GoingForIt_77

SADK, Thank you for your post. I guess I was just as contradicting with my words, as she may have been as well (post breakup). As I continued to tell her that I respect her and know that we cannot be together right now (she would say not just now, but ever) and that I have to continue to work on myself, I would at the same time tell her that I do miss her and do love her. So, I was sending mixed signals. On one hand, she probably deep down wanted what I wanted (still do), but knew that we can't have that, while at the same time, she saw me as someone who was implying that all I wanted was to be in her life, even just as friends, which in many ways, lowered her defenses and allowed her to feel safe being in my life (talking on the phone, being open). We were both confused up until yesterday. As I've said, I did everything right since the breakup. It was my respecting her space and wishes that allowed her to be more comfortable with me and not feel threatened. That changed when she came over. She may have realized that she was OVER me when she saw me. It could be that she just didn't feel the spark anymore. It could be that she felt trapped and got scared. Whatever it was, she RAN away and either made up her mind right then and there, or got even more confused and hence, her having written me, telling me that she needs her space. I couldn't respect that. Part of me may not have wanted to at that point. Part of me realized that I can only give so much as well and I had to protect my own feelings and so I pushed for an answer that she may not have wanted to have to give me (as she may not have wanted to have to break up with me that morning), which was I can't be in your life anymore. What if I would have backed off again, instead of calling her again last night over and over? What if I would have continued to give her that space and shown her that I CAN and WILL respect that, showing that I can be trusted. Did she really want space then and there? Was she still confused, or did she really want to say, I can't have you in my life anymore? Did she want me to push and push, so that she could cut me out of her life completely, to lessen her hurt? If so, I fulfilled her prophecy, as much as my fear of her leaving me, pushed her away until she did? SADK, I conveyed all the love I could. I sent her a 6 links to sites that deal with coping with an abortion (she had one 3 + weeks ago). I sent her a poem by Pablo Neruda (her fav. poet), titled "If you Forget Me". I wished well in my email last night. I told her that I want her to be happy. I told her that she is a beautiful and special person and that I hope her tears stop falling and are replaced with sunshine. I told her that she's never alone and that I love her (always did and always will). For now, all I can do is show her that I can respect her wishes. That is my only chance of her EVER being able to see me differently and let go slowly from what I did to her. Is there anything else I can do right now SADK? I don't want her love to turn into resentment towards me if I continue to pursue her in any capacity at this point in time.

Day 1 of No Contact.

Knowing where I stand now with her, is in many ways what I pushed for. When she left my appt. yesterday, she texted me saying she needs space. Instead of leaving it there, I DID call, goating her into a conversation (more than one last night), that she was not prepared or ready to have. THAT is what sealed my fate in many ways with her. As nice as our conversations were last week and as much as we were kind and respectful to each other, I was not able to pull off our meeting yesterday successfully. YES, it was HER who wanted to come over. I insisted that I send her her stuff in the mail. SHE wanted to come over nonetheless. Was it too soon to see me? Most certainly. I still had too many feelings to be able to conceal from her (my eyes can't lie) and in turn, she got uncomfortable and scared and wanted to RUN away, in which she did. I told her last night, after shedding MANY tears that she'll make someone very happy one day and she said she doesn't even want to think about that and I said, I wish that someone could have been me. She said, it could have been you. I wanted it to be you. I know that feelings are dynamic and I know that time is the healer, but time won't ever take back WHAT I did to her in the relationship. Forgiving me is one thing. Forgetting is something else. Yes, I know now that this is WAY to early to even consider having contact with her. She needs to FEEL that I am respecting her now and more than just for a few days and weeks. Perhaps going away for an indefinite amount of time, CAN allow her to see things differently. In the meatime, I have no choice but to continue to live my life. I can always look her up in the future (she's far from unreachable.....text, cell, email, work, home, her mutual friend, etc....), BUT, that should not be my concern now. Working on myself should be and letting her heal from this should be as well and as much as she says that time will never change the way she feels, I know that time DOES have a powerful effect on the way we see things. 3.5 weeks was just too soon. We never really did NC (one week wasn't NC)... I'll jump on SuperDave's thread and start marking off those days, because I have to stay away for a good while, both for her and for me.

She definitely was confused up until today, seeing I was doing everything right after the break up. I respected her space and it allowed her to take it to the phone, where only 2 weeks earlier she did not want to. Our conversations on the phone were open last week. It was refreshing and warm and we were even talking about doing things together (my suggestions and her not saying no). She was answering my calls, my texts and it was progressing until she saw me today, where things drastically changed. The truth is, I still had feelings and seeing her that uncomfortable around me and even verbalizing so, HURT and made me instantly insecure and probably made her sense my own doubt and in turn increased her own and right after that, I was back to CHASING her, until we finally had our LAST conversation, where she said she NEEDED me to let her go. I had no choice at the end to do so, as much as it hurts. I just don't want to believe that it's over forever, but that's exactly what she said it would be and not only a relationship, but ANY and all contact, FOREVER. Why so final and why the change of heart in only a day?

Is it true that she'll never be able to see me any differently, or is that how she feels just now and to her, even though that feels VERY real, does it mean that that feeling will ALWAYS be there, whenever she sees me, as it did when she saw me for the first time today in 26 days? She was open on the phone the 3 previous times, but after having seen me in person, she was a different person. I think she gave herself that chance to see what it would be like. I keep asking myself, could I have said something different with her in person. Did she no longer find me attractive? Was it my composure? Was is my tone? Did I bleed desperation, or was there nothing I could have said or did that would have made her want to stay longer and be more comfortable with me? It was her after all who insisted on coming to MY place to do the exchange, even after I told her repeatedly that I would mail her her stuff if she preferred. We had 3 great conversations over the phone (all last week) and then as soon as she saw me, she went cold and then tonight's conversation, where she wanted me to "LET HER GO" (literally and figuratively) and no longer be part of each others lives, because it hurt too much and is too painful for her. As much as she is ADAMENT in saying that her mind is now fully made up and she will not change her mind, can that change in time, even though she's saying it can't? Was it just too soon to have seen each other, or will it always be too soon for her?

After having given her the space she asked for (post break-up), she emailed me to ask if we could make the exchange (our stuff). That turned into us talking for 5 hours one night (very open, affectionate, loving and honest). Talking 3 nights later for another hour (up beat and open again) and texting each other this past Saturday. She came over today to make the exchange. We hugged each other from the get go, but she was closed pretty much from the moment she looked into my eyes. She was nervous and it made me insecure. As soon as she sensed it and said this doesn't feel right, she left almost right away. She initially said she was willing to play it by ear, but something clicked in her head when she was over. She was open on Monday night, Thursday night and even Saturday night (our 3 conversations). She forgot her boots at my place. I tried calling her back as soon as she left. She didn't return my call until hours later, saying this: It's over. She doesn't want anymore. She wants/needs me to let her let go (her words). She can no longer have me in her life, now or ever (her words). She was kind about it. She told me that after having seen me today, she realizes that the pain/fear is still there and will never go away fully and she can't have me in her life anymore. I wasn't very accepting of this. It was a far cry from our conversations from last week, or her "I need space". She saw last weeks conversations as a means of us getting things off our chest that we needed to. She said she was curious to see me today, to see if she would feel comfortable with me. She didn't (even though I was trying to be as non-threatening as possible). She said she wakes up every morning remember what I did to her. She said she cries all the time and she can't keep doing this and she needs me to let her go and not for just now, but forever. She said the love we shared and the love that she still has is no longer an issue. What matters now is that I let her go. She said it hurts too much to be in each others lives. She is in pain. She was nice to the whole while. I didn't let her go (I prolonged it). She said nothing I can say will ever change her mind, because it is now made up and she will not go back on her decision. She said please don't make me have to be the ***** who has to ignore your calls. She said she needs for me to respect her decision and time won't change it. Nothing will. I asked her if she would ever want to know what happens to me in my life and she said she wants the best for me and she told me to keep talking to my therapist, BUT, she can never know anything about my life ever again. She said she needs this to be the END. I told her that she'll make someone very happy someday. She said she can't even think of that now. I then said I would have loved to have been that man and she said, "you could have been". She said that no one has ever hurt her as much as I did and it hurt her that much, because she never loved anyone as much as she loved me and no matter how sweet I am now, or how much I have changed, it doesn't and can't take away what I did to her. It was hard saying goodbye. We were both crying. The love is still there, but I guess I hurt her way too much for her to ever forget. My conflict is that I want her to be happy and I want to respect her decision, which is VERY final, but does it really mean to NEVER reach out ever again? Any call I place in months or years from now, will be too soon? She really is serious. Her mind is made up and she is really strong now. She knows that she NEVER deserved what I did and nothing can ever take that away and she can never see me the same way ever again (without the fear and the memories of what I put her through). She isn't living in the past, but she'll never be able to see past what I did to her and for her, that FAR overshadowed the love and for her, it HAS to be over and she has to cut me out of her life, if we are both going to be able to move on eventually, even though she can't even consider having a boyfriend now (her words). Is it really over? Is there no chance ever? With someone as sure as she is, is it impossible?

It didn't. She was closed pretty much from the moment she looked into my eyes. She was nervous and it made me insecure. As soon as she sensed it and said this doesn't feel right, she left almost right away. She initially said she was willing to play it by ear, but something clicked in her head when she was over. She was open on Monday night, Thursday night and even Saturday night (our 3 conversations). She forgot her boots. I tried calling her back as soon as she left. She didn't return my call until hours later, saying this: It's over. She doesn't want anymore. She wants/needs me to let her let go (her words). She can no longer have me in her life, now or ever (her words). She was kind about it. She told me that after having seen me today, she realizes that the pain/fear is still there and will never go away fully and she can't have me in her life anymore. I wasn't very accepting of this. It was a far cry from our conversations from last week, or her "I need space". She saw last weeks conversations as a means of us getting things off our chest that we needed to. She said she was curious to see me today, to see if she would feel comfortable with me. She didn't (even though I was trying to be as non-threatening as possible). She said she wakes up every morning remember what I did to her. She said she cries all the time and she can't keep doing this and she needs me to let her go and not for just now, but forever. She said the love we shared and the love that she still has is no longer an issue. What matters now is that I let her go. She said it hurts too much to be in each others lives. She is in pain. She was nice to the whole while. I didn't let her go (I prolonged it). She said nothing I can say will ever change her mind, because it is now made up and she will not go back on her decision. She said please don't make me have to be the * * * * * who has to ignore your calls. She said she needs for me to respect her decision and time won't change it. Nothing will. I asked her if she would ever want to know what happens to me in my life and she said she wants the best for me and she told me to keep talking to my therapist, BUT, she can never know anything about my life ever again. She said she needs this to be the END. I told her that she'll make someone very happy someday. She said she can't even think of that now. I then said I would have loved to have been that man and she said, "you could have been". She said that no one has ever hurt her as much as I did and it hurt her that much, because she never loved anyone as much as she loved me and no matter how sweet I am now, or how much I have changed, it doesn't and can't take away what I did to her. It was hard saying goodbye. We were both crying. The love is still there, but I guess I hurt her way too much for her to ever forget. My conflict is that I want her to be happy and I want to respect her decision, which is VERY final, but does it really mean to NEVER reach out ever again? Any call I place in months or years from now, will be too soon? She really is serious. Her mind is made up and she is really strong now. She knows that she NEVER deserved what I did and nothing can ever take that away and she can never see me the same way ever again (without the fear and the memories of what I put her through). She isn't living in the past, but she'll never be able to see past what I did to her and for her, that FAR overshadowed the love and for her, it HAS to be over and she has to cut me out of her life, if we are both going to be able to move on eventually, even though she can't even consider having a boyfriend now (her words). Is it really over? Is there no chance ever? With someone as sure as she is, is it impossible?

Hey Ang, 3 words: Playing it COOL. I have been respecting her. She is more and more open to communication with me and I'm happy about this. I am in FULL control of MY actions and reactions. I had to step away from the situation to see it for what it was and where she is at in herself. I don't know where this will go, but I am sticking around to find out, while at the same time, I am continuing to make improvements in my life and I think that my new attitude is rubbing off on her. Thanks for wishing me good luck for tomorrow. I am confident. I will be going at HER pace, with whatever she is comfortable in doing, as I've been doing with her since she left. This is uncharted territory for me, but it's working so far!

Well, a lot has happened since last Sunday/Monday. Her and I spoke on the phone Monday night for 5 hours. It was our first real conversation since the breakup and 2 weeks after she said she didn't want to talk to me on the phone. Feelings were shared. It was emotional. I called her again on Thursday. She picked up and we spoke for another hour. It went well. Sent her a short text this afternoon telling her to have fun tonight (she's out with friends). She replied within an hour and a half, thanking me and wishing me the same and even put a smiley face in there. She's coming over tomorrow, so we can exchange our stuff (26 days since we last saw each other). She is more and more comfortable with me now and I believe that through my actions (since the breakup), I have helped to reduce her fear. Things are looking positive here.

Major and Lady, I hear what your saying guys. I really do and NO, I'm not expecting much from this Sunday. I see it as a progression. I see her allowing me to have more and more with her and I see that she has EVERY right to be apprehensive and every right to take her time and NOT give in. Concerning her leaning on me for support now (which she really isn't doing at all yet) and then vanishing completely from my life, well, I just don't see that happening, because, there are feelings on her end and she left me for a reason. She sees from my actions since the breakup that I have been changing (for me) and she isn't AS scared (clearly), seeing she is now okay with talking on the phone, is OPEN with me as to her plans for this weekend, which involves her going out to bars both on Friday and Saturday and being open about everything else. She is honest and I have nothing but respect for her. I'll always know where I'm standing. She's not here with open arms (not even close), but I do believe that IF she can see continued change and the ability for me to control my emotions on an ongoing basis and if her feelings are still there, she may begin to feel closer to me, but I won't make the mistake of crowding her too early on. I know she may even meet a guy this weekend, seeing her best gf's bf's guy friends will all be going out with her tomorrow night and it's obvious that she's probably trying to set her up, which doesn't bother me. At least I have not control over it, as I don't over her facebook activity. All I am concerning myself with, is how I conduct myself with her. So far she has been nothing but respectful and kind to me and understanding and is letting me have more and more of her (small increments), because I am demonstrating restraint (something I didn't have in the relationship for the most part), patience, confidence, respect for both her and I and I am remorseful and still a caring guy. All of these things MAY be endearing her to me and it may not. Either way, it APPEARS as though her pain is diminishing in time (her moving on and healing) and my attitude with her is helping as well. As for Sunday and for the day at the spa, I know that we will be in contact after this Sunday. I am NOT afraid to make contact with her after Sunday and for the most part, it will probably I who will have to initiate for a bit, until she is comfortable enough to do it on her own again. I am not saying that I'll call every day. Maybe once or twice a week (at most) and I will give a little fulfillment and back off, all the while, I will continue to work on me and whatever comes from that, will come from that. Time and a bit of effort will go a long way imo. In fact, I (we) have come a long way already since the breakup.

UPDATE: Called the ex tonight. She actually answered. She was a lot more layed back then Monday. Sounded maybe a bit flat and indifferent, but friendly nonetheless. We spoke for quite awhile (about an hour) and it went well for the most part. I find myself trying really hard at times. The compliments are coming on a bit heavy and I DO feel she deserves them. I tell her how happy I am that she's happy now and that she's really strong and courageous and that I'm really proud of her. She's coming alone on Sunday, but made a point to tell me that she's only staying like for 2 minutes. I then told her if she doesn't want to see me that I can mail her her stuff and she said that if she didn't want to see me, that she would ask me to mail her her stuff (meaning she DOES want to see me). I told her we'll play it by ear. She was also surprisingly very open about what her plans are for this weekend. She told me she's going out tomorrow night and Saturday night. I told her that I'm glad that she is and I told her to have fun (showed NO signs of jealousy at all). At the end of the conversation, I asked her when was the last time she had a professional massage? She told me never. I told her that this Sunday she is busy with me and then her parents for dinner, but next Sunday not to make plans, because she's going to a spa for the day. At first she said she can't accept it and I said, you can and you will, because you deserve it, after everything you've been through. She said okay and thanked me and we said goodnight. PROGRESSION.

Lady, I was thinking, well, I was thinking if after I call her tomorrow night and IF she answers, or if not, if she calls me back, well, if it goes relatively smoothly and IF she has decided to come alone on Sunday, THEN, I will go Friday night after work and make an appointment for her to go to a spa for the day in the city (mud bath and swedish massage). It is my way of helping her take away a bit of the stress. Sure, it will be at least $150, but if she is comfortable enough to come on her own on Sunday, which will also show me that she is somewhat open, then I will give her the gift certificate and yes, no one has ever done this type of thing for her. Also, after having gone through an abortion and having lost 20+ pounds, it's exactly what her body deserves. What do you think Lady and the rest of you guys too?

She was VERY open with me on Monday, hence the 5 hour conversation. The love is still there. That is undeniable. She was NOT cold. Still very warm and caring and emotional. The conflict lies between her head and her heart. Her heart loves me. Her heart is also scared to get hurt by me again. Her head is protecting her heart, but on Monday night, her head not only saw, but FELT a change in the way I treated her and it allowed her to stay on the phone for 5 hours when only 2-3 weeks earlier, she didn't even want to hear my voice AT ALL. My having given her space was HUGE for her. It's a progression as I see it. NO pressure. Being there for her every now and then, while asking nothing of her. I'll be giving her a call tomorrow night (Thursday) to say hi. I'd be nice to talk a little more (lighter stuff) and then confirm plans for Sunday and hopefully she'll have decided to not bring her gf with her. That will show me that she is open to letting herself take a chance on getting to trust me as a person who won't hurt her. I won't keep her long on Sunday. I won't make it heavy. If she gets emotional, I will comfort her. I know she says that I can't take away her pain, seeing I'm the one who put it there, but all I want to be is be there for her, but baby steps are what is required. I know that.

Thanks for your kind words guys. Well, yeah, it was a trying night. It was filled with emotions. NO, we are not back together and no, she still has the conflict between her head and her heart. On one end, her heart loves me and has missed me more than I know (her exact words) and then her head is protecting her heart, because she's scared that if her heart gives in to what she's feeling, then it will risk getting hurt again. She did tell me how much she has appreciated the fact that I have given her space. It means a lot to her and it's what allowed her to feel comfortable enough to take it to the phone and hence, talk for 5 hours with me. She is still hurting A LOT. She has lost 20 pounds in less than 3 weeks. She cries a lot and feels empty and hurt. She doesn't sleep and she told me that she doesn't feel very strong. She let me call her baby and sweetie last night. She was concerned about me, if I was eating and so forth and it's as if the feelings were still there and THEY ARE. She tells me she sees a change and feels the change in me, but she still has that block. As for Sunday (the day she is coming over to make the exchange). She was going to have her gf drive her and wait in the car originally and she still may, but I think part of her WANTS to see me, because, I gave her the option. I told her if it will hurt too much to see me, then I will mail you your stuff and she said no. She then said, if she comes alone, she can't stay long. I agreed. It's a start in the right direction. The way we left things off, is that I told her that I'd like to hear from her, but if I don't, then I will call her before (or on) Sunday. We said goodnight. This is where I am at.

2 days after we broke up she had an abortion. She was pregnant with my baby. I just found this out tonight. I called her and she called me back and she was receptive. We spoke for 5 hours on the phone tonight. Not easy on either of us, but things were put out there. As for this Sunday, she wanted to have her friend drive her and wait in the car. I told her if she can't see me (because it's too hard to do so), then I would just mail her her stuff. She said no. I told her I don't understand and she said, well, part of me wants to see you. Then I said okay, come on your own and I will walk you to the bus stop and we will go from there. She is still very much in love with me. She said that she'll never get over me and she thinks of me night and day. She says that her head can't let go of what I did to her, but her heart wants me back. It was a LONG and difficult conversation. She let me call her babe and sweetie and I did. She is hurting A LOT. She says that it's great that I am changing and she sees it, but she says, why couldn't you have been like this when we were together? She also says that I can't take away her hurt, seeing I'm the one that caused it, but me having given her space HAS helped her to be able to talk to me now. She is definitely not over me. Not even close. The door for communication is open though. At first she said she doesn't know, but she really wants it to be, when I said maybe we shouldn't talk. All in all, I was going to keep it short and light until she brought up the abortion issue and then, that snowballed into very serious and emotional issues. I left it at she can call me, but if I don't hear from her before Sunday, I will call her to confirm plans. She asked me if I ate and was still very concerned about me (in a motherly way). It felt nice. I missed that. She's confused and is hurting. This girl can't be pressured right now, but it's not a lost cause either. Worth sticking around to see where it can go, while I continue to go for help.

Thanks for all the kind words. All I've been doing is venting on here. Thanks for all the support.

True, I did not respond to her as soon as I received the email. I had to digest it, because it was NOT the girl who left me. It was someone far different. I did NOT reply the moment I got it because I did not want to reply based on emotions. I wanted to reply with a clear head and be respectful in my reply and that is what I did. This was my original reply to her on Wednesday morning: "Hi (insert name), Sorry, I haven't been able to get back to you earlier. I've been really busy the last couple of days. Unfortunately, I'm tied up this weekend, but I've put all your stuff in a bag. When/if you pick it up from my place, taking it on the bus/metro shouldn't be a problem. The bag is not big. I'll get back to you, so we can figure out the best time to meet one night next week after work, or next weekend. How are your classes? Are you looking forward to starting your new job? Dan" Her reply to me (sent within an hour): "Would Friday night after my last shift at Coles work? I'd be able to come by then. I'd prefer to be able to get my things this week if at all possible. If not, I completely understand and we can arrange something else. Everything is going well, including school and the new job (which I started yesterday)." NOTE, how she said she would PREFER to get her things sooner than later, but if not, she completely understands and so, I reply this to her right away: "Sorry (insert name), I have plans this Friday night. It would have to be next week at some point. We can meet up somewhere after work. That may be easier for the both of us. Possibly Tuesday night. Not sure on that though. You started your new job yesterday? Fizz right? Were you nervous? How is it? At least now, you don't have to lift heavy stuff anymore and break your nails and get paper cuts." 24 hours later I sent her my second reply (Thursday morning): "Goodmorning (insert name), I know that in the past you sometimes didn't receive my work emails. I replied to your email yesterday morning letting you know that this Friday night I was busy, but so far, Tuesday or possibly Monday is looking okay to meet up after work (or your school). My 2 sessions are now later in the week. Please let me know if those two nights are good for you. If so, I'll let you know before next week which night is easier. If you get this only later today, can you reply to my hotmail account? Thanks. It makes me happy to know that you're doing well (insert name). It really does." Conclusion, I see NO games in what I did. I was pleasant, accomodating as much as I could. I did NOT blow her off. I suggested an alternate date and I have waited patiently for 4 and a half days now for SOMETHING. Don't tell me NOT to post here. I am entitled. Dan

Silence? Playing a game?? I answered her within 36 hours. I was legitimitely busy on Saturday (family) and Friday night at 10:00pm (time she wanted to come over) and so, I suggested an alternate date next week and asked her if that was okay. I've played NO games here. NONE. I am also trying to protect myself as well here LADYBUG. She told me that even though she preferred Friday night, if I was not able to, that she would COMPLETELY understand and we would arrange another date and SO, I suggested another and then she ignored me again (4.5 days in counting). My schedule does NOT revolve around her or anyone else, okay? I played no games and I don't appreciate being told that I have not/am not changing. I am RESPECTING her and have been since she left me. I am SORRY I was busy the 2 days she wanted her stuff. DON'T FORGET that she has mine AS WELL. I am handling this as maturely as possible. I just don't like being taken for granted in this. Her not having responded to me at all is NOT considerate imo. There is NO respect in that and I HAVE been respecting her. THANK YOU.

I'm oh so confused. I just can't figure it out. It's now 2:00pm on Sunday and NOTHING since her one reply on Wednesday, saying if I couldn't do it on Friday night, that she would COMPLETELY understand and we would make alternate plans and I DID, but NOTHING. What happened? What changed? Flip Flopping like that doesn't make sense. I was trying to be accomodating. Calling her up tonight would not be a great idea, because my anxiety has built up the longer she has kept me waiting for a reply to something SHE had initiated. She replied to my first reply. Why has she blown it off since then? Influenced and guided by someone else? Has she met someone else and now no longer cares about her stuff? I've decided NOT to go to her work to drop off her stuff. She has demonstrated that she doesn't care about her stuff, or feels that having to see me is not worth getting it back and so, I won't proactively drop off something she no longer sees any value in, or is even attempting to work to get back. There is still the issue of my stuff. Her choosing to ignore me now is not only blowing off her stuff, but mine as well. I CANNOT for the life of me figure this out. I do know that in the past, I would have PURSUED this BIG TIME. Right now, I don't know what to make of it and I don't really know what I should do. I don't want to make the wrong tactical error. Is letting it go, as if she never emailed me about her stuff in the first place what she be done? Is that the message she is sending me, or is it something else?

Well, 5 days after she left me, she said she needed a little space when I called her and so, I went into strict NC for ONE week and then SHE emails me, requesting to have her stuff back and vice versa, asking if last Saturday was okay. I replied about a day and a half later, letting her know I was tied up on the weekend. She replied IMMEDIATELY asking about Friday night after she finished work (just to make the exchange). I replied immediately letting her know that I was had plans on Friday night, but how does Monday or Tuesday night after work (next week) sound? 24 hours later and I get no reply from her and so I resend pretty much the same email and now 4 days later since her first reply to a request that SHE initiated, I have still yet to hear back from her concerning the exchange. AND SO, I am on Day 3 now of NC, UNTIL she decides to remember our stuff and chooses to contact me AGAIN concerning it. I just don't know. Either way, it is now Day 3 again and I am NOT the one who broke NC. This isn't fair.

Well, it is now officially Sunday and my Wednesday and again Tursday email reply to her, asked her if she would like to meet up either Monday or Tuesday night to make the exchange and to please let me know and if so, I will get back to her before Monday and we will confirm the plans as to which night is better. Remember, it was HER who initiated this request (last Monday), after a week of having asked for space. I replied to her request and she followed up with it right away (last Wednesday). I clearly asked her to get back to me and let me know which of the two days was easier for her and then I would get back to her before the week starts (meaning LATEST today), so we can confirm plans. So, if she chooses to do NOTHING by the end of today (say 10:00pm tonight), then she is sending me a clear message that she no longer wants her stuff? Is that it, or are other things happening here that I am not seeing?

Lady, there's nothing that she has of mine that can't wait. The reverse may not apply though. That's up to her once again. In regards to my stuff, I would prefer to let some time pass before contacting her for it (a month to a month and a half would be enough time I figure).

Maybe you're right, but what I do know is that I am doing the right thing. I am respecting her and myself in the process. Whether or not that is too late, is not really the issue, because what is done, is done. Look, she still will want/need her stuff. What she is waiting for at this point is not very clear to me, but I do know that as long as I continue to respect her space and her needs, that only good can come from that, both for her and for myself as well.

Breeze, you're right. Even though this is for me, I do hope she takes notice nonetheless and she probably already has.

Just to further capitalize on what I just wrote, I would like to point out that when she contacted me, she had ALL intentions to come over, which would have involved having had to see me in person, expecting to see the "old Dan", however, based on my email replies to her and having conducted myself in a FAR different manner than I ever had with her and so, even though she had ALL intentions of coming over and getting her stuff, in order to get it over with and out of the way, CHANGED. My reply really did throw her off and I am sure that if I were in her shoes and was treated the way she had been treated (never knowing what to expect from me and always having had to be on guard and on her best behavior) and then getting the reaction I gave her, I am sure that it would have caused me confusion and maybe I would have realized that I wasn't ready to meet someone who I loved who I just left, because of what he did to me and NOW, all I wanted was to get my stuff and forget about him, but then I get thie pleasant and understanding response, void of any pressure, guilt or feelings. I am not 100% sure this is how my replies to her made her feel, but I know that it is probably making it harder on her in the sense that she may not be as confident in the decision she had maybe 2 and a half weeks ago as she is today. I mean, facing me today, is like facing the man she met and not the one she left. That really could be why she can't deal with that. It would have been a lot easier to deal with the old Dan who she left (ending things on a bad note).