jaded4life

You sound very down on yourself and I agree life at times can make you feel overwhelmd with heartache, rejection, disappointment, and failure, but it is life that is precious and what we do with our failures and losses can differentiate us from failure. Understand? What can you possibly gain by sitting here today feeling down on yourself, feeding this self deprecating attitiude by pointing out the negatives in your life. Chance something, you have the power to change your life, we all do. Or you can change someone elses, sometimes we must start with ourselves, yet at times it is good for the soul to placea smile on a friend in need. I have felt like you, I have thought that my life was a complete mistake and joke, but life is so precious and many take for granted that we are blessed in so many ways. Be thankful for what you have, not bitter for what you do not. I guarantee you, there are others worse off. Do not become a bitter, cantankerous old man unitl you demise. Live you life and treat it precious!

I agree most attraction is superficial, yet even that can go wrong. Being beautiful or handsome does not solve your sexual or relationship problems. I have fallen in love that with a man that was not initially attracted to, I use to have a criteria when it comes to meeting men, but I have grown and learned alot from that. This man spoke soft, he was charming, chivalrous, anyway I feel in love with his soul, then he become beautiful to me. Our sex was incredible, we were so passionate for one another and I still love him. However, I always will love this man, he could not give me what I needed, a commitment, so we went our separate ways. The moral of the story is that initially, yes there must be an attraction, but falling in love takes more than just a pretty face.

Listen I will try to be discreet and rational with my response, but you have read me all wrong. I NEVER said that I was all that, I NEVER said that I could have any man I wanted, and I am not all about appearances! Yes, I am being defensive b/c that hurt. I do have a personality, I am a very compassionate, loyal, giving person, yet he never saw that. I wanted brutal honesty b/c I can not fathom loving someone and turning my back on them, do you understand? I do not like MR. GQ, my ex was not above average in appearance, yet to me he was beautiful. I am sorry you misunderstood, yes it seems these days everything is about appearances, not just personalities. If I told you that she was a model and I was plain, you would say that he was just attracted to her body. I guess I will never know what is going on inside his head. So let me ask you, how would you feel if the one you loved was in another's arms tonight? Would it not make you feel like something is wrong with you. He knew I loved him, but just like you said before he could not return it, so he moved on to his next clean plate, she is all brand new and not jaded. I do not have grandiose illusions of my appearance I was just clarifying the facts! All I know is that if I loved someone, beautiful or not, you can bet your ass I would not be laying beside another person, I would move mountains to be with the one I loved. For this man I gave everything, in return I got hurt. So tell me what type of personality does it take to not get your heartbroken? I am not fake or immature, From my point of view, I am of average appearance, intelligent, passionate, loving human being. NO I am not perfect, nor do I ever claim to be. I have many insecurities at times b/c of his repeated rejections; I am not spineless. Just hopelessly in love.....

Alright, I am a female so do not hold that against me. This is my insight.......My first question is how long did you date the other girl? ANd why did you move on so quickly without trying to work it out with her first? You should read my topic I posted a few minutes ago, it may help. Anyway,you say that she is touchy I am even offended by that. THis is why.......When a female loses a partner we are lost, I mean seeing or dating another man never comes into our hearts. We think of you constantly, hoping you will call, hoping that you will understand, and I know that is silly but it is a woman thing. We want you to move mountains for us, we want the fairy tale, not you running into another womans arms, comprente'. Be patient do not give up, be honest move those mountains for her, show her how much you love her. Let me know how it all comes about.Jaded

Okay Fellas, I am desperate for some insight here. SO please be brutally honest, Yes I said brutally! And Please Please Reply Pronto. I am feeling blue 2 night. I am about 3.5 months post break-up from a man 10 years my elder. We dated off and on for 3 years however we did date, it was never a satisfactory level for me. See this man is divcorced his wife cheated, yada yada yada, and I tried to be patient, but when my birthday came and went without even a card it broke my heart. NO that was not the only reason, see he could never give me the substantial "we are in a Loving commmitment", he always got so close and pulled back. ON night we sat and talked, as I recall this event it brings tears to my eyes. he told me that I was so wonderful and beautiful and that he did not know what I saw in him. He confessed that my age and appearance made him scared of me. Which I think is a bunch of bull, yet it was a nice gesture. I am attractive, and his friends tell me that I could have anyone that I wanted, but I do not think so, I do think that I have major insecurities, otherwise I would not have gotten involved woth someone who emotionally neglected me. ANyway onto my problem... this ex of mine lets call him jo, is a big pot lover, which I believe impacts his emotional health, he is so fickle. One day he loves me 3 months later he is distant withdrawn, stops calling.I am telling you guys I have wnet insane trying to love this man, which I still do. I ended it on JUne 21, b/c I could not take it anymore, I just blew up on him, he had cheated, lied, and hurt me and I hated myself for allowing it. One week later he left a message while I was at work to say that despite everything he still cared for me deeply, amd that oneday I was going to make some man very happy, but it could not be him b/c he did not hav ehis head screwed on right. Well I cried and replayed it 1000x...ONe week after that he was already dating and rumor had it that they were very serious. So fellas how can you tell one woman I can not commit, and then commit to another one. FYI this woman is not attractive, no I am not saying this to be mean, but she is very plain, cute but not all that. Anyway is he rebounding? He also called my grandmother oneday while he is dating this woman and tells my grandma that he loved me dearly and always would and that he never meant to hurt me, but everything had just gotten so messed up, he did not know how to fx it all. I never responded to that, I figured he was right that we could never fix it. So if you loved a woman dearly how could you not try to win her back and how the hell can you form a relationship with another one so soon. DO you think he ever thinks of me, I just need someone to help me see the reality in all of this. Please help.............................Fool in love

Ohh Girl I know what you mean! I am 28 divorced 6 years, had 2 longterm relationships each lasting 3 years and now I am alone. Tonight, on a Friday night, I sit home b/c I give up. We are never given directions on forming adult relationships which would be kind of boring if it were so. You say your current situation is not going anywhere, why? Usually it is expressed by one or both parties in the relationship or there could be just the unknown kinda like knowing somethings missing just not sure what. I stayed with someone for 3 years hoping he would come around and in the end I was forced to keep moping around or have the courage to make that change. I dumped him, thinking he would come crying back, well he went crying right into the arms of another woman 2 weeks after I dumped him. I know that we were not right for one another, he never deserved me, yet is hurts to know that he is already "seriously" dating her. You see our problem was that he was too burned from his divorce to trust another commitment, so I thought, however, he has had no problem trusting her. SO if you think you need to lose this current man, do so , but make sure it is what you want, make damn sure! Or you may be alone, some say alone is better than living a lie, but the way I feel tonight I am not so sure.

Hey I just wanted to Thank you for your advice, you have a great perspective on this. I know looking in from the outside allows a broader, clearer perspective, and you are so very right. It is just so difficult so let go, ya know? I can tell you, even my closest friends that I have let go, but in my heart, well there is still this hurt but I guess it is a wound that I will carry for a long time. I have alot to keep me busy and it is true that at times I still focus on his life too much. It is so hard to be true to myself, it is like I have given up on a dream that I have worked so hard, no, we had worked so hard to accomplish. Perhaps it would be easier for me to know that he is hurting and not dating this soon. But you are right, I too feel like he is ignoring his true feelings, although facing mine are very hard it will be the best thing.

I have not a question, just confusion. I thought maybe if I shared my story that it would help myself and or others. And the story goes....... About 3 years ago I was in the midst of a brokenheart from my now ex fiance. My fiance found someone new and that is another story, however, I began dating a man that was 10 years my elder and like me going through a difficult time. His wife of 15 years cheated on him and left him, he was heartbroken, I did not really care at that time b/c I was not thinking of a relationship, just companionship. We dated about 4 months initially and we moved very fast can you say rebound? Of course, I left his home many nights feeling lost and I would go home and cry over my ex, I felt guilty but I did not want to be alone. It use to break my heart to have sex with him b/c all I could think of was my ex and I went thru pure emotional torment. But hey I did it to myself. He has 2 daughters and I have 1 son and 1 daughter from a previous marriage, so we had somethings in common. Anyway he was the one to end the relationship, being honest about his feelings by telling me he still missed his family and was not ready for any commitments. I was relieved, yet I felt rejected thinking nobody wants me, ya know the whole self deprecating attitude, I had it. Well we got back together and broke up several more times since then. But this summer changed alot of things for us both. I got real tired of his emotional instabilites b/c now I actually loved this man after 3 years of screwing around it had to happen I guess. I never dated anyone else except him and even when we would break up ( 1 month was the longest) we would both stay single. He had his women though I guess they were in his life when we were dating but they were his booty calls. I suffered so much pain and rejection with this man that my self esteem plummeted. Oneday June 21 2003 I worked up enough tears and sweat and courage that I decided to be the one to let him go. I called him and told him that I was not happy and I cried and told him that I knew about all his little secrets, I just lost it on him, and dumped him. He said he understood and that he was very sorry. I cried and cried and cried. One week later he leaves me a message on my cell to let me know that I was a wonderful woman and that never meant to hurt me or anything, that he just did not have his head on his shoulders right to have a real commitment with someone and that I was going to make somebody real happy oneday but that it couldnt be him because of how he felt about relationships, but that he cared deeply for me and that he was very sorry. So I listened to it and in return I left him a nasty message to let him know that I was not appreciating or accepting any apology. Two weeks Later I went to a local club, to my surprise he was there, I would not even look at him, and double whammy my ex finace was there. Well he came up to me and hugged me like I was his new best friend, whatever, so I played alone hoping that my new ex would see and aprreciate what he lost. Well he got angry and left. NOthing happened b/t me and my ex except that he told me he had made a huge mistake by what he had done and he had always regretted it. That was nice to hear. So the next night I came back out with and he had brought a date. Now you have to understand I have never seen him with another woman and this floored me, she was very plain not ugly just plain and I knew her b/c she use to date my former boss. I could not believe he was already dating. I casually left after a couple drinks and cried like no bodies business. Well the rumor started that they were a hot item and that he was saying she is the one, same for her. I am really hurt and confused by this, if he was not ready to commit to me how can he commit to her? Is he rebounding? Anyway, I work nightshift and one moring as I was getting off work I decided to go by his house to get my stuff he let me in and he looked horrible he had lost weight and he had this scared look on his face, no she was not there, but he was so distant. I hated it. I gathered my stuff and as I was leaving I asked him if he ever loved me, he said he was not sure what love was. I left crying, no he did not see me cry. Shortly after that I began receiving prank calls and oneday I even received a call from his new gf saying "Leave Randy ALone" nothing else I recognized her voice so I called her back she denied it so I called him and told him he was very nice to me but I told him that I did not appreciate it and that I had not bothered him no matter what he had told anyone. I hung up and he calls back to speak my grandmother, whom lives with me answered and he told her that he would never put anybody up to do that to me that he was so sorry that everything was all messed up but he did not know how to fix it. He even told her that he loved me and always would love me and would never hurt me. See why I am confused? SO 2 weeks ago I go out with my sister to the same club and his there with his new gf again. Does not sound like he was mad at her for calling, huh? Anyway, everytime I casually glanced their way they seemed to be arguing, they just did not seem to be happy, I mean I think back at how we were, but maybe I wanted to see them unhappy who knows. Not too long after I got there they left. No problem. 2 days later I see him in town and he waves very excitably, and then the next day I ran into him again at Papajohns during lunch he spoke and I said hello placed my order got my food and left without looking at him again. So for the most part I have handled everything very good. Until last week I received a very touching poem via forwarded email from a friend and I sent it to him! It just said people come into your life for a reason and that when it ends we must accept the goodness and move on. He replied with I hope you have been well Always Randy, well that got me. SO I replied foolishly again just to say that I never regretted our relationship and that I wished him happiness no matter what, but I signed it Love, big mistake. He never replied. I am still hopelessly in love with him and I wish he would show up on my doorstep like the dozens of times before wanting me back, but this time is different he is seriously datng this girl and even though she is not all that in appearance she has him and it kills me. I can not help but wonder why does he not want me back this time. Is it b/c I broke it off and he thinks I am really not interested or what, TO all guys who read this how can you not want a commitment with someone after trying for 3 years, but the very next girl you date is magically the one. Is he rebounding? AM I crazy for still thinking about it. It just hurts and I try to think of why but I have no answers. His new gf is not very attractive and I am not bragging but his friends told me that he told them that he never thought he could date someone as attractive as me, so I have her bet in that department. They are very different in personalities and lifestyles.If he could tell my grandma that he loves me why can't he tell me? If he loves me than why doesn't he want to be with me. My mom spoke to his sister the other day and his sister told her that I was the families favorite and she thought he was still hung up on his exwife,even seeing her again, so at least I know he is not faithful to his new gf either. Anyway I had to share this with someone Thanks for any advice. Jaded4life

AAAHHH the waiting, not knowing, you feel insecure, stupid, regretful, angry, hurt........alot of emotions tied to this game. You left alot out, why did you break up? Is she dating someone? Are you? Perhaps if you broke up with her or hurt her feelings she is making you pay while waiting it out, hence, revenge is so sweet. My personal opinion do not wait live your life, if she does call or whatever than talk, do not get caught up in mind games hun, believe me you have your whole life to do not waste it on this state of mind of not knowing. Yes, it is hard and it will get harder, it has to to get better. Just keep your head up!

Would it be too much to ask if we could just read minds? Honestly, no one can make up your or her mind except for you or her, understand? Believe me I know where you are coming from and one day I will post my personal dilemma, but for now be honest with yourself. They say love will move mountains and if you love her you may need to move them to let her know, but allow yourself some dignity and respect too. Do not get lost in what makes her happy, do not be fickle, do not be immatuer, be honest with yourself. DO you really want someone who kicks you to the curb for some pothead, nah, I did not think so. She has issues and you care for her, but you are not letting her know, you want her to make the first move, perhaps she is scared too. It will take guts and courage in any decision but use the spine that God bleesed you with, do not be a doormat, from experience I know. Some people use others and for a while it may make you feel cared for, however, oneday that user will toss you and you will really really feel all that pain and rejection that was once hidden. It hurts now but Thank God you have multiple choices and a life to love. Good luck Dannyboy