
  15. medtranusa
    Well I have given up on getting back with my ex. We were together for 9 years and then like some kind of middle age crazy he dumped me for a stranger and her 2 daughters. We had a quiet life and now he has one that is full of drama. They almost split up about 2 weeks ago and he started calling me. He drew me right into the whole thing and then called to say they were going to try one more time. Too funny one more time in a relationship that should be in the honey moon phase. I told him he should not be calling me if he was really trying to make it work with her. Then stupid me I changed my mind and told him I understood him and that we still have some kind of connection. After that we spoke a couple more times because I called him. I pushed him right away I know. Well now a couple weeks later I saw him yesterday. The happy couple came by his parents dock on his jet ski. He waved very sheepishly and she just glared at me while rubbing his arms. I smiled and waved and said to my dog who's that. The dog showed some recognition and they were gone after some hesistation. I'm very close to his family and we try not to talk about it much anymore. He broke up with me 2 weeks after meeting her and she moved in a couple months later (a week after I moved out in January). So today when I was at his parents house for dinner his mom said that his true love did not seem upset at all about my being there. My not being out of the picture has been their big problem that they almost broke up about. She accused him of having sex with me when he had not contact at all. Anyway she told his mom that he really misses the dog and that he really wanted to come get the dog for a ride on the jet ski. She says she told him to go ahead. Well why didn't he do just that? I have no ideas about us and will not be asking him why be strange about the dog? The dog doesn't care. I would have simply sent the dog out to him. I would have been minimally involved if at all. As a matter of fact we did this once before and I really didn't even look at him. Why do people have to be so strange? He's the one that made a mess of a possible friendship between us. It's a shame to be so weird with someone after 9 years together. I made it very clear to him that he could still talk to me but to leave me out of his drama. Oh well at least I have retained a friendship with his family.
  16. medtranusa
    No I don't think she is poisoning him but the fact that it was said shows we are all going crazy here. I agree also that I wonder what he said about me too. He dumped me like nothing after 9 years and an engagement about a year before, and was often on the phone with her saying who knows what. The new woman always thinks that the outgoing woman was the problem. Our relationship had it's problems on both sides but we could have worked on it. He took the easy way out and inserted a new woman into his life. Just like in the soap operas, Theresa is now playing the part of Lisa. We had not had much contact before they were possibly going to split so I was not the cause, but I know I was blamed by some of the others sticking their nose in. Yes I will not be accepting his calls anymore, and I agree I have gone too far to the point of obsession with this. Since she moved in this really good neighborhood she has been thrown in jail, and someone has come in their house twice, stealing jewelry and his truck. So there is a some room for concern but I will be stepping back on it now.
  17. medtranusa
    I have to say nothing he has done to me is what a friend would do. I tried to tell him not to call and broke down on it because he got all upset. He has not been calling though for a few days because she is on her best behavior. I did tell him my life was fine until he called me last week. He said it will get better; I said, no, it was fine the way it was until all this crap. After livng with him for 9 years it was getting comfortable just being on my own, and spending time on myself. That stupid woman does not know how her head is on the choppng block already. He said some pretty rotten things about her to me. Makes me wonder why I care. I am feeling stronger today because I have not spoken to him. My roommate saw him last night at home. He told me got violently ill like he had never seen. He said he ate too much. So now my roommate thinks this gal might be poisoning him! That is the insanity going on here. We all wonder who this woman really is which leads to insane statements like that. I have tried to do background checks on her but keep hitting brick walls. His parents have money so I told them to hire a PI if they are so worried. It is a soap opera and I want to get off.
  18. medtranusa
    Anyone have any suggestions on how I should break off contact with my ex? Should I let him know I think we could have a really good life together but if he wants to just be friends I need time? He was definitely thinking about getting back with me when he thought he and his new flame were going to break up. Now he expects me to be his confessor because he says he has no one to talk to. I was doing really well until he started calling and decided to give her one more try. I tried to break things off but I felt horrible and I did not want him to think I was angry. It was almost like breaking up all over again. If we were to work things out it would be so good. We were together 9 years and hardly ever had a fight. We always got along, we just got bored, and he met her at just the right time. She a deparate woman who comes from the other side of the tracks. He is supporting her and her 2 teenage daughters now. She only works as a breakfast, lunch waitress, and I make almost 40K. He was just so infatuated with her but now he wants to keep me on the side. I have a coffee date this week with someone new so I told him about it. His comment was it might be a married guy looking to fool around. In other words forget about it. I said I think I will because it is something to do. See I'm rambling and babbling. I losing my mind!!
  19. medtranusa
    Thanks! I am so tore up and confused about why he is dragging me into this drama. He brought up maybe going to Vegas, because he knows he would have to marry me for me to move back in with him. This woman is insanely jealous but is promising to behave now and is blaming her psychoness on how her ex treated her. True jealousy is baggage, but she is 38 and I doubt she can hold it in.
  20. medtranusa
    I blew it already. He sent me an email saying he thought I was pissed off but I'm not really so stupid me went and called him. I told him my life was going just fine until this past week and all the false accusations. His girlfriend is making my life uncomfortable. His mom and I are being blamed by some for their having problems. The problems are all due to her acusing him of being with me. He had not been calling me until he tired of her accusations. I started another post on the subject and I am thinking of totally breaking all ties with him, his parents, and totally leave my familiar surroundings. I just want to fade away because I am so unhappy now.
  21. medtranusa
    My ex of a 9-year relationship has been calling me because he and his new live-in girlfriend of almost 3 months are fighting. In fact she was supposed to move out but he is giving her 1 more chance with the clear understanding that she will leave if it does not work out. I was feeling pretty strong since we broke up in November and I moved out in January. He dumped 2 weeks after meeting this new woman as we were having some problems. We had hit a long-term relationship lull. Now I am all tore up over the past week of she is leaving, no she is staying. He wants to keep talking to me because he says he has no one to talk to. I told him if he was really trying to make it work with her he should not be talking to me. He tells me he has no one to talk to that will not be negative and just listen. I told him I had to be negative and say that he knows this will not work out as it is over extreme jealousy. She can promise to behave but her emotions will get the best of her. I also told him that I think he just agreed to one more try because he thinks she will leave without a problem when the next fight comes along. Believe me it will not be long because they are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase and they have major fights instead. I'm just so unhappy and feel like I lost all the recovery I had made. What do I do? I am also close to his parents so there is an entanglement there to.
  22. medtranusa
    Well my ex called to tell me that they are going to make one more try. Big surprise, not! He wants to keep calling me though and keep me involved in this drama. I agreed but after thinking about it I called him back to say that he should not call me. If he is really trying to make this relationship work she would not appreciate him talking to me about it. He was pretty upset and said he has no one to talk to. My heart bleeds! I told him I am not waiting for him. This is the life he chose and he cannot have it both ways. I was not nasty or angry about it either. It felt good because it was like getting to dump him back.
  23. medtranusa
    He called and she is moving out again. He is pretty happy about it too. Live and learn. No contact and working on yourself works, but I will not be moving back in with him without getting married. Wish me luck!
  24. medtranusa
    Okay my ex of a 9-year relationship recently initiated contact with me because his girlfriend is accusing him of fooling around with me. Long story short today he did not call and when I called him she answered and told me to get on with my life and not to call him anymore. She said I'm asking you nicely, which I took as a threat. I told her with were just friends. She asked if I needed him to tell me that and put him on the phone to do just that. He did not do as he was told but asked me to tell her we were not fooling around. I told him I did not want to talk to her but if he cannot talk to me then I needed to hear it from him. He only asked me to try not to be at his parents house very often. I told him I visit them maybe once a week and that is none of her business. If she has a problem with it she needs to talk to his mom about it. I told him to call me when he can and he agreed. So I think he is just aggravating the crap out of her. Earlier in the week she was supposed to move out and quite frankly he did not have a problem with that. He is one of those wishy washy guys that has to try so he will not feel guilty about ending it. I can't say I feel sorry for him. I think I will just go on as usual, visit his parents when I want to, and not contact him again. I know he will be calling but I can't help but feel he is really looking for more than friendship so he is trying to leave the door open. Anyone have any advice for me? I am only calling us friends so I do not want to tell him to buzz off next time he calls. Any thoughts from anyone?
  25. medtranusa
    I know exactly how you feel. My emotions seem to go up and down but it slowly gets better. My ex left me after 9 years for someone he had only met about 2 weeks earlier. He too, though not to me, has said that his new love is more than what we ever had. Funny how people forget that at the beginning of a relationship you can feel like this is the best it has ever been. Those new love feelings fade with time. My ex calls and tells me that he had a bad fight with his girlfriend the other night so just be glad that your ex has let you go because it makes it easier to heal.
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