Eket

Yeah.. her other vacation was planned in september at first, but that couldn't go on. So they switched it to mid july... I honestly expected we'd be meeting this summer... but she had already made many plans in her possible vacations from work... Dun ask me... i wanted to have met already, and have hold her close to me already... The school i had already planned before we did get together, it has been a done deal for me to go there since months already. Besides... it is my carreer.. it is also very important to me. Also, i promised my mom i'd finish this new education. There has already been talk though of her moving here for longer periods of time... but that will be talked about more after our first meeting... but your guess is as good as mine why the plans weren't made already... =/ She already her entire summer filled out... I dunno it no more.. all this stuff is making me doubt our relationship at the moment... too many uncertainties still... and with the extra problems now. It does not make things all that much easier, yah know? Still... she said she wants it to work out, and i also want it to work out. I'm posting here because we simply do not know how no more...

Yeah, i'm a student. I have looked into studying abroad, but i want to study is currently not available any place near her. I am starting a new school in september so that is another 4 years for me, that i am going to be stuck here. This vacation we aren't going to meet either, simply because there is no time. I leave tomorrow for 2 weeks to Greece, and she leaves 1 week after me for 3 weeks in Austria. That's a month apart already, i can tell you this much that doesn't make it much easier. Then we will meet up for 2 weeks where she has to work again and so. Then her friend from Italy where she stayed earlier this year, will stay with her now, and i will again not see her for 2 weeks. Then i start school again, maybe at xmas we can meet... but most likely it is leaning towards next year somewhere... Is it safe to assume, that the distance is simply the problem here? and not being able to meet for quite some time is causing more of these problems?

I know you are right and so... i'm just so crazy about this girl... i wanna spend every waking moment with her... I always felt somewhat lonely, but when my mom died it became extreme really. I am often home alone now since dad is working. Often i just find stuff to do, and usually then i am busy... it feels different... THe moment i get to spend time with her, my day lightens up again. Actually it's as simply as receiving an sms from her and my day is like 10 times better already... That's why i want all this to work out, everything has to be good now... cause idon't want to lose yet another important person to me...

hmm.. 2 people from the netherlands responded o.o; Fairy... I believe that is probably my main problem. I don't have many friends at all no more, and i'm not a very outgoing person myself. I just wanna lie on the couch holding my girl and watching a movie ^^;;; Well of course i would take her out to places... personally i just want a girlfriend to share my free time with. Sometimes it is nice to spend time with another friend, but i really don't have so many. I do have some hobbies i like to do... I just feel lonely when she isn't here... i know that can't be a good thing but... that's how it is. She isn't here now either, and i feel so alone...

It is within Europe Ilse. Netherlands - Germany. In total though it is still about 1000km since she lives in the far northeast corner of germany. We do seem to share quite a few good things already. It's just these things that keep popping up as a big problem. Then we fight about it again... Luckily we are always to get past the argument, and then we are good again. We are never mad at each other for that long... But yeah... where do i go from here. I believe that all put together being in an LDR is simply the problem. Cause, i just wanna hold her... i want her close to me... she is a good girl, plain and simple. I want this to work, and She does also.

Me and a Girl have been getting together more or less. I have also posted about issues before on this. But we have hit a snag in what we've build up so far. The last 5 months we got together, we had been years for quite a long while already but we got to know each other so much better in those 5 months. We started getting feelings. When my mother died 2 months ago she was my main support. That really got us very closely together. Here is the main problems. For Me: 1: I've always had trust issues... those are sadly amplified by the distance apart. and also Knowing that some of her male friends are also very interested in her. Ok, she has chosen me.... i've been telling myself that but this problem won't go away. 2: When we are together we are great. When she goes to do other things with her friends for example. I seem to get moody somehow, i can't stand being apart from her. She notices this, and then feels badly that she went to see some friends. I know this is probably a problem on my part. I need to find some way to get rid of it 3: I have general problems with letting go. For example i can't let go of the fact that their are still guys interested in her, and that she could get together with them. It's like my mind makes up some kind of worry, and i believe in it. Even when it couldn't be true... For Her: 1: She also has the trust issues, doesn't like to place her faith in someone. Though she has it in less a factor then i do. So, she doesn't have so much a problem here. 2: She's very careful of relationships. She's had many bad experiences in her past and thereforeeee is now very careful. I want to be more close to her, and she wants me more close but her fears then push me away again. This has become quite the painful cycle... We are both at a loss for what we need to do. We both see the problems, we both try to fix them. We can't seem to get it done. Can anyone here please help the 2 of us... We want our relationship to work better again. Thank You

Sorry for the double. But i figured i will post here what is currently bothering me the most. That thing that is constantly active in my mind. It's my girlfriend she had some cyber, and i did also before her. I guess no biggy... she is a virgin real life... actually i knew this before i got involved with her, it didn't bother me then. Several months into the relationship nothing still... actually just since a few days ago, it has been filling my mind... still i tell myself it's silly, it's stupid... who cares about something like this. It was even just a roleplay so they were using characters they had created. It wasn't even real.. I don't get it why does this bother me now of all times =/ i don't want it to bother me...

Ok, i will try this method DN. However i fear i'll be using that rubber band nearly all day long... cause i think about it nearly all the time, even if i don't want too, and tell myself to focus on something happy... Edit Ok.. been trying that... my hand hurts like >_ Edit 2: I don't know what it is DN.. even if i think about something good, some of that junk is like always present in the background >_

Is it possible for you to help me further on these exercises...?

Not doing so well with that DN... =/

That is what i'm sort of trying to achieve... separate the bad memories from the good ones, and then only think about the good ones... i am very bad at it, it seems =_= cause constantly my mind shifts to the bad ones instead of the good ones...

She knows about it. I do talk about it. She isn't bothered by my past at all... i am bothered with hers. I just don't know how to accept, and forget and so. But yeah talking i have done more then enough...

First a little bit of background. I've never really understood how this is done. 20 Years old, i've been through quite a few things in life. Some of it is mentioned on these here forums. (Some recent ones, Mom died not too long ago, and another person's past that is close to me) I think however it all leads down to the same thing... Dealing with it. I have many experiences in my life already... but still the stuff from years back are bothering me today. People, tell me to accept it, it can't be changed, and then forget it. I have so far been unable to do so... Since, I can't figure out how this is done it is causing friction with the person i love cause how do i deal with her past... when i don't even know how to deal with mine? I could definitely use help on that, and i was thinking of gathering the information made by people and make it into a sort of guide. That could be sticked or something, i don't know. I'm certain this topic comes up rather often. Even though i cannot seem to find much using search. Well... looking forward to some reactions. Greetings Mike

She is worth it very much... She is amazing... this stuff shouldn't matter so much... still.. it's hard to move on with about everything lately. I dunno why this thing started really... we talked about this quite a while ago... just when i woke up today i had this suddenly... and i just asked her about all this... and then events described in original post happened.

heh... first girl i dated was 14 (i was 17) and had by then already had sex with a few others... never really felt good with that relation... maybe that did something... then there was a girl who cheated on me... that's just on girl department though... the latest event in my life was losing my mother 2 weeks ago... she died. This girl really helped me through a hard time... gawd i want her so badly... she's so amazing... i dun even wanna let her go over something like this... but still it bothers me a lil... and i want to get over it -_-