Dal

Hey DizzyDance, Thanks for taking the time to comment on my situation again. I think my guy's latest actions with regards to consistent communication should maybe be attributed to him simply missing me as opposed to wanting to get back together, but you may be right in thinking it's the latter. I can't lie though--it obviously makes me feel good. After all, it shows he's thinking about me. Like I mentioned in my previous post (response to ChedChase), since I last posted, he has contacted me twice via e-mail with regards to getting together. Both have been casual, but if he really wanted time apart and didn't have feelings for me any more, I guess he wouldn't do that. I hope he's doing these things because he's realizing how much he misses "us" and not because there's nothing better around at the moment. With regards to your question, no, I didn't complain to him and ask him to do a few things differently. He was the one who broke up with me, so he was the one with the complaints. But he obviously knew that he needed to fix a few things about himself (mostly in his head!) before continuing with this relationship. With regards to our next encounter, I'm not sure what we'll do or where we'll go, but I think I'm going to stay clear of any questions directed toward him about how he's enjoying his "space." I think that would corner him too much and create awkwardness. But I'm going to take the rest of your advice and take cues from him and then see if it's time to lay myself on the line. It will probably be a game-time decision, but I think I pretty much have to do it soon, because the more I wait, the more he'll probably think, 'hey, since she's not mentioning anything about missing me/wanting me, then I guess she didn't care that much after all and I was right all along.' In case I haven't made it clear, I think he really thought I wasn't as into this relationship as he was. That's why telling him my true feelings has been an obsession of mine as of late. I think I'll see him this weekend (since he has suggested getting together again), so I'll keep you posted. Thanks so much again for the support. ~Dal

Hi Ched, Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I want to respond to all your points. Firstly, with regards to your rhetorical question, yes, you're right, when you want to move on to better things, you don't keep on contacting the person you broke up with. So that, of course, makes me feel better. My guy is 23 as well, so I think that's why you have such a good insight into all of this. Like you said, he definitely feels like he doesn't want anything to hold him back and is doubting whether the timing is right for the two of us. He mentioned how he didn't want to have doubts, and thus needed space away from the relationship to think about things. Now I've given him his space but he's not taking it, so you're right, he hasn't moved on, but is that because he's confused or because he just wants to keep me close until something better comes along? I'm afraid of that. But I can tell you this: since both you and DizzyDance posted, he has already suggested getting together on two occasions. Yesterday it was one activity (a group activity with his friends...weird) and today it was a one-on-one activity. All via e-mail. I know you want me to play it cool and have him come back to me, but knowing him like I do, I'm concerned that he might think I don't miss him as much, due to my lack of initiative with regards to communication, making plans to get together, etc. I'm really not sure how I want to handle it, but my guess is that I'll see him this weekend, after which I will surely update you. Thanks for the advice. ~Dal

Hello Nifty Swifty, I think you are completely right on and that our situations are very similar. It was amazing reading your post because those are the exact thoughts that have been crossing my mind lately. Please check out my subsequent post at link removed . This will give you a run-down of my present thoughts. If you can read my later post, that would be great, but to re-cap, I'm thinking of getting together with him and just tell him how much I miss him and am in love with him. I will make it very clear that I expect no response from him, but that I just want to express those feelings to him, since I feel I have done a poor job of expressing them in the past. I really do think that he always thought he was more into me that I was into him and that I would be the one to break up with him. I think in order to prevent future hurt on his part, he cut the cord himself. But just to add (and it's in the later post), *he* has been the one who has been consistently e-mailing me, texting me, and suggesting get-togethers since the break up. No more than 2 days go by (usually just 1) when I don't hear from him. Usually asking me how I'm doing and updating me on his life. So any new thoughts? Should I go through with the above and strongly express how in love I am? ~Dal

Hi MartyMan, dizzydance, Thanks for your comments. So you both think he wants me back? I've just been trying to make sense of all his consistent communication. I've been playing it cool, giving him his space, and have the attitude that if he wants something more, he'll take action, but is that the right move? Tell me what you think: I'm thinking of asking to get together with him for coffee or dinner at the end of this week or next week and telling him how much I miss him and am in love with him. I would make it clear that I don't need a response from him and that I just wanted to make that clear to him (because I don't think I've done a good enough job of it). Do you think that will scare him away and add pressure, or make him happy? Please be honest, because I need to decide what to do. Thanks, Dal

Hey guys, I need you males out there to tell me what my ex-boyfriend is thinking. I posted a little while ago regarding the break-up in general--check it out at link removed . Basically, my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me out of the blue by saying he didn't think he could be in a relationship right now, not sure if he could commit, needed space, etc. He had also previously commented that we needed to both me vulnerable in order to move into the 'next phase of our relationship' and didn't think I was in love with him. This was 3.5 weeks ago. So here's the deal: Since the break-up, he has been the one to consistently e-mail me, text message me, call me, and make requests to get together. I have not made the initiative *at all* and have only responded whenever e-mailed, etc. Not more than 2 days goes by without receiving some kind of contact from him, usually in the form of an e-mail or text asking me how I'm doing and updating me on his daily activities, etc. 2 weeks after the break-up he layed out his schedule in an e-mail and asked if I wanted to get together for an activity or two the following week. We had dinner, and during dinner he was making future plans, i.e. shopping trips, museum outtings, coming over to fix my computer. So my question is, what are his intentions and how should I deal with an ex that wanted his space but is not taking it? Is he still interested? I need guys' opinions! ~Dal

Hi Ched, It's amazing how much insight you seem to have into my situation from just the brief overview that I posted. So many of the things you wrote are exactly what my boyfriend expressed to me. To start off, he is definitely thinking way too much about things. One of the first things you mentioned is how he's afraid of commitment, and that is exactly how he started all of this talk about taking time apart. He totally mentioned the part about making sure I am "the one" and how he doesn't want to have doubts and go deeper into a relationship that will lead to hurting one person or the other further down the line. Your words were so similar to his that it's scary. And just like you mentioned, he's afraid of a broken heart. You say the ball is in my court, but is it really? After all, he's the one who broke up with me. I'll tell you my main dilemma right now and why I'm torn: on the one hand, I want to play it cool, give him his space, and have him come back (if that will ever happen) when he's ready; but on the other hand, I have a gut feeling that he's waiting for a dramatic response on my part where I tell him how in love with him I am and how I should have expressed this more and how much I miss him and can't stand to be apart from him. I can't help but think a main part of why he broke things off is because he didn't see this devotion on my part. I can give you several examples as to why I think this (perhaps in a separate post or PM). So what should I do? Should I give him his space and time away from the relationship, or tell him flat out how much I adore him and want to be with him? I don't want to make him defensive either way, so I'm walking a fine line. Any thoughts? So you really think he still wants to be with me but is unsure? The guy opinion truly helps here. He still e-mails and texts me consistently, but I don't want to read too much into them, unless you think I should. Maybe I should just take the communication he has with me for face value and a result of him missing me and nothing else (such as wanting to rekindle things). I'm just so confused and just miss him so damn much... ~Dal

Hi Reborn, Thanks for the support! Your words are very kind. You're right, he's definitely going through an uncertainty stage right now, and we were indeed inching toward that 1 year mark which may seem scary to people. I am trying to keep an open and positive mind, as you said, and acting cool when he communicates with me, but it's so hard. It's hard because I'm always wondering how much he's thinking about me and if there's any hope that we'll rekindle things. I'm often his first e-mail of the day, and he still sends me cute text messages, so it's clear I'm on his mind. So of course, then I wonder, why aren't we together? I know he needs his space, so I'm giving it to him, but I also have to decide how long I'll keep holding out hope that things will be change between the two of us. I'm concerned that not pursuing him may be an error on my part and that he, in fact, needs reassurance as to how much I really love him. So that's what my dilemma is now. Any thoughts? In the meantime, I'll take it one day at a time and await future communication with him. ~Dal

Hey Ched, I think that either she didn't receive the letter yet, or if she has received it, will talk to you about it later. I don't think there's any way that she will just not respond to it at all. I don't remember, but in the letter, did you give her the option of not responding if she didn't feel the same way as you? Meaning, did you say something to the extent of, 'if you don't feel the same way, then that's fine, I won't mention it again?' I don't believe you did, in which case she will definitely comment on the letter. Give her until this coming Wednesday to respond. That will be a week since you sent the letter and only 3-4 days after which she would have received it. If she hasn't come around yet, then just bite the bullet and call her up and ask her if she received a letter from you. If she says "yes," then tell her that you're wondering what she thinks and that you'd like to hear from her *only when she's ready to respond.* You have to reinforce that last part because you don't want it to seem like you're rushing her into a response. Then just see how things progress. Since I'm going through a difficult situation of my own, one of my friends told me that 'Dal, think about it this way: in 2 weeks, you'll have more clarity into your situation that you do right now, so stick through it and see what happens.' So what I can say to you, Ched, is that as tough as it may be right now, just keep in mind that in a week, you'll know what's going on. This uncertainty won't last forever. (True much more in your case than in mine!) I'll be very curious to see what happens on your end, so please keep me posted, either via PM's or on this forum. I'll do the same with my situation. Keep hanging in there! ~Dal

Hi Ched, I think she'll respond within a week. Like others have been saying, if I were broken up with, then I would love to get a letter like that. But the only thing that might hold her back from getting back together with you will be fear on her part that you'll hurt her again, since you've already done that twice. Trust is a major factor in a relationship, and she has to make sure she has it from you. It is so difficult nowadays to find someone you truly click with and who genuinely cares about you, that she would be foolish to not at least give you another chance. That is a very heart-felt letter that should really register with her. I hope you guys have another chance at salvaging your relationship. Don't be afraid if she takes a little while to respond-- she will respond, eventually. A letter like that cannot be ignored, especially if you still care about the person. It might be difficult just sitting there and waiting for her to respond, but just wait and don't preempt her response. You don't want to add any pressure, like, "Have you read my letter yet?" Of course she has (USPS errors aside). Please do let us know what the result is. I also want to mention that if she doesn't take you back now, you shouldn't be alarmed. She may not want to give in so easily, so an initial rejection is not necessarily the end of the world. The way this pans out will be very interesting, but I know that it will work out for you in the end.

We've only seen each other once since the break-up, and we haven't been intimate. I'm sure if we saw each other more often, then one thing could lead to the next. We're still attracted to each other, after all. In terms of him developing deep feelings for me, well, we had that! So I'm not sure what to make of it all. I mean, I'm sure he misses me, but if he's the one who didn't want to be with me anymore, then why is he the one that is always making contact and asking to get together? I want to balance acting it cool with wanting him to want miss me.

Hey guys, So my boyfriend dropped a bomb on me about a month ago and said that he couldn't be in a relationship right now. We had been dating for 9 months and had no major problems. Just a month before that, we were vacationing together and it was all smiles. But a month later, I got every cliche thrown at me, from him saying that he wants space, that he's not sure if he can commit right now, to saying he doesn't feel the same way about me as before. And it's not like he had expressed any of this before--it was a total shocker. Trust me, my friends were floored. And *he* was the one that always talked about the future and wanting to always be with me. The situation now is that while he wants his space, he's not taking it. I'll give a few examples for you guys to interpret. He's always either e-mailing me or text-messaging me on his cell. Meaning, we don't go 3 days without him making contact. Now, I like it because it shows he's thinking about me, but I'm getting mixed messages. I'm often his 1st e-mail of the day, with him asking me how my day is going, what I had for breakfast, etc. He even texted me at 1:45 a.m. last Saturday saying how his weekend sucked and how next year he wants to go to the beach. A week and a half after he broke up with me, he sent me an e-mail detailing his schedule and asking if I'd want to get together a few times next week to do some summer activities we had originally planned on doing. Anyway, I stalled until I agreed to dinner one night. We had a really great time and he kept making future plans, such as shopping trips we need to take, outtings to the museum, coming over to my place to fix my computer, etc. When he walked me to the bus, he gave me a big hug and said, "Let's see each other again soon, ok?" What am I supposed to think about all this? Since then, the constant e-mails have continued. I want him to want me back, so I'm confused as to what to do, especially with all these mixed messages.