m3chris

Every woman has the right to be considered the most sexy thing that someone has ever seen. But it shouldn't be by complete strangers, or someone they are not in a relationship. Relationships are cool because they tend to bring out the best/worst of a person. If your partner can't see one of the BEST part as you being naked, then its not fair to you. Take note, any confident guy can and will be lusted after by just about any type of chick. On porn sites you can see some of the ugliest men getting it on with hot women. But a confident woman....if not in the "cookie cutter" figure....won't get that same response. Most porn focuses on the perfect legs, breasts and the rest of the body. Anything slightly extra is "gross" (to most men) How is this fair to those of us that work our keesters off trying to look good, and probably look good to others, but not to the person we care most about? Just stand your ground. You have a right for your partner to think your sexy. You are not scum....and you are NOT ugly.

Right on!!! You said it perfectly GaryMax

Maybe not a man's mind, but I definitely have more of a sex drive than my husband. And yet he still finds time to get off with porn instead of having sex with me who is up for it ANY time, ANY where, ANY way!!! He doesn't feel that he is obsessed with it. Like I said in another post, physically he is only looking, but in his heart, he is cheating. Even if its liked by both genders. The same thing would go with women who might fantasize about a movie star. They aren't acting on it, but in their hearts, they aren't being completely loyal to their husband/boyfriend. Marriage doesn't seem to be important today. The loyalty and chivalry are gone. Cheating, affairs, and divorce are extremly common. These aren't good things. Livingforthem has every right to complain about this. Porn makes women feel inadequate. Even just glamour magazines can within the first 5 minutes depress most women. Genesis, I think makes some really good points. This is a good point to it that would apply to most relationships with porn. Let me say that a man wouldn't put up with it at all!!!!

To be honest, that isn't really true. Women don't go to romantic movies and get off on it. If all guys were just looking at porn just to wish that they could be in that same situation with thier wife/girlfrient, it would be a lot more accepted. ESPECIALLY if they didn't get off on it. From my experience, most guys use it as a source of escaping the real world and experience life with another girl. Many men will admit that when watching a porno that they imagine/wish they were having sex with that girl. Not putting their wife/girlfriend in the picture with them. Physically, they are only looking...in their hearts and minds, they are cheating.

To be completely honest, porn is just useless....unless liked by both parties. Or unless the guy can't get any action. But in a relationship...I've come to think that it might just be a form of abuse. It makes me feel ugly. My husband has admitted that it turns him on more, which doesn't make me feel sexy in bed any more. I doesn't matter how confident I am, when he is looking at the moniter with SO MUCH interest, its more then he will probably EVER give me. At least in that way. If I wasn't religious, I really might just try the lesbian thing for him...but the thing is...its against my religion!!!! In a sense...I can't!!! I won't ever be good enough. One of the posts say that when they are looking at porn, they are looking at girls that look good, but when they look at their wife/girlfriend/whatever it was.....they were looking at a girl who looked GREAT!! How I wish that is really what all guys did!!!! If my husband thought that about me...I might not have such an issue with it. But the thing is.....I know he doesn't. Otherwise, he would have said somethig to that affect. He wouldn't have said that I was less sexy. Seriously....why is porn (supposedly) such a good thing? Does anyone have proof that it is GOOD????

I agree with some of the posts that say that your guy hides it because you're trying to find it. Forcing them to quit will only make them find better ways to hide it. The best way to make them quit....for good....is for them to want to quit themselves. Try getting into their heads and think what they think. Then from that point of view, ask yourself why would you ever want to stop? What is the one thing that would make you want to stop. Can't come up with an answer? Then try letting them be open with it. Tell them they can't hide it. Just make rules. It can't be when any children are around. If you two have a lot of free time....say that some of it has to include you. If you become a part of it, you may be able to figure out the question mentioned above. If you actually start looking at it with him, my suggestion is to not look at his eyes/interest when looking at it. It will only hurt you worse than before. Chances you will see him paying more attention to what is on the screen than he ever does to you. IGNORE THIS....otherwise you will only end up hurting more than before. Be careful. Remember you need to consider your own feelings too. If it gets too offensive, don't put him above you. Take a break. And maybe put your stresses into letting us know what you figure out. I'm sure if we all figure out a little, a solution will eventually pop up.

You know....they also have done studies that prove that MOST women in general get depressed within the first 5 minutes of looking at a glamour magazine. What does that say?.....Women in General need to change their way of thinking? Why can't men do that? Why is it the women's need to change her way of thinking?? And my goodness...this is just a glamour magazine that doesn't show more sensitive parts of the body (for the most part)!!!! Why does the pornography part of a man's life have to be forced onto women who find it offensive? If a woman liked smoke and the guy loved her but found the odor offensive, I guarantee she would be more likely to quit then to change his mind about the smell of it. Isn't that so? Sharkgirl....it was NOT your problem. There is nothing wrong with porn bothering you. I agree with you when you say that porn in moderation is OK....to an extent. Your second half needs to devote his loyalty to you. Its understandable at the beginning of a relationship because things are just starting...and who knows if they are giong to last. But if it starts going on for a long time, then your partner really needs to grow up and take responsibility for the relationship. Working moms like myself don't really have the luxery of having a "fantasy" to escape too cause we are ALWAYS living in the real world. If we don't get that....then where is the logic that the second (and supposedly equal) half of your relationship should be allowed that luxery????

As I read in another forum....you are not scum!! Just remember that. It doesn't matter how many flaws you might have, you should still be treated #1. To be completey honest, it sounds like you are a lot more confident than you say you are. You probably just don't realize it. It sounds like you got a pretty good guy too. If you can work it out with him....and make it through...then chances are your relationship will last!!

So what do you do if the suggestion of counseling is only going to make him mad? I am sorta in the same shoes with my husband. Fighting is a common thing, however, it always comes down to me admiting I'm wrong and throwing my pride out the window.....and he wins. On top of it, according to him I start ALL the fights. Even when I'm intentially avoiding them.

AArgh!! I didn't know you could have a 30 second orgasm!!!! I do the same thing because it becomes so sensitive. I haven't even been able to do something like that to myself? What do you know thats different?

Any woman that doesn't like porn, and puts up with it to stay with their husband has a large amount of courage. Its not easy to have to deal with the every day sharp-pain that resides in between your stomach and heart. Having to hold back the tears when you see him because you want to be the only one he looks at, and enjoys looking at. I mean, isn't marriage supposed to be about COMPLETE loyalty? As much as everyone would like to say that porn is an OK thing, its not OK unless its OK with both of you. You are half and should be an equal part of the relationship. The best idea actually comes from "Egypt". I wouldn't suggest doing what she is doing specifically, but see if you can both come to a common ground. Don't make him quit cold turkey cause it won't happen. If you want him to quit permanently, he needs to want it himself, and not be nagged into it. Its a long tough ride.....REALLY TOUGH!!! But if you make it through this...you can make it through anything.

To me it sounds like your husband loves you. Like so many people have said to me....porn is an addiction. You need to look at it that way. Even though it hurts like crazy. I've heard the "I'll stop doing porn" promise more times than I would like to hear, and it never happens. You didn't set yourself up. Its a problem your husband is going through, and you are being forced to deal with it. I remember when I first found my husband did porn. My husband knew I hated porn before we got married. I found out he did it 2 months after my son was born. I couldn't have sex for another month, plus I still had the aftermath of the after-pregnancy-pudge. Never have I ever felt SO ugly.....and I couldn't do anything about it at the time. You have to eat alot when breast-feeding so weigt-loss wasn't really an option. Put your foot down. And then be smart enough to know what to look for when he does it. I'll send you a private message for details. As long as he is so loving about you finding out, and as long as you stay loving back....and willing to help him through this....you will both come out on top.

Just because someone might like to smoke...and they smoke alot, doesn't mean that the people around them should be forced to like it and deal with any damage it may cause. Of course there are people that don't mind the smell of smoke, and maybe like it. But for those who don't.....its their own choice. Same thing applies to any such addiction. Including Pornograpy. Only porn does emotional damage and the smoking example above causes physical damage. What you are asking is like asking why people don't like cigarette smoke. Its something that is addicting and people are forced to live with. So if anything, its a matter of preference. As for the reason it causes damage, you might want to refer to any addiction. Not only does it take time away from loved ones, but society is becoming more and more accepting of them. Porn specifically causes men to cheat on their wives (this is proven), and its a way of cheating, no matter how common it is. You are thinking about and coveting other women. How can a relationship be at its best when half of it is focused on others? People say its just a fantasy, and fantasies are "healthy". Fatasies might be fun in games, or comic books....something that any age group could be involved in. But when it comes to a sensitive topic like intimacy, it can cause the damage I'm talking about unless the other person is into it as well. I've had my husband say that porn turns him on more than me. How can someone feel confidant in their relationship when there is better out there than can do the job better than you can? Kinda makes you feel low. A fantasy is better than you? Why even get in a relationship in the first place? Porn is for the single and lonely.

B8be410... I am so sorry you (as like many other women) have to go through this. Fortunately, you have an advantage. You have been a stripper!!! I don't mean that in a bad way, but my husband is way into porn too, and he has wanted me to strip for him. Its my one major insecurity because compared to the girls on the web, I would look like a complete geek!!!!! Use this to your advantage, if you haven't already. Have him find a striptease he likes, and then have you mimic it, only add in your own personal "extras" and make it better!!! Just this morning, I had my husband tell me (not in these words exactly) that I didn't turn him on as much as porn. As true as that might be with any guy, it HURTS!!!!! The only thing I have learned so far is that its a lot nicer having him be open with it and include me in it then him doing it behind my back. Showing that you love and accept him for who he is, will be the closest way that I can think of to encourage him to change. But if he changes by his own wants instead of yours, it will be a lot more permanent.

Alright, I agree with the fact that men in General look at porn. HOWEVER.....women in general don't like it. Women want to be treasured, loved, and when they are in a relationship, want to think they are the most important girl in their partner's life. It hurts alot of women to learn to accept porn. It doesn't hurt men to stop. It may be hard.....they may go through withdrawls, but its their own fault for starting in the first place. Its just like drugs. Example: Why do family members have to deal with second-hand smoke and the dangers of it because the father/husband doesn't want to quit and "most guys" do it? Blondespeck.....You need to realize something. Obviously its not in your personality to be accepting of porn. There is NOTHING wrong with that. I totally agree with the fact that sex in a relationship should be something that is kept between you and your partner. I'm going through something of the same situation and I know how hard it is. You come home from a full time job, and expect to be greeted by the man you love, and he loves you and only you. Instead, he is off taking it easy looking at other girls and you are left to take care of the kids. Its TOTALLY maddening. Don't give up hope. Its a good thing you aren't married to him yet because that just makes things harder on the situation. But trying to force him to stop will only make him find ways to hide it from you. Don't force it on him to quit. If you seem to come accross more understanding of it (EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE HATING IT INSIDE) you may have a chance to come to a comprimise with him. Maybe set a limit if possible. Example: He can do it...just not in the house because you don't like how the feeling it creates. He will have to find somwhere else to do it. If he truly loves you, he will find ways to still be home, and not always be gone at a friends house somewhere. Sometimes if you don't see it, it makes it easier to deal with. (Sometimes being the keyword. But its better than being hurt ALL the time).

Well, I have a new update. Just a couple hours ago, my husband told me that the only reason we have sex so often is because of porn. He doesn't get as turned on by me. How can a wife feel appreciated if she knows that she is #2 to porn????? I don't know......I am ready to try the leaving thing, but inside I really don't want to!!!! I don't know if I have the nerve to follow through. I mean, I could.....I have tons of family around me, and I would have tons of support, but I really love him!! Like ALOT!! But what he said basically just confirms that I will never be sexy enough. Thats like a permanent scar!!!! To know that he will never think that I am as good looking as someone else. What do I do??? Is it really bad to want your husband to put you above porn? Or am I asking too much out of him? I don't want to be a nag. I just want to be one of those really cool wives that every guy wishes he had!!!

SwingFox... What kind of insecurities would you be talking about? I talk him up all the time in front of co-workers, and my family, and I don't talk bad about him behind his back. This post isn't meant to be an insult against him, just me looking for help (although I'm sure you aren't saying its my fault). where can I start looking, and what am I looking for?

Thank you for your input, but there are a couple minor problems in this particular situation. I don't mean to put down your advice BZBOROW1, but talking doesn't work with him. He feels that whenver I bring the subject up, I'm looking for a fight, so he immediately gets defensive, and I don't have a choice but to do anything but drop it, or have a huge argument that leads to him threatening to leave us. Not to mention the whole fact that he hasn't done it in a couple weeks!! (I know differently, but can't say so because then he'll know I've been checking up on him and again threaten divorce because I don't trust him) I don't ask him to stop cold turkey, its his own idea and promise. That is why I offered to do it with him in the first place. He wasn't stopping, and I figured, its sorta like a smoker. If you force them to quit, they are only going to find ways to do it behind your back. If its out in the open, then there are no secrets and if he stops, its because he wants to not because I made him. CUU - the NO sex thing is a new suggestion. That would be going against my alignment, however, I CAN pull it off. The question is though, how to avoid the guilt trips he will put me on? I'm kinda sensitive to stuff like that and cry easily. Also, with the looking at other people, I can understand if his eye turns when a cute chick walks by....however its not appropriate to continueally stare. When we were dating...again this is something that he promised he wouldn't do because it really bothered me. He didn't while we were dating, he only started back up this year. In fact he even did this when he took me out for our anniversary. He stared at this girls breasts that were so nicely bulging out of the top her shirt. A glance or two is understandable and forgivable....but gawking kinda kills the whole mood of a romatic evening. I'm still open for any other suggestions though.....I don't mean to kill any input!!!

This is my first post....but I have some things to say!!! I came to this forum for some help. I'm not finding hardly anything that helps me. If you have a little bit of time to read this....please do!! A little history.....I work in the comptuer industry, so I'm quite computer savy. I dated my husband (who "never did porn in his life") after 2 years, and had a little boy. 2 months after I had our baby, I found out he had been doing porn all along. I WAS DEVASTATED!!!! Here I thought I married this perfect guy, our marriage was going perfect, and he was looking at other girls. Now remember, it had only been 2 months having our baby, and I couldn't have sex yet....plus I couldn't loose weight due to the fact of breast-feeding, so I was still a little chubby from the pregnancy. If I ever felt lowest about myself, it was then. I confronted my husband, and he denied it saying he accidentally went to one of those websites, that pop up a bunch of porn sites unexpectadly. I believed, him. But because I do alot on computers, it wasn't hard to find out he was still doing it, and to find out he was doing it WAY before we got married too!! Now I'm a pretty horny chick...I will do it just about any time anywhere. I will come home for lunch to do it. I"m good looking too. After the 3 months after we had the baby, I started working out, and went down to my normal weight, and look pretty dang good!!! When confronting him, he offered a divorce. I did what I thought was best and said that I loved him and I wanted to stay with him. But porn hurts me really bad!!! REALLY BAD!!! (I emphasized the really bad part) and he promised to stop (LATER I FOUND OUT HIS OFFER FOR DIVORCE WAS IF I HAD GIVEN HIM AN ULTIMATUM, HE WOULD HAVE CHOSEN PORN OVER ME AND OUR SON) After that we went through him finding better ways to hide it and I would find them and confront him. He would threaten divorce...I would prmoise not to check up on him, he would swear to stop, and hide it better. I would still find it....etc. (I know all the tricks in the book to finding porn....he is more comptuer savy than me and he has ran out of ideas) Eventually I gave in. I got tired of fighting him, and offered to do it with him until he decided to officially stop. I don't like secrets in a relationship. PROMISING he would eventually stop after too long, he accepted. For me it was SO hard because just looking at the interest in his eyes when looking at these girls....hurts!!! He never looks at me with that much interest. And now he looks at girls in public...I see it all the time......but he denies it. And he still does it behind my back. I Just recently he started doing it in front and with me again, and we've been having a lot of sex, but he won't cum unless he is in front of the computer. And he spends EVERY free moment possible finding it. We have made it record time without fighting, however, I am holding in TONZ of hurt feelings every day. I no longer am horny, but am acting like it so that he doesn't know anything is wrong. When something is wrong, he will get mad at me if I don't tell him. If I were to tell him, he would get mad and threaten divorce. I know he loves me, but I don't think he really likes my body. I know he's not cheating on me, but I don't feel secure enough to believe that. Especially since he was willing to give up me and our son for stupid pictures and movies. I've read a lot of postss that say...be supportive and be there for him...show him that you love him..... DONE IT!! NOTHING! Some people say Porn is not bad and to accept it... TRIED TO!! NOTHING EXCEPT MORE HURT ON MY END! Some people say men just want to live in a fantasy world.... ALL THE TIME??? What about how it makes others feel? Some people say not to be so insecure HE WAS WILLING TO LEAVE HIS FAMILY FOR IT!!! HOW CAN I BE SECURE ABOUT THAT?? Some people say to talk to him or to someone else.... DOESN'T WORK WITH HIM WON'T WORK WITH FAMILY/FRIENDS Some people say that its just cause they miss you THEN WHY HIDE IT IF AGREED TO DO IT TOGETHER Some people might say just stop STOPPING WILL ONLY START FIGHTS...WHICH WILL OBVIOUSLY LEAD TO DIVORCE...NOT AN OPTION Really, I don't know what to do!!!! I've tried everything....and I don't want divorce