chedchase

It would be interesting if you did the same thing back to her and see how she reacts. I almost want to say that she takes what she has with you for granted, but I won't assume anything. I know girls are attracted to other guys in some form (physically, or attracted to their character, attitude) but I have come to learn that what separates us from them is that the girl is attracted to everything about us. Meanwhile, she is only attracted to one part of the other guys. I think its a part of maturity and the best thing you can do is let it roll. Afterall, she's with you and not them. Make her miss you, that may cure this pretty fast.

Dude, Not to be harsh...but...your 15 years old. Whether this girl is for you or not, there is no reason to be cutting yourself here. People on this board are here to offer opinions, suggestions and guidance. I suggest you to speak with a counselor in person. There are people on her that I am sure could help, but i think visiting with a counselor will work twice as fast and be a lot better for you to have face to face contact, especially if you are this bad. It's never that bad. Life has funny ways of working out, just gotta ride the tough waves out. Always look out for yourself, the rest around you will fall into place. Pick yourself up and realize that your life is much bigger and brighter to let some things ruin it all. Take care of yourself.

Sprayz... First thing's first, if you keep worrying about how inexperienced you are, you will be nervous and blow this. Whether this is your first time asking a girl out or your 30th time, its never that easily done. I would suggest seeing if she wants to hang out sometime on the weekends, maybe develop something clever and with a nice touch. If you are confident or not, act like it. I am not a girl, but having girls as friends and girlfriends I can tell you a big turnoff is not being confident. Not cocky or bullish, just confident in who you are. Try not to act desperate for her. I know how you must be feeling. Worried about rejecting, yet fantasizing about if she was receptive to your invitation. I've been in those situations, some I took risks and acted on and some I didn't. I failed at some, got rejected while others worked out. But I can tell you this: The best thing you can do is to try. If she says no, then at least you know she isn't interested. I'm sure you'd agree, knowing how she feels up front is better than going through more english classes wondering. You don't have anything to lose, really. Maybe a little pride, but honestly if you try now and fail, you still gained from it. It will be easier the next time you ask a girl out and it will put your mind to ease whether or not this girl is interested in you. Swallow your pride and put yourself out there. Its hard, but you'll be glad you did it, whether it be now or the not so distant future.

Hey everyone. she's a goner.

Thanks Rainy..shes a b i t c h now.

Goodbye.

if you want more knowledge of the situation as well as to read the letter, check it out here: link removed

Here's the cliff notes of my situation. My girlfriend was about to leave for med school, I hit the panic button and broke up with her and now she's been gone for eight weeks! I wrote and sent a long letter telling her that I love her and distance (2,000 miles away) was not going to last forever - if this is what we both wanted. I told her I made a mistake and I loved her. I told her that I have realized a lot about my feelings and how much she means to me now that she isn't here and I have can put things in perspective (graduating in december from college also puts things in perspective)....so, we talked about that letter recently and she seemed cautious that this was something I really wanted or if it was a matter of just being lonely. I explained to her it wasn't - i didn't need anyone in my life to make me happy, but I wanted her. Anyway, the question: I sent her flowers once in a while and also send her a package of home made cookies or candy and other stuff she likes. I just recently sent her a package of cookies that I made all by myself! I usually like to mix it up between flowers and packages...a long with notes telling her that I miss her and think about her all the time. I just recently sent her cookies...she has a tough week with tests this weekend and I usually like to send her flowers on tough weeks...but would that be too much? I just sent the package that she got this week...would it be too early to send her flowers on friday? I don't want to ruin the element of surprise, but at the same time I want her to know that I am thinking about her and miss her like crazy. Do I send the flowers?

I talked to her for about 30 minutes tonight and the letter was never mentioned. It bothered me, so I brought it up. I called her back and here is the conversation, pretty much word for word: Me: "Did you get my letter?" her: "Yeah I did." Me: "well, I hope I didn't come off too strong but I had to get my feelings out and off my chest." her: "It was a little overwhelming...I didn't expect it. I don't know what to say." Me: "Did I ask you I was looking for a response in the letter? I wasn't reallly, I just needed you to know how I feel" her: "I don't know what to say to you....I am have a different life up here now." Me: "Ok, I understand that." her: "What you wrote in that letter...is that how you still feel?" Me: "Yeah. Yes it is. I have had a lot of time to think and I thought a lot about you and I. Many, many nights alone when you left it put things in perspective." her: "Perspective or did you just miss having someone? We weren't getting along and we broke up." Me: "I have thought a lot about that, too, but I know you need your sleep and I don't want to keep you up..." her: "Yeah, I have a quiz tomorrow...we'll talk..some other time about it then" To me, she sounds cautious in that she wants to be sure that this is something I want. I know the reason we broke up is because I expected her to be like me, and failed to realize that people are different and we were different...I needed to accept her for her and not judge her on who I wanted her to be...this is what I plan on explaining to her later. But, I think the fact that she didn't say "I just want to be your friend" is good news.... What do you think??

Unfortunately, I don't have much to update you all on. I haven't heard from her since my last post, but I did make cookies for her and sent them yesterday She hasn't even called her mom much, so I don't think there's reason to think much of it. I started thinking the other day though, since I didn't ask her to respond or come accross that I wanted a response from her....maybe her one call where she said "I just wanted to call and say I missed you"....was all she felt like she needed to say to me. Maybe to her, that was enough... Any thoughts???

Hello, My girlfriend of two years just left for medical school 8 weeks ago. I made a panic decision and broke up with her 2 weeks before she left. I have been trying to get her back since. But, I need to ask someone who has been there....someone who has tried (failed or survived) a relationship through medical school. Anyone been through that? Or in/were in medical school? I never hear from her and I don't know if this is normal...since she e-mail's me to apologize not being able to talk. I NEED YOUR EAR! Send me a PM or reply to my post if anyone out there could please help me. Thanks

Dal, Let me start off my advice and thoughts with a rhetorical question for you. What normally happens when two people break up? Well, depending on the situation and how the breakup was taken by one or both people, it's hard to think of one exact way. However, normally when people break up with one another there is sadness, feeling of being alone, etc. and usually if it was the intent to move on to better things, contact with that person would be limited...or in a very aquintance style. This guy has not limited his contact with you at all. Which should tell you all you need to know in reference to where his feelings are. It's a pretty common thing, I think, for a guy to ask for space. As a 23 year old and a Senior in College, I can tell you that it's hard being in a relationship that escalates to a serious level. We like to be free and without anything holding us back. But, then, we meet someone and fall in love with them and then we question if this is what we want and if the timing is right for it. (don't take offense to guys that do this, it's just a thought process) You'll never hear your guy confess to that, but as a person that is in his exact shoes, I can tell you this is exactly what's going on in my opinion. Puts you in a tough spot, really, because what are you supposed to do? Go out with him have fun but you're always wondering what he is thinking: Is this a friendship building or does he want me back? This can't be a lot of fun. I know it isn't. When you give guys space, we think a lot. I think women have the power to think on their feet, multi-tasked...maybe it's a question of maturity, I really don't know, but it's different than men. You've given him space to do his thing and where is he now? Calling you and trying to make contact with you any way he can. Dal, does this sound like he has moved on? If he has, he's not right in the head to be playing games like this and you're better off without him. But, I don't think that's the situation here. He loves you. He took time to figure that out and now he's ready to prove that to you. I would suggest bringing up why he needed space and now he wants to see you and talk all the time..but, I will caution you, although he is acting like this and although I know he's trying to get back in your life, he might not fully be ready to accept it yet. So, bringing it up might catch him off guard and he might act strange. If it kills you to know what he is thinking, then ask. Otherwise, take our advice here that this guy wants you back and let things fall where they may. Let him do the contacting until his feelings become more obvious to you (he says something referring to his feelings, I mean). Another idea is to not contact him for a day, see how he reacts. If he calls you, don't pick up and don't call him back. It seems immature, but hey, this guy wanted space and you have that as an excuse. If he asks you why you didn't answer or respond, this would be the perfect time to bring up the question of "hey you wanted space so I am trying to give it to you...but you are confusing me because you call, e-mail all the time. What am I supposed to think?" It's a big risk to take, but if you would feel better knowing-it's a risk worth taking. I don't think you have anything to worry about. He wants you back. He wanted to have time away, so I think you should let him take control of getting you back...don't make it seem like you are ready to fall in his lap though...make him work and his feelings will be more obvious to him as well as you and the chances of this "I need space" thing happening again would be less. Ched. [/b]

Well...sticky situation you have. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who lives with someone else, say nothing about having feelings for someone else. This is going to be more trouble than it's worth, I believe. Would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can't make up her mind? What if she does this to you? What if you become the boyfriend who she tells she is going on a business trip but she really isn't going on a trip for business at all. This has trouble written all over it. Actions have consequences and you could get into a very, very bad situation. What if she turns on you and tells her boyfriend you advanced her??? Best advice I can give, and I am sure Zer0 will re-iterate this, is to back completely off. Ignore all contact and tell her you won't be involved with someone that's living with someone else. She has different feelings than you do for her....either that or she has some problems because she's living with someone other than you. Get out. This is about to get ugly, my friend. Tell her you can't put yourself in the middle of the two and can no longer see her on the side. Put yourself and your feelings first.. Ched.

She called. We talked about her school and she asked me about my classes and stuff. Then we talked about a few other things and she told me that she was about to go shopping with her friends but wanted to call me and say "hi"...nothing was mentioned about the letter and she said she would call me later. Hmm....thoughts, PLEASE!!!

Dal. The first thing I would tell you is that I think every guy goes through this with a girl they love. I know I did (am) and I have seen similar posts that tell me this is a common thing for us guys. He wants to be with you, but I think he caught himself thinking too much with his head and acting with his heart. He's a afraid of the committment, wants to be sure you are really the "one", isn't sure where his life and your life are going to lead each other and if that would put space between you two-which would lead to heart brake and ache. All of these things are normal I would imagine. So, that leaves you in a tough situation doesn't it? Actually, the ball is in your court Dal. When a relationship escalates to a much more serious level, we tend to fear falling head over heals for a girl that eventually could break our heart. My thought is that he's been heart broken before, and we all know that isn't a great feeling. He's worried about having that again. You can take full control of the situation though. He told you he wanted his space. But invites you to go to dinner with him. He broke up with you, but now wants to see you more. You can see that he's just as confused as you are, but when it comes down to it, it's clear that he wants to be with you. What you do now is one of two things. 1) you wait for him to ask you out for dinner and you come out and ask him truthfully what he is feeling and how you should interpret all these e-mails and text messages that he wants to see you, etc.. Tell him exactly how you feel and he'll open up to you. Truth is the best policy. 2) Next time he e-mails you and writes his whole schedule out (he wouldn't do that by the way, unless he wanted you to be thinking of him--that's a guy secret!), ignore it. Don't respond for a day...hide out and see how he responds. Hey, he wanted his space and if he asks you why you aren't responding tell him that you thought this is what he wanted...and then bring up the truth part. Tell him that you can't stay confused and wondering when you two go out what he is thinking, why he wanted his space if he is spending time with you, etc.. It's not fair to keep you in the dark! I learned that the hard way, which is why I wrote the letter to my ex telling her how I felt. But, to be honest...it took her to put space between us for me to realize that letting her go was not an option and I needed to try and save us. He wants to be with you. He is thinking way too much and needs some reassurance from you and if you took the bull by the horns, you watch, he'll come back. The one major mistake we all make is thinking that men and women think the same way, as time goes on and I have more experiences in my life, I realize that we think completely different. Openness and honesty is the best cure for clearing that hurdle. Good luck, please let me know how things go....I'll keep you updated on my situaton as well. Ched.